Re: Feeling Out of Control (Overindulging OR Feeling Deprived)

[Guest guest]

K -

I get what you're going through. It almost sounds like a food "obsession," but what IE teaches is that perhaps your body has been starving, and now is running roughshod over you. I don't know. I know I went to OA, lost a bunch of wieght, but the focus was always on food. Since I've started using IE principles, I've gained wieght back, but the SHAME of it is disappearing. If what they (IE people) say is true, the eating will become healthier as I listen to and honor my body's hunger and fullness mechanisms, and learn what it really wants in the way of food each day. I still follow a structure for my eating, because I get so out of control. A nutritionist did help me; I don't know why it was easier to follow her direction, but it was.

Hang in there, it can be a rough road. Remember, shame is not worth entertaining - it will sabotage you and your goals.

To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: ksoccer8@...Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 20:30:15 +0000Subject: Feeling Out of Control (Overindulging OR Feeling Deprived)

Hi group, I''ve been eeling really out of control lately (more and moreso, and I don't like even typing theseose words because I feel like it makes it all the more true and likely to continue).I am not overweight, people say i could gain dsome weight and look fine. I was a bit bigger like 8 years ago, but then I got on a track of overexercising and not eating enough. Now I'm feeling out of control.It's about the weight, and it's about the food, but it's also about what seem like reallllly strong desires for food and the emotions around it. Donuts and cake and sugary coffee drinks just taste good!! **It's interesting that I don't want to stop eating until after I've had more than a resonable amount, or more than I had the last time (basically, the urge to keep eating doesn't lessen until I've overdone it).** <--And I know that I'm overeating; it's _not_ that I'm eating a normal portion and just thinking it looks big in my eyes.I want food to take up a proper amount of space in my life, but at the same time I do enjoy Googling stories about people with similar eating/food issues that I can relate to, and I like looking forward to getting a donut and then eating it, and I like reading posts in this Food & Feelings Group. Does that mean that I really don't want to let go of this problem/issue??I let loose a bit this weekend and ate multiple large treat foods (frozen yogurt, large donuts, 2 pieces of cake at a dinner party), and though others may not see a change yet, my clothes feel tighter, my stomach and legs are bigger. I see myself gaining, and I don't like it. It'd be cool to be able to eat a sensible meal and have that be that, but that's not what's going on for me. I crave (not physical cravings) desserts and pastries and rich foods. And I've been giving into them. Coming from a place where about 5 years ago I was overexercising and eating much less and I was leaner and more toned and felt so in control, this feels so out of control and crappy. I FEAR it's going to catch up with me - the weight. I think I used to be a compulsive exerciser - I looked it up online and my ideas and actions around exercise do fit the bill (anxious if I missed a workout. Eat less if I didn't workout. Felt better about eating if I worked out a lot to burn it off. Exercising with the main motivation being to burn calories. Exercising more so that I could eat more, or to make up for overeating. Etc). I still have these thoughts and feelings, though I don't run for 7 miles a day, 5 days a week anymore (that was more like 5 or 6 years ago). I do still work out, but sometimes I'm tired, and I can't keep up exercise-wise with a sugary coffee drink, a donut, and a few cookies added on top of my meals and snacks each day. <--I don't think I have 2 hours workth of energy to really burn it all of, so that it balances out.When I experess these concerns to friends, they say "don't worry. It's not like you do it every day." But doing it like 2 or 3 times per week is not good. It's becoming more frequent (ahh!! I hate even writing that). And when I'm not indulging myself I'm battling with the deprivation and unhappiness. AgghhI'm not happy about it. I don't want to deprive myself, and I don't want to be out of control with my eating. Really struggling lately. I'm going to see a nutritionist for the first time on Wednesday...but will I really follow what she says? Will it really help? I don't know.Anyone have any thoughts? Sad, anxious...Thank you very much for reading this.- K

[Guest guest]

