Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

[Guest guest]

-Ilene;

I'm wondering if you would be willing to connect, one on one. I am a former OA'er, and still need some structure, but would like to have someone to talk to about it.

651 462-4671

To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: go_laura@...Date: Wed, 8 Jun 2011 13:56:38 +0000Subject: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Hi,Another thought (tho' I really like what Abby said too) - I wonder if something that could work for you and your friend that could be a "win-win", would be to share your feelings as Abby suggested but could it maybe work for you to suggest she talk about how the twelve steps and other 8 tools of OA work for her but not her food plan part of it or her focus on weight (the latter doesn't sound like "official OA" to me, it sounds like an individual's preference/choice)? Maybe that part wouldn't trigger you? If it would, then just ignore that suggestion and the rest of this post :-) ! Because indeed you need to find a way to respect yourself as well as her.But if it does resonate at all...you and she might be interested to know there is a yahoo board for a non-dieting approach to OA. It's for those of us who want to blend IE with OA. There actually doesn't need to be a contradiction between the two. In OA, the only officially endorsed definition of "abstinence" is to "refrain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors." For me, that fits with IE. If I eat when I'm hungry and stop when satisfied, then I'm not eating compulsively.One of the tools of OA (one among 9) is a "plan of eating." Yes, for many individuals that gets defined by various restrictions. But it doesn't have to, and there ARE OA'ers (granted, a minority of us) whose plan of eating is IE. Or some blend (which is how I think of myself, since my body's messages are that I feel healthier both physically and mentally when I have some loving structure about my food rather than grazing all day long). The steps and the tools of OA have nothing to do with food, they are spiritual tools to help us with daily living, and for me they help me greatly with some of the issues others have discussed here lately, such as eating out of an emotional "never enough" feeling or "fear of deprivation" feeling. I'm trying to blend the best of both worlds, but I realize that's my individual choice and not for everyone. I am very grateful to those both on this board and others, who don't judge me for my choice and just allow me to continue to experiment with my path to find what's right for my unique blend of mind/body/spirit needs. It helps tremendously to have that kind of acceptance and I hope you and your friend can find ways to give that to each other without either of you trying to convince each other or in any way make the other feel judged or wrong for your choices.> >> >>> >>> >> Hello Everyone!> >>> >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.> >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of> >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I> >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing back> >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted> >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend,> >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA> >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations> >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate> >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment> >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled with> >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not> >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet> >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and> >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight> >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger anyone,> >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might> >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as> >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my> >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea> >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me> >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything> >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think> >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of> >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not> >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am> >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends,> >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?> >>> >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!> >>> >> C> >>> >> > >>>

[Guest guest]

Hi! Thank you so much for your post. I think you made a lot of incredible points. I suppose the "abstinence" part of OA from what I've been told at meetings and my friend has always been framed around those foods that need to be eliminated so as to begin recovery. I had never heard, or thought of, IE as being the plan to follow. I appreciate your insight and wisdom into this as I've seen many people have positive responses with the 12 Step Tradition (both professionally, family members, and friends). I also, however, had gone to a few meetings that felt very shame-based, and this was due in major part to the participants' struggles. I may have been quick to judge my experiences as encompassing the whole-which isn't exactly fair. Yes, as far as my friend goes, we are very

supportive and loving of each other. So, I had some sadness that our paths seemed to diverge, but you are right and I try to tell myself this often: what works for me isn't going to necessarily work for others and vice versa. My personal hurdle is that I have not lost weight and am trying to accept IE as a process that may or may not result in tremendous weight loss (when I do go the place of thinking of losing weight, IE turns into a diet for me), and my friend's OA process has resulted in a major loss of weight (almost 70 lbs). I'm happy if she's happy, and I feel like I don't have any proof that IE works! Which is not true because my comfort and ease around food and even more compassion I've been able to extend to my body have been huge accomplishments to me. I tell her this, but as I become more comfortable with myself, eating, and my body, I believe I'll be able to open up to her more fully. I'm going to start reading When Woman Stop Hating Their

