Greed or survival?

[Guest guest]

I have never known severe unintentional hunger (true starvation caused by

poverty or abuse for example), yet I've observed that my attitude toward food is

sometimes panicked and aggressively needy/greedy. I need and want as much as

possible, and I don't want others to get more than me, or for me to be left out

of the food experience. If food is offered then I want some, regardless of my

physical hunger. I feel things are very unjust when I'm not offered as much as

everyone else (intentionally or accidentally) and I prefer to allows take as

much as possible – allowing the available quantitiy by my satiation measure and

not my internal cue- i.e. I eat the whole pan of brownies or the whole box of

cereal. It's hard to start something and not finish it. I also struggle to with

waste- I never leave anything on my plate and I've often been nick-named " the

human disposal " because I will finish everything. My stress toward food- getting

enough, constantly filling up `just in case', and my greedy attitude (I want it

so therefore I get it…It's hard for me to share and be conscious of others when

food is involved, even though I consider myself a kind, compassionate and giving

person in other aspects of my life.)

I feel very ashamed of this attitude and many times I take food- even sneak it.

And always when I'm not hungry. I don't feel ashamed of eating when I have true

physical hunger. But when I'm eating for emotional reasons I want to hide my

behavior and acquire as much food as I can " get away with " – last night I stayed

at a friends house and I found all her biscuits and ate just enough from each

container so she wouldn't notice…I'm horrified after I've finished/the next day

and terrified that she will figure out what I've done.

But what is this attitude all about? I have always been well provided for, and

certainly never been in real want of food. But why does this seem like a

survival instinct gone wild- Or could it be simple greed ?