Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Its basically a way of saying " you can't go there " in no uncertain terms. You know the term " she crossed the line " , that. With most people boundaries are pretty clear (like a mother discussing her sex life with her horrified child...thats a boundry violation) and most people stay within them, because thats the norm. Unfortunately with us, our norm is very different. If she goes somewhere in conversation that causes you pain, she's likely crossed a boundary. There are some ways you can do it without being terribly obvious about it. But for some of the NADAs of the people here, they have had to spell it out on paper in no uncertain terms with consequences also spelled out to them. I'm more passive agressive in my approach. Changing the subject for instance when she is being invasive into your business. If that doesn't work " Oh, I have to go, I'm late for an appointment! " and hang up, or leave her space. Think of a boundary as a wall. You establish what is appropriate or inappropriate from her. Just like with children. Some people can handle more boundry violation than others. Just keep in mind that, like a 3 year old, your NADA will challenge those boundaries. You need to be firm. I hope someone else can give you more concrete ideas than I have. I really think that they're subjective and will vary depending on your situation and needs. Some of us here are either LC or NC because there is just no way to set a boundry with them. > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Its basically a way of saying " you can't go there " in no uncertain terms. You know the term " she crossed the line " , that. With most people boundaries are pretty clear (like a mother discussing her sex life with her horrified child...thats a boundry violation) and most people stay within them, because thats the norm. Unfortunately with us, our norm is very different. If she goes somewhere in conversation that causes you pain, she's likely crossed a boundary. There are some ways you can do it without being terribly obvious about it. But for some of the NADAs of the people here, they have had to spell it out on paper in no uncertain terms with consequences also spelled out to them. I'm more passive agressive in my approach. Changing the subject for instance when she is being invasive into your business. If that doesn't work " Oh, I have to go, I'm late for an appointment! " and hang up, or leave her space. Think of a boundary as a wall. You establish what is appropriate or inappropriate from her. Just like with children. Some people can handle more boundry violation than others. Just keep in mind that, like a 3 year old, your NADA will challenge those boundaries. You need to be firm. I hope someone else can give you more concrete ideas than I have. I really think that they're subjective and will vary depending on your situation and needs. Some of us here are either LC or NC because there is just no way to set a boundry with them. > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Boundaries are your own set of rules for what you will or won't put up with. They're not an attempt to control others but rather a set of rules for how you react to the way others behave. For example, one of my boundaries is that I refuse to listen to my nada bad-mouth my father, my sister, or anyone else I care about. If she insists on doing so, I hang up the phone or leave. Another boundary is that I will not going running to help her with every little perceived " crisis " that isn't actually an emergency. If she truly has an emergency and needs my help. I'll help her if I can. If she's just turning some little event into great drama, or if there's nothing I can do to fix the problem, I tell her that I have work scheduled or other plans and am not able to help her now. If she keeps insisting that I do something, I firmly tell her I have to go, say " goodbye " and hang up the phone. What feels disrespectful to you about boundaries? Is it failing to do everything she wants? Is the issue verbally disagreeing with her? Is it thinking that she's not the perfect mother? Being respectful does not mean having to put up with abuse and bad behavior. If your mother can't treat you decently, it is not disrespectful to do something about it. The fact that she's your biological parent does not make her your superior. You're an adult and you get to make your own choices and live your own life. One of the hardest parts of dealing with a nada is that they generally don't accept that. If she's misbehaving, you can politely but firmly state that you are not going to listen/be treated that way/discuss that subject/do what she wants. You can also state what the consequences of her misbehavior are going to be, then follow through. (Or you can just follow through without spelling things out for her and let her learn by experience that you will no longer be her doormat.) If you continue to have trouble with the idea of respect, you might want to consider just what it is. Respect is something that should be earned. Nadas often fail to do anything at all to earn it. Respect is also something that should be a two-way street. People that you show respect to should show respect back. It won't always be the same type of respect, but it should be appropriate to your relationship. The respect that a boss shows to an employee is different from the respect that an employee shows to the boss, but it should still be there. The same is true of your relationship with your mother. If she expects respect from you, she should also be showing you respect. At 10:23 AM 11/23/2010 finallytsquared wrote: >Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it >comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) >say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that >mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have >not found a way and am open to suggestions. > >I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over >me. I am having trouble shaking it. