Jen being philosophical

[Guest guest]

I have a favor to ask of you all, expecially those of you who are

currently pg or have any intention of becoming pg again in the future

(so I guess that is the majority of us). OK- here goes.

PLEASE promise me you girls will try your hardest to enjoy every

second of your pregnancy. Please try not to worry about every little

thing and try to relax and enjoy it, because it is the greatest

blessing. I cannot help but sit here and be completely miserable and

not quite the optimistic character I was 2 days ago. But I must

admit that once we knew my baby was uterine and that I was out of the

EP fear, I did enjoy it tremendously. And I am very thankul for

those two months.

So of course now the questions start popping up... I am not sure if

I had posted this, but about 3 or 4 weeks ago, I developed this group

of hives or rash or whatever you want to call it behind both of my

legs. It was extremely itchy and I felt miserable. I was also very

tired and felt crappy, but I figured that was the pg. My main

concern and the time was that maybe I was allergic to the

progesterone suppositories so that was my focus when I called the dr,

and he didn't think it would be a reaction. He told me he might want

me to see a dermatologist, but in the days that followed, I got no

new spots (they actually looked like big mosquito bites, itched a

whole lot more, and there were like 30 of them on me) so I never

called the derm. The remnants of the spots are still there now kind

of, but the itchiness went away after about 4 days or so. OK, so

what am I getting at? You know how stupid our minds can work. I

wonder now if it was something such as Rubella (which I was

vaccinated for when I was a baby, but who knows) which can be fatal

to an unborn baby.

My other concern is that remember I am a dental assistant. I was in

contact with nitrous oxide before I knew I was pg, and after I knew,

I wore a mask, but " what to Expect.... " mentions N2O as something not

to come in contact with during pg.

And finally, what I think might be my answer is my hormone levels -

and I know I can be treated for that, thanks especially to all of you

success stories on hormone treatments!

OK, OK, why do we continue to search for answers as to why we lose

our babies when we damn well know that there may be none? And why do

we even care at this stage of grief? I feel terrible about my 2

losses, and nothing will return them to my uterus, so what the f is

the difference what caused it? Well, other than the fact that I want

to try again someday and do not want this to be repeated.

Oh, I just wanted to also let you all know that I am sorry for only

posting about me lately. I am so happy for all of you who are pg or

in the 2ww, but right now, I can't get myself to read the posts.

Please understand. In a few days, I hope to feel more like m e

again. But please remember I am praying for all of you, and I am

getting bits and pieces of all your updates from R. F, how

are you holding up? I was lying in bed last night thinking of you,

and praying that you get some good news soon, for you have gone

through soooo much.

Well girls, you asked for it... you told me when I was ready to rant

to go ahead and rant, and you got it! I do apologize for such a long

post, I probably could go on for another hour or so, but I will save

you the agony. Thank you all, and I'm thinking of you!

Jen