Aha moment

[Guest guest]

Today I was not feeling great about my body. We are going on a beach vacation

with my husband's family in three weeks and I have gained some weight in the

last year since I had my second son and feel self-conscious about it.

My sister- and mother-in-law are both pretty invested in their weight and I am

sure they will notice that I have not lost the baby weight. So I was complaining

and saying to my husband that they are going to think I am so fat and was not

thinking about the fact that my 4 year old was standing right next to me

listening. He immediately said " They are going to think you are so fat! " And I

thought, wow! that is not how I want my kid to talk. I don't want him to think

of fat as a " bad " thing and I don't even really want him using that word.

Hearing my own words literally played back to me through my son's mouth was very

humbling. How I had been whining. And how he must have received all kinds of

messages about feeling sorry for myself and fat being bad.

So, I resolved to not talk like that in front of him again. But it also brought

on a whole other set of thoughts about how I felt the exact same way that I do

now about my body two years ago before my second son was born when we went to

the beach. And I realized something, which I had realized only theoretically

before, but which I really GOT today. It is not about the size of my body but it

is about how I see it, what I focus on and how I talk about it to myself. And

all of that has really remained the same for me for all my life regardless of

the actual size of my body. So, I really GOT the lesson that changing my body is

not the issue here.

I feel really good about my progress in this regard and I plan to go to the

beach and wear my bathing suit and to hell with what anyone thinks. Still, I

would appreciate any suggestions anybody has for keeping my spirits high on a

vacation where a lot of time is spent practically naked with people who are very

body conscious. Thanks so much!

All the best,

Eliana