Re: what is this behavior called?

[Guest guest]

I don't know what that behavior is called, but I'm sorry you had

to go through things like that.

I do have an opinion on them having their own version of

reality. I think that they start out lying to themselves because

they can't deal with the truth. That leads to lying to others

too. Eventually they end up believing what they've told

themselves and only remembering the false version of whatever it

was. Sometimes they change the truth in little increments, other

times they totally change the truth right away. I've seen my

nada do it both ways and I believe that she really believes all

the old stories she tells that are almost completely wrong. What

you describe is beyond anything my nada has done though. She

usually waits until after the fact to change reality. Changing

it while it is happening is more extreme.

At 10:11 AM 11/22/2010 my4fireflies wrote:

>Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME

>of the behavior. I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I

>hadn't said ANYTHING but agree with whatever she was ranting

>about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept raging on and

>on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

>called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM!

>You are grounded! Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I

>burst into tears (it was so crazymaking!). I ran to my room and

>my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I felt so insane. I

>asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I was

>so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis

>assured me that nada said it but told me to just go along with

>the punishment. It would be easier that way.

>Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking

> " call the police! I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was

>curled up in ball and never swung at her! My 8 yo bro ran to

>get the neighbor rather than call the police because I wasnt

>doing ANYTHING!!!

>And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her

>and threw up his arms in exasperation and walked away. She

>ducked and coward against the counter, saying " help! He's gonna

>hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

>The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The

>3rd is some weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for

>these types of behaviors?

>Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or

>are they lying to cover their tracks?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

That really is crazymaking behavior. My therapist said BPD's have a way of

making you feel like you're the crazy one.

I think they do lie and I think they, for the most part, know what they're

doing. My mother did similar things as yours. Like, my uncle once slapped me in

the face so hard that I fell backwards. My mother stood right there and watched

it. Then later she said, " What in the world did you do to your face? You are so

clumsy! "

She would also say things like, " Do I need to go to your school and tell your

teacher/classmates what you've done? Is that what you want? Should we go tell

everyone what you did? Maybe we should call the police (insert her picking up

the phone and me beginning to panic and cry and plead with her not to)! " As if

it was some way to instill embarrassment in me so I'd keep from telling it.

The crazy thing is, it worked and now I'm spending months and months in therapy

trying to undo it all.

what is this behavior called?

Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior. I

once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree with

whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police! I'm

being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at her!

My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I wasnt

doing ANYTHING!!!

And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the counter,

saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some weird

kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

[Guest guest]

I think you nailed it: what your mother did is called " projecting " (her own

words and actions were " flung " onto you) but I'm also leaning toward the notion

that projecting behavior is so far removed from reality that it *ought* be

considered " psychotic " , which just means " a break with reality. "

Battering your child while screaming that you, yourself are being assaulted

seems pretty freaking psychotic to me, anyway.

I don't think there's any way to really know the truth when an individual says

she doesn't remember doing crazy, bad stuff. She could simply be lying to cover

her own butt and avoid the consequences, or she could have truly dissociated and

her brain shuffled the memory off into some hidden compartment that she can't

access consciously.

-Annie

>

> Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior.

I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree

with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

>

[Guest guest]

I think you nailed it: what your mother did is called " projecting " (her own

words and actions were " flung " onto you) but I'm also leaning toward the notion

that projecting behavior is so far removed from reality that it *ought* be

considered " psychotic " , which just means " a break with reality. "

Battering your child while screaming that you, yourself are being assaulted

seems pretty freaking psychotic to me, anyway.

I don't think there's any way to really know the truth when an individual says

she doesn't remember doing crazy, bad stuff. She could simply be lying to cover

her own butt and avoid the consequences, or she could have truly dissociated and

her brain shuffled the memory off into some hidden compartment that she can't

access consciously.

-Annie

>

> Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior.

I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree

with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. I'm so sorry you went through that. Beatings are insane enough to have to

endure, but to also have to bear the blame for her insanity? Wow.

I believe it is called blame-shifting & projecting.

I understand it goes like this: they can't do anything wrong. Period. If they

let themselves see something " wrong " they've done, that will cause people to

split them (like they do others) and trash them (like they do others) and

abandon them (which they simply can't have). They also are enmeshed, so they

see their kids as an extension of themselves.

So . . . they are doing something horrific, like beating their kids. They can't

claim it, so they shift the blame onto an errant part of themselves that is

acting " against their will. " i.e., the child who happens to be cowering in

front of them.

For what it's worth, they actually have a moment of psychosis at those times.

Do you remember nada kind of " waking " up and having a moment of stunned

disorientation? They literally don't remember doing all of those things the

moment it's over.

