Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 I haven't weighed myself in 2-3 months or more(can't even remember) and I wouldn't even let the doctor weigh me. The only way I can tell if my weight is going up or down is by the fit of my clothes and I did have to go up a size. But for me this is not primarily about the weight, It's about so much more. It's not about looking good but feeling good and improving my health, especially emotional, psychological, physical, the whole package. I find I have more time too and have been able to work on my r=creative endeavors, like art, poetry, story telling and volunteer work. I do find that if I have too much time I will be eating even when I am not hungry, filling a void with food. That's one I will have to work on. Well got to go. My stomach just growled and it let me know I am hungry. The life long diet mentality is hard to get rid of and it won't happen over night. This is a process. Sandy Good morning everyone! As I go through this process of giving up dieting, I realize how much free time I have because I am not thinking about points, when I can eat, what I should eat, nor am I reading every single article on diet and weight loss that comes in all the magazines. That leaves a lot of time on my hands and somewhat a feeling of loss. This is a habit I have had for 40 years and now I am trying to give it up. It is hard to give up the food police and all the rules and trust in yourself and your God given ability to know when you are hungry and what your body needs. I went for about 4 weeks and maintained my weight; then I was hospitalized and had to cancel a trip abroad due to my health and that was all stressful not to mention it happened a week before Easter and all the candy, etc. - and I gained 4 lbs. comforting myself with food. Those lbs. are not going away and I am very concerned that the scale will continue to go up instead of down. This concern is making me think, for the millionth time, about going on some diet . . . . if I could only be thin, I need something else to be in control, yada yada yada . . . . . I so want to stop this destructive pattern. Any words of wisdom? Thanks. Debra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the " big picture " and it will help you go far. Best Wishes,Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 Hey Debra!You know, I have a feminist perspective on this. How many women keep ourselves down by self-attacking through diet, hating our bodies, hating the way we look. What could we accomplish if we loved ourselves and broke out of the diet rut? What amazing things could we do? It would be wondrous!!!We women are taught NOT to trust our bodies, that we are somehow "too much" or take up "too much space" in this world. No more!!!Hugs and blessings to you...and remind yourself that you can take up all the space you want. Good morning everyone! As I go through this process of giving up dieting, I realize how much free time I have because I am not thinking about points, when I can eat, what I should eat, nor am I reading every single article on diet and weight loss that comes in all the magazines. That leaves a lot of time on my hands and somewhat a feeling of loss. This is a habit I have had for 40 years and now I am trying to give it up. It is hard to give up the food police and all the rules and trust in yourself and your God given ability to know when you are hungry and what your body needs. I went for about 4 weeks and maintained my weight; then I was hospitalized and had to cancel a trip abroad due to my health and that was all stressful not to mention it happened a week before Easter and all the candy, etc. - and I gained 4 lbs. comforting myself with food. Those lbs. are not going away and I am very concerned that the scale will continue to go up instead of down. This concern is making me think, for the millionth time, about going on some diet . . . . if I could only be thin, I need something else to be in control, yada yada yada . . . . . I so want to stop this destructive pattern. Any words of wisdom? Thanks. Debra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 I've heard this said so many times here but what I don't here is "how". How do you forget about your weight when it's affecting your entire life? How do you accept that gainijng even more weight is a good thing? What steps do you take to start accepting something that makes you sick, both physically and emotionally? How do you learn to counteract that? Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 Well, I started by moving more. When I started moving more and I started feeling better, the weight really stopped mattering.Subject: Re: a lot of free timeTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 7:22 PM I've heard this said so many times here but what I don't here is "how". How do you forget about your weight when it's affecting your entire life? How do you accept that gainijng even more weight is a good thing? What steps do you take to start accepting something that makes you sick, both physically and emotionally? How do you learn to counteract that? Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 Thank you all for your kind words and support. The pattern I have had with dieting, since age 13, is that I lose the weight and then I gain 5 lbs a year and when I am 20+ lbs. I start another diet. This is the pattern I so much want to stop. So, it isn't all about the weight, but it is part of it. I know that I need to exercise more and not confuse my "head" hunger with my stomach growling. I also realize that this is a process and it is hard to break a life long habit in just a couple of weeks. I am enjoying eating and not counting grams and calories in my head or reading food labels all the time - yahoo! To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2011 11:12 AMSubject: Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place. I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 Sunny- I think, or at least for me. The movement made me feel so much better that the weight didn't matter as much. Yeah, there are often things we can't do because of weight. I have a bad knee, I'd LOVE to run, but my knee won't allow it. It does let me bike though, it lets me dance. I don't know that my once a week ballet class has ever caused me to lose an ounce, but I do know that the stretching and just moving, even though some weeks, I hardly sweat, leaves me feeling invigorated and pleased. Part of it's chemical with the movement causing positive changes in body chemicals, and part of it's mental. I know that I've done something good for me. All of that said, I have to go sit down. I still have to go shopping tonight, but, my knee hurts. ;)Dawn R.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, May 24, 2011 6:32:00 PMSubject: Re: a lot of free time are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place. I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 For me maybe it's not that the weight doesn't matter, but that it doesn't matter the most big there's a list of things I want out of IE (freedom, confidence, healthy body image, good health in general), weight falls beneath all those things. For me, if it doesn't it takes over, becomes the driving factor and sets me up for failure. I hope that helps. - Casey-- Sent from my iPhone Sunny- I think, or at least for me. The movement made me feel so much better that the weight didn't matter as much. Yeah, there are often things we can't do because of weight. I have a bad knee, I'd LOVE to run, but my knee won't allow it. It does let me bike though, it lets me dance. I don't know that my once a week ballet class has ever caused me to lose an ounce, but I do know that the stretching and just moving, even though some weeks, I hardly sweat, leaves me feeling invigorated and pleased. Part of it's chemical with the movement causing positive changes in body chemicals, and part of it's mental. I know that I've done something good for me. All of that said, I have to go sit down. I still have to go shopping tonight, but, my knee hurts. ;)Dawn R.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, May 24, 2011 6:32:00 PMSubject: Re: a lot of free time are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place. I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 For me maybe it's not that the weight doesn't matter, but that it doesn't matter the most big there's a list of things I want out of IE (freedom, confidence, healthy body image, good health in general), weight falls beneath all those things. For me, if it doesn't it takes over, becomes the driving factor and sets me up for failure. I hope that helps. - Casey-- Sent from my iPhone Sunny- I think, or at least for me. The movement made me feel so much better that the weight didn't matter as much. Yeah, there are often things we can't do because of weight. I have a bad knee, I'd LOVE to run, but my knee won't allow it. It does let me bike though, it lets me dance. I don't know that my once a week ballet class has ever caused me to lose an ounce, but I do know that the stretching and just moving, even though some weeks, I hardly sweat, leaves me feeling invigorated and pleased. Part of it's chemical with the movement causing positive changes in body chemicals, and part of it's mental. I know that I've done something good for me. All of that said, I have to go sit down. I still have to go shopping tonight, but, my knee hurts. ;)Dawn R.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, May 24, 2011 6:32:00 PMSubject: Re: a lot of free time are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place. I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the "big picture" and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 :: are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? ::I have no idea if my weight has changed. I threw out my scale. My clothes fit like they always have. Those two things would seem to indicate that I haven't lost any weight.::Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place.::Oh, I get that. I know that there are people who have more physical limitations than I do, and I know people have physical limitations because of weight. But I still honestly think that if you (not you, you, but universal, general you) start moving more--even if it's MINOR, SMALL movements, you start to feel better.lie Bradford weighed 1,199 lbs at her highest weight. She got down to under 300 lbs. Yes, she dieted. But she also started