Re: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie,

I would like to thank you for replying to my message and for your words of

support.  That is exactly what my husband says to me too...........in fact she

has already broken one of my boundaries that I had in place by contacting me

again, as I said to her that I would contact her when I am good and ready etc.

It is so sad that we cannot have a normal relationship with our moms, that is

what hurts me the most out of it all.

I just wish that she would see how damaged she is and get help.  But i need to

move on from that and concentrate on me for a change.

Thanks again

Hugs x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 3:59:22 PM

Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

 

Hi ,

I think your husband is right, the chirpy, perky message is meant to hoover you

back in to communicate with her.

It will do no harm to wait a while longer before responding, if you do choose to

respond.

If her good will toward you is genuine, she will be fine with you waiting as

long as you need to, until you are in a stronger, healthier place, before you

resume contact.

-Annie

>

> Hi All,

>

> Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a while, got

caught

>

> up in life.

>

> I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list for over 12

> months............yipeeee finally!

>

> Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message from my nada

>using

>

> her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing really well

and

>

> she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has been sold and that

> my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is 72.  Mentioned

> that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on the end wishing

me

>

> a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every minute of the

> day...........(my beautiful daughter)  thank kinda freaked me out.

>

> My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is coming up to

> christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait until Im done with

> therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I am strong

enough.

>

> However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me 100% but he can

>see

>

> from an outsiders view what she is doing.  As in the message was all about

her

> and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems to think that

she

>

> is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always be hers.

>

> I am so confused

>

> Any thoughts on this

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie,

Thank you so much for your reply.  Yes she is very very toxic she has never

once

in my life protected me or my sister against anything, in fact we had to mother

her when we were growing up.

I have been two years no contact with her and I am starting to find out who I

am, the real , its scary but it is so liberating and nice at the same

time, alot of emotions involved though that I blocked out for many many years.

I think the hardest part for me is finally accepting that my mother will never

be the mother that I want her to be, I keep waiting for that change to happen,

but I know in my heart of hearts that it never will............and that hurts

like hell.

But after reading many replies to my post today including yours and looking at

the healthy happy, abuse free home that I have built there is no way that I am

going to be manipulated back to that life and throw away my happiness and self

respect and love.

I start CBT therapy this week and I really cannot wait to start, and finally

once and for all wash her out of my system, and let the real me continue to grow

and grow.

Thank you so much for your advice and ensuring me that I am not insane or

anything, that it is her, and that I am not the bad one here for keeping no

contact.

I think to my mom all I am is a product and not a person, a product for her to

control whenever she feels the need to.

Lots of hugs

xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 4:38:39 PM

Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

 

Hi ,

Now that you've shared your back-story again, it seems to me that your nada has

a *long-standing pattern* of very, very toxic behaviors toward you and others.

She has shown you that she wants to do real harm to you and your husband and

child particularly in making charges with Child Protective Services against you.

She has shown you that she is dangerous to you.

In such a case as yours, my opinion is that its in your best interest to

maintain No Contact.

Her " nice " letter is just a lure, its false and manipulative. I think that she

knows your weakness: that you yearn to have her mother-love, and she is using

that to lure you. But what she is offering you is fake. Its an illusion, and

probably never existed. Her behaviors are not the loving, protective behaviors

of a real mother.

Actions and behaviors speak louder than words. Words are cheap.

I hope you will find the strength to protect yourself and your family from

further abuse by your nada. I hope that you lean into the real love that your

husband and your child have for you take strength from that true love.

-Annie

>

> Thanks Kim.  Well a brief over view on my nada, she has put me down all my

life

>

> and played games with me like most nadas do.  She sent me to live with her

> father when I was 9 and he sexually abused me, she knew this and did nothing

> about it.  He also abused her too when she was younger.  When I was 15 I

>decided

>

> to take him to court to prosecute, but they threw it out of court as nada

would

>

> not stand up and say it happened to her also.

>

> Then nada after all this has gone on still lets my younger sister go visit the

> monster, I found out last year that he had also abused my younger sister too.

>

> Everytime I asked mom to get threapy she would label me mentally ill, call me

> biploar and that I need help etc, she contacted child services and tried to

>have

>

> my son taken away from me all because I moved away from her to heal my past.

>

> There is so much that I could go into, but she seems to forget all this like

it

>

> has not happened then sends me a message like that whilst I am trying my best

>to

>

> heal.

