Re: Supporting a Friend vs Supporting Myself

[Guest guest]

C,You say that you don't want to trigger anyone else... and yet, your friend's OA discussions are triggering to YOU.you deserve the same consideration as anyone else!

i think it is TOTALLY fair to say to your friend, " i support you in your OA journey... i'm so glad it's working so well for you... but it's not the right fit for ME. and hearing about it is very triggering (or you could just say " upsetting " or something else) for me. so can we agree not to talk about it anymore? "

learning to take up space in relationships is very hard. but it's really critical to IE success. until we can take care of ourselves emotionally, it is so very tempting to turn to food for what feels like caring.

best,abby

 

Hello Everyone!

   I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school. I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing back into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend, but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and yet sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control” and an eating plan and everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger anyone, but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust anything my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or

somehow untrustworthy of being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends, and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

C   

[Guest guest]

Yes, thank you so much Abby for your insight. I do feel overwhelmed and like

eating esp after reading the " life changing book " ! Your taking up space in the

relationship comment holds some truth with me, but in the way that i share past

struggles but not current ones...food for thought! Thanks so much, i have some

reflecting to do.

C

>C,

>

>You say that you don't want to trigger anyone else... and yet, your friend's

>OA discussions are triggering to YOU.

>

>you deserve the same consideration as anyone else!

>

>i think it is TOTALLY fair to say to your friend, " i support you in your OA

>journey... i'm so glad it's working so well for you... but it's not the

>right fit for ME. and hearing about it is very triggering (or you could just

>say " upsetting " or something else) for me. so can we agree not to talk about

>it anymore? "

>

>learning to take up space in relationships is very hard. but it's really

>critical to IE success. until we can take care of ourselves emotionally, it

>is so very tempting to turn to food for what feels like caring.

>

>best,

>

>abby

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Hello Everyone!

>>

>> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

>> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

>> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I

>> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing

back

>> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted

>> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend,

>> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

>> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

>> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

>> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment

>> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled with

>> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

>> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and

yet

>> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and

>> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight

>> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

>> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might

>> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as

>> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my

>> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

>> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me

>> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

>> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think

>> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

>> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not

>> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

>> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends,

>> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

>>

>> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

>>

>> C

>>

>>

>>

[Guest guest]

Yes, thank you so much Abby for your insight. I do feel overwhelmed and like

eating esp after reading the " life changing book " ! Your taking up space in the

relationship comment holds some truth with me, but in the way that i share past

struggles but not current ones...food for thought! Thanks so much, i have some

reflecting to do.

C

>C,

>

>You say that you don't want to trigger anyone else... and yet, your friend's

>OA discussions are triggering to YOU.

>

>you deserve the same consideration as anyone else!

>

>i think it is TOTALLY fair to say to your friend, " i support you in your OA

>journey... i'm so glad it's working so well for you... but it's not the

>right fit for ME. and hearing about it is very triggering (or you could just

>say " upsetting " or something else) for me. so can we agree not to talk about

>it anymore? "

>

>learning to take up space in relationships is very hard. but it's really

>critical to IE success. until we can take care of ourselves emotionally, it

>is so very tempting to turn to food for what feels like caring.

>

>best,

>

>abby

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Hello Everyone!

>>

>> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

>> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

>> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I

>> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing

back

>> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted

>> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear friend,

>> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

>> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

>> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

>> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential treatment

>> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled with

>> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

>> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and

yet

>> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan and

>> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight

>> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

>> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path might

>> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as

>> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my

>> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

>> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me

>> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

>> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think

>> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

>> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not

>> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

>> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear friends,

>> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

>>

>> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

>>

>> C

>>

>>

>>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Another thought (tho' I really like what Abby said too) - I wonder if something

that could work for you and your friend that could be a " win-win " , would be to

share your feelings as Abby suggested but could it maybe work for you to suggest

she talk about how the twelve steps and other 8 tools of OA work for her but not

her food plan part of it or her focus on weight (the latter doesn't sound like

" official OA " to me, it sounds like an individual's preference/choice)? Maybe

that part wouldn't trigger you? If it would, then just ignore that suggestion

and the rest of this post :-) ! Because indeed you need to find a way to respect

yourself as well as her.

But if it does resonate at all...you and she might be interested to know there

is a yahoo board for a non-dieting approach to OA. It's for those of us who

want to blend IE with OA. There actually doesn't need to be a contradiction

between the two. In OA, the only officially endorsed definition of " abstinence "

is to " refrain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors. " For me,

that fits with IE. If I eat when I'm hungry and stop when satisfied, then I'm

not eating compulsively.

