Re: A new kind of Happy

[Guest guest]

Mine would switch back and forth too, from being kind and loving to me, to

wanting to degrade, humiliate and punish me. I think it had to do more with

nada's own internal weather than with anything I did or didn't do.

I was merely an externalized image of herself, so if nada was happy with

herself, she was happy with me, her reflection. If nada was angry or upset, if

she was having negative feelings or felt she was " bad " or had a negative trait,

then she'd project all that onto me *and punish me for it*. She'd scream at me

and shame me or hit me instead of cutting herself.

That's my theory anyway.

That's why I think that when a bpd is as dysregulated as my nada was, her kids

are pretty much guaranteed to be traumatized and psychologically damaged when

nada projects her own self-loathing and other negative feelings onto her kids,

over and over. The kids don't exist as separate, individual human beings,

they're just reflections of nada and must be punished for having nada's bad

thoughts / bad traits.

Why this dynamic isn't obvious to psychologists and why those with bpd aren't

heavily monitored and supervised if they have kids is beyond me. I don't get

it.

Personality disorder causes child abuse, a person with bpd can't NOT abuse their

kid. They're not rational and functional enough to understand or care that

their negative acting-out behaviors, their projecting, their black-and-white

thinking, etc., inflict emotional trauma on their kids to one degree or another.

Why aren't there guidelines or rules about personality disordered people RE

childcare or child-rearing? I just don't get it.

-Annie

>

> > I think that's why fairy tales resonate from generation to generation,

because this stuff really does happen. There really are mothers who *want* to

hurt their child, who *feel entitled* to inflict pain and *feel justified* to

inflict shame and punishment on their child for God knows what reason. For

being born and merely existing? For not being perfect enough? For not " paying

off " as a kind of investment for nada? Who knows? "

>

> Yes, Annie, I totally relate to that. I remember clearly the fright of knowing

that my BP Mom wanted to hurt me. Be it by humiliating me, publicly or privatly,

or by physical abuse.

> I just remember knowing it in my bones, that she wanted me " down " if that

makes sense, humiliated, little, hurt.

> But I felt like she could switch it off too, like there was an impulsion of

destruction, but then she could go back to a merely " normal " mother the next day

>

> Coralie

>