Bodies soon. My acceptance or non-acceptance with my body is a huge piece of my IE process. Once again, thank you so much for your response. It's given me a new way to contextualize things!CTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wed, June 8, 2011 7:56:38 AMSubject: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself Hi, Another thought (tho' I really like what Abby said too) - I wonder if something that could work for you and your friend that could be a "win-win", would be to share your feelings as Abby suggested but could it maybe work for you to suggest she talk about how the twelve steps and other 8 tools of OA work for her but not her food plan part of it or her focus on weight (the latter doesn't sound like "official OA" to me, it sounds like an individual's preference/choice)? Maybe that part wouldn't trigger you? If it would, then just ignore that suggestion and the rest of this post :-) ! Because indeed you need to find a way to respect yourself as well as her. But if it does resonate at all...you and she might be interested to know there

is a yahoo board for a non-dieting approach to OA. It's for those of us who want to blend IE with OA. There actually doesn't need to be a contradiction between the two. In OA, the only officially endorsed definition of "abstinence" is to "refrain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors." For me, that fits with IE. If I eat when I'm hungry and stop when satisfied, then I'm not eating compulsively. One of the tools of OA (one among 9) is a "plan of eating." Yes, for many individuals that gets defined by various restrictions. But it doesn't have to, and there ARE OA'ers (granted, a minority of us) whose plan of eating is IE. Or some blend (which is how I think of myself, since my body's messages are that I feel healthier both physically and mentally when I have some loving structure about my food rather than grazing all day long). The steps and the tools of OA have nothing to do with food, they are spiritual tools

to help us with daily living, and for me they help me greatly with some of the issues others have discussed here lately, such as eating out of an emotional "never enough" feeling or "fear of deprivation" feeling. I'm trying to blend the best of both worlds, but I realize that's my individual choice and not for everyone. I am very grateful to those both on this board and others, who don't judge me for my choice and just allow me to continue to experiment with my path to find what's right for my unique blend of mind/body/spirit needs. It helps tremendously to have that kind of acceptance and I hope you and your friend can find ways to give that to each other without either of you trying to convince each other or in any way make the other feel judged or wrong for your choices. > > > >> > >> > >> Hello Everyone! > >> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school. > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

> >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing back > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend, > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled with > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not > >> see/believe in

any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger anyone, > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything > >> my body had to say about

anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends, > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas? > >> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community! > >> > >> C > >> > >> > >> >

[Guest guest]

Hi! Thank you so much for your post. I think you made a lot of incredible points. I suppose the "abstinence" part of OA from what I've been told at meetings and my friend has always been framed around those foods that need to be eliminated so as to begin recovery. I had never heard, or thought of, IE as being the plan to follow. I appreciate your insight and wisdom into this as I've seen many people have positive responses with the 12 Step Tradition (both professionally, family members, and friends). I also, however, had gone to a few meetings that felt very shame-based, and this was due in major part to the participants' struggles. I may have been quick to judge my experiences as encompassing the whole-which isn't exactly fair. Yes, as far as my friend goes, we are very

supportive and loving of each other. So, I had some sadness that our paths seemed to diverge, but you are right and I try to tell myself this often: what works for me isn't going to necessarily work for others and vice versa. My personal hurdle is that I have not lost weight and am trying to accept IE as a process that may or may not result in tremendous weight loss (when I do go the place of thinking of losing weight, IE turns into a diet for me), and my friend's OA process has resulted in a major loss of weight (almost 70 lbs). I'm happy if she's happy, and I feel like I don't have any proof that IE works! Which is not true because my comfort and ease around food and even more compassion I've been able to extend to my body have been huge accomplishments to me. I tell her this, but as I become more comfortable with myself, eating, and my body, I believe I'll be able to open up to her more fully. I'm going to start reading When Woman Stop Hating Their