K,I'm glad that you shared what you've been going through.Even though it was really hard to be honest with us... I hope you know that nothing you said was shocking to US. look back over your post and pretend it was written by someone else... it doesn't sound so terrible, right???

that said, i do understand why it FEELS terrible. have you read Geneen Roth's book, Women, Food and God? i think it might really help you. it pretty much rocked my world. 

her main point, in case you haven't read yet, is that your eating reflects what's going on with you emotionally. so i wonder... what's going on with you, emotionally? 

it might just be that the idea of dieting is making you rebel, and eat all those sugary snacks. but could it also be that there is something else going on, something totally unrelated to food, that is going on for you, and you are using food as an emotional coping mechanism? (which, unfortunately, isn't working very well for you.... but it's better than nothing.)

what could you do FOR YOU right now that would have nothing to do with food? could you take time to read a magazine, or talk on the phone with a friend, or go for a pedicure or massage, or just take 15 minutes away from the demands of your family (if you have one nearby) to just curl up and do nothing (or take a nap). imagine really indulging yourself... without involving food. 

i was an obsessive exerciser in college, but perhaps i was lucky in that exercise has never made me lose weight... so today i have no real association with exercise and weight loss. so for me, exercise is a huge coping strategy... but so is letting myself off the hook for exercise when i don't feel like doing it. (this took YEARS to accomplish... and i still struggle with it... but my compromise now is that i am willing to just work out for 10 minutes, whereas before, anything less than 30 minutes " didn't count. " )  

is there a way that you can exercise without it feeling like a part of a diet? maybe do something active that you wouldn't normally " count " as exercise, but would still result in you getting that lovely flood of endorphins? like a nice walk with a friend if you usually jog, or gentle yoga, or using a Wii Fit, or trying some exercise class that you wouldn't normally do, like belly dancing? 

my other suggestion is to give yourself full permission to have these sugary snacks (to do otherwise will only give them even more power over you) but to gently try to encourage yourself to sit down at the table with these snacks and to fully ENJOY them. don't scarf them down in private, or in the car. REVEL in them. you will probably enjoy them a lot more... and also find that you don't want as much when you are fully conscious while eating them. and do try to identify what feelings might be making you want them... while still giving yourself full pemission to eat them. just make a mental note of the feelings, without trying to change your behavior.

i hope some of this is helpful. do try to get that Geneen Roth book ASAP if at all possible, and if you haven't already read it. i think it will really speak to you.keep us posted... and thanks again for your courage and your honesty!

best,AbbyIE since 11/08

 

K -

I get what you're going through.  It almost sounds like a food " obsession, " but what IE teaches is that perhaps your body has been starving, and now is running roughshod over you.  I don't know.  I know I went to OA, lost a bunch of wieght, but the focus was always on food.  Since I've started using IE principles, I've gained wieght back, but the SHAME of it is disappearing.  If what they (IE people) say is true, the eating will become healthier as I listen to and honor my body's hunger and fullness mechanisms, and learn what it really wants in the way of food each day.  I still follow a structure for my eating, because I get so out of control.  A nutritionist did help me; I don't know why it was easier to follow her direction, but it was.

Hang in there, it can be a rough road.  Remember, shame is not worth entertaining - it will sabotage you and your goals.

 

To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: ksoccer8@...Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 20:30:15 +0000

Subject: Feeling Out of Control (Overindulging OR Feeling Deprived)

 

Hi group, I''ve been eeling really out of control lately (more and moreso, and I don't like even typing theseose words because I feel like it makes it all the more true and likely to continue).

I am not overweight, people say i could gain dsome weight and look fine. I was a bit bigger like 8 years ago, but then I got on a track of overexercising and not eating enough. Now I'm feeling out of control.It's about the weight, and it's about the food, but it's also about what seem like reallllly strong desires for food and the emotions around it. Donuts and cake and sugary coffee drinks just taste good!! **It's interesting that I don't want to stop eating until after I've had more than a resonable amount, or more than I had the last time (basically, the urge to keep eating doesn't lessen until I've overdone it).** <--And I know that I'm overeating; it's _not_ that I'm eating a normal portion and just thinking it looks big in my eyes.

