Guest guest Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Well done- knowing it's not about the food and weight and REALIZING that's it's not about the food and weight are very different. I often catch my self thinking that I just love eating too much and that's why I can't stop, and if I only lost the X amount of pounds then I could start enjoying life and loving myself. But at X weight I would still find faults and reasons why I'm unloveable or not right. And many people love food but they aren't eating until they are ill every night. At hte beach I always have engaging books to read and music on my ipod so that I get absorbed in my own world and forget about everyone else (at least for short bits of time). Getting a nice tan glow always makes me feel good too:) happy vacation > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Bravo for you for getting a valuable lesson from your son! And instead of not talking this way in front of him... if you don't like talking that way... maybe you should think about just not talking that way, PERIOD. the message is damaging, no matter who the recipient! if you don't want HIM to hear it, why do you want YOU to hear it?try to remember that your weight is not who you are as a person. you gave birth recently. THAT says a lot more about who you are! try to keep in mind that as much as our culture says otherwise, your weight is really not that important. there are SO MANY things about you that are far more important. focus on those! i know it's really hard, and i don't mean to downplay that. but i think that's what i would do, just keep telling myself over and over, " it doesn't matter. my weight is not who i am. " i don't know if that will work for you or not... worth a shot?good luck.abby Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! All the best, Eliana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 Thank you, Jeanna and Abby! I appreciate your comments. It really helps to reinforce my sanity I will bring books, music and Abby's mantra to the beach. And thank you, Abby, for the point about the fact that even if I say something just to myself it is still damaging. That is so important and yet I always seem to forget about it. > > > > > > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach > > vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some > > weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious > > about it. > > > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I > > am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was > > complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so > > fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing > > right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you > > are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I > > don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want > > him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me > > through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he > > must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and > > fat being bad. > > > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also > > brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way > > that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when > > we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only > > theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size > > of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk > > about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for > > all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the > > lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the > > beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I > > would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on > > a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who > > are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > > > All the best, > > Eliana > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 The no mirror approach works well with me for trying on clothing. a very dear friend has been accompanying me out to buy clothing, and sometimes I won't look in the mirror if I can tell the bad body image will creep up. it helps immensely! I also avoid mirrors in general when I feel bad. Finally, I'm in the process of getting rid of all clothing that does not look good on me. if I don't feel fabulous in it, it's going to charity. hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I'm at the same point of getting rid of stuff that does not make me happy. Good going! I do look in the mirror, though, when I try on clothing and make a decision now based on if I like it rather than if it fits. Today I wore a blouse that I kind of liked, no, I really liked it, but when saw myself in it as my day was moving along, I saw it made me look awful, so I am throwing it out. I hope I'm not out of line when I say this, but the few pounds I lost recently made a difference in how I feel and look (in my mind anyway). I have a long way to go, I'm glad to be here with you all so we can share our journey together. TaiTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 6:02 PM Subject: Re: Re: Aha moment The no mirror approach works well with me for trying on clothing. a very dear friend has been accompanying me out to buy clothing, and sometimes I won't look in the mirror if I can tell the bad body image will creep up. it helps immensely! I also avoid mirrors in general when I feel bad. Finally, I'm in the process of getting rid of all clothing that does not look good on me. if I don't feel fabulous in it, it's going to charity. hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Way to go! So many even " thin " people hate trying on bathing suits. Maybe there should be no mirrors in the dressing room. Don't think that will happen. I am so excited about your change in attitude and being able to focus on having fun. And you are right, your kids will remember the fun you had and not your size. Keep up the good week and thanks for sharing. It helps me too. I live in Florida so it's almost always bathing suit time. Sandy Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Way to go! So many even " thin " people hate trying on bathing suits. Maybe there should be no mirrors in the dressing room. Don't think that will happen. I am so excited about your change in attitude and being able to focus on having fun. And you are right, your kids will remember the fun you had and not your size. Keep up the good week and thanks for sharing. It helps me too. I live in Florida so it's almost always bathing suit time. Sandy Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Liz,Your message is awesome, and I love that you were able to appreciate the experience with your kids and let go of worrying about your appearance! yay! FWIW, one thing that helped me HUGELY was living at a summer camp last summer and going days or weeks without seeing my appearance. even after i came back, i just didn't care as much. however, i just wanted to say... if the bathing suit photo with your SIL makes you uncomfortable (and i can see why it would!)