What a horrible story. I hope . . . well, I just admire your fortitude for

getting out of nada's house with your own psyche intact. It's amazing you got

out of that alive and sane.

May we all heal.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior.

I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree

with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi There, I don't know exactly what this behaviour is called but it seems like

she's one of those Nadas with excessive rage inside. At any given opportunity

she lashes out to feel better. Doesn't matter how crazy and incomprehensible her

behaviour looks. It's all about her and the way for her to get rid of those

emotions. It's even more satisfying for her to create drama, lies, etc.,...

>

>

> That really is crazymaking behavior. My therapist said BPD's have a way of

making you feel like you're the crazy one.

>

> I think they do lie and I think they, for the most part, know what they're

doing. My mother did similar things as yours. Like, my uncle once slapped me in

the face so hard that I fell backwards. My mother stood right there and watched

it. Then later she said, " What in the world did you do to your face? You are so

clumsy! "

>

> She would also say things like, " Do I need to go to your school and tell your

teacher/classmates what you've done? Is that what you want? Should we go tell

everyone what you did? Maybe we should call the police (insert her picking up

the phone and me beginning to panic and cry and plead with her not to)! " As if

it was some way to instill embarrassment in me so I'd keep from telling it.

>

> The crazy thing is, it worked and now I'm spending months and months in

therapy trying to undo it all.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> what is this behavior called?

>

>

>

>

> Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior.

I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree

with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the counter,

saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am sure there's a clinical definition but I like to call this behaviour

" Batshit Crazy "

Sounds familiar, my nada used to lie and rewrite history too, telling me I

imagine things. Although in the heat of the moment, my nada was conscious of her

acts, changing her tune from waify tears to queen/witch rages and physical

violence and back again, on a dime.

There's no point in trying to convince them of the truth because they're so

enmeashed and busy projecting they can't honestly remember I think. Not that

it's an excuse, the rages and abuse are inexcusable, and unforgivable. Sorry

your nada did this to you. Stay far, far away from her please, you never know

when a house will drop on that woman.

Hugs from HF.

[Guest guest]

First of all, I am SO sorry you have to deal with that!

In my experience with my nada, I have observed that she does indeed *project*

who she is and turn it around and say that I am the " crazy one. " My nada went

to hit me a few years ago, and when I put up my arm to block her slap, she

accused me of hitting her.

My nada also says things to me like: " all you do is sit around all day and think

about how horrible I am " and " you twist what people say so that it suits the

point you are trying to make. " Needless to say, I was not the one who was doing

this.

I hope that it all gets better for you soon.

Jade

> >

> > Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the

behavior. I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING

but agree with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP.

She kept raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved

offense. She called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You

are grounded! Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was

so crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> > Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> > And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up

his arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> > The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> > Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying

to cover their tracks?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I'd go for projection. Mine is pretty good at that too - but not usually

right in the moment, that's pretty amazing.

She and I have a totally different version of history. I decided long ago to

simply put the topic of anything that happened in the past on the 'no-discuss'

list. Because hearing someone else saying the opposite of your own memory

(usually to put you in the mean bad/guy seat and themselves in the victim role)

is just crazy-making, and there's no winning such an argument. I can't imagine

how I would feel if the revisionist history happened concurrently with with the

action. In some ways I guess you could be glad, because you then have 'proof'.

it isn't your own faulty memory, it seriously is a psychotic break from reality.

You need to trust your own ears and eyes over hers. Don't let her make you crazy

too.

Also - while reading your story I was thinking about boundaries. I don't know if

this is in the literature, but it does seem to me that nada's have an extreme

version of " I'm cold so you have to wear a sweater " So they somehow don't really

compute that you are actually a different person than they are. This is just my

thoughts though, not sure if it holds any water.

-Tre

>

> Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior.

I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree

with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

>

[Guest guest]

You gave me the best laugh of the day. Thank you!!!

>

> I am sure there's a clinical definition but I like to call this behaviour

" Batshit Crazy "

>

> Sounds familiar, my nada used to lie and rewrite history too, telling me I

imagine things. Although in the heat of the moment, my nada was conscious of her

acts, changing her tune from waify tears to queen/witch rages and physical

violence and back again, on a dime.

>

> There's no point in trying to convince them of the truth because they're so

enmeashed and busy projecting they can't honestly remember I think. Not that

it's an excuse, the rages and abuse are inexcusable, and unforgivable. Sorry

your nada did this to you. Stay far, far away from her please, you never know

when a house will drop on that woman.

>

> Hugs from HF.

>

[Guest guest]

I think this is true: the " I'm cold so *you* have to wear a sweater " thing, and

so much so with my nada that I'm wondering if it even caused me to have

unnecessary surgery.