I want food to take up a proper amount of space in my life, but at the same time I do enjoy Googling stories about people with similar eating/food issues that I can relate to, and I like looking forward to getting a donut and then eating it, and I like reading posts in this Food & Feelings Group. Does that mean that I really don't want to let go of this problem/issue??

I let loose a bit this weekend and ate multiple large treat foods (frozen yogurt, large donuts, 2 pieces of cake at a dinner party), and though others may not see a change yet, my clothes feel tighter, my stomach and legs are bigger. I see myself gaining, and I don't like it. It'd be cool to be able to eat a sensible meal and have that be that, but that's not what's going on for me. I crave (not physical cravings) desserts and pastries and rich foods. And I've been giving into them. Coming from a place where about 5 years ago I was overexercising and eating much less and I was leaner and more toned and felt so in control, this feels so out of control and crappy. I FEAR it's going to catch up with me - the weight.

I think I used to be a compulsive exerciser - I looked it up online and my ideas and actions around exercise do fit the bill (anxious if I missed a workout. Eat less if I didn't workout. Felt better about eating if I worked out a lot to burn it off. Exercising with the main motivation being to burn calories. Exercising more so that I could eat more, or to make up for overeating. Etc). I still have these thoughts and feelings, though I don't run for 7 miles a day, 5 days a week anymore (that was more like 5 or 6 years ago). I do still work out, but sometimes I'm tired, and I can't keep up exercise-wise with a sugary coffee drink, a donut, and a few cookies added on top of my meals and snacks each day. <--I don't think I have 2 hours workth of energy to really burn it all of, so that it balances out.

When I experess these concerns to friends, they say " don't worry. It's not like you do it every day. " But doing it like 2 or 3 times per week is not good. It's becoming more frequent (ahh!! I hate even writing that). And when I'm not indulging myself I'm battling with the deprivation and unhappiness. Agghh

I'm not happy about it. I don't want to deprive myself, and I don't want to be out of control with my eating. Really struggling lately. I'm going to see a nutritionist for the first time on Wednesday...but will I really follow what she says? Will it really help? I don't know.

Anyone have any thoughts? Sad, anxious...Thank you very much for reading this.- K

[Guest guest]

And Gillian reminded me of something.  That around 4pm the body's cortisol level drops and can contribute to the craving for carbohydrates.  I now make sure I have that feeding at 4pm and I combine the healthy carb with a protein to prevent a drop in blood sugar.  I found the book " Intuitive Eating " very helpful too if you haven't read it.  I'm getting it on CD too so I can listen over and over.  I'm not an avid reader. Sandy

 

K,I'm glad that you shared what you've been going through.Even though it was really hard to be honest with us... I hope you know that nothing you said was shocking to US. look back over your post and pretend it was written by someone else... it doesn't sound so terrible, right???

that said, i do understand why it FEELS terrible. have you read Geneen Roth's book, Women, Food and God? i think it might really help you. it pretty much rocked my world. 

her main point, in case you haven't read yet, is that your eating reflects what's going on with you emotionally. so i wonder... what's going on with you, emotionally? 

it might just be that the idea of dieting is making you rebel, and eat all those sugary snacks. but could it also be that there is something else going on, something totally unrelated to food, that is going on for you, and you are using food as an emotional coping mechanism? (which, unfortunately, isn't working very well for you.... but it's better than nothing.)

what could you do FOR YOU right now that would have nothing to do with food? could you take time to read a magazine, or talk on the phone with a friend, or go for a pedicure or massage, or just take 15 minutes away from the demands of your family (if you have one nearby) to just curl up and do nothing (or take a nap). imagine really indulging yourself... without involving food. 