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Thank you Katrina. This post helped me a lot. I feel guilty that I put my mother in a nursing home. I think it is more of me grieving than feeling guilty. I am glad I did it though because she is getting better (physically); her color is back, her sugars are more controlled, she is sleeping better. Every time I go see her (I have tried to see her once a week) she is always telling me that I have screwed her. That I have messed up her life. She is even telling other people this and they have called me to talk to me about it. I don't believe that I have screwed her. Yet, I don't want to listen to it when I go visit her. So I have had no contact with her for two weeks now. The nursing home administrator called me and asked me to call her because she (my mom) wanted me to. My mom has attempted to call me, but I have ignored her calls. I feel that I should try to call her. Yet I don't want to because I don't want to be reminded of how I have " screwed " her and that she is sad because she is stuck in the nursing home while the rest of us are enjoying the holidays. So my thought was when I call her and she asks me why I haven't been in touch, I will tell her that I no longer wanted to cause her any pain since I have " screwed " her life. Furthermore, when she no longer feels that I have " screwed " her life, I will be more than happy to be in touch with her again. Am I on the right track? > >Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it > >comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) > >say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that > >mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have > >not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > >I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over > >me. I am having trouble shaking it. > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Thank you Katrina. This post helped me a lot. I feel guilty that I put my mother in a nursing home. I think it is more of me grieving than feeling guilty. I am glad I did it though because she is getting better (physically); her color is back, her sugars are more controlled, she is sleeping better. Every time I go see her (I have tried to see her once a week) she is always telling me that I have screwed her. That I have messed up her life. She is even telling other people this and they have called me to talk to me about it. I don't believe that I have screwed her. Yet, I don't want to listen to it when I go visit her. So I have had no contact with her for two weeks now. The nursing home administrator called me and asked me to call her because she (my mom) wanted me to. My mom has attempted to call me, but I have ignored her calls. I feel that I should try to call her. Yet I don't want to because I don't want to be reminded of how I have " screwed " her and that she is sad because she is stuck in the nursing home while the rest of us are enjoying the holidays. So my thought was when I call her and she asks me why I haven't been in touch, I will tell her that I no longer wanted to cause her any pain since I have " screwed " her life. Furthermore, when she no longer feels that I have " screwed " her life, I will be more than happy to be in touch with her again. Am I on the right track? > >Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it > >comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) > >say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that > >mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have > >not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > >I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over > >me. I am having trouble shaking it. > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 > How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > The first step might be to evaluate what " respectful " means to you. I was taught growing up that saying " no " to my mother in any way for any reason was " rude, " " ugly, " " spoiled, " and disrespectful. I have since learned that it is not disrespectful to communicate my personal limits, even if my mother doesn't like them. I think respect for another person is acknowledging that he has his own unique identity, feelings, and needs, and communicating my own needs and expectations clearly and without yelling or name-calling. I have set all kinds of boundaries with her that have hurt her feelings. I have done so clearly, acknowledging her feelings, and not getting baited into arguments or yelling. I have been very respectful. My mother interprets these limits as me being ungrateful and angry, and even tells my father that I yell at her when I do it. But I know the truth. I know I am respectful even if I am not acquiescent. I learned a technique for interacting with my kids that is helpful for interacting with my mother. The mnemonic acronym is ACT: 1)Acknowledge the other person's feeling. e.g., " , it looks like you are upset that Bobby took your toy without asking. I think that would make