Warning: unpleasant topic coming up.

My nada hates drinking water, so much so that she has always had mild to severe

chronic constipation. Sister in particular has always nagged our nada to drink

more water or juice or something, so she wouldn't have that painful problem.

Just recently nada even had to have an operation because of it: her inguinal

muscles were straining so hard that her bowel herniated through them.

Post-operatively, Sister says that nada has gone back to being willfully

under-hydrated again, despite her doctors' advice.

Guess what operation I had to have as a 1-year-old? And again as a 2-year-old?

My inguinal muscles had to be surgically reinforced because my bowel herniated

through them...twice. I am willing to bet good money that my nada refused to

keep me properly hydrated as an infant, causing me to strain too hard and

rupture myself. (When I was still quite little I learned to get myself water

from the hose in the backyard, since I wasn't allowed to " mess up " the kitchen.)

That whole *inability to perceive your child as a separate human being with

separate needs and feelings and wishes* thing can have pretty horrific results.

Some individuals are just too freaking dysfunctional to be raising children,

seems to me. But because we were a neat, clean, hard-working middle-class

family that paid the bills on time and kept a job, and looked pretty on the

outside, the chronic but sub-clinical abuse could just slide under the radar.

I have no proof of this, its just my speculation, but I really feel strongly

that this was probably the case.

-Annie

> Also - while reading your story I was thinking about boundaries. I don't know

if this is in the literature, but it does seem to me that nada's have an extreme

version of " I'm cold so you have to wear a sweater " So they somehow don't really

compute that you are actually a different person than they are. This is just my

thoughts though, not sure if it holds any water.

>

> -Tre

[Guest guest]

Yes I think you are complete spot-on. Is it not a fundamental part of the

disorder to be so emeshed in your child (usu the oldest female), that you do not

see the autonomy that she deserves? It is my (very limited) understanding that

as the " target " , we are simply an extension of the borderline. We are the

" holding place " for the borderlines black behaviors/thoughts/self image.

My nada reminds me of an autistic child. The child CAN NOT understand there is a

world outside of their head or immediate surroundings that is as REAL as the one

they live in. (I hope that makes sense!) In my exp, they do not understand that

other people have *valid* feelings and reactions. This concept makes no sense to

them. Lately my husband as been drawing parallels between Nada's behavior and

our twins with PDD. He is terrified that they have been misdiagnosed and will

grow up to be like her. Although there are similarities, I do not think they are

the same.

> >

> > Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the

behavior. I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING

but agree with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP.

She kept raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved

offense. She called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You

are grounded! Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was

so crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> > Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> > And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up

his arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> > The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> > Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying

to cover their tracks?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

If Batshit Crazy is not the clinical definition, By God it ought to be.

Good one HF

Doug

>

> I am sure there's a clinical definition but I like to call this

behaviour " Batshit Crazy "

>

> Sounds familiar, my nada used to lie and rewrite history too, telling

me I imagine things. Although in the heat of the moment, my nada was

conscious of her acts, changing her tune from waify tears to queen/witch

rages and physical violence and back again, on a dime.

>

> There's no point in trying to convince them of the truth because

they're so enmeashed and busy projecting they can't honestly remember I

think. Not that it's an excuse, the rages and abuse are inexcusable,

and unforgivable. Sorry your nada did this to you. Stay far, far away

from her please, you never know when a house will drop on that woman.

>

> Hugs from HF.

>

[Guest guest]

my feeling is she might be acting out some stuff that happened when she was

preverbal or has otherwise suppressed it and is seeking an outlet for

unexpressed trauma and trying to handle it by projecting it into the present. On

the surface level of an observer though I'd call it psychotic and delusional. I

do think this disorder comes about by severe trauma in early childhood, though I

guess no one really knows. I always assume there is a lot more truth to their

insanity than we know...in other words trying to make a victim of herself at the

hands of people in the present day so she can experience/express the feelings

from old buried trauma in which she was victimized in a similiar way.

Honestly, to me, it's like the perfect nightmare, because you have this unhinged

person walking around with all this suppressed trauma and then you have these

angelic, innocent beings put in their lives by fate, who are sitting ducks for

all the garbage from their past, and whose lives they will ruin and who will

then spend the rest of their own lives trying to make sense of the insanity.

It's such a tragedy.

>

> Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the behavior.

I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING but agree

with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP. She kept

raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved offense. She

called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You are grounded!

Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was so

crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up his

arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying to

cover their tracks?

>

[Guest guest]

My nada re-writes ancient history all the time when she's in bitch/witch mode.

What's up with her calling me a g. d. bitch and 'the most evil person in the

world' for no reason?!

