Re: It's almost Thanksgiving, so that means...

November 9, 2010

Ok Fiona, I have to tell you I am laughing so hard while drinking my coffee

here!

You make me wanna cry and laugh at the same time.

I think having a sense of humor about all this is salutory, at least for me.

So THANK YOU for your post, for sharing the crazy stuff, and OMG I relate so

much to what you wrote.

Especially this part:

" And as usual, we say goodbye, have a good day, and she starts a new

conversation. This time, the end-of-the-call conversation began with her saying

, " Sigh! I'm so bored... " I just said, " ok, bye! " And hung up.

>

> I know to some who might be new here, that seems cold. But it's just my

mother's way of asking me to fix her pain. Again. Fix it. Be with me. Hold my

hand. And I just can't.

> "

It's like something I would say word for word about my BP Mom.

I had her on the phone yesterday, she returned a call and I was just sitting

down for lunch so the phone call didn't last long.

I pick up the phone, in my normal happy go lucky voice -it was a beautiful day

after all!- and I'm like " Hi Mom, how are you? " .

Her voice is just mile away from me, she sounds like a mix of pissed off, tired,

low energy, and also something else... Something like " how dare you sound so

happy when your Mom is not doint good?!! "

She is like... " yeah, I am so-so, you know... " I then feel like I have to tone

it down with the cheerful voice, actually I shouldn't but I did. I told her I

just sat down for lunch, and asked her if I could call her when I'm done (which

is something I would have *never* done a few years ago!), she didn't seem to

like it so much, and we arrange for a phone call today.

I am so DONE with fixing her pain, taking care of her emotionally, soothe her

pain.

I am so SICK of it!!!! You have no idea. Well, no actually you totally do! ;-)

The button has been pushed too many times.

And on top of things, it's a problem that can't be fixed by me.

Coralie

November 10, 2010

<<She is like... " yeah, I am so-so, you know... " I then feel like I have to tone

it down with the cheerful voice, actually I shouldn't but I did. I told her I

just sat down for lunch, and asked her if I could call her when I'm done (which

is something I would have *never* done a few years ago!), she didn't seem to

like it so much, and we arrange for a phone call today.>>

Coralie, me too, I never would have DARED said, 'listen can i call you back?' a

few years ago. She would consistently take it personally and go ape on me.

Once I had the gall, while she was in the middle of an epic tale, of

interrupting her to tell her I needed to hang up because - GASP!!! - my

***husband*** was expecting a call! Holy poop. She hung up and called me back

later to lecture me on how I should install a backbone and not let my husband

push me around. I was too young at the time to realize that what she really was

trying to say was that I should only allow HER to push me around!

>

> Ok Fiona, I have to tell you I am laughing so hard while drinking my coffee

here!

> You make me wanna cry and laugh at the same time.

> I think having a sense of humor about all this is salutory, at least for me.

> So THANK YOU for your post, for sharing the crazy stuff, and OMG I relate so

much to what you wrote.

> Especially this part:

>

> " And as usual, we say goodbye, have a good day, and she starts a new

conversation. This time, the end-of-the-call conversation began with her saying

, " Sigh! I'm so bored... " I just said, " ok, bye! " And hung up.

> >

> > I know to some who might be new here, that seems cold. But it's just my

mother's way of asking me to fix her pain. Again. Fix it. Be with me. Hold my

hand. And I just can't.

> > "

>

> It's like something I would say word for word about my BP Mom.

> I had her on the phone yesterday, she returned a call and I was just sitting

down for lunch so the phone call didn't last long.

> I pick up the phone, in my normal happy go lucky voice -it was a beautiful day

after all!- and I'm like " Hi Mom, how are you? " .

> Her voice is just mile away from me, she sounds like a mix of pissed off,

tired, low energy, and also something else... Something like " how dare you sound

so happy when your Mom is not doint good?!! "

>

> She is like... " yeah, I am so-so, you know... " I then feel like I have to tone

it down with the cheerful voice, actually I shouldn't but I did. I told her I

just sat down for lunch, and asked her if I could call her when I'm done (which

is something I would have *never* done a few years ago!), she didn't seem to

like it so much, and we arrange for a phone call today.

>

> I am so DONE with fixing her pain, taking care of her emotionally, soothe her

pain.

> I am so SICK of it!!!! You have no idea. Well, no actually you totally do! ;-)

>

> The button has been pushed too many times.

> And on top of things, it's a problem that can't be fixed by me.

>

> Coralie

>

November 10, 2010