Guest guest Posted October 18, 2000 Report Share Posted October 18, 2000 THE TODDLER MIRACLE DIET > > > >People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most > >diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't > >get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). > > >Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets or quit after 3 days. > >Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. > > > > > >Over the years you may have noticed that most 2 year olds are trim. Now, > >the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may > >want to consult your doctor before > >embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good > >Luck!!! > > > > > > > >DAY ONE > > > > > >Breakfast: 1 scrambled egg, 1 piece of toast with grape jelly.Eat 2 bites > >of egg using your fingers, dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of > >toast, smear the jelly over your face and clothes. > > > > > >Lunch: 4 crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, 1 glass of milk (3 > > >sips only, spill the rest). > > > > > >Dinner: 1 dry stick, 2 pennies, 1 nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite. > > > > > >Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. > > > > > > > >DAY TWO: > > > > > >Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink 1/2 > >bottle of vanilla extract or 1 vial of vegetable dye. > > > > > >Lunch: 1/2 tube of " Pulsating Pink " lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog > >Chow (any flavor). 1 ice cube, if desired. > > > > > >Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop it > > >in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring > > >inside and drop on rug. > > > > > >Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean which should be thrust up your left > >nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes, eat with a spoon. > > > > > > > >DAY THREE: > > > > > >Breakfast: 2 pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat 1 with fingers, rub in > >hair. Glass of milk, drink 1/2, stuff other pancake in glass. After > >breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on > >cushion of best chair. > > > > > >Lunch: 3 matches, peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto > >the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. > > > > > >Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to > >laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. > > > > > > > >FINAL DAY: > > > > > >Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an > >olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add 1/2 cup of sugar. > > >Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed > >cereal to dog. > > > > > >Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that > > >sucker and finish eating it. > > > > > >Dinner: 1 glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. > >Stick of mascara for dessert. > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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