Bodies soon. My acceptance or non-acceptance with my body is a huge piece of my IE process. Once again, thank you so much for your response. It's given me a new way to contextualize things!CTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wed, June 8, 2011 7:56:38 AMSubject: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself Hi, Another thought (tho' I really like what Abby said too) - I wonder if something that could work for you and your friend that could be a "win-win", would be to share your feelings as Abby suggested but could it maybe work for you to suggest she talk about how the twelve steps and other 8 tools of OA work for her but not her food plan part of it or her focus on weight (the latter doesn't sound like "official OA" to me, it sounds like an individual's preference/choice)? Maybe that part wouldn't trigger you? If it would, then just ignore that suggestion and the rest of this post :-) ! Because indeed you need to find a way to respect yourself as well as her. But if it does resonate at all...you and she might be interested to know there

is a yahoo board for a non-dieting approach to OA. It's for those of us who want to blend IE with OA. There actually doesn't need to be a contradiction between the two. In OA, the only officially endorsed definition of "abstinence" is to "refrain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors." For me, that fits with IE. If I eat when I'm hungry and stop when satisfied, then I'm not eating compulsively. One of the tools of OA (one among 9) is a "plan of eating." Yes, for many individuals that gets defined by various restrictions. But it doesn't have to, and there ARE OA'ers (granted, a minority of us) whose plan of eating is IE. Or some blend (which is how I think of myself, since my body's messages are that I feel healthier both physically and mentally when I have some loving structure about my food rather than grazing all day long). The steps and the tools of OA have nothing to do with food, they are spiritual tools

to help us with daily living, and for me they help me greatly with some of the issues others have discussed here lately, such as eating out of an emotional "never enough" feeling or "fear of deprivation" feeling. I'm trying to blend the best of both worlds, but I realize that's my individual choice and not for everyone. I am very grateful to those both on this board and others, who don't judge me for my choice and just allow me to continue to experiment with my path to find what's right for my unique blend of mind/body/spirit needs. It helps tremendously to have that kind of acceptance and I hope you and your friend can find ways to give that to each other without either of you trying to convince each other or in any way make the other feel judged or wrong for your choices. > > > >> > >> > >> Hello Everyone! > >> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school. > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

> >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing back > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend, > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled with > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not > >> see/believe in

any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger anyone, > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything > >> my body had to say about

anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends, > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas? > >> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community! > >> > >> C > >> > >> > >> >

[Guest guest]

Hi! Thank you so much for your post. I think you made a lot of incredible points. I suppose the "abstinence" part of OA from what I've been told at meetings and my friend has always been framed around those foods that need to be eliminated so as to begin recovery. I had never heard, or thought of, IE as being the plan to follow. I appreciate your insight and wisdom into this as I've seen many people have positive responses with the 12 Step Tradition (both professionally, family members, and friends). I also, however, had gone to a few meetings that felt very shame-based, and this was due in major part to the participants' struggles. I may have been quick to judge my experiences as encompassing the whole-which isn't exactly fair. Yes, as far as my friend goes, we are very

supportive and loving of each other. So, I had some sadness that our paths seemed to diverge, but you are right and I try to tell myself this often: what works for me isn't going to necessarily work for others and vice versa. My personal hurdle is that I have not lost weight and am trying to accept IE as a process that may or may not result in tremendous weight loss (when I do go the place of thinking of losing weight, IE turns into a diet for me), and my friend's OA process has resulted in a major loss of weight (almost 70 lbs). I'm happy if she's happy, and I feel like I don't have any proof that IE works! Which is not true because my comfort and ease around food and even more compassion I've been able to extend to my body have been huge accomplishments to me. I tell her this, but as I become more comfortable with myself, eating, and my body, I believe I'll be able to open up to her more fully. I'm going to start reading When Woman Stop Hating Their

