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It even gets complicated when there are siblings involved.

My BPD mom asked for some money to buy a small fridge from someone else in the

nursing home. I gave her some money for her birthday and went with her to pay

for it.

Today, my brother called asking if he could borrow $30 and asked me to take it

to mom so she could buy the small fridge. I nicely told him no as I really

didn't have the money. Not to mention she has already paid for the fridge. He

told me that she told him that the lady is still waiting for the money.

I couldn't believe it!

>

> Annie wrote

>

> That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

> your bpd

> parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

>

> No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

> We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

> because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

> have we done for them lately?

>

> Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

> new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

> She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

> Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

> his mom a new car.

>

> It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

>

>

> And damn them for making us believe that.

>

> Doug

>

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It even gets complicated when there are siblings involved.

My BPD mom asked for some money to buy a small fridge from someone else in the

nursing home. I gave her some money for her birthday and went with her to pay

for it.

Today, my brother called asking if he could borrow $30 and asked me to take it

to mom so she could buy the small fridge. I nicely told him no as I really

didn't have the money. Not to mention she has already paid for the fridge. He

told me that she told him that the lady is still waiting for the money.

I couldn't believe it!

>

> Annie wrote

>

> That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

> your bpd

> parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

>

> No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

> We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

> because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

> have we done for them lately?

>

> Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

> new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

> She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

> Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

> his mom a new car.

>

> It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

>

>

> And damn them for making us believe that.

>

> Doug

>

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Dear Doug,

I am so glad to read these words.

But sad too.

You are so right.

I cannot say enough about how much better I feel knowing other people like you

and everyone

on this forum exist and know the truth.

Because you write words and share your heartbreak you are good to the core.

You need to take that to heart.

Take it to heart and remember you are good and keep telling yourself the truth.

The truth is this it's NOT YOU it's not YOUR FAULT and you DESERVE a LIFE!

I just wanted to say thank you and tell you YOU ARE GOOD!

I don't have much of a chance to write on this forum but I will say this.

My life has been a living hell and it's getting worse because of my BPD mother.

I have tried to love myself and failed and failed and failed.

But if there is hope of ever learning how I will get my strength from just

reading this forum!

Simply reading about what other people are going through calms me. Simply

reading it makes me see how important I am as a person.

Because of this forum I know that I am a great mom and wife and I have NOTHING

WRONG WITH ME.

Because of this forum I know that although I am not as successful in my career

as I'd like to be, I have a right to

admit I've had very crappy circumstances and that I'm not just making excuses to

get out of the hard work it takes to

get where I want to be. I have the right without worrying about covering up my

pain to admit I've lost out on far too much

and it's not all my fault. I know that time after time my BPD nada has

sabatoged my life and destroyed my dreams. I am not imagining

my pain and I know I can be more successful because I'm SMART ENOUGH AND GOOD

ENOUGH!

But isolation is the enemy. We all need support and help and in my case this

forum changed my life forever.

Before I read this forum (I rarely write on it) I felt 100% alone 100% of the

time.

So once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing down how you

feel and sharing it with all of us (and me:)).

It's not so easy to do but believe me you are GOOD and YOU DESERVE TO BE TOLD

SO!

You helped me today! It takes very hard work to retrain the mind to learn the

truth. The truth is YOU ARE GOOD. I AM GOOD.

So today you have directly helped me to start again to keep to my good habits

and not regress and believe the lies.

Keep the Faith Brother!

E

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 10:41:02 AM

Subject: Never enough

Annie wrote

That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

your bpd

parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

have we done for them lately?

Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

his mom a new car.

It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

And damn them for making us believe that.

Doug

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Dear Doug,

I am so glad to read these words.

But sad too.

You are so right.

I cannot say enough about how much better I feel knowing other people like you

and everyone

on this forum exist and know the truth.

Because you write words and share your heartbreak you are good to the core.

You need to take that to heart.

Take it to heart and remember you are good and keep telling yourself the truth.

The truth is this it's NOT YOU it's not YOUR FAULT and you DESERVE a LIFE!

