Re: sent home - long & depressing

[Guest guest]

Hi

I would guess that most of us at work (or those who don`t, but who use

childcare) have childcare worries at some stage or another- so you are not

alone - I promise!

Tonight - why not just be there for Katharine, stay at home, close to her,

so you know you are there for her... can you get a take away, wine, etc (let

someone else organise it !!) I f K is awake, fine jsut go with the flow,

cuddle her, relax. She may be feeling a bit off-colour perhaps?

Are you able to take some time out for a few days to just settle down and

sort it all out in your own mind, offload on your DH, or *anybody!. The

'whole picture' isn`t going to get sorted this evening...though I am sure

even tomorrow morning things may not seem so bad..

the rules about c/minder & no of children may vary from area to area (they

do here, 1 county has the 1-under-1 rule, another locally doesn`t).

not sure if I am saying the right things, but just hang in there.....

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Barbara Wyant

Romsey, Hampshire

Mum to Eleanor (9) & (6)

[Guest guest]

wrote

THEN - Wednesday comes, work for me. The childminder (who

> has

> 2 under 1 and never mentioned any regulations otherwise, I don't know

> if Scotland is different - the rule I heard was no more than 3 under

> 3)

I would check with your local Social Services as I should think that

it is the same in Scotland. Down here it is no mor than 3 under 3 and only

one of them can be under one.

>when I went to pick her up at 4 the childminder

> said she'd cried all day again and she wasn't able to look after her

> any more. I don't know what to do.

How long has she been with the childminder, IMO any childminder worth their

salt should be able to put up with a crying baby. Mine did for weeks (not

my baby, another minded child) this baby cried the whole time she was there

for about 2 months but she finally settled down - my childminder was really

cross when the parents then told her they were taking her away as they'd got

a nursery place! If you signed a contract then there should be a 4 week

notice clause on both sides, if she just says she won't have again

she is in breach of contract.

>My DH says it's cos I'm such a good mother

> that just wants me, but it sure don't feel that way.

That's fine in theory but it's not much help if it's you and you have to

leave her.

>Childminder says she'll take

> her back when she's 9 months and try again if we like - don't know if

> I want that. It'd be dreadful if she just did it again. I wasn't

> 100% sure about the childminder, she's got the TV on a lot and a

> babywalker which I don't like <snip> But I didn't feel comfortable telling

> er that. Should I go with these instincts and not work.

If it were me, I should definitely go with instincts about this childminder,

I'm sure that apart from anything else will pick up on your

uncertainty about her, I know I would have been deeply unhappy about leaving

my children with a childminder about whom I had any doubts. I can't tell

you what to do about breastfeeding but from experience I know that it is

possible to leave a breastfed baby with a childminder and for them to be

happy. If another childminder will be difficult to find how about looking

at day nurseries (which would not be my first choice but there are some good

ones around and they're preferential to a bad childminder)

Am I

> looking

> for an excuse? Am I a bad mother ? Please tell me what you think !!!

Of course you're not a bad mother, we all feel as if we are at some point

but the fact that you're worried about being at the childminder

and want the best for her proves that you're not.

My " advice " - purely as a friend and feel free to ignore it - would be to

check out the rules on how many children she can mind so that if she is

breaking them social services know. Then I'd start looking for another

childminder and at local nurseries, of course it's easy for me to say this

in built up Hampshire and I know it is probably more difficult where you

are.

I hope this helps

Cerys

[Guest guest]

,

Firstly, you are not a bad mother!!!

I think you should trust your instincts re: the childminder. I am sure

someone (Fiona C-S??) will be able to tell you about the regs about under

ones, but I should think that the regs are the same as in England. I can't

imagine looking after 2 babies under one year and giving them both the

attention they need. Also lots of babies go through a 'clingy' phase at

about 7 months so could it be that (I have a brain like a sieve and can't

remember how old is)?

I hope you get this all sorted - I know how upsetting it can be to be in

this situtation.

>

>

> OK, so here's my childminders for babies current hell--

Dick,

SAHM to (7/4/97) and Kitty (22/7/99)

and wife of (26/9/66)

Newsletter Editor, Advertising manager

See pictures of us all at:

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumList?u=848605

Password: Wisley

[Guest guest]

,

Firstly, you are not a bad mother!!!