One of the tools of OA (one among 9) is a " plan of eating. " Yes, for many

individuals that gets defined by various restrictions. But it doesn't have to,

and there ARE OA'ers (granted, a minority of us) whose plan of eating is IE. Or

some blend (which is how I think of myself, since my body's messages are that I

feel healthier both physically and mentally when I have some loving structure

about my food rather than grazing all day long).

The steps and the tools of OA have nothing to do with food, they are spiritual

tools to help us with daily living, and for me they help me greatly with some of

the issues others have discussed here lately, such as eating out of an emotional

" never enough " feeling or " fear of deprivation " feeling.

I'm trying to blend the best of both worlds, but I realize that's my individual

choice and not for everyone. I am very grateful to those both on this board and

others, who don't judge me for my choice and just allow me to continue to

experiment with my path to find what's right for my unique blend of

mind/body/spirit needs. It helps tremendously to have that kind of acceptance

and I hope you and your friend can find ways to give that to each other without

either of you trying to convince each other or in any way make the other feel

judged or wrong for your choices.

> >

> >>

> >>

> >> Hello Everyone!

> >>

> >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

> >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I

> >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing

back

> >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted

> >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with

> >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and

yet

> >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight

> >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

> >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as

> >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my

> >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me

> >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think

> >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not

> >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

friends,

> >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> >>

> >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> >>

> >> C

> >>

> >>

> >>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Another thought (tho' I really like what Abby said too) - I wonder if something

that could work for you and your friend that could be a " win-win " , would be to

share your feelings as Abby suggested but could it maybe work for you to suggest

she talk about how the twelve steps and other 8 tools of OA work for her but not

her food plan part of it or her focus on weight (the latter doesn't sound like

" official OA " to me, it sounds like an individual's preference/choice)? Maybe

that part wouldn't trigger you? If it would, then just ignore that suggestion

and the rest of this post :-) ! Because indeed you need to find a way to respect

yourself as well as her.

But if it does resonate at all...you and she might be interested to know there

is a yahoo board for a non-dieting approach to OA. It's for those of us who

want to blend IE with OA. There actually doesn't need to be a contradiction

between the two. In OA, the only officially endorsed definition of " abstinence "

is to " refrain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors. " For me,

that fits with IE. If I eat when I'm hungry and stop when satisfied, then I'm

not eating compulsively.

One of the tools of OA (one among 9) is a " plan of eating. " Yes, for many

individuals that gets defined by various restrictions. But it doesn't have to,

and there ARE OA'ers (granted, a minority of us) whose plan of eating is IE. Or

some blend (which is how I think of myself, since my body's messages are that I

feel healthier both physically and mentally when I have some loving structure

about my food rather than grazing all day long).

The steps and the tools of OA have nothing to do with food, they are spiritual

tools to help us with daily living, and for me they help me greatly with some of

the issues others have discussed here lately, such as eating out of an emotional

" never enough " feeling or " fear of deprivation " feeling.

I'm trying to blend the best of both worlds, but I realize that's my individual

choice and not for everyone. I am very grateful to those both on this board and

others, who don't judge me for my choice and just allow me to continue to

experiment with my path to find what's right for my unique blend of

mind/body/spirit needs. It helps tremendously to have that kind of acceptance

and I hope you and your friend can find ways to give that to each other without

either of you trying to convince each other or in any way make the other feel

judged or wrong for your choices.

> >

> >>

> >>

> >> Hello Everyone!

> >>

> >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one of

> >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that I

> >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now easing

back

> >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I wanted

> >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with

> >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t and

yet

> >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of weight

> >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

> >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food as

> >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change my

> >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told me

> >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I think

> >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really not

> >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

friends,

> >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> >>

> >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> >>

> >> C

> >>

> >>

> >>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'll be glad to call you - as long as you know I'm very new to my current

thinking and way of eating so the jury's out on where it will take me...it's

been evolving, and I'm feeling content right now with how it's all working out,

but I've no way to know if it'll be what works for me for the long haul.

But would certainly be glad to listen and to share what's so far worked or not

worked for me. Unfortunately the next couple nights I won't be able to call

(and I work during day), but I can call on the weekend. What time zone are you,

and are there hours before or after which I shouldn't call?

Look forward to chatting,

> > >

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Hello Everyone!

> > >>

> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one

of

> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that

I

> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now

easing back

> > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I

wanted

> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with

> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t

and yet

> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of

weight

> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food

as

> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change

my

> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told

me

> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I

think

> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really

not

> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

friends,

> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> > >>

> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> > >>

> > >> C

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for mentioning eating plans. When my family was still @home, I made

weekly menus, based on everyone's preferences and schedules and what's seasonal.