I just wanted to say thank you and tell you YOU ARE GOOD!

I don't have much of a chance to write on this forum but I will say this.

My life has been a living hell and it's getting worse because of my BPD mother.

I have tried to love myself and failed and failed and failed.

But if there is hope of ever learning how I will get my strength from just

reading this forum!

Simply reading about what other people are going through calms me. Simply

reading it makes me see how important I am as a person.

Because of this forum I know that I am a great mom and wife and I have NOTHING

WRONG WITH ME.

Because of this forum I know that although I am not as successful in my career

as I'd like to be, I have a right to

admit I've had very crappy circumstances and that I'm not just making excuses to

get out of the hard work it takes to

get where I want to be. I have the right without worrying about covering up my

pain to admit I've lost out on far too much

and it's not all my fault. I know that time after time my BPD nada has

sabatoged my life and destroyed my dreams. I am not imagining

my pain and I know I can be more successful because I'm SMART ENOUGH AND GOOD

ENOUGH!

But isolation is the enemy. We all need support and help and in my case this

forum changed my life forever.

Before I read this forum (I rarely write on it) I felt 100% alone 100% of the

time.

So once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing down how you

feel and sharing it with all of us (and me:)).

It's not so easy to do but believe me you are GOOD and YOU DESERVE TO BE TOLD

SO!

You helped me today! It takes very hard work to retrain the mind to learn the

truth. The truth is YOU ARE GOOD. I AM GOOD.

So today you have directly helped me to start again to keep to my good habits

and not regress and believe the lies.

Keep the Faith Brother!

E

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 10:41:02 AM

Subject: Never enough

Annie wrote

That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

your bpd

parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

have we done for them lately?

Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

his mom a new car.

It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

And damn them for making us believe that.

Doug

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Amen Doug!!

Through this wonderful site and much reading on BPD  I realized  FINALLY  that

it wasn't me/ now or ever.  I bought/ did/ tried everything to make nada happy. 

Always felt guilty.  DAMN her.

I have finally grown up/  Set boundaries/  and life is worth living/  I only

have to work on my sense of well being and not fix her or anyone else.  Whew!!!!

Thanks everyone!

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I was just telling my husband tonight that I can't do enough work to feel okay.

It doesn't matter how much I do; it's never enough. I run a business (30

hrs/week), take counseling classes for my master's, and care for my two

asthmatic children (breathing treatments, etc.). But if I ever go to sleep at

night without my body and mind aching, I feel like I was lazy.

I asked my husband today if there could be some connection with nada. He said,

" Everything goes back to how you were raised. I don't think you actually have

any other problem. " He said this sincerely, not sarcastically.

She's forever calling me asking for things that aren't even necessary, like

waiting at her house for a hutch to be delivered or helping her find contractors

for home repair instead of looking it up herself.

Maybe I am driving myself the way she drove me then?

>> >

> It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

>

>

> And damn them for making us believe that.

>

> Doug

>

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So painfully true. My Dad kept doing things for her - fix this, build that,

change this. He finally reached a stage where he stopped jumping to do things.

That just made her angry. Now we're on the receiving end of her " needs. " Stupid

things like fixing a holder for her puzzle box, changing the door on the doggie

door to white instead of brown, make the electric cords look neat in the

kitchen, help her find and buy all kinds of ridiculous things that she'll never

use but just has to have them. It never ends.

>

> Annie wrote

>

> That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

> your bpd

> parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

>

> No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

> We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

> because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

> have we done for them lately?

>

> Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

> new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

> She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

> Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

> his mom a new car.

>

> It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

>

>

> And damn them for making us believe that.