She also accuses me to this day of being a 'party girl' and later says it is

because I 'always wanted her to give me a birthday party when I was a child' but

what child DOESN'T want a birthday party especially when you have a nada and she

never allowed me to play with my classmates any other time during the entire

year - only an abusive, manipulative, degrading, vicious little brat she 'hand

picked to be your ONLY friend' when I was 8 who was a 12 year old BPD in the

making if I ever saw one. This little girl would do anything abusive to me nada

told her to and reward her with a very expensive piece of jewelry or a large

stuffed animal (anything the little girl wanted) as a 'reward for being a good

daughter and doing as she requested. The most vile time I can remember is when

nada told this girl Betty to hold me down on the rec room carpet so nada could

pour Wisk down my throat which she did and then was rewarded by nada with a 14

kt. gold heart necklace encrusted with small diamonds! She gave it to her right

in front of me telling her 'you are such a GOOD daughter' when, in fact, she

wasn't her daughter at all of course. Why wouldn't I want to be with NORMAL

children in my class who treated me decently once a year when nada allowed it?

She also accuses me all the time of paying men I 'must find on the internet' to

sleep with me and that I am supporting them on the money nada sends me as a gift

otherwise 'no man would want you if they weren't after MY money' which is a joke

since anyone I DO date never hears a word about nada whatsoever.

Yes I think they are all projecting and we are merely an extension of them and

not our own person whatsoever. At my nada's age of 89 1/2 having had numerous

mini-strokes, I think she is trying to live her last days vicariously through me

and has told me she 'is not going to live much longer' - doesn't want to and

'has to teach me how to be 'just like her' before she dies. She went on to say

I am never to express my feelings, thoughts or beliefs to anyone. I am to agree

with whoever I am with 100% of the time even if I don't. If they ask me to do

anything I don't want to do, do it anyway because they want me to. If they

abuse me or treat me wrong, accept it and thank them for being there for me

anyway. Huh?! My nada never did any of that except for my stepfather who was

an evil, vile, pedophile who manipulated, controlled and abused her worse than

the meanest dictator I can ever imagine yet now that he is dead he is St.

who is 'the only one who ever loved me' and 'the most wonderful man I ever

knew'. If what he did to her for 40 years is love, please let me be alone the

rest of my life and if he is the most wonderful man she ever knew, she must have

known only evil men which I know she did not because my father and godfather

were good, decent human beings.

[Guest guest]

Mine does the projection thing as well, but usually more from the creepily

doting/obsessive side of things. I'm not how she attacks what she hates about

herself, I'm her self-validation.

If I ever even imply that I wasn't THE BEST at something--no matter how

objectively bad I was at it--she jumps up and starts scolding me.

Supposedly, according to my mother, everybody, even people I don't remember and

only ever really met as a very small child, just love me and think I'm the

greatest. Occasionally, she gets upset that I don't remember these people I

haven't seen since I was 4.

The flip side: When I state my own preferences and refuse to back down and go

with what she wants, she turns mean very quickly. It started with picking out

clothes in my teens and got so bad during my wedding planning that I finally had

to acknowledge that she wasn't normal, and that I was being emotionally abused.

But yeah: The lack of emotional boundaries, the invalidation of my own memories,

hell even " I'm cold so you have to wear a sweater " ... I can relate to all of

that.

> >

> > Nada has this way of doing crazy/evil things then accusing ME of the

behavior. I once got grounded for calling her a bitch. I hadn't said ANYTHING

but agree with whatever she was ranting about. I just wanted it to be over ASAP.

She kept raging on and on. I was crying and apologizing for her percieved

offense. She called me a bitch then gasped and screamed " GO TO YOUR ROOM! You

are grounded! Don't you EVER call me a bitch again! " I burst into tears (it was

so crazymaking!). I ran to my room and my sis came in and tried to comfort me. I

felt so insane. I asked my sis if I was going crazy because I thought maybe I

was so upset that I somehow said it and didn't remember. My sis assured me that

nada said it but told me to just go along with the punishment. It would be

easier that way.

> > Another time nada was beating the crap out of me shrieking " call the police!

I'm being assaulted by your sister! " I was curled up in ball and never swung at

her! My 8 yo bro ran to get the neighbor rather than call the police because I

wasnt doing ANYTHING!!!

> > And still yet another time my husband was frustrated with her and threw up

his arms in exasperation and walked away. She ducked and coward against the

counter, saying " help! He's gonna hit me! HE'S GONNA HIT ME!!! "

> > The 1st 2 behaviors are some sort of weirdass projection. The 3rd is some

weird kind of madeup crap...is there a NAME for these types of behaviors?

> > Also, do nadas REALLY not remember the badstuff they do...or are they lying

to cover their tracks?

> >

>