Article: The Difference Between Winning Or Losing

[Guest guest]

An eDiets.com Exclusive

by Dr.

STOP! Don't even imagine that this is an article

about self-control and discipline. It's not. I

am NOT going to tell you to “just say no” to

food. I'm not an idiot -- at least not usually --

and certainly not about this serious subject.

I DO want to talk about the power of NO, however,

but in a way that will make a real difference in

your life and especially in your ability to say

YES to yourself and your well-being.

I have recently been introduced to the wonderful

author/poet named Whyte. Here is an excerpt

from one of his insightful and inspiring books,

The Heart Aroused. Mr. Whyte has some perceptive

things to say about the ability to say NO.

" If we have little idea of what we really want

from our lives... then often the only entrance we

have to soul comes from the ability to say a firm

no to those things we intuit lead to a loss of

vitality... (We need to learn to say) no when we

have as yet no clarity about those things to which

we can say yes... in the continuous utterance of

the word no, a profound faith in the word yes will

appear... one way to come to yes is to say no to

everything that does not nourish and entice our

secret inner life out into the world. Many of us,

as Whyte is well aware, live our lives without

clarity about what we truly want. Instead of

doing the inner work required to discover and

actualize these wants, we lose ourselves in the

easy wants of food and business. We say yes to

food because we don’t know what else to say yes

to.

But what would happen if you took Whyte’s advice

and said NO to everything that did not contribute

to your vitality? What if you said NO to the

boring, habitual and meaningless activities in

your life? All of us have some of these.

What are yours? The easiest one is television.

How much of it do you watch in a week? When was

the last time you said NO to TV? If you did say

NO to TV, what would you say YES to in its place?

The point is much of our lives do not nurture who

we really are or could become. Therefore we eat

to nurture our deeper unfulfilled spiritual needs.

Food becomes a substitute for filling our lives.

If you want to lose weight, you may need to learn

to say NO to many people, habits, activities,

situations that do not support your growth or

well-being.

Then after the table is cleared, you will have

room to fill it with people and things that really

matter to you. As Rilke (one of the best poets of

the last century) once stated, he would choose to

be with someone who has depth and vitality or he

would remain alone. What a courageous statement

and what a clear testimony to self-nurture.

Let’s go back to Whyte once more.

“By saying no, when we can, to many of the

activities and things that come our way, we are

continually thrown back on ourselves. By learning

who is at the center of all this activity, we find

inside ourselves someone who can say yes and at

the same time be truly wholehearted.” Saying NO

creates the space for YES to emerge. Saying NO

when we want to and need to makes our YES

decisions trustworthy. Saying NO establishes

boundaries inside where we can feel safe and quiet

and can finally listen to the small voice of our

truest and most life-giving guidance.

Saying NO to triviality, boredom, thoughtless

habits, mind-dulling conversation, time-wasting

activities and relationships that do nothing, give

nothing and birth nothing, will open windows and

doors to inner creativity, self-discovery and

passions.

I think the business of saying NO is important in

the process of weight loss.

Not, as I said above, to say NO to “bad” foods but

to learn to say NO to those aspects of your life

that do not really nurture you. Too many wasteful

activities will suck the life out of you and leave

you starving for something that is too easily

confused with a need for more food. You don’t

want that and I don’t want it for you. Let’s try

something different.

If you've read more than a couple of my articles,

you know the drill by now.

Take a look at your life and see what begs you to

say NO. It could be an evening of TV, a

relationship that is full of nothing but

complaining, a meeting that has lost its purpose,

or running errands for family members that are old

enough to take care of it themselves.

Do you want to lose weight and be much happier and

satisfied with your everyday life? I think you

do. Then repeat after me -- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,

NO, NO... Good, you got it. Now go and “NO”

where you need to!

, D. Min., is a counselor,

organizational consultant and seminar leader. He

lives and works in Boca Raton, Florida. You can

contact him at mattcoyote@....