Lost memory

[Guest guest]

I would like to ask you for some advice.

I remember a lot of weird things my nada (and fada) did to me and my sister.

Enough to see she is a werido freak. But I had a lot of blank areas. I literally

don't remember long periods of my life at that time. It is not that i would like

to remember, but I have a strong feeling that there are a lot of things and that

it would make more sense for me if I would know them. I have some strange

feeling that some really odd things happened and that there may be an

explanation for some of my reactions or feelings or behavior now. My sister

couldn't see her nada for 18 years. She had nightmares just to talk to her on

the phone. She talked to her almost every day and died comletely messed up with

fobias and a lot of other things. She felt enormous guilt because she couldn't

see nada and she even didn't remember things I did. She repressed them

completely. Now I'm wondering what else is hidden?

Nada is now " old, fragile, nice, suffering " lady who has no power over me

anymore. I live on my own since I was 18 ( now 44) I alomost feel sorry for her

( exept when I'm totaly pissed off because of her waif behavior) She is

completely over reacting on everything and than she say or do something and I

see she is still cold psychopatic bitch ( with no power any more to harm me...)

I'm very LC to her, so may be it doesn't matter if I don't remember all what was

happening when I was little. But something knocking on my mind all the time .

" remember, remember....but WHAT???

I tried a lot of things to remember that but it is impossible to enter that

door.

Does any of you have the same problem. Or may be some solution:-)?