I think you should trust your instincts re: the childminder. I am sure

someone (Fiona C-S??) will be able to tell you about the regs about under

ones, but I should think that the regs are the same as in England. I can't

imagine looking after 2 babies under one year and giving them both the

attention they need. Also lots of babies go through a 'clingy' phase at

about 7 months so could it be that (I have a brain like a sieve and can't

remember how old is)?

I hope you get this all sorted - I know how upsetting it can be to be in

this situtation.

>

>

> OK, so here's my childminders for babies current hell--

Dick,

SAHM to (7/4/97) and Kitty (22/7/99)

and wife of (26/9/66)

Newsletter Editor, Advertising manager

See pictures of us all at:

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumList?u=848605

Password: Wisley

[Guest guest]

,

Firstly, you are not a bad mother!!!

I think you should trust your instincts re: the childminder. I am sure

someone (Fiona C-S??) will be able to tell you about the regs about

under

ones, but I should think that the regs are the same as in England. I

can't

imagine looking after 2 babies under one year and giving them both the

attention they need. Also lots of babies go through a 'clingy' phase at

about 7 months so could it be that (I have a brain like a sieve and

can't

remember how old is)?

I hope you get this all sorted - I know how upsetting it can be to be in

this situation.

>

>

> OK, so here's my childminders for babies current hell--

Dick,

SAHM to (7/4/97) and Kitty (22/7/99)

and wife of (26/9/66)

Newsletter Editor, Advertising manager

See pictures of us all at:

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumList?u=848605

Password: Wisley

[Guest guest]

,

Firstly, you are not a bad mother!!!

I think you should trust your instincts re: the childminder. I am sure

someone (Fiona C-S??) will be able to tell you about the regs about

under

ones, but I should think that the regs are the same as in England. I

can't

imagine looking after 2 babies under one year and giving them both the

attention they need. Also lots of babies go through a 'clingy' phase at

about 7 months so could it be that (I have a brain like a sieve and

can't

remember how old is)?

I hope you get this all sorted - I know how upsetting it can be to be in

this situtation.

>

>

> OK, so here's my childminders for babies current hell--

Dick,

SAHM to (7/4/97) and Kitty (22/7/99)

and wife of (26/9/66)

Newsletter Editor, Advertising manager

See pictures of us all at:

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumList?u=848605

Password: Wisley

[Guest guest]

In message <8pr0cf+8m7keGroups>, tittmars@... writes

>I

>looked this up in my baby book when I got home and it said that

>breastfed babies often find it harder to cope without their mummy

>than

>bottle fed ones do.

My DD was always fine to be left with someone else, didn't drink

anything I'd carefully expressed and would hang on until I got back

(although she'd over do the banana on the long occasions). Never

'unhappy' for long (just nappies etc.). She was always far more

independent than her bottle fed compatriots.

Soooo..

Did a quick straw poll on this today (12 people, included 4 who bottle

fed/are feeding, 20 children various ages).

Found exactly the same - the breast fed/feeding children all seemed to

be far more independent (including more willing to leave mum when she

was there, wander round a strange place and come back for 'cuddles'

etc.), cried less on leaving - in mums estimation. One mum (of 4 kids)

said that her bottle fed two were positively neurotic compared to those

she had fed herself (both extended). but she did add the proviso that

come the later 2 she knew what she was doing and had 'realised' the

benefits of bfeeding.

--

Helen Armfield

[Guest guest]

I sort of know what you're going through as I went back to work full-time

when Emma was 5 months. The first thing I'd say is that the most important

thing is to find a childminder that you are completely happy with. Emma was

also very clingy and cried inconsolably when I first left her. I had to go

back to introducing her slowly to the childminder by taking her there

socially and the childminder played with her and made friends while I was

still around. After a couple of goes at this I then started leaving the room

and just going out of sight for a while - to start with Emma cried but Beccy

was able to calm her down. After a few days Emma seemed to suddenly " click "

with the Beccy and has absolutely loved it there ever since. Emma is now

2y6m and it's a home from home for her. She now only goes for a few hours a

week but really looks forward to it - she gets on *so* well with the

childminders little boy who is about a year older.

