Re: Re: Am I mean? or just nurturing myself?

[Guest guest]

Yes, I agree. Maybe it was one of those out of left field questions that took you by surprise and caught you off-balance. I had a recurring situation and was always saying yes when I meant no.  Was feeling responsible and guilty. Any way I came up with a wonderful response when this friend would ask me for money or a favor. I would say " Let me think about that and I will get back to you " .  That gave me time to figure out what I really wanted to do or not do and then I was more balanced/stable to give an honest answer.  Hope this helps.  When someone asks me something that is totally outrageous I have a reply ready " EXCUSE ME! " with an incredulous tone in my voice, not nasty, just honestly incredulous.  As well you had a right to be in your situation. And don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself.  This is a process, a learning process.  Sandy

 

yes same position, full time and rarely offered

I think you are right: unethical

>

> Hi -

>

> First and foremost, it sounds like you have a lot going and to deal with

> right now, so I encourage you to practice a lot of self care and be generous

> with yourself! Also, I applaud your sensibility. It shows great strength of

> character to me that you even question yourself based on these actions. It

> appears to me that you're a very kind, apathetic, and selfless person. I

> can't say I would question my motivations and character so deeply, and I

> also feel that I would have done the same thing.

>

> But I do have a possibly not-so-related question. Is this currently woman in

> competition with you for the same job? If so it is unfair and unethical for

> her to ask you about your interview and the interview process. And she can't

> imagine that you would be able to provide her information about these things

> without bias. It is entirely reasonable for you to tell her that you don't

> feel comfortable or right providing her with that information. Even if she

> were a close friend I feel this would still be the case; it's important to

> maintain a separation between personal and professional relationship,

> especially during the time of a competitive and sensitive interview process.

> I actually can't believe this woman would think it would be ok to ask or

> your mutual friend for this assistance. Sorry if I've gotten this wrong or

> if this isn't helpful!

>

> Best wishes and remember to be gentle with yourself!

>

> - Casey

>