Bodies soon. My acceptance or non-acceptance with my body is a huge piece of my IE process. Once again, thank you so much for your response. It's given me a new way to contextualize things!CTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wed, June 8, 2011 7:56:38 AMSubject: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself Hi, Another thought (tho' I really like what Abby said too) - I wonder if something that could work for you and your friend that could be a "win-win", would be to share your feelings as Abby suggested but could it maybe work for you to suggest she talk about how the twelve steps and other 8 tools of OA work for her but not her food plan part of it or her focus on weight (the latter doesn't sound like "official OA" to me, it sounds like an individual's preference/choice)? Maybe that part wouldn't trigger you? If it would, then just ignore that suggestion and the rest of this post :-) ! Because indeed you need to find a way to respect yourself as well as her. But if it does resonate at all...you and she might be interested to know there

is a yahoo board for a non-dieting approach to OA. It's for those of us who want to blend IE with OA. There actually doesn't need to be a contradiction between the two. In OA, the only officially endorsed definition of "abstinence" is to "refrain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors." For me, that fits with IE. If I eat when I'm hungry and stop when satisfied, then I'm not eating compulsively. One of the tools of OA (one among 9) is a "plan of eating." Yes, for many individuals that gets defined by various restrictions. But it doesn't have to, and there ARE OA'ers (granted, a minority of us) whose plan of eating is IE. Or some blend (which is how I think of myself, since my body's messages are that I feel healthier both physically and mentally when I have some loving structure about my food rather than grazing all day long). The steps and the tools of OA have nothing to do with food, they are spiritual tools

to help us with daily living, and for me they help me greatly with some of the issues others have discussed here lately, such as eating out of an emotional "never enough" feeling or "fear of deprivation" feeling. I'm trying to blend the best of both worlds, but I realize that's my individual choice and not for everyone. I am very grateful to those both on this board and others, who don't judge me for my choice and just allow me to continue to experiment with my path to find what's right for my unique blend of mind/body/spirit needs. It helps tremendously to have that kind of acceptance and I hope you and your friend can find ways to give that to each other without either of you trying to convince each other or in any way make the other feel judged or wrong for your choices. > > > >> > >> > >> Hello Everyone! > >> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school. > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

> >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing back > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend, > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled with > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not > >> see/believe in

any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger anyone, > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything > >> my body had to say about

anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends, > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas? > >> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community! > >> > >> C > >> > >> > >> >

[Guest guest]

Foggy,

Yes, that is a great point. It's also interesting that you say that because I came to realize that I missed having a friend to talk about weight issues with in such an honest and intimate way. We do have many other interests and we do not live anywhere near each other, so I enjoy a lot of "catch up" time in our phone calls. Yes, I will let her do it her way and let myself do it my way! I am appreciating this group on a whole new level as I realize how important it is for me to have support with this process. We do support each other, but this group provides me with support from people who are traveling the same path.

SO THANK YOU ALL!

C

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sun, June 12, 2011 9:18:18 AMSubject: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

"Proof" that it "works" is diet mentality. Taking care of yourself with love and peace is IE. Moran's book "Fit from within" has a chapter called "let others do it their way." Do you and this friend have other things in common besides the food struggle? If so, the friendship will survive, I believe, if you can find other topics. You are NOT your weight. You are all the other things you are.Foggy> > >> > >>> > >>> > >> Hello Everyone!> > >>> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing > back> > >> into being with myself without

completely overeating all the time! I wanted> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend,> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled > with> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and> > >> everything

all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger > anyone,> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of>

> >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear > friends,> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?> > >>> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!> > >>> > >> C> > >>> > >> > > >>> >>

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone.

Thank you all for the recommendations about starting IE. I do not get on the computer that much on the weekends and that is why I am responding today.

I have been reading up on this on the web and will buy a book on it as soon as I can. I can see that what I can do now is on step at a time. I have chosen to eat when I am really hungry. I have been on a diet for almost two weeks, but I feel I may fail as soon as I get emotional about something.

I feel like I have to relearn to eat, if that makes any sense. Well today is my first day of learning what true hunger is.

