Re: Re: sexual intrusiveness// on the telephone, thirty years later

[Guest guest]

Oh my, sexual intrusiveness by nada?

Mine was incredibly sexually intrusive.

When I was 11 or 12, and becoming interested in boys and sex, and writing

about them in my diary (pure fantasies ), she'd read my diary and then

scream at me about being dirty and nasty. She'd go through all my things

constantly to find anything sexually related. The time she usually picked to

scream and yell at me about my nastiness was when she gave me my bath. Yes,

she insisted on bathing me up till I was about 14. If I locked the bathroom

door, she'd either threaten me with dire consequences, or get my father to

break down the door. I was forced to be naked in front of her at her will,

and she would tell me how fat and ugly and disgusting I was. Yes, I was

overweight (when I wasn't anorexic) and physically awkward, and no, I didn't

have a pretty face - it was true that boys weren't interested in me all

through my teen years - but, wow, if I had a daughter who was considered by

society as being not conventionally attractive, I would build her up as best

as I could, and I would NEVER NEVER NEVER tell her that no one would ever

love her but me, her mother. I guess if a boy I liked had actually been

attracted to me, and I would have been dating like the other kids were, that

would have mitigated the awfulness my mother put me through.

When I was 19 and moved out of the house, she would call me daily (if I told

her not to call me every day, she'd go ballistic) and ask me about my sexual

life, of which I had none, and then tell me I had none because I was, of

course, ugly, disgusting and dirty and nobody but my mother would ever love

me or want to touch me. I believed her, and it was horrible, because no one

but my mother ever HAD touched me, and I would feel unbelievably disgusted

when she did.

When I actually started a sexual relationship, it drove her bananas in a

weird, icky way. Every time I saw her, she'd get this GLEAM in her eye and

she'd start asking me about my sexual practices. And she'd ask my partner

too, and even call him and ask him, which freaked him out big time. She'd

tell other people about what she'd read about when she used to read the

" sexy parts " of my early teenage diaries - and she'd tell them this in front

of me - and she'd say stuff to them (them being, for instance, her male

boss) like, " Rub her back - she LIKES that. " It was disgusting and freaky

and made me feel so sick inside.

This continued into my 40s, even though I went NC with her when I was 40.

She would somehow find out where I was living (I have NO idea how - this was

before widespread use of the Internet) and call my roommate or my

significant other and grill them about totally inappropriate things related

to me. Once she got my fiance on the phone and started asking him about our

sex life. I happened to be in the room at the time, and his face was turning

redder than red. He'd been raised as a Catholic, and also respected his

elders to a high degree, and believed sex lives were highly private. My

mother kept on and on at him, and he finally blurted out, " We're not having

sex! " My mother's response was, " Are you gay? " (he wasn't). At this point,

he realized the conversation was too toxic to continue, so he ended it.

Sexual intrusiveness - wow - I went through it, all right.