>

> Doug

>

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I know what you guys mean...I gave my Dad all my savings to buy a house and he

trashed it. He doesn't ask me to do anything; he just gets pissed when I am not

hyper-vigilant to " obviously " figure out what he wants, then it's guilt, guilt,

guilt. He's so alone, now he's frail(stroke) and in constant pain he doesn't

even have to say anything. He just looks sad and pathetic, makes me feel guilty

and I cannot f-ing stand it. I hate myself now because I get pleasure from

watching him suffer sometimes and so I try to fix " it " . I live with him and am

totally dependent on him because of his actions. So, I beat myself up to the

extreme when I do anything productive for him and anything I do for myself MUST

be secret. He used to be my whole life when I was a kid to when I was

23.(absolutely no friends) Now, since I have to live with him, he says he gonna

kill me all the time, in my sleep, when I least expect it, he even says that he

lulls me to a sense of security with him so he get away with betraying my trust.

I'm really starting to lose my faith in God and society. Who the hell allows

this kind of extreme insanity. What helps me when I'm alone is when I pledge

myself to Satan and I gotta tell you is very therapeutic. I don't mean it but

It helps me to put the responsibility on God who is the one ultimately

responsible..I think we forget that. Don't they say that giving all your anger

to God is the right thing to do?

> >

> > Annie wrote

> >

> > That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

> > your bpd

> > parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

> >

> > No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

> > We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

> > because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

> > have we done for them lately?

> >

> > Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

> > new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

> > She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

> > Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

> > his mom a new car.

> >

> > It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> > imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

> >

> >

> > And damn them for making us believe that.

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

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I know what you guys mean...I gave my Dad all my savings to buy a house and he

trashed it. He doesn't ask me to do anything; he just gets pissed when I am not

hyper-vigilant to " obviously " figure out what he wants, then it's guilt, guilt,

guilt. He's so alone, now he's frail(stroke) and in constant pain he doesn't

even have to say anything. He just looks sad and pathetic, makes me feel guilty

and I cannot f-ing stand it. I hate myself now because I get pleasure from

watching him suffer sometimes and so I try to fix " it " . I live with him and am

totally dependent on him because of his actions. So, I beat myself up to the

extreme when I do anything productive for him and anything I do for myself MUST

be secret. He used to be my whole life when I was a kid to when I was

23.(absolutely no friends) Now, since I have to live with him, he says he gonna

kill me all the time, in my sleep, when I least expect it, he even says that he

lulls me to a sense of security with him so he get away with betraying my trust.

I'm really starting to lose my faith in God and society. Who the hell allows

this kind of extreme insanity. What helps me when I'm alone is when I pledge

myself to Satan and I gotta tell you is very therapeutic. I don't mean it but

It helps me to put the responsibility on God who is the one ultimately

responsible..I think we forget that. Don't they say that giving all your anger

to God is the right thing to do?

> >

> > Annie wrote

> >

> > That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

> > your bpd

> > parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

> >

> > No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

> > We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

> > because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

> > have we done for them lately?

> >

> > Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

> > new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

> > She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

> > Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

> > his mom a new car.

> >

> > It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> > imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

> >

> >

> > And damn them for making us believe that.

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

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I know what you guys mean...I gave my Dad all my savings to buy a house and he

trashed it. He doesn't ask me to do anything; he just gets pissed when I am not

hyper-vigilant to " obviously " figure out what he wants, then it's guilt, guilt,

guilt. He's so alone, now he's frail(stroke) and in constant pain he doesn't

even have to say anything. He just looks sad and pathetic, makes me feel guilty

and I cannot f-ing stand it. I hate myself now because I get pleasure from

watching him suffer sometimes and so I try to fix " it " . I live with him and am

totally dependent on him because of his actions. So, I beat myself up to the

extreme when I do anything productive for him and anything I do for myself MUST

be secret. He used to be my whole life when I was a kid to when I was

23.(absolutely no friends) Now, since I have to live with him, he says he gonna

kill me all the time, in my sleep, when I least expect it, he even says that he

lulls me to a sense of security with him so he get away with betraying my trust.

I'm really starting to lose my faith in God and society. Who the hell allows

this kind of extreme insanity. What helps me when I'm alone is when I pledge

myself to Satan and I gotta tell you is very therapeutic. I don't mean it but

It helps me to put the responsibility on God who is the one ultimately

responsible..I think we forget that. Don't they say that giving all your anger

to God is the right thing to do?