It felt like a loving thing to do for the family, and I always knew what was in

my freezer/pantry.

I think if I do that for myself only, I will eat better, more delicious food,

and throw less food away. I am taking some time this weekend to sit down and do

just that. looking forward to it actually.

best

Foggy

> > >

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Hello Everyone!

> > >>

> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one

of

> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that

I

> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now

easing back

> > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I

wanted

> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with

> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t

and yet

> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of

weight

> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food

as

> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change

my

> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told

me

> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I

think

> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really

not

> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

friends,

> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> > >>

> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> > >>

> > >> C

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for mentioning eating plans. When my family was still @home, I made

weekly menus, based on everyone's preferences and schedules and what's seasonal.

It felt like a loving thing to do for the family, and I always knew what was in

my freezer/pantry.

I think if I do that for myself only, I will eat better, more delicious food,

and throw less food away. I am taking some time this weekend to sit down and do

just that. looking forward to it actually.

best

Foggy

> > >

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Hello Everyone!

> > >>

> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one

of

> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that

I

> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now

easing back

> > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I

wanted

> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with

> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t

and yet

> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of

weight

> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food

as

> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change

my

> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told

me

> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I

think

> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really

not

> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

friends,

> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> > >>

> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> > >>

> > >> C

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for mentioning eating plans. When my family was still @home, I made

weekly menus, based on everyone's preferences and schedules and what's seasonal.

It felt like a loving thing to do for the family, and I always knew what was in

my freezer/pantry.

I think if I do that for myself only, I will eat better, more delicious food,

and throw less food away. I am taking some time this weekend to sit down and do

just that. looking forward to it actually.

best

Foggy

> > >

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Hello Everyone!

> > >>

> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one

of

> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that

I

> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now

easing back

> > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I

wanted

> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

with

> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t

and yet

> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of

weight

> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

anyone,

> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food

as

> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change

my

> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told

me

> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I

think

> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really

not

> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

friends,

> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> > >>

> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> > >>

> > >> C

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" Proof " that it " works " is diet mentality. Taking care of yourself with love and

peace is IE.

Moran's book " Fit from within " has a chapter called " let others do it

their way. " Do you and this friend have other things in common besides the food

struggle? If so, the friendship will survive, I believe, if you can find other

topics. You are NOT your weight. You are all the other things you are.

Foggy

> > >

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Hello Everyone!

> > >>

> > >> I joined this group sometime last year but got caught up with school.

> > >> I’ve saved all the messages as I learn so much from each and every one

of

> > >> you and am now playing catch up. I have had so much time on my hands that

I

> > >> don’t know what to do with myself after graduating. I’m just now

easing

> back

> > >> into being with myself without completely overeating all the time! I

wanted

> > >> to write this message because I’m trying to be a support to a dear

friend,

> > >> but I’m struggling with the fact that she’s very much aligned with OA

> > >> (Overeaters Anonymous). We’ve shared many experiences and conversations

> > >> around our eating and our weight. At some point we have gone in separate

> > >> directions. I’ve worked in alcohol and drug addiction residential

treatment

> > >> for two years and have many close family and friends who have struggled

> with

> > >> such. I had a therapist who urged me to go to OA and basically did not

> > >> see/believe in any other option. It didn’t click. It still doesn’t

and yet

> > >> sometimes I wish it did so I would have “control†and an eating plan

and

> > >> everything all organized and mapped out. My friend has lost a lot of

weight

> > >> and speaks of her binge eating as a disease. I don’t want to trigger

> anyone,

> > >> but I’m struggling with wanting to be supportive of whatever her path

might

> > >> be and yet I’m crazily triggered by the focus on weight loss and food

as

> > >> fuel for her disease. I even read a book that she insisted would change

my

> > >> life (The War of the Gods in Addiction) and while I battled with the idea

> > >> that my ego was a mastermind of keeping my addiction going, my gut told

me

> > >> that this just isn’t right for me. AND, it’s taken years to trust

anything

> > >> my body had to say about anything!!! ARGH! I love myself more when I

think

> > >> of myself as whole and not diseased or broken or somehow untrustworthy of

> > >> being near some sort of abstinence food. I guess my struggle is really

not

> > >> feeling brave enough to tell her this, or explain this process that I am

> > >> still working through. I appreciate open communication with my dear

> friends,

> > >> and I struggle. So have people gone through this and have any ideas?

> > >>

> > >> Thank you all for being such a wonderful community!

> > >>

> > >> C

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> >

>