Is it possible for you to take a week (or two) to find a new childminder

that you are really happy with (or a nursery) and then introduce her over a

few days

gradually? Luckily I left myself a couple of weeks before starting work to

settle Emma with her childminder as I knew it would need working on (Emma

has always been very unsure of people she doesn't know).

Emma was also breastfed and I had a real battle getting her to take EBM from

a bottle - in the end I simply left the house for the whole of one Saturday

and left loads of ebm for DH. She cried for ages (much longer than I could

have stood but DH wasn't too bothered by it!) but eventually took the bottle

and after that wasn't really a problem.

Good luck. I'm sure you can find a way round this without giving up work

altogether although it might be hard for a couple of weeks.

Helen

[Guest guest]

> Should I go with these instincts and not work. Am I

>looking

>for an excuse? Am I a bad mother ? Please tell me what you think !!!

Hey, you are typing and not just a gibbering heap under the duvet!

You are doing really well!

I hope is looking in to give you the childminder lowdown, I'm

going to be more of the support (well I hope!) than the information

here, but it doesn't sound too good if the childminder is throwing in

the towel after two good days and two bad days and won't even honour

a commitment to babysit. I definitely wouldn't be happy about a

babywalker. I'd like to make a negative comment about the TV being on

a lot but as we've had Toy Story *and* Jungle Book at least twice

today... So you have the same instincts as me, and I like to think my

instincts are OK, even if I don't always manage to live up to them.

It must be pretty disheartening for you to start a job, just get to

be thinking that this is going to work and be good for you and for

this to happen - a bit " That'll teach me to try to make things

better! " It sounds as if you are not really going to know what is

best for you and for unless you can find another

childminder and see how that goes. Good luck (and I hope you do/did

get to go out tonight - I think this takes practice - I've done it 4

times in two and a half years, so I haven't exactly got the knack)

--

Vaudin

jennifer@...

[Guest guest]

Am I looking for an excuse? Am I a bad mother ? Please tell me what you

think !!!

Thanks a lot

------

Hey, , if you were a bad mother you wouldn't be worrying about your

baby!

I've no practical help, as I've never been in your position, but would say

that I think you need to be 100% sure of your childminder or you just won't

be happy.

Good luck!

Lesley

[Guest guest]

>Never use them, my childminding insurance doesn't cover me for a

babywalker!!

>

, do you have NCMA insurance? I do and I never knew babywalkers were

excluded. Not relevant with my before school boys, but interesting.

Lynda

SAHM to (7), (5), Fraser(2), Callum 15/5/00

Newsletter editor & general dogsbody, Mid-Northumberland branch

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumIndex?u=762789 & a=8600069

[Guest guest]

DS1 tipped out of his babywalker when it went from a path onto grass in the

garden. he was unhurt but I never used one again and can't believe they are

still on sale, 25 years later.

Lesley

-----------------------

said.....I hate babywalkers because DS1 catapulted himself out of his

when he was 7-8 months old and bit through his mouth, still has the scare

now. Never use them, my childminding insurance doesn't cover me for a

babywalker!!

[Guest guest]

I'm afraid I like baby walkers, and DS3 is in one as I type.

I use them in that difficult time between wanting to and being able to crawl.

Once they start crawling I don't use them. So far, no one has had any accidents,

as he can now go backwards but hasn't mastered forwards yet, my babywalker days

are numbered!

Mc

SAHM 6, Olivia 3, 1, 15/3/00.

nearly ex-Editor Wallingford and District

[Guest guest]

> Am I looking for an excuse? Am I a bad mother ? Please tell me

what you

> think !!!

>

> Thanks a lot

>

>

>

>

Hey back from nomail - that lasted a long time, and have been

browsing

through the archives...

I looked after a friends child for just about a year. She was

breastfed and very independant but wouldn't take a bottle, and used

to

hang on for mum instead. She cried a lot in the first few months but

I expected that, seeing as she was only a few months old.