moving. At the start of her journey, her movement consisted of just clapping her hands. I am positive that if a 1,199 lb woman can start moving her hands, most of us can start moving in some way, too.Also, when I was my THINNEST, I blew out my knee running. I am only 30, and my knee still bothers me from time to time. I liked running, but now I walk. I just can't run. Even if I were 80 lbs smaller, I couldn't run. And I do the belly dancing--it's low-impact and the studio embraces all women.The thing is, once I started moving in one way, I started getting more interested in more movement. Walking first, then stretching, then dancing. I've added in weight training--when I feel like it, I don't keep a schedule--and hiking. It feels good.:: I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. ::I understand what you're saying. When I first read INTUITIVE EATING, I thought in the back of my mind, "Sure, I'll give up dieting, but this book better make me lose weight!"But somewhere along the way (and I still think for me, it was after I started moving), the weight really didn't matter. I am smart, and I'm good at my job. Today a coworker told me I was funny. I have hobbies I enjoy, such as cross-stitching, studying Korean, and photography. My weight doesn't affect any of those things. Now, I do have to tell you--I am living with my mother-in-law (but without my husband) for five weeks this summer. My mother-in-law is Korean and she doesn't speak English. Koreans will tell you you're fat and it's considered entirely appropriate. I am, on the one hand, dreading hearing it nonstop. On the other hand, I am preparing myself to sass back to the woman because I am NOT Korean, and I am willing to sass back to her. I know that the weight will be a very small part of what we talk about, but I'm still dreading it. It's not like my weight doesn't matter to me at times--it's just that my weight now matters to me much, much less than it did before I started IE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Imagine if women used the energy we spend on dieting etc. to solve world hunger. I believe it's important to feel the loss but also add something meaningful to your new life Foggy > > Good morning everyone! > > As I go through this process of giving up dieting, I realize how much free time I have because I am not thinking about points, when I can eat, what I should eat, nor am I reading every single article on diet and weight loss that comes in all the magazines. That leaves a lot of time on my hands and somewhat a feeling of loss. This is a habit I have had for 40 years and now I am trying to give it up. > > It is hard to give up the food police and all the rules and trust in yourself and your God given ability to know when you are hungry and what your body needs. I went for about 4 weeks and maintained my weight; then I was hospitalized and had to cancel a trip abroad due to my health and that was all stressful not to mention it happened a week before Easter and all the candy, etc. - and I gained 4 lbs. comforting myself with food. Those lbs. are not going away and I am very concerned that the scale will continue to go up instead of down. This concern is making me think, for the millionth time, about going on some diet . . . . if I could only be thin, I need something else to be in control, yada yada yada . . . . . I so want to stop this destructive pattern. > > Any words of wisdom? Thanks. > Debra > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 I can really relate to what you're saying . Putting weight issues to the side in favor of just feeling good about your body, your movement, and your relationship with food is a real goal for me. I have the same "issue" with my Korean MIL (I am also not Korean). I remember once a few years ago, she told me in front of the whole family that I needed to "control my weight" before it got out of control (I was 5'5" and about 140 pounds at the time). Although I did not show it, it stung. She was saying that my weight made me less worthy of a person and that I needed correction and scolding. Why wouldn't diet mentality be rampant when this is the attitude that pervades most of our culture? Anyway, just wanted to identify with you. Mimi Subject: Re: a lot of free timeTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 9:51 PM :: are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? ::I have no idea if my weight has changed. I threw out my scale. My clothes fit like they always have. Those two things would seem to indicate that I haven't lost any weight.::Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place.::Oh, I get that. I know that there are people who have more physical limitations than I do, and I know people have physical limitations because of weight. But I still honestly think that if you (not you, you, but universal, general you) start moving more--even if it's MINOR, SMALL movements, you start to feel better.lie Bradford weighed 1,199 lbs at her highest weight. She got down to under 300 lbs. Yes, she dieted. But she also started moving. At the start of her journey, her movement consisted of just clapping her hands. I am positive that if a 1,199 lb woman can start moving her hands, most of us can start moving in some