Re: The Am I the one with BPD? question

[Guest guest]

my therapist said that a BPD's greatest trick is making you feel like you're the

crazy one...my mother did it and I do the same thing with questioning whether I

have it. I have major abandonment issues and this is one thing I feel makes me

all borderline-y. But my therapist assures me I am not bpd....still, I worry.

Like what am I denying? Maybe she doesn't see...or something like that.

The " Am I the one with BPD? " question

Dear WTO Adult Children,

I have noticed some threads dealing with the question of whether we are the ones

with BPD or nadas accusing us of such. Have you been beat down to the point that

you start to feel you are the one with the problem?

My husband and I used to spend hours analyzing our family members trying to find

a good role model or some way to " let them off the hook " for crazy, hurtful

actions like yelling/screaming at us, sexually molesting our child, or stealing.

We felt that we must be terrible people because so many of our family members

were angry at us for making boundaries to limit visits that erupted in raging

dogfights.

Our basic logic was: if we think so many people around us are f****ed up, then

it must actually be us. Finally, we realized that it is possible for several

people from the same family system to have serious issues (likely even). Of

course, we have many things to work on also, but we are not hurting them like

they are hurting us.

Then we realized the most f****ed up thing we did was letting them have our

babies alone EVER. Protect yourself and your children.

[Guest guest]

my therapist said that a BPD's greatest trick is making you feel like you're the

crazy one...my mother did it and I do the same thing with questioning whether I

have it. I have major abandonment issues and this is one thing I feel makes me

all borderline-y. But my therapist assures me I am not bpd....still, I worry.

Like what am I denying? Maybe she doesn't see...or something like that.

The " Am I the one with BPD? " question

Dear WTO Adult Children,

I have noticed some threads dealing with the question of whether we are the ones

with BPD or nadas accusing us of such. Have you been beat down to the point that

you start to feel you are the one with the problem?

My husband and I used to spend hours analyzing our family members trying to find

a good role model or some way to " let them off the hook " for crazy, hurtful

actions like yelling/screaming at us, sexually molesting our child, or stealing.

We felt that we must be terrible people because so many of our family members

were angry at us for making boundaries to limit visits that erupted in raging

dogfights.

Our basic logic was: if we think so many people around us are f****ed up, then

it must actually be us. Finally, we realized that it is possible for several

people from the same family system to have serious issues (likely even). Of

course, we have many things to work on also, but we are not hurting them like

they are hurting us.

Then we realized the most f****ed up thing we did was letting them have our

babies alone EVER. Protect yourself and your children.

[Guest guest]

Yes, yes, yes! That is exactly me. I'm even the one who spent time in the

mental hospital. Mom never let the doctors get near her. She even asked me

once, " Why do you tell them how you really feel? That's why they catch you! I

never let them know. "

How's that working for you Mom?

The difference is, I told some counselors the truth 15 years ago and am living a

productive, happy life except for having to deal with nada. I got better -

that's the difference. (nowhere near perfect, but at least I tried and continue

to try for my children's sake)

I love that term - " borderline-y " . ha ha

I went on some BPD websites to see if I fit better there, figuring I have a LOT

of work to do. I just couldn't relate at all. I mean, I couldn't begin to

identify with the whole forum on " firing your therapist " and hateful things

these people were saying. I was not judging, just realizing that I cannot

relate.

You are SO NOT BPD. Just your writing style makes it nearly obvious. Of

course, I'm not qualified and all that. But that's my opinion, for what it's

worth. :-)

>

> my therapist said that a BPD's greatest trick is making you feel like you're

the crazy one...my mother did it and I do the same thing with questioning

whether I have it. I have major abandonment issues and this is one thing I feel

makes me all borderline-y. But my therapist assures me I am not bpd....still, I

worry. Like what am I denying? Maybe she doesn't see...or something like that.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My apologies. Strike that comment from the record. I just remembered the

guideline that we're not supposed to give advice or opinions, just share our own

experiences.

So, my experience has been that I exhibit BPD traits and learned behaviors, but

have never been diagnosed BPD, just depressed from living with someone else who

has it.

>

>> You are SO NOT BPD. Just your writing style makes it nearly obvious. Of

course, I'm not qualified and all that. But that's my opinion, for what it's

worth. :-)

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Totally relating to what you're saying. It's hard. I really felt a strong

resonance with the idea that, if you've got everybody in your life telling you

the same thing, the problem must actually be you. Since I started to avoid

contact with my mother, that's what it's been like for me. As long as I didn't

rock the boat, they'd be willing to point out that everybody has trouble getting

along with my mother. (I mean literally everyone.) But now that I'm stirring

things up, that's all turned on me.

Thanks for your advice about protecting the children. When the pressure to cave

gets to be too much, that's what keeps me going. I'm not worried about physical

abuse - it's happened, but it's rare compared to the emotional abuse I endured.

What worries me the most is that once I have kids, my mother will try to teach

them to hate their father as much as she does.

Psyclone

>

> Dear WTO Adult Children,

>

> I have noticed some threads dealing with the question of whether we are the

ones with BPD or nadas accusing us of such. Have you been beat down to the

point that you start to feel you are the one with the problem?

>

> My husband and I used to spend hours analyzing our family members trying to

find a good role model or some way to " let them off the hook " for crazy, hurtful

actions like yelling/screaming at us, sexually molesting our child, or stealing.

We felt that we must be terrible people because so many of our family members

were angry at us for making boundaries to limit visits that erupted in raging

dogfights.

>

> Our basic logic was: if we think so many people around us are f****ed up, then

it must actually be us. Finally, we realized that it is possible for several

people from the same family system to have serious issues (likely even). Of

course, we have many things to work on also, but we are not hurting them like

they are hurting us.

>

> Then we realized the most f****ed up thing we did was letting them have our

babies alone EVER. Protect yourself and your children.

>

[Guest guest]

That is EXACTLY what my nada used to say!! WORD FOR WORD!!!!

Everyone (especially medical professions) were out to get her, and they had to

be battled and lied to.

If she spent as much energy on getting treatment as she did avoiding it, I think

my siblings would have turned out a lot better.

>

> Yes, yes, yes! That is exactly me. I'm even the one who spent time in the

mental hospital. Mom never let the doctors get near her. She even asked me

once, " Why do you tell them how you really feel? That's why they catch you! I

never let them know. "

>

> How's that working for you Mom?

>

> The difference is, I told some counselors the truth 15 years ago and am living

a productive, happy life except for having to deal with nada. I got better -

that's the difference. (nowhere near perfect, but at least I tried and continue

to try for my children's sake)

>

> I love that term - " borderline-y " . ha ha

>

> I went on some BPD websites to see if I fit better there, figuring I have a

LOT of work to do. I just couldn't relate at all. I mean, I couldn't begin to

identify with the whole forum on " firing your therapist " and hateful things

these people were saying. I was not judging, just realizing that I cannot

relate.

>

> You are SO NOT BPD. Just your writing style makes it nearly obvious. Of

course, I'm not qualified and all that. But that's my opinion, for what it's

worth. :-)

>

>

>