Re: verbal abuse

[Guest guest]

Simply to control. You control the person (and therefore their bank account) by

fear.

Nadas are the same - they use fear to control and get what they want from you.

Funny how I missed the similarities at the time.

> >

> > The religion I used to be in had some lovely BP-like behaviours that were

taught and encouraged. The main one was called an SRA (severe reality

adjustment), otherwise known as " face-ripping " .

> > This is where you get someone in a position where they cant escape (church

office, back room, wherever they are positioned that they cant get to the door

past you). Then you scream abuse it them for as long as it takes for them to

break. They are not allowed to say anything in defense. You scream whatever

nasty, horrid accusations you can come up with, until they are so traumatised

they will toe the line. Even better if the person knows other parishioners can

hear through the walls, the more humiliating the better.

> >

> > It used to trigger the hell out of me (as well as being hell in itself) and

was one of the main reasons I left.

> >

> > Now when I talk of nadas behaviour, I refer to it as face-ripping. It gives

people a bit more of an idea of how severe it is - its not just a parent being

angry, or telling you off. Its full-on abuse, and as detestable as that term is

to me, it describes it well.

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Casey

Your comment hit a nerve for me. She actually used the words " you're so

sensitive " to me all the time. Basically saying that my being upset was my

fault. That I had no right to be upset at her name-calling and mocking and

cruelty. I thought of myself this way for a long time, as a negative trait.

I also had a brother, who endured the same treatment, though slightly

differently as he was a boy. He seemed to let it all roll off his back. He was

passive aggressive, and never complains about mom or his childhood. I was

jealous of his coping mechanism. Until I saw who he married. EEEK. Crazy as they

come. The marriage lasted 3 years.

So - now, maybe I am more sensitive than other people, maybe not. All I know is

that feeling things is not a bad thing. By feeling things deeply we focus on,

and are able to really learn about what's going on. It's a tool we can use.

And I agree with everyone's comments about how horrible emotional abuse is, and

one of the things that makes me nuts is other people trying to say it's not that

bad. Yes it is!

You're not crazy. It's not your fault.

_tre

>

> I feel like I was way too sensitive as a kid. My nada really only verbally

abused me, even that wasn't always that bad, it was more like being raised by a

little kid. She would tease me and scare me like she was an older sister. But I

took the weird things she told me SERIOUSLY. I was horrified of boogie-men,

ghosts of my great-grandmother, evil apemen, etc. I teased my own brother this

way and he didn't get PTSD from it! Somehow it coming from my mother just messed

me up.

>

> Anyway I mentioned to my bf the other day wondering how could I get so messed

up from that, she wasn't as bad as some of our friends parents (for example, I

have a friend who was raped by her own father, but she managed to get away and

is much stronger emotionally now than I am IMO) but somehow she gave me all

these mental disorders, and why was I such a sensitive little kid? There must

have been something wrong with me to begin with that her just SAYING THINGS to

me fucked me up for life. And he said, " I don't know, I was 30 when I met you're

mother and I think she's emotionally scarred ME. "

>

> For some reason this made me laugh, I thought I'd share it.

>

> Casey

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Casey

Your comment hit a nerve for me. She actually used the words " you're so

sensitive " to me all the time. Basically saying that my being upset was my

fault. That I had no right to be upset at her name-calling and mocking and

cruelty. I thought of myself this way for a long time, as a negative trait.

I also had a brother, who endured the same treatment, though slightly

differently as he was a boy. He seemed to let it all roll off his back. He was

passive aggressive, and never complains about mom or his childhood. I was

jealous of his coping mechanism. Until I saw who he married. EEEK. Crazy as they

come. The marriage lasted 3 years.

So - now, maybe I am more sensitive than other people, maybe not. All I know is

that feeling things is not a bad thing. By feeling things deeply we focus on,

and are able to really learn about what's going on. It's a tool we can use.

And I agree with everyone's comments about how horrible emotional abuse is, and

one of the things that makes me nuts is other people trying to say it's not that

bad. Yes it is!

You're not crazy. It's not your fault.

_tre

>

> I feel like I was way too sensitive as a kid. My nada really only verbally

abused me, even that wasn't always that bad, it was more like being raised by a

little kid. She would tease me and scare me like she was an older sister. But I

took the weird things she told me SERIOUSLY. I was horrified of boogie-men,

ghosts of my great-grandmother, evil apemen, etc. I teased my own brother this

way and he didn't get PTSD from it! Somehow it coming from my mother just messed

me up.

>

> Anyway I mentioned to my bf the other day wondering how could I get so messed

up from that, she wasn't as bad as some of our friends parents (for example, I

have a friend who was raped by her own father, but she managed to get away and

is much stronger emotionally now than I am IMO) but somehow she gave me all

these mental disorders, and why was I such a sensitive little kid? There must

have been something wrong with me to begin with that her just SAYING THINGS to

me fucked me up for life. And he said, " I don't know, I was 30 when I met you're

mother and I think she's emotionally scarred ME. "

>

> For some reason this made me laugh, I thought I'd share it.

>

> Casey

>