way, too.Also, when I was my THINNEST, I blew out my knee running. I am only 30, and my knee still bothers me from time to time. I liked running, but now I walk. I just can't run. Even if I were 80 lbs smaller, I couldn't run. And I do the belly dancing--it's low-impact and the studio embraces all women.The thing is, once I started moving in one way, I started getting more interested in more movement. Walking first, then stretching, then dancing. I've added in weight training--when I feel like it, I don't keep a schedule--and hiking. It feels good.:: I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. ::I understand what you're saying. When I first read INTUITIVE EATING, I thought in the back of my mind, "Sure, I'll give up dieting, but this book better make me lose weight!"But somewhere along the way (and I still think for me, it was after I started moving), the weight really didn't matter. I am smart, and I'm good at my job. Today a coworker told me I was funny. I have hobbies I enjoy, such as cross-stitching, studying Korean, and photography. My weight doesn't affect any of those things. Now, I do have to tell you--I am living with my mother-in-law (but without my husband) for five weeks this summer. My mother-in-law is Korean and she doesn't speak English. Koreans will tell you you're fat and it's considered entirely appropriate. I am, on the one hand, dreading hearing it nonstop. On the other hand, I am preparing myself to sass back to the woman because I am NOT Korean, and I am willing to sass back to her. I know that the weight will be a very small part of what we talk about, but I'm still dreading it. It's not like my weight doesn't matter to me at times--it's just that my weight now matters to me much, much less than it did before I started IE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 I can relate to what you say about it being difficult to release control and trust. I tend to be very controlling and I like things to go my way and according to my time line...and when things don't fall into play the way I would like i get very stressed and turn to food...alas I too have found unwanted pounds during times of trying circumstances and more-so just through lifes dailing stresses. It is so hard to remember that this is a process and I'm developing. I so want to drop all the unwanted pounds immediately! especially wiht summer here! But crash dieting has not helped my life and as long as I keep breathing and taking one day at a time I don't jump on any new bandwagons. keep on the journey > > Good morning everyone! > > As I go through this process of giving up dieting, I realize how much free time I have because I am not thinking about points, when I can eat, what I should eat, nor am I reading every single article on diet and weight loss that comes in all the magazines. That leaves a lot of time on my hands and somewhat a feeling of loss. This is a habit I have had for 40 years and now I am trying to give it up. > > It is hard to give up the food police and all the rules and trust in yourself and your God given ability to know when you are hungry and what your body needs. I went for about 4 weeks and maintained my weight; then I was hospitalized and had to cancel a trip abroad due to my health and that was all stressful not to mention it happened a week before Easter and all the candy, etc. - and I gained 4 lbs. comforting myself with food. Those lbs. are not going away and I am very concerned that the scale will continue to go up instead of down. This concern is making me think, for the millionth time, about going on some diet . . . . if I could only be thin, I need something else to be in control, yada yada yada . . . . . I so want to stop this destructive pattern. > > Any words of wisdom? Thanks. > Debra > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 I feel for the two women who spoke of their Korean mom's scolding. My own mother and grandmother used to do the same to me. It feels awful. I have a new relationship with my mother but I will say she figured it out when I gained a lot of weight int unhappy marriage. It doesn't help or work to scold. Now she says nothing and she knows that the best way to help me is to be supportive in my happiness. I would ask both of you what your husbands say about this?Patti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 That was a terribly insensitive and inappropriate thing to say to you. I have a short comeback for times like that and it is to say in a powerful voice... " EXCUSE ME? " Not angry or vindictive but forceful with as if it almost is a question. Sandy I can really relate to what you're saying . Putting weight issues to the side in favor of just feeling good about your body, your movement, and your relationship with food is a real goal for me. I have the same " issue " with my Korean MIL (I am also not Korean). I remember once a few years ago, she told me in front of the whole family that I needed to " control my weight " before it got out of control (I was 5'5 " and about 140 pounds at the time). Although I did not show it, it stung. She was saying that my weight made me less worthy of a person and that I needed correction and scolding. Why wouldn't diet mentality be rampant when this is the attitude