> >

> > Annie wrote

> >

> > That is one of the key issues of bpd: no matter how much you do give to

> > your bpd

> > parent (your time, particularly) or how often, its never enough.

> >

> > No. It never is. This is why we end up forever feeling indadequate.

> > We will never think we have done enough, or done it well enough,

> > because nada taught us that was our truth. No matter what we did, what

> > have we done for them lately?

> >

> > Acts of love or sacrifice are immediately forgotten and replaced with

> > new demands, new needs, new obligations. Did we give nada 500 dollars?

> > She will tell us how so and so s son gives his mom a weekly stipend.

> > Did we spend our Saturday fixing nada s car? Someone elses son bought

> > his mom a new car.

> >

> > It is never enough. It is never good enough. And so, with our life

> > imprint, we come to believe, neither are we.

> >

> >

> > And damn them for making us believe that.

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

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Yes, because as a child of a BPD...you are supposed to immediately know what he

wants and needs...how DARE he have to tell you?

If only I had a buck for each time my mother has said " Why don't you know? Why

haven't you figured it out? "

How the hell am I supposed to figure out someone else's moods, wants, and

needs???

>

> He doesn't ask me to do anything; he just gets pissed when I am not

hyper-vigilant to " obviously " figure out what he wants, then it's guilt, guilt,

guilt.

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Yes, because as a child of a BPD...you are supposed to immediately know what he

wants and needs...how DARE he have to tell you?

If only I had a buck for each time my mother has said " Why don't you know? Why

haven't you figured it out? "

How the hell am I supposed to figure out someone else's moods, wants, and

needs???

>

> He doesn't ask me to do anything; he just gets pissed when I am not

hyper-vigilant to " obviously " figure out what he wants, then it's guilt, guilt,

guilt.

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Yes, because as a child of a BPD...you are supposed to immediately know what he

wants and needs...how DARE he have to tell you?

If only I had a buck for each time my mother has said " Why don't you know? Why

haven't you figured it out? "

How the hell am I supposed to figure out someone else's moods, wants, and

needs???

>

> He doesn't ask me to do anything; he just gets pissed when I am not

hyper-vigilant to " obviously " figure out what he wants, then it's guilt, guilt,

guilt.

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It's enough that he totally destroyed my life and alienated me from the whole

family and any and all financial help to get me back on my feet.  I hate to say

it but right now I'm glad he's paralyzed(stroke).  He's been much nicer because

he needs me to do household chores and has even admitted he's be an extreme

a-hole to me if he didn't need me.  It's been 7 years since I was independent

'cuz of him and if he ever causes me another financial problem or public

humiliation again I'm goin' straight to state prison.  Rocketship to prison.  

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It's enough that he totally destroyed my life and alienated me from the whole

family and any and all financial help to get me back on my feet.  I hate to say

it but right now I'm glad he's paralyzed(stroke).  He's been much nicer because

he needs me to do household chores and has even admitted he's be an extreme

a-hole to me if he didn't need me.  It's been 7 years since I was independent

'cuz of him and if he ever causes me another financial problem or public

humiliation again I'm goin' straight to state prison.  Rocketship to prison.  

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It's enough that he totally destroyed my life and alienated me from the whole

family and any and all financial help to get me back on my feet.  I hate to say

it but right now I'm glad he's paralyzed(stroke).  He's been much nicer because

he needs me to do household chores and has even admitted he's be an extreme

a-hole to me if he didn't need me.  It's been 7 years since I was independent

'cuz of him and if he ever causes me another financial problem or public

humiliation again I'm goin' straight to state prison.  Rocketship to prison.  

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, I feel the same anger as you.

It turns inward and I get depressed. I should have vented that anger toward the

person who has always deserved it.

amy

Re: Never enough

It's enough that he totally destroyed my life and alienated me from the whole

family and any and all financial help to get me back on my feet. I hate to say

it but right now I'm glad he's paralyzed(stroke). He's been much nicer because

he needs me to do household chores and has even admitted he's be an extreme

a-hole to me if he didn't need me. It's been 7 years since I was independent

'cuz of him and if he ever causes me another financial problem or public

humiliation again I'm goin' straight to state prison. Rocketship to prison.

