Not in a good place, I'm having a teenage tantrum

[Guest guest]

I'm feeling scared, guilty, worried, down

I hate what is happening to me

I hate that there is no cure

I hate that they can't give me a prognosis

I hate having to worry about every little thing.

I hate that I can't just get on an do stuff

I hate the idea that I might not see my baby grow up.

I hate that she's got to live life with a mum that isn't firing on all cylinders.

I hate that I have to curtail one of my hobbies.

I hate that I have to plan going out so that I don't run out of O2

I've tried to talk to Rob, but I end up 'pulling my self together' and saying 'don't mind me, I'm fine really' And I'm doing this not to upset him too much. I don't know if he really knows the full implications of PF, and I don't know how to bring it up.

But I'm not Ok right now.

I want to scream and shout and rage at the unfairness of it all (except that I'd get too out of breath I can't even have a damn good laugh at anything as it makes me cough too much )

My father is having a second op following problems with a hip replacement, and I was his main carer, (frankly my brother is useless and selfish when it comes to looking after dad, happy to borrow dads car, but not so good at running errands) so I'm now worrying at how he's going to cope

And to top everything I have a wisdom tooth causing me lots of problems, it started last night, so I won't get to a dentist until at least tomorrow and I need to see a doctor tomorrow as I'm starting to get a cough as well

Right now, I've just had enough and I want to step out of my body for a little while and hop into someone elses while it get's on with it.