me upset, too. " 2) Communicate the limit. e.g., " Your brother is not for hitting. " 3) Target an alternative. e.g., " When you feel upset, it's okay to hit your pillow, or go outside and shoot the basketball. If your brother takes your things, you can ask me for help instead of hitting. " SWOE has another good technique with a different acronym that works pretty much the same way. Use what works for you. This is hard in the beginning because we have been trained to avoid and feel guilty about any behavior that might make our BPD parent upset. I can guarantee you that your mother is not going to like your boundaries. But we need them, and it is really important to begin establishing that we are our own people with our own personal limits. Good luck! KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 > How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > The first step might be to evaluate what " respectful " means to you. I was taught growing up that saying " no " to my mother in any way for any reason was " rude, " " ugly, " " spoiled, " and disrespectful. I have since learned that it is not disrespectful to communicate my personal limits, even if my mother doesn't like them. I think respect for another person is acknowledging that he has his own unique identity, feelings, and needs, and communicating my own needs and expectations clearly and without yelling or name-calling. I have set all kinds of boundaries with her that have hurt her feelings. I have done so clearly, acknowledging her feelings, and not getting baited into arguments or yelling. I have been very respectful. My mother interprets these limits as me being ungrateful and angry, and even tells my father that I yell at her when I do it. But I know the truth. I know I am respectful even if I am not acquiescent. I learned a technique for interacting with my kids that is helpful for interacting with my mother. The mnemonic acronym is ACT: 1)Acknowledge the other person's feeling. e.g., " , it looks like you are upset that Bobby took your toy without asking. I think that would make me upset, too. " 2) Communicate the limit. e.g., " Your brother is not for hitting. " 3) Target an alternative. e.g., " When you feel upset, it's okay to hit your pillow, or go outside and shoot the basketball. If your brother takes your things, you can ask me for help instead of hitting. " SWOE has another good technique with a different acronym that works pretty much the same way. Use what works for you. This is hard in the beginning because we have been trained to avoid and feel guilty about any behavior that might make our BPD parent upset. I can guarantee you that your mother is not going to like your boundaries. But we need them, and it is really important to begin establishing that we are our own people with our own personal limits. Good luck! KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Thank you. This post helps. I never really looked at it like that before. > > > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Thank you. This post helps. I never really looked at it like that before. > > > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Truly, the hard part is realizing and accepting that you have the *right* as an adult to decide what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from your mother. You have the right to be respected, yourself. With mentally healthy mothers and adult daughter relationships there is *mutual respect* for each other, born of love. Let's say (for the sake of demonstration) that your mother phones you in order to bad-mouth your husband to you, even though you've asked her not to do that, over and over again. So, the boundary you set up for yourself is " the topic of my husband is off-limits " . As mentioned in earlier posts, you can inform your nada of this boundary directly or indirectly. You could say to your mother when she brings up the subject of your husband. " I'd like to talk about something else, mom, how is your sister? " which is more indirect; you've redirected her attention to another topic. If your mother is persistent and brings up the subject again, you could be more direct. " I'm not going to discuss my husband with you, mother. Is there something else you'd like to talk about? " and if she is very persistent and brings it up yet again, you can say, " I can see that you only want to discuss my husband with me now, but I'm not going to do that. I'll talk to you later. I'm hanging up now. 'Bye. " If your mother escalates: if she begins to call more frequently to discuss your husband or if she attacks you for not wanting to discuss your husband, you could say, " I'm not going to listen when you talk to me like that. I'll talk to you in two weeks if you'd like to talk about other things. I'm hanging up now, 'bye. " So as a consequence of her not respecting your boundary, you're cutting back on the frequency of contact with her. And you have to be consistent, just like with a small child. If you waver or give in, your mother will exploit your weakness. What I have described is in no way disrespectful. Calling your mother horrible names or screaming at her and slamming the phone down in her ear would be disrespectful. What I have described is just being assertive, like an adult. This will be difficult at first but it will get easier as you accept the idea that you yourself have the right to be respected as an adult. Asking for respect for yourself is OK, is not the same as being disrespectful to your mother. I hope that helps. -Annie > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Let me suggest a wonderful book to help you. It is called Bounderies, by Dr s Cloud and Townsend. Doug > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Hi, " Boundaries " by Henry Cloud and Townsend is an excellent book. The authors are Christians, fyi, but the concepts are practical for situations like ours. > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 again, i think this is very well said.. and i agree.. thanks for the clear way you have explained it.  respect is a very important and precious thing.ann >Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it >comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) >say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that >mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have >not found a way and am open to suggestions. > >I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over >me. I am having trouble shaking it. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 excellent suggestions i think.. again, another very helpful post about respect and boundaries.ann Subject: Re: Boundaries..... To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2010, 10:26 AM  > How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > The first step might be to evaluate what " respectful " means to you. I was taught growing up that saying " no " to my mother in any way for any reason was " rude, " " ugly, " " spoiled, " and disrespectful. I have since learned that it is not disrespectful to communicate my personal limits, even if my mother doesn't like them. I think respect for another person is acknowledging that he has his own unique identity, feelings, and needs, and communicating my own needs and expectations clearly and without yelling or name-calling. I have set all kinds of boundaries with her that have hurt her feelings. I have done so clearly, acknowledging her feelings, and not getting baited into arguments or yelling. I have been very respectful. My mother interprets these limits as me being ungrateful and angry, and even tells my father that I yell at her when I do it. But I know the truth. I know I am respectful even if I am not acquiescent. I learned a technique for interacting with my kids that is helpful for interacting with my mother. The mnemonic acronym is ACT: 1)Acknowledge the other person's feeling. e.g., " , it looks like you are upset that Bobby took your toy without asking. I think that would make me upset, too. " 2) Communicate the limit. e.g., " Your brother is not for hitting. " 3) Target an alternative. e.g., " When you feel upset, it's okay to hit your pillow, or go outside and shoot the basketball. If your brother takes your things, you can ask me for help instead of hitting. " SWOE has another good technique with a different acronym that works pretty much the same way. Use what works for you. This is hard in the beginning because we have been trained to avoid and feel guilty about any behavior that might make our BPD parent upset. I can guarantee you that your mother is not going to like your boundaries. But we need them, and it is really important to begin establishing that we are our own people with our own personal limits. Good luck! KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 excellent suggestions i think.. again, another very helpful post about respect and boundaries.ann Subject: Re: Boundaries..... To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2010, 10:26 AM  > How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > The first step might be to evaluate what " respectful " means to you. I was taught growing up that saying " no " to my mother in any way for any reason was " rude, " " ugly, " " spoiled, " and disrespectful. I have since learned that it is not disrespectful to communicate my personal limits, even if my mother doesn't like them. I think respect for another person is acknowledging that he has his own unique identity, feelings, and needs, and communicating my own needs and expectations clearly and without yelling or name-calling. I have set all kinds of boundaries with her that have hurt her feelings. I have done so clearly, acknowledging her feelings, and not getting baited into arguments or yelling. I have been very respectful. My mother interprets these limits as me being ungrateful and angry, and even tells my father that I yell at her when I do it. But I know the truth. I know I am respectful even if I am not acquiescent. I learned a technique for interacting with my kids that is helpful for interacting with my mother. The mnemonic acronym is ACT: 1)Acknowledge the other person's feeling. e.g., " , it looks like you are upset that Bobby took your toy without asking. I think that would make me upset, too. " 2) Communicate the limit. e.g., " Your brother is not for hitting. " 3) Target an alternative. e.g., " When you feel upset, it's okay to hit your pillow, or go outside and shoot the basketball. If your brother takes your things, you can ask me for help instead of hitting. " SWOE has another good technique with a different acronym that works pretty much the same way. Use what works for you. This is hard in the beginning because we have been trained to avoid and feel guilty about any behavior that might make our BPD parent upset. I can guarantee you that your mother is not going to like your boundaries. But we need them, and it is really important to begin establishing that we are our own people with our own personal limits. Good luck! KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 