i was an obsessive exerciser in college, but perhaps i was lucky in that exercise has never made me lose weight... so today i have no real association with exercise and weight loss. so for me, exercise is a huge coping strategy... but so is letting myself off the hook for exercise when i don't feel like doing it. (this took YEARS to accomplish... and i still struggle with it... but my compromise now is that i am willing to just work out for 10 minutes, whereas before, anything less than 30 minutes " didn't count. " )  

is there a way that you can exercise without it feeling like a part of a diet? maybe do something active that you wouldn't normally " count " as exercise, but would still result in you getting that lovely flood of endorphins? like a nice walk with a friend if you usually jog, or gentle yoga, or using a Wii Fit, or trying some exercise class that you wouldn't normally do, like belly dancing? 

my other suggestion is to give yourself full permission to have these sugary snacks (to do otherwise will only give them even more power over you) but to gently try to encourage yourself to sit down at the table with these snacks and to fully ENJOY them. don't scarf them down in private, or in the car. REVEL in them. you will probably enjoy them a lot more... and also find that you don't want as much when you are fully conscious while eating them. and do try to identify what feelings might be making you want them... while still giving yourself full pemission to eat them. just make a mental note of the feelings, without trying to change your behavior.

i hope some of this is helpful. do try to get that Geneen Roth book ASAP if at all possible, and if you haven't already read it. i think it will really speak to you.keep us posted... and thanks again for your courage and your honesty!

best,AbbyIE since 11/08

 

K -

I get what you're going through.  It almost sounds like a food " obsession, " but what IE teaches is that perhaps your body has been starving, and now is running roughshod over you.  I don't know.  I know I went to OA, lost a bunch of wieght, but the focus was always on food.  Since I've started using IE principles, I've gained wieght back, but the SHAME of it is disappearing.  If what they (IE people) say is true, the eating will become healthier as I listen to and honor my body's hunger and fullness mechanisms, and learn what it really wants in the way of food each day.  I still follow a structure for my eating, because I get so out of control.  A nutritionist did help me; I don't know why it was easier to follow her direction, but it was.

Hang in there, it can be a rough road.  Remember, shame is not worth entertaining - it will sabotage you and your goals.

 

To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: ksoccer8@...Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 20:30:15 +0000

Subject: Feeling Out of Control (Overindulging OR Feeling Deprived)

 

Hi group, I''ve been eeling really out of control lately (more and moreso, and I don't like even typing theseose words because I feel like it makes it all the more true and likely to continue).

I am not overweight, people say i could gain dsome weight and look fine. I was a bit bigger like 8 years ago, but then I got on a track of overexercising and not eating enough. Now I'm feeling out of control.

It's about the weight, and it's about the food, but it's also about what seem like reallllly strong desires for food and the emotions around it. Donuts and cake and sugary coffee drinks just taste good!! **It's interesting that I don't want to stop eating until after I've had more than a resonable amount, or more than I had the last time (basically, the urge to keep eating doesn't lessen until I've overdone it).** <--And I know that I'm overeating; it's _not_ that I'm eating a normal portion and just thinking it looks big in my eyes.

I want food to take up a proper amount of space in my life, but at the same time I do enjoy Googling stories about people with similar eating/food issues that I can relate to, and I like looking forward to getting a donut and then eating it, and I like reading posts in this Food & Feelings Group. Does that mean that I really don't want to let go of this problem/issue??

I let loose a bit this weekend and ate multiple large treat foods (frozen yogurt, large donuts, 2 pieces of cake at a dinner party), and though others may not see a change yet, my clothes feel tighter, my stomach and legs are bigger. I see myself gaining, and I don't like it. It'd be cool to be able to eat a sensible meal and have that be that, but that's not what's going on for me. I crave (not physical cravings) desserts and pastries and rich foods. And I've been giving into them. Coming from a place where about 5 years ago I was overexercising and eating much less and I was leaner and more toned and felt so in control, this feels so out of control and crappy. I FEAR it's going to catch up with me - the weight.

