body image

July 9, 2000

the body image thng is weird. I have gained less than 10 punds since preg

( go back this week for a new weigh, don't keep a scale in the house) I am

swimming and feel adn look good but that BELLY! Bigger than my boobs now.

In some clothes I look cute and preg, in others fat! It is so weird. I

knwo Iam am preggo adn doing beutifully with my labs, food etc. I beleive

my baby is healthy bsed on amnio, kicking, and my belief that God is nto

gonna mess with this coz I am 41 and have no time to delay this process.

But this fat thing. AAAYYY. All I can say is when he is born i am gonna

look great. Coz all the sudden the 15 or what ever pounds will be gone adn

I will be more svelte thn I have been in ???? when I look in the mirror

front ways I look good but turn to the side & ohmygod. It is so wierd.

when I was fat I don't think I had a lotta body image isues but now . I

have no Q here. Just some ramblings. Would be interested to hear from you

old wise moms about how this affected you pre adn post delivery.

Lenore

PS Actually I am eating a tad more sugar than I was ie ysterday i ahd half

a blondie. maybe every other day I hdo something like tht. It does scare

me coz of old habits returning. I do dump so I have to limit it. and have

pretty good snse of what I can handle. Get very mad at myself when I over

do and feel like crap.

Stats below since it is relevant to the topic.

At 02:27 PM 7/8/00 -0500, you wrote:

>i know that right now the baby weight about 4 lbs and a little more so that

>takes care of that. i have read info that says the baby, fluid etc weight

>about 15 lbs give or take a little. i am not too worried.

>no, i am a terrible patient i just take this so serious i am afraid if i

>dont, something bad will happen to the baby. i decided right away that i

>would do everything i could to go as far as i could and will continue with

>that theory at least till the baby comes....then watch out!!!

>mike keeps telling me too remember, you really arent gaining anything just

>the baby. i have a hard time with that sometimes but it does make sense.

>its kinda like the 10 cm/30 cm problem. it makes sense but it really

>doesnt. i guess i need a nap.

>julie

>

Lenore

Open RNY Englewood Hopital

Dr. Benotti May 11, 1999

Day of surg. weight 256.4

May 21 weight 240.1

May 27 232.9 -23.5

June 21 226.9 -29.5

July 7 220.9 -35.5

August 2 211.7 -44.7

August 16 205.0 -51.4

Sept. 13 198.0 -58.4

Sept. 27 193.3 -63.1

Oct. 19 187.6 -68.8

Nov. 1 185.6 -70.8

Nov. 15 182.6 -73.8

Dec.6 179.1 -77.3

Dec. 20 173.8 -82.6

Jan. 15 168.1 -88.3

Feb. 29 162 -94.4 PREGNANT

March 16 165 -91.4

April 18 160.5 -95.9

May 15 161.2 -94.7 1 yr post op

July

Goal: to shop in regular stores MET

Goal 2: 100 pound loss

Goal 3: 150 total weight

Final goal: To feel and look completely comfortable in my body

July 9, 2000

sorry to say, i cant get rid of my scale....also sorry to say that i can no

longer see the dial. i have to go get my hubby to read it for me and he

gets mad since im a scale jumper. i decided last week if i was ever gonna

not care if i gained now is the time. i still panic when i have to get on

that scale at the dr but then i rationalize the wt of the baby with what i

have gained and decide i am doing ok.

i finally do see a smaller me when i look in the mirror but i also tend to

look at other people and feel awful. i love to look down at my belly and

see the baby grow esp when he is doing back flips. i have always admired

preg women esp since i couldnt have any of my own....well, guess

what.....here we go!!!

i think when i was fat i had the same image problems but i just didnt care

as much. now i feel so good and want to look just as good....i am getting

there slow but sure.

have a good day.

julie