Mommy Dearest

[Guest guest]

I was 20 at the time, and we were all around the tv watching Mommy Dearest. My

old boyfriend was with us...the target and blame put on me by my mom...she said

she hated him (and was jealous of our relationship she later in years admitted

to it).

When the abuse started in the movie, and then thru the movie the daughter always

went back to her mom trying to please her and get her attention and approval. My

boyfriend said, " why would a child keep going back for more abuse " ...at that

point, I started crying, because I felt the same as her...and I couldn't answer

why I kept looking for her attention either.

So eye-opening.

amy

Re: sexual intrusiveness

Annie,I'm so sorry your nada did that to you.It's horrifying that you were

tortured like that all because a psychologist told your nada the truth.I suppose

she took you there figuring the psychologist would confirm that *you* were the

sicko?

My god,the incredibly deranged thoughts that must have been careening in your

profoundly disordered nada's mind to have her subject you to such horror.I'm so

sorry.

I wish that psychologist could have realized what was going to happen to you

when she said that you only " self soothed " around nada.

I used masturbation to self soothe as well,having discovered in my case that it

was a balm for the physical wounds I had from being raped.Nada was intrusive

like yours and often caught me.She didn't beat me but she certainly shamed and

humiliated me about it and implied that I was some sort of " slut " ,which

reinforced my perceptions that I was bringing the sexual abuse onto myself.

These creatures truly are too effing messed up to be raising kids.

>

> Yes, inappropriate intrusiveness and obsessiveness RE sexual matters in

relation to her children seems to be a rather common behavior with bpd moms, at

least in this Group.

>

> I buy the theory that wrote of, that the parts of the brain that

deal with emotional regulation also deal with sexual thoughts and behaviors, and

thus are affected by the dysregulation/lack of control of borderline pd also.

>

> My nada would *freak out* if I showed any signs of sexual curiosity, or

sensual behaviors, or sexual exploration as a child. She was convinced that I

was doing sexual things to myself or with other children all the time and this

horrified and disgusted her. In her mind I was not supposed to have a sexual

component at all, ever, apparently; I was supposed to be an inanimate object.

>

> I expressed my anxiety and fear of my mother by being very nervous and

jittery, I developed a strong startle reflex, I bit my nails until they bled, I

had frequent nightmares, and had trouble swallowing food because I was so

stressed at mealtimes. All of these responses irritated the crap out of my

mother and she'd punish me for showing these behaviors. I had to learn to

squelch my own involuntary startle reflex out of sheer self-preservation.

>

> But my worst crime was that I discovered that masturbating worked really,

really well to distract me from anxiety. I tried to hide this from nada, but

she was so intrusive that she'd catch me, and I'd get whalloped and screamed at.

Which made me more anxious and frightened; the classic vicious cycle.

>

> When I was only about 4 or 5 nada took me to a child psychologist (I remember

the room and not understanding why we were there, but not whether it was once or

several times.) The psychologist told nada that I behaved normally when I was

alone or with other people, but her observations indicated that I only

" self-soothed " out of extreme anxiety when I was around nada! This apparently

upset, embarrassed and humiliated nada, freaked her out and sent her over the

edge, so when we got home she proceeded to brutalize me and severely traumatize

me about my own body, and about all things sexual, guaranteeing that I would

become completely asexual as a teen/adult. I believe that incident was

life-trajectory-altering for me, and caused me to become severely trauma-bonded

to her and dad up until my mid-thirties.

>

> That's why I think I would have been better off raised in an orphanage or with

relatives or a nanny or something. My nada was too effing messed up to be

raising a child.

>

> Here's an interesting article on trauma bonding; it happens when a child is

abused, then " rescued " by her abuser, then abused again, over and over. That's

what happened with my bpd mom. She'd hurt me and frighten me, then she'd be

nice to me, then she'd hurt me again, over and over and over.

>

> http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/ritual_abuse/50317

>

> -Annie