that pervades most of our culture? Anyway, just wanted to identify with you. Mimi Subject: Re: a lot of free time To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 9:51 PM :: are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? ::I have no idea if my weight has changed. I threw out my scale. My clothes fit like they always have. Those two things would seem to indicate that I haven't lost any weight. ::Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place. ::Oh, I get that. I know that there are people who have more physical limitations than I do, and I know people have physical limitations because of weight. But I still honestly think that if you (not you, you, but universal, general you) start moving more--even if it's MINOR, SMALL movements, you start to feel better.lie Bradford weighed 1,199 lbs at her highest weight. She got down to under 300 lbs. Yes, she dieted. But she also started moving. At the start of her journey, her movement consisted of just clapping her hands. I am positive that if a 1,199 lb woman can start moving her hands, most of us can start moving in some way, too. Also, when I was my THINNEST, I blew out my knee running. I am only 30, and my knee still bothers me from time to time. I liked running, but now I walk. I just can't run. Even if I were 80 lbs smaller, I couldn't run. And I do the belly dancing--it's low-impact and the studio embraces all women. The thing is, once I started moving in one way, I started getting more interested in more movement. Walking first, then stretching, then dancing. I've added in weight training--when I feel like it, I don't keep a schedule--and hiking. It feels good.:: I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. ::I understand what you're saying. When I first read INTUITIVE EATING, I thought in the back of my mind, " Sure, I'll give up dieting, but this book better make me lose weight! " But somewhere along the way (and I still think for me, it was after I started moving), the weight really didn't matter. I am smart, and I'm good at my job. Today a coworker told me I was funny. I have hobbies I enjoy, such as cross-stitching, studying Korean, and photography. My weight doesn't affect any of those things. Now, I do have to tell you--I am living with my mother-in-law (but without my husband) for five weeks this summer. My mother-in-law is Korean and she doesn't speak English. Koreans will tell you you're fat and it's considered entirely appropriate. I am, on the one hand, dreading hearing it nonstop. On the other hand, I am preparing myself to sass back to the woman because I am NOT Korean, and I am willing to sass back to her. I know that the weight will be a very small part of what we talk about, but I'm still dreading it. It's not like my weight doesn't matter to me at times--it's just that my weight now matters to me much, much less than it did before I started IE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Hi Sunny, I asked a similar question a few months ago. I was hoping people would post tips on how they had turned their self image around and stopped obsessing about their weight. I didn't get that many responses, so I started searching elsewhere. I started looking at fat acceptance blogs and blogs that feature fashion on real sized women (often everyday women who take pictures of their real life outfits and give fashion advice). I started looking up classical paintings with beautiful, round, nude women. I started looking at real women around me and asking myself what I found beautiful about them, and I quickly discovered I can easily see the beauty in other women who are not super thin. When I had done that, and I realized I could embrace beauty in the absence of thin-ness, then I got serious. I made a pact with myself to never again say negative things about my body. When I started thinking negative thoughts, I told myself that was language I do not allow in my life. I replaced it with kind, loving language, even compliments when I could. Finally, I put up the scale. I was convinced I could follow IE and still weigh myself, but it didn't take long to realize that, for me, binging was very much related to weighing myself. Whether the scale went up or down, just stepping on the darn thing put me back in diet thinking. For me, IE started working when I let go of the need to lose weight. Not the desire to lose weight, just the feeling that I NEED to lose weight. I would still like to lose weight, but giving myself permission to never lose another pound was very freeing. I don't know if any of this helps you, but those are some of the ways that I shifted from a weight loss focus to a more positive way of viewing my body apart from the focus on weight. -Liz > > > I've heard this said so many times here but what I don't here is " how " . How do you forget about your weight when it's affecting your entire life? How do you accept that gainijng even more weight is a good thing? What steps do you take to start accepting something that makes you sick, both physically and emotionally? How do you learn to counteract that? > > Sunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Liz - I find all of your tips and thoughts to be so helpful! They reminded me of a video I saw recently comparing