Need feedback - co-worker is driving me crazy

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone! I have been an RA sufferer for 8 years now. I take

Prednisone, Plaquenil (2x day), Bextra (2x a day), Methotrexate shots

(.5 cc), and Humira. My RA is moderate moving towards

uncontrollable. My problem is not my RA but a co-worker. She has

been in my office for 5 years. I do consider her a friend. She's a

breast cancer survivor now for 2 years. However, she has a major

habit that is extremely annoying—everything that I do she ends up do

the same thing. She's admitted that she copies me on everything—my

style of dress, personality, etc. I can accept the copying, but the

limit was when a group of us that have RA started conversing and

comparing symptoms and treatments. Two of the women are on Remicade

and Methotrexate. The fourth woman has lupus. I have suggested to

my co-worker since she had cancer, she could have her own support

group of cancer survivors. Her response, " no I want to be in your

group and talk about RA. " Okay, but I told she could not relate, she

didn't have RA problems. Every time the women and I talk about our

RA, my co-worker buts in and takes over regarding medications,

symptoms, research, etc. After my doctor's appointments she could

come in my office and ask me everything about what the doctor said.

It's spooky. Then she would make suggestions about what I should and

shouldn't do. She kept advocating for a bracelet she had seen on TV—

nothing like that works for me. Now, she complains about her hands

hurting and jokingly laughs about how she can predict when it rains

like I can. That's not a fun fact to throw around—I'm hurting when

the weather changes it's not a badge of honor. So, now she wears a

bracelet and swears that it's helping her hands. O.K. I can accept

that it's helping her.

For the past year, she's complained that she has RA. Her bone

density test is today. She sprung it on me yesterday that two of her

family members (g-mother and uncle) had arthritis. Yet, when we met

she told it wasn't in her family. I'm not belittling the fact that

she may have RA it's just she acts as though she wants to have this

disease. In my case, I wouldn't wish RA on anyone.

How do I curb my temper? I mean I stood by her with her breast

cancer. I could sympathize, but I couldn't empathize with her. I've

always tried not to offend her when it comes to this topic. I've

always shown her respect. I've always listed to her talk about when

she talked with the other people at work regarding breast cancer.

There's a high rate of women at our work who have experience breast

cancer and she has unofficially talked with them when they have found

out they have cancer.

But I feel she's not showing me the same respect—like she should have

the same thing I have based on association or something—like we

should be a sorority or something. When the tests come back: If she

has arthritis, she's going to want me to baby her all the time. If

she doesn't have arthritis, she's still going keep saying she does

have arthritis.

I'm just not up for the challenge. I'm physically, emotionally, and

mentally tired. I drag to work everyday no matter had bad I feel or

hurt while in the middle of a flare-up. My RA doctor has prepared me

for the fact that I may have to give up working when I hit the 10-

year anniversary of my RA. In my co-worker's case, she comes in late

regularly, because she doesn't feel like getting up and getting

dress. No one says anything because she's always saying she's a

cancer survivor. If I do call in sick from my RA, the next day she

calls in sick. The other day, the office went out to lunch. She

started griping that she wanted one of the office parking spaces that

are closest to the building, which are handicapped. I told her half

jokingly ask the doctor to give you one. She said seriously, " Well,

once I'm diagnosed with RA I'm going to get one. I'm not going to be

like you and not take advantage of it. " For the 5 years I have known

her she's bugged me to get a handicapped plaque. My RA doctor said

he would write me an order for one, but I refuse to give into the

disease. My grandmother was confided to her house because of RA.

For as long as I can, I will not get one.

How can I be the better person in this situation and just accept what

she says without wanting to scream?

K