Betty

[Guest guest]

Hi Betty.  I found that IE messages drop off on weekends too and Holidays.  That's just fine.   One step at a time is a good beginning to anything.  Choosing to eat when you are hungry is another, but don't let yourself get ravenously hungry or you will pig out.  Most of us have to learn to deal with our emotions some way other than eating.  That's a tricky one for us emotional eaters.  Be kind to yourself and gentle.  IE is not a quick fix.   It took a lifetime to get where we are so we won't get out of it in a few weeks.  Relearning to eat again makes perfect sense.  That's what IE is all about. Sandy

 

Hello Everyone.

 

Thank you all for the recommendations about starting IE. I do not get on the computer that much on the weekends and that is why I am responding today.

 

I have been reading up on this on the web and will buy a book on it as soon as I can. I can see that what I can do now is on step at a time. I have chosen to eat when I am really hungry. I have been on a diet for almost two weeks, but I feel I may fail as soon as I get emotional about something.

 

I feel like I have to relearn to eat, if that makes any sense. Well today is my first day of learning what true hunger is.

 

Betty

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sandy, I agree that this or any other method is not going to be a quick fix. I have about 200 lbs to lose and I think it would be great if it could take me two years to lose it, but I need to think that it may take longer and to be all right with that too. This time I am thinking one day at a time.

Betty

Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Hi Betty. I found that IE messages drop off on weekends too and Holidays. That's just fine. One step at a time is a good beginning to anything. Choosing to eat when you are hungry is another, but don't let yourself get ravenously hungry or you will pig out. Most of us have to learn to deal with our emotions some way other than eating. That's a tricky one for us emotional eaters. Be kind to yourself and gentle. IE is not a quick fix. It took a lifetime to get where we are so we won't get out of it in a few weeks. Relearning to eat again makes perfect sense. That's what IE is all about. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Good for you!  I am trying to take my focus off weight loss altogether because for me that sounds too like diet.  I am trying to focus on health instead and this year since I can do so much more than last year, I am taking advantage of that each day. I go swimming, walking, bike riding, dancing, gardening, whatever I can. I think this is the route I must take.  Sandy

 

Thanks Sandy,  I agree that this or any other method is not going to be a quick fix. I have about 200 lbs to lose and I think it would be great if it could take me two years to lose it, but I need to think that it may take longer and to be all right with that too. This time I am thinking one day at a time.

 

Betty

 

 

Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

 

Hi Betty.  I found that IE messages drop off on weekends too and Holidays.  That's just fine.   One step at a time is a good beginning to anything.  Choosing to eat when you are hungry is another, but don't let yourself get ravenously hungry or you will pig out.  Most of us have to learn to deal with our emotions some way other than eating.  That's a tricky one for us emotional eaters.  Be kind to yourself and gentle.  IE is not a quick fix.   It took a lifetime to get where we are so we won't get out of it in a few weeks.  Relearning to eat again makes perfect sense.  That's what IE is all about. Sandy

 

[Guest guest]

You are welcome. :-) I'm learning as well. It's good to have someone to talk to, even if it's a group. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, June 13, 2011 4:53 AMSubject: Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Foggy,

Yes, that is a great point. It's also interesting that you say that because I came to realize that I missed having a friend to talk about weight issues with in such an honest and intimate way. We do have many other interests and we do not live anywhere near each other, so I enjoy a lot of "catch up" time in our phone calls. Yes, I will let her do it her way and let myself do it my way! I am appreciating this group on a whole new level as I realize how important it is for me to have support with this process. We do support each other, but this group provides me with support from people who are traveling the same path.

SO THANK YOU ALL!

C

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sun, June 12, 2011 9:18:18 AMSubject: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

"Proof" that it "works" is diet mentality. Taking care of yourself with love and peace is IE. Moran's book "Fit from within" has a chapter called "let others do it their way." Do you and this friend have other things in common besides the food struggle? If so, the friendship will survive, I believe, if you can find other topics. You are NOT your weight. You are all the other things you are.Foggy> > >> > >>> > >>> > >> Hello Everyone!> > >>> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing > back> > >> into being with myself without

completely overeating all the time! I wanted> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend,> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled > with> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and> > >> everything

all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger > anyone,> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of>

> >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear > friends,> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?> > >>> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!> > >>> > >> C> > >>> > >> > > >>> >>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Betty. You don't have to worry about the emotional times, setbacks will happen, and eating when you observe you are hungry is a great first step!! You're on your way. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey. By the way, when you do get upset about something, just allow yourself the opportunity to feel what you're feeling, and don't turn on yourself, if possible. Just allow yourself to feel sad, angry, or whatever. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, June 13, 2011 11:22 AMSubject: Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Hello Everyone.

