Re: Re: Boundaries.....

[Guest guest]

very well said.. and i agree.. this is why i was nc with my family.. too many

boundary violations.ann

Subject: Re: Boundaries.....

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2010, 9:53 AM

 

Its basically a way of saying " you can't go there " in no uncertain terms. You

know the term " she crossed the line " , that. With most people boundaries are

pretty clear (like a mother discussing her sex life with her horrified

child...thats a boundry violation) and most people stay within them, because

thats the norm. Unfortunately with us, our norm is very different.

If she goes somewhere in conversation that causes you pain, she's likely crossed

a boundary.

There are some ways you can do it without being terribly obvious about it. But

for some of the NADAs of the people here, they have had to spell it out on paper

in no uncertain terms with consequences also spelled out to them.

I'm more passive agressive in my approach.

Changing the subject for instance when she is being invasive into your business.

If that doesn't work " Oh, I have to go, I'm late for an appointment! " and hang

up, or leave her space.

Think of a boundary as a wall. You establish what is appropriate or

inappropriate from her. Just like with children.

Some people can handle more boundry violation than others.

Just keep in mind that, like a 3 year old, your NADA will challenge those

boundaries. You need to be firm.

I hope someone else can give you more concrete ideas than I have. I really think

that they're subjective and will vary depending on your situation and needs.

Some of us here are either LC or NC because there is just no way to set a

boundry with them.

>

> Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing

with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries

with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being

disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions.

>

> I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having

trouble shaking it.

>