excellent suggestions i think.. again, another very helpful post about respect and boundaries.ann Subject: Re: Boundaries..... To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2010, 10:26 AM  > How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > The first step might be to evaluate what " respectful " means to you. I was taught growing up that saying " no " to my mother in any way for any reason was " rude, " " ugly, " " spoiled, " and disrespectful. I have since learned that it is not disrespectful to communicate my personal limits, even if my mother doesn't like them. I think respect for another person is acknowledging that he has his own unique identity, feelings, and needs, and communicating my own needs and expectations clearly and without yelling or name-calling. I have set all kinds of boundaries with her that have hurt her feelings. I have done so clearly, acknowledging her feelings, and not getting baited into arguments or yelling. I have been very respectful. My mother interprets these limits as me being ungrateful and angry, and even tells my father that I yell at her when I do it. But I know the truth. I know I am respectful even if I am not acquiescent. I learned a technique for interacting with my kids that is helpful for interacting with my mother. The mnemonic acronym is ACT: 1)Acknowledge the other person's feeling. e.g., " , it looks like you are upset that Bobby took your toy without asking. I think that would make me upset, too. " 2) Communicate the limit. e.g., " Your brother is not for hitting. " 3) Target an alternative. e.g., " When you feel upset, it's okay to hit your pillow, or go outside and shoot the basketball. If your brother takes your things, you can ask me for help instead of hitting. " SWOE has another good technique with a different acronym that works pretty much the same way. Use what works for you. This is hard in the beginning because we have been trained to avoid and feel guilty about any behavior that might make our BPD parent upset. I can guarantee you that your mother is not going to like your boundaries. But we need them, and it is really important to begin establishing that we are our own people with our own personal limits. Good luck! KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Read " Boundaries " by Cloud & Townsend last year. BEST BOOK I EVER READ!!!!! Changed my life! I didn't know that we KO's were allowed to set boundaries!!!!! Turns out, everyone needs to set boundaries to enjoy a balanced life. Who knew?? Hey, they gave birth to us.......doesn't mean they OWN us. We were brought up to think they did own us. Read the book, get healthy, love yourself. Until you heal, it's probably a good idea to socialize with her for a while. This healing process takes a while. Just when I think I'm healed and strong, it turns out they try to " suck me back in " again. I'm not falling for it this time. Take care of YOU. You're worth it dear!!!!! Laurie In a message dated 11/24/2010 8:31:24 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, hermitsdaughter@... writes: Hi, " Boundaries " by Henry Cloud and Townsend is an excellent book. The authors are Christians, fyi, but the concepts are practical for situations like ours. > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am having trouble shaking it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 " Boundaries " is one of my favorite books too! One good thing with the book is that they don't spend time on diagnosing the problem, but just give solutions that work in any situation. p.s. When you said it's a good idea to socialize with her, did you mean NOT socialize with her? Not sure, just wondered? -Coal Miner's Daughter > > > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to > dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy > boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without > being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am > having trouble shaking it. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 " Boundaries " is one of my favorite books too! One good thing with the book is that they don't spend time on diagnosing the problem, but just give solutions that work in any situation. p.s. When you said it's a good idea to socialize with her, did you mean NOT socialize with her? Not sure, just wondered? -Coal Miner's Daughter > > > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to > dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy > boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without > being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am > having trouble shaking it. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 " Boundaries " is one of my favorite books too! One good thing with the book is that they don't spend time on diagnosing the problem, but just give solutions that work in any situation. p.s. When you said it's a good idea to socialize with her, did you mean NOT socialize with her? Not sure, just wondered? -Coal Miner's Daughter > > > > Will someone please explain to me what boundaries are when it comes to > dealing with your BPD mother? Therapists (and others) say to set healthy > boundaries with your mother. What does that mean? How can you do this without > being disrespectful? I have not found a way and am open to suggestions. > > > > I am stuck in the mindset that my mother is superior over me. I am > having trouble shaking it. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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