Thank you all for the recommendations about starting IE. I do not get on the computer that much on the weekends and that is why I am responding today.

I have been reading up on this on the web and will buy a book on it as soon as I can. I can see that what I can do now is on step at a time. I have chosen to eat when I am really hungry. I have been on a diet for almost two weeks, but I feel I may fail as soon as I get emotional about something.

I feel like I have to relearn to eat, if that makes any sense. Well today is my first day of learning what true hunger is.

Betty

[Guest guest]

Hi, Betty. You don't have to worry about the emotional times, setbacks will happen, and eating when you observe you are hungry is a great first step!! You're on your way. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey. By the way, when you do get upset about something, just allow yourself the opportunity to feel what you're feeling, and don't turn on yourself, if possible. Just allow yourself to feel sad, angry, or whatever. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, June 13, 2011 11:22 AMSubject: Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Hello Everyone.

Thank you all for the recommendations about starting IE. I do not get on the computer that much on the weekends and that is why I am responding today.

I have been reading up on this on the web and will buy a book on it as soon as I can. I can see that what I can do now is on step at a time. I have chosen to eat when I am really hungry. I have been on a diet for almost two weeks, but I feel I may fail as soon as I get emotional about something.

I feel like I have to relearn to eat, if that makes any sense. Well today is my first day of learning what true hunger is.

Betty

[Guest guest]

Betty, I think you'll be happier if you don't give yourself a time limit. Remember, you are learning to be in tune with your physical needs (your body), and this takes a while for disregulated eaters like myself to get used to. Once you get the hang of it, it really is wonderful, you'll love it. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, June 13, 2011 2:09 PMSubject: Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Thanks Sandy, I agree that this or any other method is not going to be a quick fix. I have about 200 lbs to lose and I think it would be great if it could take me two years to lose it, but I need to think that it may take longer and to be all right with that too. This time I am thinking one day at a time.

Betty

Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Hi Betty. I found that IE messages drop off on weekends too and Holidays. That's just fine. One step at a time is a good beginning to anything. Choosing to eat when you are hungry is another, but don't let yourself get ravenously hungry or you will pig out. Most of us have to learn to deal with our emotions some way other than eating. That's a tricky one for us emotional eaters. Be kind to yourself and gentle. IE is not a quick fix. It took a lifetime to get where we are so we won't get out of it in a few weeks. Relearning to eat again makes perfect sense. That's what IE is all about. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Betty, I think you'll be happier if you don't give yourself a time limit. Remember, you are learning to be in tune with your physical needs (your body), and this takes a while for disregulated eaters like myself to get used to. Once you get the hang of it, it really is wonderful, you'll love it. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, June 13, 2011 2:09 PMSubject: Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Thanks Sandy, I agree that this or any other method is not going to be a quick fix. I have about 200 lbs to lose and I think it would be great if it could take me two years to lose it, but I need to think that it may take longer and to be all right with that too. This time I am thinking one day at a time.

Betty

Re: Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

Hi Betty. I found that IE messages drop off on weekends too and Holidays. That's just fine. One step at a time is a good beginning to anything. Choosing to eat when you are hungry is another, but don't let yourself get ravenously hungry or you will pig out. Most of us have to learn to deal with our emotions some way other than eating. That's a tricky one for us emotional eaters. Be kind to yourself and gentle. IE is not a quick fix. It took a lifetime to get where we are so we won't get out of it in a few weeks. Relearning to eat again makes perfect sense. That's what IE is all about. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Just opened my email, 110000 unread messages, thank you facebook, but these were the best!