... don't participate in it!you get to create your own boundaries that work for YOU. you could think about if you want to say something to your MIL about it ahead of time, or else you can just say when photo op time comes... " oops, let me just grab my towel, or my shirt... I don't like to take pictures without clothes on. " my old summer camp didn't even ALLOW us to take pics of one other at the waterfront, because it was so triggering for so many girls and women. it created a very relaxed atmosphere we also were not allowed to participate in " body talk " -- no complimenting or putting down anyone else's body or your own... it was incredibly healing. it's AMAZING how much people talk about this! and how damaging it is to hear it all the time. i actually turned around in line at the Au Bon Pain in the airport on Sunday and scolded two women that were just behind me in line, going on and on about how bagels are pure sugar, and really, you don't even need to eat any grains whatsoever... I turned around and said, " do you MIND!!!??? there are very few options here for what to eat, and i have to eat SOMETHING. " they apologized profusely, and changed their conversation. i was pretty startled that i spoke up... but it also felt really good. we do NOT have to participate in the dieting culture, nor do we have to feel bad about ourselves!sorry to hijack your thread a bit! abby Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Liz,Your message is awesome, and I love that you were able to appreciate the experience with your kids and let go of worrying about your appearance! yay! FWIW, one thing that helped me HUGELY was living at a summer camp last summer and going days or weeks without seeing my appearance. even after i came back, i just didn't care as much. however, i just wanted to say... if the bathing suit photo with your SIL makes you uncomfortable (and i can see why it would!)... don't participate in it!you get to create your own boundaries that work for YOU. you could think about if you want to say something to your MIL about it ahead of time, or else you can just say when photo op time comes... " oops, let me just grab my towel, or my shirt... I don't like to take pictures without clothes on. " my old summer camp didn't even ALLOW us to take pics of one other at the waterfront, because it was so triggering for so many girls and women. it created a very relaxed atmosphere we also were not allowed to participate in " body talk " -- no complimenting or putting down anyone else's body or your own... it was incredibly healing. it's AMAZING how much people talk about this! and how damaging it is to hear it all the time. i actually turned around in line at the Au Bon Pain in the airport on Sunday and scolded two women that were just behind me in line, going on and on about how bagels are pure sugar, and really, you don't even need to eat any grains whatsoever... I turned around and said, " do you MIND!!!??? there are very few options here for what to eat, and i have to eat SOMETHING. " they apologized profusely, and changed their conversation. i was pretty startled that i spoke up... but it also felt really good. we do NOT have to participate in the dieting culture, nor do we have to feel bad about ourselves!sorry to hijack your thread a bit! abby Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Fantastic! What a wonderful idea, no mirrors. Let us know how it goes Liz. Liz,Your message is awesome, and I love that you were able to appreciate the experience with your kids and let go of worrying about your appearance! yay! FWIW, one thing that helped me HUGELY was living at a summer camp last summer and going days or weeks without seeing my appearance. even after i came back, i just didn't care as much. however, i just wanted to say... if the bathing suit photo with your SIL makes you uncomfortable (and i can see why it would!)... don't participate in it!you get to create your own boundaries that work for YOU. you could think about if you want to say something to your MIL about it ahead of time, or else you can just say when photo op time comes... " oops, let me just grab my towel, or my shirt... I don't like to take pictures without clothes on. " my old summer camp didn't even ALLOW us to take pics of one other at the waterfront, because it was so triggering for so many girls and women. it created a very relaxed atmosphere we also were not allowed to participate in " body talk " -- no complimenting or putting down anyone else's body or your own... it was incredibly healing. it's AMAZING how much people talk about this! and how damaging it is to hear it all the time. i actually turned around in line at the Au Bon Pain in the airport on Sunday and scolded two women that were just behind me in line, going on and on about how bagels are pure sugar, and really, you don't even need to eat any grains whatsoever... I turned around and said, " do you MIND!!!??? there are very few options here for what to eat, and i have to eat SOMETHING. " they apologized profusely, and changed their conversation. i was pretty startled that i spoke up... but it also felt really good. we do NOT have to participate in the dieting culture, nor do we have to feel bad about ourselves!sorry to hijack your thread a bit! abby Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Fantastic! What a wonderful idea, no mirrors. Let us know how it goes Liz. Liz,Your message is awesome, and I love that you were able to appreciate the experience with your kids and let go of worrying about your appearance! yay! FWIW, one thing that helped me HUGELY was living at a summer camp last summer and going days or weeks without seeing my appearance. even after i came back, i just didn't care as much. however, i just wanted to say... if the bathing suit photo with your SIL makes you uncomfortable (and i can see why it would!)... don't participate in it!you get to create your own boundaries that work for YOU. you could think about if you want to say something to your MIL about it ahead of time, or else you can just say when photo op time comes... " oops, let me just grab my towel, or my shirt... I don't like to take pictures without clothes on. " my old summer camp didn't even ALLOW us to take pics of one other at the waterfront, because it was so triggering for so many girls and women. it created a very relaxed atmosphere we also were not allowed to participate in " body talk " -- no complimenting or putting down anyone else's body or your own... it was incredibly healing. it's AMAZING how much people talk about this! and how damaging it is to hear it all the time. i actually turned around in line at the Au Bon Pain in the airport on Sunday and scolded two women that were just behind me in line, going on and on about how bagels are pure sugar, and really, you don't even need to eat any grains whatsoever... I turned around and said, " do you MIND!!!??? there are very few options here for what to eat, and i have to eat SOMETHING. " they apologized profusely, and changed their conversation. i was pretty startled that i spoke up... but it also felt really good. we do NOT have to participate in the dieting culture, nor do we have to feel bad about ourselves!sorry to hijack your thread a bit! abby Hi Eliana, I meant to respond to this when I first read it, but I didn't get a chance. I am also going on a beach vacation in a couple of weeks with my husband's family. All of his family (and their spouses) are very thin, which has historically made me very insecure around them in a bathing suit. Also, I have developed this terrible habit of comparing myself to my sister-in-law who had her youngest son five days before I had mine. She immediately lost all of the weight and now loves to prance around in a bikini and lecture people on weight loss (always reminding everyone she lost it all without any exercise). Until a week or so ago, I was feeling really good about the changes in my attitude, my eating, and my body image. And then I had to go buy