Guest guest Posted November 28, 2000 Report Share Posted November 28, 2000 SANTA'S A WOMAN I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have the transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: -Men can't pack a bag. -Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. -Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves. -Men don't answer their mail. -Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a " bowl full of jelly. " -Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. -Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. -Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact other mythical holiday characters are men: -Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. -Cupid flies around carrying weapons. -Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2000 Report Share Posted November 28, 2000 Anne: That was very good and funny! Thanks! Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2000 Report Share Posted November 28, 2000 Anne, I totally agree (especially with the stuff that men do qualify for!!!). Thanks for the laugh....I needed one. Debbie G. Santa's A Women > > SANTA'S A WOMAN > > I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I > believe he's a she. > Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, > fuzzy, nurturing, > social > deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could > possibly pull it all > off! > > For starters, the vast majority of men don't even > think about selecting > gifts > until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always > seem surprised to > find > only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood > rings left on the > shelves. > On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. > > Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe > would wake up > Christmas > morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the > tree, still in the > shopping bag. > > Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. > First of all, > there > would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, > gutted and strapped > on > to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, > desperate claims that > buck > season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already > be on the way to > the > taxidermist. > > Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd > also have the > transportation problems because he would inevitably > get lost up there in > the > snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for > directions. > > Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: > -Men can't pack a bag. > -Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red > velvet. > -Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... > having to be seen > with all > those elves. > -Men don't answer their mail. > -Men would refuse to allow their physique to be > described, even in jest, > as > anything remotely resembling a " bowl full of jelly. " > -Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's > wearing them. > -Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously > inhibit their ability > to > pick up women. > -Finally, being responsible for Christmas would > require a commitment. > > I can buy the fact other mythical holiday characters > are men: > > -Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking > ominous. Definite > guy. > -Cupid flies around carrying weapons. > -Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. > > > > > > > > > > List owner Bierman > > Add or view webpage links about Fibromyalgia/CFS. > http://www.onelist.com/links/ > > > ~*~CHAT TIME:~*~ > MON Night > TIME:Eastern 9 Pm, Central 8 Pm, Mt 7 PM Pacific 6 PM > WHERE: /chat/ > > To write the list owner: The_List_Owner@... > > TO unsubscribe. > Go to: http://www.onelist.com/ to this list and unsub from it. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2000 Report Share Posted November 28, 2000 Your Welcome Peggy!!!! Peggy Lowell wrote: > Anne: > > That was very good and funny! Thanks! > > Peggy > > > List owner Bierman > > Add or view webpage links about Fibromyalgia/CFS. > http://www.onelist.com/links/ > > ~*~CHAT TIME:~*~ > MON Night > TIME:Eastern 9 Pm, Central 8 Pm, Mt 7 PM Pacific 6 PM > WHERE: /chat/ > > To write the list owner: The_List_Owner@... > > TO unsubscribe. > Go to: http://www.onelist.com/ to this list and unsub from it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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