I think I used to be a compulsive exerciser - I looked it up online and my ideas and actions around exercise do fit the bill (anxious if I missed a workout. Eat less if I didn't workout. Felt better about eating if I worked out a lot to burn it off. Exercising with the main motivation being to burn calories. Exercising more so that I could eat more, or to make up for overeating. Etc). I still have these thoughts and feelings, though I don't run for 7 miles a day, 5 days a week anymore (that was more like 5 or 6 years ago). I do still work out, but sometimes I'm tired, and I can't keep up exercise-wise with a sugary coffee drink, a donut, and a few cookies added on top of my meals and snacks each day. <--I don't think I have 2 hours workth of energy to really burn it all of, so that it balances out.

When I experess these concerns to friends, they say " don't worry. It's not like you do it every day. " But doing it like 2 or 3 times per week is not good. It's becoming more frequent (ahh!! I hate even writing that). And when I'm not indulging myself I'm battling with the deprivation and unhappiness. Agghh

I'm not happy about it. I don't want to deprive myself, and I don't want to be out of control with my eating. Really struggling lately. I'm going to see a nutritionist for the first time on Wednesday...but will I really follow what she says? Will it really help? I don't know.

Anyone have any thoughts? Sad, anxious...Thank you very much for reading this.- K

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone! Thank you for your responses to my post! I¡¦d like to address all

of the wonderful responses you have given me:

Abby, you mentioned alternatives to eating (taking a walk, getting a pedicure,

etc). I actually got a hug from a friend yesterday and It felt so good! I felt

more calmed down RE: my anxiety about what I¡¦d eaten after feeling her hg,

care, and love. It made me think of that saying ¡§Hugs Not Drugs¡¨, and I

chuckled to myself about how accurate it felt for me (not that food is a drug,

but that h hug was better than food in that moment). You also talked about

having full permission to have the sugary snacks, but to eat them mindfully.

This IS good advice. I might discover that my body doesn¡¦t want the sweets,

but physically my taste buds want the pleasure, as do my emotions. I don¡¦t

like wearing myself out with the stress and emotions I feel around food and

exercise, though. I do own Geneen¡¦s book and I _really_ like it. As I try IE,

I think one of my underlying goals has been to not gain any weight but maybe

that¡¦s not what needs to happening my case for me to overcome this issue.

Maybe I cannot progress in overcoming this issue if that is still the goal that

is driving me. Maybe I NEED to gain some weight, and eat some sweets¡KI don¡¦t

know¡K

, maybe you¡¦re correct in that my body has been starving, but the fact

that I don¡¦t think I under-eat at all (and haven¡¦t in a long time!) makes me

think otherwise. But maybe you¡¦re right¡K.I¡¦m a skeptic when it comes to this

specific detail. I actually met with a nutritionist for the first time two days

ago and I hope that she can help me see if my body is still trying to

recover/rebalance itself calorie and weight-wise and if that is a cause for

these distressing emotions I feel around food. And , thank you so much for

sharing this awesome quote: ¡§Remember, shame is not worth entertaining - it

will sabotage you and your goals.¡¨ ¡V I am going to print it out as a kind

reminder to myself.

****But I agree that the work is emotional. **I am afraid of the size of my

desire to indulge. I am afraid of the repercussions (weight-wise) of

indulging.** I want everything I ¡§shouldn¡¦t¡¨ eat (everything that makes

people overweight over time). I worry about these things, whether they are

rational or not for me personally to be worried about. „² This is where the

real work lies.

And Sandy I¡¦ve thought about books on tape before but haven¡¦t bought/rented

them at the library yet. Maybe it¡¦s time, as I don¡¦t always want to devote

the hours to sitting and reading a book. I do have the IEW and think it is

great!

