A Message For Our Newer Members

[Guest guest]

All of us here have been abused by our nadas (and/or our fadas/badas/sadas).

Many of us here have also been sexually abused or battered as infants.There is a

tragic correlation between having a BPD mother and being sexually

assaulted,either directly by the BPD mother or as a result of her neglect which

gives predators an opportunity to sexually victimize her children.There is also

a tragic correlation between having a BPD mother and being mistreated/battered

as an infant.

Although these correlations don't apply to every single member of this message

board,for many of us here,sexual abuse or mistreatment very early in our lives

are traumas we must deal with in addition to having a parent with BPD.

All of us need this message board to be a safe and supportive place.

I have read a couple of posts recently in which blanket statements were made vis

a vis both sexual abuse and infant battery.In one of these posts it was

suggested that someone who had been abused as an infant would have very little

chance of ever being " healthy " enough to overcome the abuse and also that such

an individual " would probably have BPD. "

I'll bet that for most of us here,one of our worst fears is being told that our

experiences with our BPD parents have also doomed us to " having " BPD.Being

abused as an infant will not inevitably " give " someone BPD nor does it

automatically preclude one from ever being healthy.It is a trauma to be dealt

with to be sure,but to tar those of us who have such a history of abuse with the

BPD brush and to say that we would not be able to be " healthy " as a result of

abuse in our infancy is extremely invalidating of both our reality as the

non-BPD offspring of BPD parents and of our positive efforts to

heal--furthermore someone who was abused as an infant did nothing to bring that

upon themselves and deserves no condemnation for something they could have done

nothing to prevent.Implying that anyone who had been abused in infancy is de

facto permanently " unhealthy " is in my opinion a condemning judgemental call--it

is also incorrect and unhelpful in the context of this message board where some

of us have had such a trauma and are working to find hope and healing.

In another post global comments were made about people who had been sexually

abused " oversexualizing everything " and " projecting onto their kids " .Those of us

here who were sexually abused are working on the issues we have from our

abuse--being sexually assaulted as a child is damaging beyond words,but again,it

doesn't automatically condemn one to mindless and destructive dysfunction.There

are members here who were sexually abused as children who are not " projecting "

it onto their kids but who are in fact conscientious parents.There are members

here who struggle every day with the fall out from being sexually violated who

are only too painfully aware of the challenges they face and who,in the context

of this message board,don't need the additional invalidation of having their

sexual abuse issues globally linked with the behavior of a BPD.The rest of

society already invalidates our experience as sexual abuse survivors in ways

similar to how it invalidates our reality as the children of the mentally

ill--and we are all here because we have awareness and want to heal and by our

participation here are seeking a community of peers,not more judgement and

invalidation.

I'm not asking members to censor themselves or to bend over backwards trying to

be " sensitive " .We've all had enough of that in dealing with our BPDs.I am simply

asking that members bear in mind that others here have significant issues

surrounding sexual abuse and abuse in infancy in particular as a direct result

of having had a BPD parent and to refrain from painting " everyone " who has

suffered such abuse with a wide,condemning brush,especially one that taints the

individual with BPD by association.

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