the images we see in modern media to the ideal of beauty represented in classical art. It's very inspiring (and troubling, to feel the comparison to images we're baragged with today), but please beware that some of those images might be triggering, so please don't watch if you worry it might make you feel badly. But I thought it was amazing: http://vimeo.com/8258013 - Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Sunny,I wanted to respond to what you said, even thought it was a few comments back, now.Of course weight matters. Especially when it holds you back from doing the things you want to do. Someone else mentioned having a hurt knee, and that it holds her back from doing the things she wants to do sometimes, like go running (even though she has found substitutes that she likes)... and of COURSE this is frustrating, to have a bum knee. but if you had a hurt knee, you wouldn't beat yourself up about it. you'd be frustrated, yes, but you wouldn't take it as evidence of your failures as a human being. If you had things about your appearance that you didn't like, say thin hair, or acne, you might be frustrated and annoyed by it, but you wouldn't take it as personal failure. You would say, " gee, that's a bummer. It sucks that I have thin hair. " you might say, " you know, i want to try this new acne medicine. maybe it would help. " but i don't think you would hate yourself for having thin hair, acne, or a bad knee. you would think it was bad luck, or genes, or whatever, and you would do what you could to fix the problem. unfortunately, i don't know any of us on the IE forum that can look at our weight that dispassionately. if we could, it would be easy to say, " well, i'm going to stop eating when i'm not hungry. i'm going to eat consciously all the time. i will sit with my emotions, and not bury them with food. that way, my body will find its natural weight. " i think many of us work on this goal, but it's HARD. and the hard part is facing those emotions, not the eating, not really.and hating our bodies, and obsessing about how fat we are... that only makes the problem worse. it makes the emotions that much more painful, and we want to bury them that much more. it's also a distraction from the painful emotions that got us into emotional eating in the first place. so i think the belief here is that by bringing our emotions into the light, by promising to love ourselves now (our physical self as well as our emotional self), and FORGIVING ourselves for our imperfections, we can work on getting emotionally healthy. and by doing this, by focusing on our emotions, our bodies will get healthier too. but that this can't happen as long as we are focusing so much hurtful, angry attention at any part of our own selves, physical body included. i hope this helps a little. getting to this place of understanding has taken me a LOOOONG time. and i still have slip-ups. best, abbyIE since 11/08 are you saying it stopped mattering because the weight began dropping or it didn't bother you enough physically to matter? Some of us have things we can't do because of our weight and so it physically matters no matter how many fairy stories I tell myself about how it doesn't or shouldn't matter, how it's not about the weight. In reality it is about many things combined to make the problems we have as individuals that brought us to IE in the first place. I do appreciate your answer though. It's so much better to hear what actually has been tried and worked for someone. We all know everyone is different and what works for one may not be acceptable to another. But still, it's something to think about and maybe come up with a way it could work for us. I have to just say nothing is more frustrating to me when I hear platitudes about how weight doesn't matter. It's like denying my feelings, my very self. Giving me something I can work with, or give some serious thought to helping change my issues is much more helpful. Sunny Re: a lot of free time I'm sorry for your struggle Debra! I have definitely been there, and can only encourage you to step away from the scale and try not to focus on your weight. I still have a hard time doing this, but found it very gratifying in the past to realize how much I did focus on my weight and then start learning to counteract that. I had a big aha moment where I realized I was hoping that the number one thing people would notice about me was my figure. Not my brains or sense of humor or kindness. This really helped me realize how much thoughts and anxiety about weight took up my day and hindered my IE progress. It can be hard but you really need to focus on the " big picture " and it will help you go far. Best Wishes, Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 ps if you haven't read it, I HIGHLY recommend Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth.she has a chapter in it called " It's Not About the Weight, But It's Not Not About the Weight " that I think would be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 26, 2011 Report Share Posted May 26, 2011 Casey, I love the video! Thanks for sharing it! -Liz > > Liz - > > I find all of your tips and thoughts to be so helpful! They reminded me of a > video I saw recently comparing the images we