first contact with nada in 17 months

[Guest guest]

She phoned me just now, I did not recognise the number and picked up. Straight

away she said its mum, I want to tell you how sorry I am, I have been horrible

to you and not a very good mother, I deal with my anger incorrectly and have

been mean and cruel and said very cruel things to you and I am sorry. I don't

expect anything I am not asking for anything I just wanted to say this to you.

I said ok. That was all.

Wow. Don't know why she said it but she has. I am shocked, I am 34 and have

never heard her say this to anyone.

[Guest guest]

Thank you, I feel numb. You're right, I did and it actually feels good that she

said it. Not sure what to do with myself, feel like I am supposed to answer! I

actually feel like I might go LC with her and see how it goes. Just not sure, I

guess this has been what I was waiting for and I am up the road from her right

now thinking should I go visit before I travel three hours back home later

today...maybe baby steps would be better.

Thank you Barry for your reply and reminding me I deserved it!

>

> just accept it...don't look into it...you deserved that apology, but don't let

it produce any guilt.

> sometimes a surprise apology induces feelings of yuckiness...but try to just

accept it for whatever reason she felt to give it to you.

>

>

> some of us never get to hear that apology.

>

>

> i got the same apology a few years ago...and i appreciated it. it didn't wipe

away anything that i felt, but i did store it away into my bank of feelings.

>

>

>

>

>

> first contact with nada in 17 months

>

>

>

>

>

> She phoned me just now, I did not recognise the number and picked up. Straight

away she said its mum, I want to tell you how sorry I am, I have been horrible

to you and not a very good mother, I deal with my anger incorrectly and have

been mean and cruel and said very cruel things to you and I am sorry. I don't

expect anything I am not asking for anything I just wanted to say this to you.

> I said ok. That was all.

> Wow. Don't know why she said it but she has. I am shocked, I am 34 and have

never heard her say this to anyone.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, I feel numb. You're right, I did and it actually feels good that she

said it. Not sure what to do with myself, feel like I am supposed to answer! I

actually feel like I might go LC with her and see how it goes. Just not sure, I

guess this has been what I was waiting for and I am up the road from her right

now thinking should I go visit before I travel three hours back home later

today...maybe baby steps would be better.

Thank you Barry for your reply and reminding me I deserved it!

>

> just accept it...don't look into it...you deserved that apology, but don't let

it produce any guilt.

> sometimes a surprise apology induces feelings of yuckiness...but try to just

accept it for whatever reason she felt to give it to you.

>

>

> some of us never get to hear that apology.

>

>

> i got the same apology a few years ago...and i appreciated it. it didn't wipe

away anything that i felt, but i did store it away into my bank of feelings.

>

>

>

>

>

> first contact with nada in 17 months

>

>

>

>

>

> She phoned me just now, I did not recognise the number and picked up. Straight

away she said its mum, I want to tell you how sorry I am, I have been horrible

to you and not a very good mother, I deal with my anger incorrectly and have

been mean and cruel and said very cruel things to you and I am sorry. I don't

expect anything I am not asking for anything I just wanted to say this to you.

> I said ok. That was all.

> Wow. Don't know why she said it but she has. I am shocked, I am 34 and have

never heard her say this to anyone.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i also felt numb after the apology...but then again, i feel numb after anything

she does or says.

i'm really trying to do whatever feels right for myself when it comes to her.

if it would make you feel good to go visit, then do it.

if it's better for you to stay away...sometimes the admissions from them bring

up lots of emotions...too much drama attached to it...then free yourself up from

it.

you're allowed to just accept someone's apologies with no strings attached...no

action necessary.

whatever feels right for you.

first contact with nada in 17 months

>

>

>

>

>

> She phoned me just now, I did not recognise the number and picked up. Straight

away she said its mum, I want to tell you how sorry I am, I have been horrible

to you and not a very good mother, I deal with my anger incorrectly and have

been mean and cruel and said very cruel things to you and I am sorry. I don't

expect anything I am not asking for anything I just wanted to say this to you.

> I said ok. That was all.

> Wow. Don't know why she said it but she has. I am shocked, I am 34 and have

never heard her say this to anyone.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i also felt numb after the apology...but then again, i feel numb after anything

she does or says.

i'm really trying to do whatever feels right for myself when it comes to her.

if it would make you feel good to go visit, then do it.

if it's better for you to stay away...sometimes the admissions from them bring

up lots of emotions...too much drama attached to it...then free yourself up from

it.

you're allowed to just accept someone's apologies with no strings attached...no

action necessary.

whatever feels right for you.

first contact with nada in 17 months

>

>

>

>

>

> She phoned me just now, I did not recognise the number and picked up. Straight

away she said its mum, I want to tell you how sorry I am, I have been horrible

to you and not a very good mother, I deal with my anger incorrectly and have

been mean and cruel and said very cruel things to you and I am sorry. I don't

expect anything I am not asking for anything I just wanted to say this to you.

> I said ok. That was all.

> Wow. Don't know why she said it but she has. I am shocked, I am 34 and have

never heard her say this to anyone.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes when you give your person with bpd a hard, firm boundary and they can

tell that you mean it, it can help them learn to self-correct their behaviors or

even motivate them to seek treatment.

My advice is to accept the apology as a long-overdue gift, BUT don't trust that

this represents a permanent change: that your mother is " cured. " Give it time.

Real change is consistent over time.

Time will tell whether the apology is sincere or if its just a manipulation

tactic designed to lure you back into having contact with her so she can

continue to abuse you.

I'm happy for you that you at least got what sounds like a genuine and sincere

apology from your bpd mom, some KOs never receive one.

-Annie

>

> She phoned me just now, I did not recognise the number and picked up. Straight

away she said its mum, I want to tell you how sorry I am, I have been horrible

to you and not a very good mother, I deal with my anger incorrectly and have

been mean and cruel and said very cruel things to you and I am sorry. I don't

expect anything I am not asking for anything I just wanted to say this to you.

> I said ok. That was all.

> Wow. Don't know why she said it but she has. I am shocked, I am 34 and have

never heard her say this to anyone.

>