Re: BPD and Animals

[Guest guest]

I don't know for sure. I do know my nada loves her dogs more than she ever loved

me. If someone even bumps one of her dogs, she flies off the handle about her

baby being hurt. On the other hand, I fell and sliced my hand open and she

ignored me, claimed it was my fault for playing in a dangerous area (along the

side of the house). She says that she'll do anything for her dogs, no expense is

too great. On the other hand when I was 4 years old she would leave me home

alone while she went grocery shopping. She would command me to sit on the couch,

don't move until she got back. Hmm, maybe she did treat me like a dog after all.

I know I was well trained.

>

> Guys,

> Have any of you run accross research about how BPDs and their animals

intereact if they intereact with them the same way they interact with people?  I

have two of nadas cats since she passed away.  ONe o fthem was my baby when I

lived at home and has pretty much come back unharmed, still flighty but she was

flightly when I knew her.  THe other one definately shows some emotional damage

and she was just a kitten when I moved out.  She loves men, I think that's

because she knew she could rely on dad.  She is slowly accepting me again

without hissing at me for no reason.  I'm suspecting that there was some

alternating of giving attention atleast and neglecting to acknowedge their

existance.  I know they were neglected food wise, my little tabby was very

skinny when I got her and now she ismore normal sized.  I think Sherree (the

younger of the two) beat her up to get enough food.

> More later

> proflaf

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's scary; your nada would have passed the " pet care test " with flying

colors. And yet she treated her own child with less concern or empathy than she

treated her dog. She probably took the dog with her, right?

I don't know why, but reading about a mother who would coddle her pet dog but

ignore her child's need for medical attention (you're lucky you didn't get blood

poisoning or lockjaw from a backyard gash); a mother who would leave her little

4-year-old at home alone for hours and *forbidden to move from a couch* (not

even to pee!?) just makes my blood boil. God help me, it makes me see red.

Even prisoners of war get medical treatment, according to the Geneva Convention

rules.

It truly seems to me that at least several of us were born to women who didn't

really want to have kids at all, and their treatment of their child(ren): the

barely-concealed contempt, irritability, and even open hostility, neglect,

actual rejection, harsh punishments, unrealistic expectations, withholding

affection, food and medical treatment (even when there is no poverty in the

picture) shows what they really felt.

Words are cheap; actions tell the real story.

-Annie

>

> I don't know for sure. I do know my nada loves her dogs more than she ever

loved me. If someone even bumps one of her dogs, she flies off the handle about

her baby being hurt. On the other hand, I fell and sliced my hand open and she

ignored me, claimed it was my fault for playing in a dangerous area (along the

side of the house). She says that she'll do anything for her dogs, no expense is

too great. On the other hand when I was 4 years old she would leave me home

alone while she went grocery shopping. She would command me to sit on the couch,

don't move until she got back. Hmm, maybe she did treat me like a dog after all.

I know I was well trained.

>

[Guest guest]

That's scary; your nada would have passed the " pet care test " with flying

colors. And yet she treated her own child with less concern or empathy than she

treated her dog. She probably took the dog with her, right?

I don't know why, but reading about a mother who would coddle her pet dog but

ignore her child's need for medical attention (you're lucky you didn't get blood

poisoning or lockjaw from a backyard gash); a mother who would leave her little

4-year-old at home alone for hours and *forbidden to move from a couch* (not

even to pee!?) just makes my blood boil. God help me, it makes me see red.

Even prisoners of war get medical treatment, according to the Geneva Convention

rules.

It truly seems to me that at least several of us were born to women who didn't

really want to have kids at all, and their treatment of their child(ren): the

barely-concealed contempt, irritability, and even open hostility, neglect,

actual rejection, harsh punishments, unrealistic expectations, withholding

affection, food and medical treatment (even when there is no poverty in the

picture) shows what they really felt.

Words are cheap; actions tell the real story.

-Annie

>

> I don't know for sure. I do know my nada loves her dogs more than she ever

loved me. If someone even bumps one of her dogs, she flies off the handle about

her baby being hurt. On the other hand, I fell and sliced my hand open and she

ignored me, claimed it was my fault for playing in a dangerous area (along the

side of the house). She says that she'll do anything for her dogs, no expense is

too great. On the other hand when I was 4 years old she would leave me home

alone while she went grocery shopping. She would command me to sit on the couch,

don't move until she got back. Hmm, maybe she did treat me like a dog after all.

I know I was well trained.

>

[Guest guest]

My nada HATED animals except for birds so I wasn't allowed to have any. (Nada

was TOTALLY and still tries to be totally in control). She allowed me to have

one canary and a few parakeets. I loved the birds as I love all animals still

and I think back then I saw them as something to love who loved me back

unconditionally but my nada would never let me have one.

I remember sneaking a very young cat home from the farm where my nada bought

bushels of peaches every summer as they had about 10 cats in the barn. This one

was very sweet with white fur and blue eyes. The cat came with me willingly

while nada haggled with the farmer over the price of his peaches saying if she

bought three bushels, would have give her the third bushel free so for once she

wasn't paying any attention to me.

I hid the cat in the back under a blanket nada kept back there and we took off

for home. As soon as we had left the driveway the cat started meowing. I guess

it didn't like being covered up but I was 7 years old and I didn't want nada to

see it. As I look back at it, I don't know what I was thinking believing nada

would let me have the cat if I got it home anyway but when she heard it, she

immediately turned the car around, took the cat back and slapped me across the

face for being a 'thief'. Yes I should have asked the farmer of course, but he

had 10 cats and I had none. The farmer laughed as nada angrily tried to

apologize for me about taking the cat but he said I could have it and laughed.