>

> xx

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:10:34 PM

> Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

>

> Only you can decide what is right for you.  As for my opinion, it sounds

> like a hoover maneuver to me.  The last time I spoke to my nada she was

> being polite like that.  Then, a few minuted later I received the business

> end of a rage the likes of which I had never seen.

>

> I do not know your back story and what your nada is like though.  At least

> take a little time and think it through.

>

> --

>

>

> “I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.â€-- Author

Unknown*

> *

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like a manipulative hoover maneuver to me lady. Delete and stay

strong.

What is CBT?

On Sun, Nov 14, 2010 at 9:54 AM, Newton wrote:

>

>

> Hi Annie,

>

> Thank you so much for your reply. Yes she is very very toxic she has never

> once

> in my life protected me or my sister against anything, in fact we had to

> mother

> her when we were growing up.

>

> I have been two years no contact with her and I am starting to find out who

> I

> am, the real , its scary but it is so liberating and nice at the same

>

> time, alot of emotions involved though that I blocked out for many many

> years.

>

> I think the hardest part for me is finally accepting that my mother will

> never

> be the mother that I want her to be, I keep waiting for that change to

> happen,

> but I know in my heart of hearts that it never will............and that

> hurts

> like hell.

>

> But after reading many replies to my post today including yours and looking

> at

> the healthy happy, abuse free home that I have built there is no way that I

> am

> going to be manipulated back to that life and throw away my happiness and

> self

> respect and love.

>

> I start CBT therapy this week and I really cannot wait to start, and

> finally

> once and for all wash her out of my system, and let the real me continue to

> grow

> and grow.

>

> Thank you so much for your advice and ensuring me that I am not insane or

> anything, that it is her, and that I am not the bad one here for keeping no

>

> contact.

>

> I think to my mom all I am is a product and not a person, a product for her

> to

> control whenever she feels the need to.

>

> Lots of hugs

> xx

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: anuria67854 <anuria-67854@... <anuria-67854%40mypacks.net>>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 4:38:39 PM

>

> Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

>

>

> Hi ,

>

> Now that you've shared your back-story again, it seems to me that your nada

> has

> a *long-standing pattern* of very, very toxic behaviors toward you and

> others.

>

> She has shown you that she wants to do real harm to you and your husband

> and

> child particularly in making charges with Child Protective Services against

> you.

> She has shown you that she is dangerous to you.

>

> In such a case as yours, my opinion is that its in your best interest to

> maintain No Contact.

>

> Her " nice " letter is just a lure, its false and manipulative. I think that

> she

> knows your weakness: that you yearn to have her mother-love, and she is

> using

> that to lure you. But what she is offering you is fake. Its an illusion,

> and

> probably never existed. Her behaviors are not the loving, protective

> behaviors

> of a real mother.

>

> Actions and behaviors speak louder than words. Words are cheap.

>

> I hope you will find the strength to protect yourself and your family from

> further abuse by your nada. I hope that you lean into the real love that

> your

> husband and your child have for you take strength from that true love.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Thanks Kim. Well a brief over view on my nada, she has put me down all

> my life

> >

> > and played games with me like most nadas do. She sent me to live with

> her

> > father when I was 9 and he sexually abused me, she knew this and did

> nothing

> > about it. He also abused her too when she was younger. When I was 15 I

> >decided

> >

> > to take him to court to prosecute, but they threw it out of court as nada

> would

> >

> > not stand up and say it happened to her also.

> >

> > Then nada after all this has gone on still lets my younger sister go

> visit the

>

> > monster, I found out last year that he had also abused my younger sister

> too.

> >

> > Everytime I asked mom to get threapy she would label me mentally ill,

> call me

> > biploar and that I need help etc, she contacted child services and tried

> to

> >have

> >

> > my son taken away from me all because I moved away from her to heal my

> past.

> >

> > There is so much that I could go into, but she seems to forget all this

> like it

> >

> > has not happened then sends me a message like that whilst I am trying my

> best

> >to

> >

> > heal.

> >

> > xx

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> > Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:10:34 PM

> > Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

> >

> > Only you can decide what is right for you. As for my opinion, it sounds

> > like a hoover maneuver to me. The last time I spoke to my nada she was

> > being polite like that. Then, a few minuted later I received the

> business

>

> > end of a rage the likes of which I had never seen.

> >

> > I do not know your back story and what your nada is like though. At

> least

>

> > take a little time and think it through.

> >

> > --

> >

> >

> > “I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author

> Unknown*

>

> > *

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Cognative Behavioral Therapy.

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author Unknown*

*