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, I feel the same anger as you.

It turns inward and I get depressed. I should have vented that anger toward the

person who has always deserved it.

amy

Re: Never enough

It's enough that he totally destroyed my life and alienated me from the whole

family and any and all financial help to get me back on my feet. I hate to say

it but right now I'm glad he's paralyzed(stroke). He's been much nicer because

he needs me to do household chores and has even admitted he's be an extreme

a-hole to me if he didn't need me. It's been 7 years since I was independent

'cuz of him and if he ever causes me another financial problem or public

humiliation again I'm goin' straight to state prison. Rocketship to prison.

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Amy, did that person pass away?   I'm so sorry if they did.  I kinda regret my

outbursts at my Dad, but they did a good thing which was set boundaries.  My Dad

is a special person in the fact he has the training and skills to torture, kill

and dispose of my body.  I seriously think he's done it before.  Several times

to Thai citizens he has admitted to in Vietnam and alluded to killing here in

the U.S.  He's dangerous but now he is paralyzed and It's a good thing

too..unfortunately.   I think about revenge a lot, it makes me depressed. 

The worst thing is now we have kinda like a truce, but he still threatens me

with backstabbing and I think he's doing it now.  So, now i have to figure a way

into his laptop and find a way to listen to his phone calls to accurately gauge

the damage to my reputation.

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Amy, did that person pass away?   I'm so sorry if they did.  I kinda regret my

outbursts at my Dad, but they did a good thing which was set boundaries.  My Dad

is a special person in the fact he has the training and skills to torture, kill

and dispose of my body.  I seriously think he's done it before.  Several times

to Thai citizens he has admitted to in Vietnam and alluded to killing here in

the U.S.  He's dangerous but now he is paralyzed and It's a good thing

too..unfortunately.   I think about revenge a lot, it makes me depressed. 

The worst thing is now we have kinda like a truce, but he still threatens me

with backstabbing and I think he's doing it now.  So, now i have to figure a way

into his laptop and find a way to listen to his phone calls to accurately gauge

the damage to my reputation.

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Amy, did that person pass away?   I'm so sorry if they did.  I kinda regret my

outbursts at my Dad, but they did a good thing which was set boundaries.  My Dad

is a special person in the fact he has the training and skills to torture, kill

and dispose of my body.  I seriously think he's done it before.  Several times

to Thai citizens he has admitted to in Vietnam and alluded to killing here in

the U.S.  He's dangerous but now he is paralyzed and It's a good thing

too..unfortunately.   I think about revenge a lot, it makes me depressed. 

The worst thing is now we have kinda like a truce, but he still threatens me

with backstabbing and I think he's doing it now.  So, now i have to figure a way

into his laptop and find a way to listen to his phone calls to accurately gauge

the damage to my reputation.

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amen brenda!! best wishes on your healing journey. Â ann

Subject: never enough

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2010, 5:01 PM

Â

Amen Doug!!

Through this wonderful site and much reading on BPD I realized FINALLYÂ

that

it wasn't me/ now or ever. I bought/ did/ tried everything to make nada

happy.Â

Always felt guilty. DAMN her.

I have finally grown up/Â Set boundaries/Â and life is worth living/Â I only

have to work on my sense of well being and not fix her or anyone else.Â

Whew!!!!

Thanks everyone!

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Share on other sites

amen brenda!! best wishes on your healing journey. Â ann

Subject: never enough

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2010, 5:01 PM

Â

Amen Doug!!

Through this wonderful site and much reading on BPD I realized FINALLYÂ

that

it wasn't me/ now or ever. I bought/ did/ tried everything to make nada

happy.Â

Always felt guilty. DAMN her.

I have finally grown up/Â Set boundaries/Â and life is worth living/Â I only

have to work on my sense of well being and not fix her or anyone else.Â

Whew!!!!

Thanks everyone!

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