a bathing suit for the trip, and even though I found one I like (a miracle!), it triggered this wave of emotion. I feel like I have reverted back to my first week of IE, with all the awkwardness around food, discomfort with my body, and thoughts of dieting creeping up. I have stuck to the resolve I made some time ago to not allow myself to say mean things about my body (aloud or in my head), but it has been very hard when I find it very hard to even look in the mirror this week. I keep dreading the moment when my mother-in-law will take a picture of my sister-in-law and I side by side in our swimsuits (she always takes the dreaded swimsuit pictures, and then emails them out to everyone after the trip!). Ugh. Then last night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the pool for an hour or so after work. I was running late getting there from the office, so I just threw my swimsuit on in the car. When I got out of the car, I asked my husband if it was on and covering all the parts it's supposed to cover, he said yes, and we headed to the pool without so much as a glance in the mirror. And I have to tell you, it was the best bathing suit experience I have ever had! I felt comfortable, even confident, because I hadn't allowed myself to look at my reflection and see my " problem areas " before heading out the door. Somehow it allowed me to focus on having fun with my kids and being in the moment rather than obsess over what I looked like every time I bent over to pick up a toddler. I just kept thinking that they would never remember the summer I looked thin in a bathing suit, but they would remember the times I jumped in the pool with them or had a splash contest. I don't know if the no mirror approach would work for anyone else, but it was an eye opener for me. Best, Liz > > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it. > > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad. > > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > > All the best, > Eliana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Liz, Thanks so much for your reply. It is nice to know that we are in the same boat. I will be thinking about you on my beach vacation. It is funny that you said that thing about how your kids are not going to remember how thin you were but that you splashed with them. I feel the same way and I have recently thought a lot about the fact that my kids see completely beyond my body. I think to myself that I should see me more like they do. It is great to have them to help me stop taking myself so seriously! Hope you have a good vacation! Best wishes, Rikke > >> > > >> > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach > >> vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some > >> weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious > >> about it. > >> > > >> > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight > >> and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I > >> was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am > >> so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing > >> right next to me listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you > >> are so fat! " And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I > >> don't want him to think of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want > >> him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me > >> through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he > >> must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and > >> fat being bad. > >> > > >> > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also > >> brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way > >> that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when > >> we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only > >> theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size > >> of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk > >> about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for > >> all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the > >> lesson that changing my body is not the issue here. > >> > > >> > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to > >> the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. > >> Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits > >> high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with > >> people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much! > >> > > >> > All the best, > >> > Eliana > >> > > >> > >> > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I was thinking about this question and reply. I think it's a wonderful thought to realize that your children will remember enjoying being with YOU. Great thought. Tai To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thursday, June 9, 2011 12:30 AMSubject: Re: Aha moment Liz,Thanks so much for your reply. It is nice to know that we are in the same boat. I will be thinking about you on my beach vacation. It is funny that you said that thing about how your kids are not going to remember how thin you were but that you splashed with them. I feel the same way and I have recently thought a lot about the fact that my kids see completely beyond my body. I think to myself that I should see me more like they do. It is great to have them to help me stop taking myself so seriously!Hope you have a good vacation!Best wishes,Rikke> >> >> >> > Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach> >> vacation with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some> >> weight in the last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious> >> about it.> >> >> >> > My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight> >> and I am sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I> >> was complaining and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am> >> so fat and was not thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing> >> right next to me listening. He immediately said "They are going to think you> >> are so fat!" And I thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I> >> don't want him to think of fat as a "bad" thing and I don't even really want> >> him using that word. Hearing my own words literally played back to me> >> through my son's mouth was very humbling. How I had been whining. And how he> >> must have received all kinds of messages about feeling sorry for myself and> >> fat being bad.> >> >> >> > So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also> >> brought on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way> >> that I do now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when> >> we went to the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only> >> theoretically before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size> >> of my body but it is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk> >> about it to myself. And all of that has really remained the same for me for> >> all my life regardless of the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the> >> lesson that changing my body is not the issue here.> >> >> >> > I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to> >> the beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks.> >> Still, I would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits> >> high on a vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with> >> people who are very body conscious. Thanks so much!> >> >> >> > All the best,> >> > Eliana> >> >> >>> >>> > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.