But, we did have good days and bad days. Emma at 2.5 took three

weeks

to settle into reschool. A friends child has just cried every

morning

for two weeks at school. Emma at 4 managed really well while I was

in

hospital but even she cried a couple of times when left with yet

another person while Daddyw ent to work.

Children and babies need to settle into a new routine. If you want

to

work, and feel you have no alternative, for whatever reason, you need

ot find a childmninder who is willing to wrk throuygh it with you. A

good childminder would know a child is going to be upset for the

first

few weeks and will try to ease the separation with lots of cuddles

and

fun stuff to do.

At the end of the day being breastded has little to do with it. She

wold probably cry if she was bottlefed. It isn't just the boob she

wants, she wants you and having had you exclusively for all this time

, it will take her some time to come to terms with the fact that

mummy

will come back. Remember that most small children have no

conception

of time and it takes practise to learn that mummies always come back

at the end of the day.

It may take you a couple of gos to find a good childminder. A friend

of mine changed from nursery to childminder and then interviewed

three

childminders before finding one that she liked (one had a huge great

dane but said to the mother - the kids get used to him and just get

out of his way - her baby was 4 weeks old!). All very distressing.

I have read somewhere that children do go through some kind of

separation anxiety at 7 months and then again at around a year, but

soon get over it.

IMNSHO this childminder either didn't want to be bothered with the

settling in stuff, or wanted some excuse not to have your little

girl.

You are most certainly not a bad mother - as someone said if you

were

you wouldn't be bothered. And as for an excuse, going back to work

and leaving her must be a really hard decision. I avoided that

problem by working nights wiping old ladies bums for a while when we

were desperate for omney, horrible but it meant that DH could look

after Em, and I didn't have to go through the guilt process. Have

jsut been through it all when I was in hospital and we had to find a

childminder for Emma while Simon was at work. Not nice.

Good luck finding a new childminder.

Sue H.

[Guest guest]

> Am I looking for an excuse? Am I a bad mother ? Please tell me

what you

> think !!!

>

> Thanks a lot

>

>

>

>

Hey back from nomail - that lasted a long time, and have been

browsing

through the archives...

I looked after a friends child for just about a year. She was

breastfed and very independant but wouldn't take a bottle, and used

to

hang on for mum instead. She cried a lot in the first few months but

I expected that, seeing as she was only a few months old.

But, we did have good days and bad days. Emma at 2.5 took three

weeks

to settle into reschool. A friends child has just cried every

morning

for two weeks at school. Emma at 4 managed really well while I was

in

hospital but even she cried a couple of times when left with yet

another person while Daddyw ent to work.

Children and babies need to settle into a new routine. If you want

to

work, and feel you have no alternative, for whatever reason, you need

ot find a childmninder who is willing to wrk throuygh it with you. A

good childminder would know a child is going to be upset for the

first

few weeks and will try to ease the separation with lots of cuddles

and

fun stuff to do.

At the end of the day being breastded has little to do with it. She

wold probably cry if she was bottlefed. It isn't just the boob she

wants, she wants you and having had you exclusively for all this time

, it will take her some time to come to terms with the fact that

mummy

will come back. Remember that most small children have no

conception

of time and it takes practise to learn that mummies always come back

at the end of the day.

It may take you a couple of gos to find a good childminder. A friend

of mine changed from nursery to childminder and then interviewed

three

childminders before finding one that she liked (one had a huge great

dane but said to the mother - the kids get used to him and just get

out of his way - her baby was 4 weeks old!). All very distressing.

I have read somewhere that children do go through some kind of

separation anxiety at 7 months and then again at around a year, but

soon get over it.

IMNSHO this childminder either didn't want to be bothered with the

settling in stuff, or wanted some excuse not to have your little

girl.

You are most certainly not a bad mother - as someone said if you

were

you wouldn't be bothered. And as for an excuse, going back to work

and leaving her must be a really hard decision. I avoided that

problem by working nights wiping old ladies bums for a while when we

were desperate for omney, horrible but it meant that DH could look

after Em, and I didn't have to go through the guilt process. Have

jsut been through it all when I was in hospital and we had to find a

childminder for Emma while Simon was at work. Not nice.

Good luck finding a new childminder.

Sue H.