see in modern media to the > ideal of beauty represented in classical art. It's very inspiring (and > troubling, to feel the comparison to images we're baragged with today), but > please beware that some of those images might be triggering, so please don't > watch if you worry it might make you feel badly. But I thought it was > amazing: http://vimeo.com/8258013 > > - Casey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2011 Report Share Posted May 29, 2011 you're a musician? I'm impressed. That's a powerful body-brain-beauty connection that many of us don't have. I hope it brings you much delight! Foggy > > Thanks, Liz, for your wonderful post. > > When I read that you vowed never to self-attack your body again, I > decided to do the same. I decided that for one year I will not > say negative things about my body. That I can always go BACK to self- > attack if I so choose....it can always be there waiting for me, but > that for now I'm not going to accept it. It's not allowed in my life. > > I do have thin hair, and I do blame myself (as someone mentioned thin > hair in a post.) Because of my pcos, which I've always blamed on my > weight. So I've been one who has self-attacked on anything and > everything I can handle. No more!!! > > For me, doing it for just a year, just like not weighing myself in > 2011, is a great practice in letting go. Self-attack can always be > reversed. It can! So...there we have it. > > My body has been very good to me. It's taken me from point A to > point B on a regular basis. It digests food, gives me strength, > allows me to be a musician. My brain is good. Why in the world sit > around and self-attack those little things that are lumpy or bumpy? > forget that!!! > > Thanks again, Liz. > > Cheers, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 Somehow I missed the post on adstaining from negative self talk- but I'm on board all the same! I have used " scolding " myself as a means to stay in line, but it has not gotten me very far or made me enjoy life more. , I like what you said about giving this a- go because negative self abuse/talk is always there if we want to readopt it...but I certainly hope I don't! It is a struggle to even be aware of all the negative thoughts that cross my mind! When I'm consciously trying to become aware and positive I realize that i'm very hard on myself and I treat myself worse than strangers and certainly worse than friends! I think not participating in self abuse will take a lot of self love and kindness- I think I need to be my own best friend for once > > > > Thanks, Liz, for your wonderful post. > > > > When I read that you vowed never to self-attack your body again, I > > decided to do the same. I decided that for one year I will not > > say negative things about my body. That I can always go BACK to self- > > attack if I so choose....it can always be there waiting for me, but > > that for now I'm not going to accept it. It's not allowed in my life. > > > > I do have thin hair, and I do blame myself (as someone mentioned thin > > hair in a post.) Because of my pcos, which I've always blamed on my > > weight. So I've been one who has self-attacked on anything and > > everything I can handle. No more!!! > > > > For me, doing it for just a year, just like not weighing myself in > > 2011, is a great practice in letting go. Self-attack can always be > > reversed. It can! So...there we have it. > > > > My body has been very good to me. It's taken me from point A to > > point B on a regular basis. It digests food, gives me strength, > > allows me to be a musician. My brain is good. Why in the world sit > > around and self-attack those little things that are lumpy or bumpy? > > forget that!!! > > > > Thanks again, Liz. > > > > Cheers, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 No scolding!! Would you scold me? Compassion for self! No self-judgment. hugs foggy > > > > > > Thanks, Liz, for your wonderful post. > > > > > > When I read that you vowed never to self-attack your body again, I > > > decided to do the same. I decided that for one year I will not > > > say negative things about my body. That I can always go BACK to self- > > > attack if I so choose....it can always be there waiting for me, but > > > that for now I'm not going to accept it. It's not allowed in my life. > > > > > > I do have thin hair, and I do blame myself (as someone mentioned thin > > > hair in a post.) Because of my pcos, which I've always blamed on my > > > weight. So I've been one who has self-attacked on anything and > > > everything I can handle. No more!!! > > > > > > For me, doing it for just a year, just like not weighing myself in > > > 2011, is a great practice in letting go. Self-attack can always be > > > reversed. It can! So...there we have it. > > > > > > My body has been very good to me. It's taken me from point A to > > > point B on a regular basis. It digests food, gives me strength, > > > allows me to be a musician. My brain is good. Why in the world sit > > > around and self-attack those little things that are lumpy or bumpy? > > > forget that!!! > > > > > > Thanks again, Liz. > > > > > > Cheers, > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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