She said 'oh no she can't!' The rage in her face was a sight to behold as her

face which was normally white and pasty became crimson and she seethed with

anger. When we got home she not only slapped me silly but beat me until I was

bruised all over my bottom, my back and my chest (anywhere my father wouldn't

see as always).

Now until only very recently (this Halloween) nada's reaction to my having two

cats or any at all has been extremely negative and she tells me over and over to

'have them put away'. SHE comes first and they are to go. I am 60 years old

now and I am about to listen to her about anything but that's besides the point.

But on Halloween she called me to TELL me not to go to the door for trick or

treaters. That's not unusual because she doesn't let them in either and she

knows the neighborhood kids but she can't stand up or walk that well at ALL

anymore so it could have been more than dangerous if she did that as she keeps

getting dizzy and falling now but she won't seek medical attention as she fears

they will put her in a nursing home so she calls it 'one of my flu spells' which

she gets three or four times a week now (actually I'm 100% sure they are

mini-strokes as she goes blind in those spells now, has a constant cough, pain

in her lungs, dizziness, weakness and pain in both arms and legs and throws up

all day after one IF she gets food down at all. Anyway she then added the

reason she didn't want me opening the door to trick or treaters is because my

cats could get out and get hurt or killed! It happened to a neighbor friend of

hers' cat and she said her neighbor was devastated so she didn't want to see

that happen to mine! Humanity out of nada?! Impossible! But of course it

didn't last long as her mirror of sanity and compassion is about as fleeting as

seeing a rainbow if not shorter. I don't mention my cats to nada when she calls

and play her " I come first in your life and I'm the ONLY one that is important'

routine but deep down of course it is far from true. I placate her as the end

is very close now and even her doctor doesn't want to bother with her and told

me her heart is extremely weak when I talked to her. Her diabetes goes

uncontrolled; she has her mini-strokes; high blood pressure; weakness; distended

stomach and otherwise looks like a skeleton and falls all the time as I said.

But yes my nada was an animal hater and now seems to have changed her mind, but

too late to think of getting her a cat at the local shelter and she's not

capable of taking care of one now anyway as little care as they are. Good thing

though because I think all her anger which she has frequently would be focused

on the poor defenseless animal and not on me and I am so far away I can hang up

but they'd be trapped.

[Guest guest]

My nada HATED animals except for birds so I wasn't allowed to have any. (Nada

was TOTALLY and still tries to be totally in control). She allowed me to have

one canary and a few parakeets. I loved the birds as I love all animals still

and I think back then I saw them as something to love who loved me back

unconditionally but my nada would never let me have one.

I remember sneaking a very young cat home from the farm where my nada bought

bushels of peaches every summer as they had about 10 cats in the barn. This one

was very sweet with white fur and blue eyes. The cat came with me willingly

while nada haggled with the farmer over the price of his peaches saying if she

bought three bushels, would have give her the third bushel free so for once she

wasn't paying any attention to me.

I hid the cat in the back under a blanket nada kept back there and we took off

for home. As soon as we had left the driveway the cat started meowing. I guess

it didn't like being covered up but I was 7 years old and I didn't want nada to

see it. As I look back at it, I don't know what I was thinking believing nada

would let me have the cat if I got it home anyway but when she heard it, she

immediately turned the car around, took the cat back and slapped me across the

face for being a 'thief'. Yes I should have asked the farmer of course, but he

had 10 cats and I had none. The farmer laughed as nada angrily tried to

apologize for me about taking the cat but he said I could have it and laughed.

She said 'oh no she can't!' The rage in her face was a sight to behold as her

face which was normally white and pasty became crimson and she seethed with

anger. When we got home she not only slapped me silly but beat me until I was

bruised all over my bottom, my back and my chest (anywhere my father wouldn't

see as always).

Now until only very recently (this Halloween) nada's reaction to my having two

cats or any at all has been extremely negative and she tells me over and over to

'have them put away'. SHE comes first and they are to go. I am 60 years old

now and I am about to listen to her about anything but that's besides the point.

But on Halloween she called me to TELL me not to go to the door for trick or

treaters. That's not unusual because she doesn't let them in either and she

knows the neighborhood kids but she can't stand up or walk that well at ALL

anymore so it could have been more than dangerous if she did that as she keeps

getting dizzy and falling now but she won't seek medical attention as she fears

they will put her in a nursing home so she calls it 'one of my flu spells' which

she gets three or four times a week now (actually I'm 100% sure they are

mini-strokes as she goes blind in those spells now, has a constant cough, pain

in her lungs, dizziness, weakness and pain in both arms and legs and throws up

all day after one IF she gets food down at all. Anyway she then added the

reason she didn't want me opening the door to trick or treaters is because my

cats could get out and get hurt or killed! It happened to a neighbor friend of

hers' cat and she said her neighbor was devastated so she didn't want to see

that happen to mine! Humanity out of nada?! Impossible! But of course it

didn't last long as her mirror of sanity and compassion is about as fleeting as

seeing a rainbow if not shorter. I don't mention my cats to nada when she calls

and play her " I come first in your life and I'm the ONLY one that is important'

routine but deep down of course it is far from true. I placate her as the end

is very close now and even her doctor doesn't want to bother with her and told

me her heart is extremely weak when I talked to her. Her diabetes goes

uncontrolled; she has her mini-strokes; high blood pressure; weakness; distended

stomach and otherwise looks like a skeleton and falls all the time as I said.

But yes my nada was an animal hater and now seems to have changed her mind, but

too late to think of getting her a cat at the local shelter and she's not

capable of taking care of one now anyway as little care as they are. Good thing

though because I think all her anger which she has frequently would be focused

on the poor defenseless animal and not on me and I am so far away I can hang up

but they'd be trapped.