THANK YOU all for your support. May we feel some happy emotions today and

genuinely enjoy our days.

-K

> >> ------------------------------

> >> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> >> From: ksoccer8@...

> >> Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 20:30:15 +0000

> >>

> >> Hi group,

> >>

> >> I''ve been eeling really out of control lately (more and moreso, and I

> >> don't like even typing theseose words because I feel like it makes it all

> >> the more true and likely to continue).

> >>

> >> I am not overweight, people say i could gain dsome weight and look fine. I

> >> was a bit bigger like 8 years ago, but then I got on a track of

> >> overexercising and not eating enough. Now I'm feeling out of control.

> >>

> >> It's about the weight, and it's about the food, but it's also about what

> >> seem like reallllly strong desires for food and the emotions around it.

> >> Donuts and cake and sugary coffee drinks just taste good!! **It's

> >> interesting that I don't want to stop eating until after I've had more than

> >> a resonable amount, or more than I had the last time (basically, the urge

to

> >> keep eating doesn't lessen until I've overdone it).** <--And I know that

I'm

> >> overeating; it's _not_ that I'm eating a normal portion and just thinking

it

> >> looks big in my eyes.

> >>

> >> I want food to take up a proper amount of space in my life, but at the

> >> same time I do enjoy Googling stories about people with similar eating/food

> >> issues that I can relate to, and I like looking forward to getting a donut

> >> and then eating it, and I like reading posts in this Food & Feelings Group.

> >> Does that mean that I really don't want to let go of this problem/issue??

> >>

> >> I let loose a bit this weekend and ate multiple large treat foods (frozen

> >> yogurt, large donuts, 2 pieces of cake at a dinner party), and though

others

> >> may not see a change yet, my clothes feel tighter, my stomach and legs are

> >> bigger. I see myself gaining, and I don't like it. It'd be cool to be able

> >> to eat a sensible meal and have that be that, but that's not what's going

on

> >> for me. I crave (not physical cravings) desserts and pastries and rich

> >> foods. And I've been giving into them. Coming from a place where about 5

> >> years ago I was overexercising and eating much less and I was leaner and

> >> more toned and felt so in control, this feels so out of control and crappy.

> >> I FEAR it's going to catch up with me - the weight.

> >>

> >> I think I used to be a compulsive exerciser - I looked it up online and my

> >> ideas and actions around exercise do fit the bill (anxious if I missed a

> >> workout. Eat less if I didn't workout. Felt better about eating if I worked

> >> out a lot to burn it off. Exercising with the main motivation being to burn

> >> calories. Exercising more so that I could eat more, or to make up for

> >> overeating. Etc). I still have these thoughts and feelings, though I don't

> >> run for 7 miles a day, 5 days a week anymore (that was more like 5 or 6

> >> years ago). I do still work out, but sometimes I'm tired, and I can't keep

> >> up exercise-wise with a sugary coffee drink, a donut, and a few cookies

> >> added on top of my meals and snacks each day. <--I don't think I have 2

> >> hours workth of energy to really burn it all of, so that it balances out.

> >>

> >> When I experess these concerns to friends, they say " don't worry. It's not

> >> like you do it every day. " But doing it like 2 or 3 times per week is not

> >> good. It's becoming more frequent (ahh!! I hate even writing that). And

when

> >> I'm not indulging myself I'm battling with the deprivation and unhappiness.

> >> Agghh

> >>

> >> I'm not happy about it. I don't want to deprive myself, and I don't want

> >> to be out of control with my eating.

> >>

> >> Really struggling lately. I'm going to see a nutritionist for the first

> >> time on Wednesday...but will I really follow what she says? Will it really

> >> help? I don't know.

> >>

> >> Anyone have any thoughts? Sad, anxious...

> >>

> >> Thank you very much for reading this.

> >>

> >> - K

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >

> >

>