Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Having a parent with BPD is like standing in the middle of a field, watching storm clouds roll in, as you are forced to raise a lightening rod over your head. > > I was thinking of writing a guest post on a friend's private blog about what it's like to have a parent with BPD. I was wondering if any of you would like to contribute your thoughts. I would like to list some quotes at the end of the article. I would quote you anonymously or by the first two letters of your screen name. If you would like to help, here's what I'm looking for: > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > Thank you for contributing. > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Having a parent with BPD is being beaten down so much that you question yourself and your decisions forever because they never seem right. If my mother's sister (who is a psychologist) would have explained to me that my mom had BPD, then I would have maybe been able to understand, and leave the toxic relationship that has haunted me my whole life...and as my mom puts it...I will be regretting her death for the rest of my life. I would like people to understand that every single day is a struggle with twisting gut syndrome...a pervasive feeling of a twisted-broken heart that would feel very peaceful if it could unwind. And a Lobotomy would help! amy Re: Three Lines or Less Having a parent with BPD is like standing in the middle of a field, watching storm clouds roll in, as you are forced to raise a lightening rod over your head. > > I was thinking of writing a guest post on a friend's private blog about what it's like to have a parent with BPD. I was wondering if any of you would like to contribute your thoughts. I would like to list some quotes at the end of the article. I would quote you anonymously or by the first two letters of your screen name. If you would like to help, here's what I'm looking for: > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > Thank you for contributing. > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > Thank you for contributing. > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > Thank you for contributing. > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 Having a parent with BPD is like trying to lift a cargo ship off your mother who is trapped on the bottom of the sea. (Recurring dream I have had.) 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight added for resistance. 3. I wish a family member had said to me, " We understand how hard life is for you. You're not the crazy one. What can we do to help? " or even better, " Would you come live with me? " (I wouldn't have cared who or where, anywhere would have been better than there). > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > KT > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 Having a parent with BPD is like trying to lift a cargo ship off your mother who is trapped on the bottom of the sea. (Recurring dream I have had.) 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight added for resistance. 3. I wish a family member had said to me, " We understand how hard life is for you. You're not the crazy one. What can we do to help? " or even better, " Would you come live with me? " (I wouldn't have cared who or where, anywhere would have been better than there). > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > KT > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight added for resistance. OMG...perfect. Amy Re: Three Lines or Less Having a parent with BPD is like trying to lift a cargo ship off your mother who is trapped on the bottom of the sea. (Recurring dream I have had.) 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight added for resistance. 3. I wish a family member had said to me, " We understand how hard life is for you. You're not the crazy one. What can we do to help? " or even better, " Would you come live with me? " (I wouldn't have cared who or where, anywhere would have been better than there). > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > KT > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 Having a mother with BPD is like being born with perfect pitch but never being allowed to touch a musical instrument. You hear the music (of a nurturing mother) iplaying constantly nside your mind, but as soon as you reach for the keys, your hands get slapped away, maybe even chopped off at the wrist. I have a recurring nightmare of being trapped inside the house where I was raised. Doors and windows are sealed up and there is nada, looming over me. .. . hell on earth Girlscout > > > > > 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me > for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight > added for resistance. > > OMG...perfect. > Amy > > Having > Re: Three Lines or Less > > Having a parent with BPD is like trying to lift a cargo ship off your > mother who is trapped on the bottom of the sea. (Recurring dream I have > had.) > 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me > for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight > added for resistance. > 3. I wish a family member had said to me, " We understand how hard life is > for you. You're not the crazy one. What can we do to help? " or even better, > " Would you come live with me? " (I wouldn't have cared who or where, anywhere > would have been better than there). > > > > > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from > birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be > abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much > much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the > following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What > do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with > someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware > that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > > > KT > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 For me, having a parent with BPD has meant that my brother and I have had to grow up very slowly. First, we had to parent our parents. Then we had to learn how to be adults all on our own. > > > > > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from > > birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > > > > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be > > abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much > > much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > > > > > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the > > following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What > > do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with > > someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware > > that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > > > > > KT > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 " Having a parent with BPD is like trying to lift a cargo ship off your mother who is trapped on the bottom of the sea. " I really relate to this. She endlessly needs her child(ren) to save her, yet no matter what you do or how hard you try, it's never enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 " Having a parent with BPD is like trying to lift a cargo ship off your mother who is trapped on the bottom of the sea. " I really relate to this. She endlessly needs her child(ren) to save her, yet no matter what you do or how hard you try, it's never enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 For me, having a bpd/npd mother was like living with " Dr. Jekyll " and never knowing when or why the terrifying " Mr. Hyde " would suddenly appear. I was physically afraid of my own mother yet desperately needed her love and approval; repetitive psychological torture plus physical abuse alternating with rescue/kindness resulted in extreme trauma-bonding for me. My mother's bpd and npd behaviors virtually *guaranteed* psychological injury to both my Sister and me, but because our mother was/is high-functioning and our injuries were not physically apparent, the abuse continued as our " normal " , unchallenged and unrelenting, throughout our growing-up years. -Annie > > > > > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from > > birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > > > > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be > > abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much > > much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > > > > > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the > > following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What > > do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with > > someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware > > that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > > > > > KT > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 For me, having a bpd/npd mother was like living with " Dr. Jekyll " and never knowing when or why the terrifying " Mr. Hyde " would suddenly appear. I was physically afraid of my own mother yet desperately needed her love and approval; repetitive psychological torture plus physical abuse alternating with rescue/kindness resulted in extreme trauma-bonding for me. My mother's bpd and npd behaviors virtually *guaranteed* psychological injury to both my Sister and me, but because our mother was/is high-functioning and our injuries were not physically apparent, the abuse continued as our " normal " , unchallenged and unrelenting, throughout our growing-up years. -Annie > > > > > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from > > birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > > > > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be > > abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much > > much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > > > > > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the > > following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What > > do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with > > someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware > > that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > > > > > KT > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 For me, having a bpd/npd mother was like living with " Dr. Jekyll " and never knowing when or why the terrifying " Mr. Hyde " would suddenly appear. I was physically afraid of my own mother yet desperately needed her love and approval; repetitive psychological torture plus physical abuse alternating with rescue/kindness resulted in extreme trauma-bonding for me. My mother's bpd and npd behaviors virtually *guaranteed* psychological injury to both my Sister and me, but because our mother was/is high-functioning and our injuries were not physically apparent, the abuse continued as our " normal " , unchallenged and unrelenting, throughout our growing-up years. -Annie > > > > > > Having a parent with BPD is the equivalent of being locked in jail from > > birth with a screaming, manipulative, crazy, violent cellmate. > > > > > > I needed other adults to care enough to realise that if a woman can be > > abusive, controlling, paranoid and manipulative to you - she will be much > > much worse to her own defenseless chidlren. > > > > > > > > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the > > following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What > > do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with > > someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware > > that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > > > > > > > Thank you for contributing. > > > > > > > > KT > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 > I have a recurring nightmare of being trapped inside the house where I was > raised. Doors and windows are sealed up and there is nada, looming over me. > . . hell on earth Wow, I have this exact same nightmare! Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 > I have a recurring nightmare of being trapped inside the house where I was > raised. Doors and windows are sealed up and there is nada, looming over me. > . . hell on earth Wow, I have this exact same nightmare! Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 > I have a recurring nightmare of being trapped inside the house where I was > raised. Doors and windows are sealed up and there is nada, looming over me. > . . hell on earth Wow, I have this exact same nightmare! Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 KT: Overall, there is a general lack of comprehension/acceptance that BPDs have a compulsive need to harm their children. BPDs, are the predators of the human race, and their existence is *real*. So: for (, I wish other people would understand that BPDs have a real and dangerous need to harm their children, even though they also need to deny that and cover it up--especially in their own conscious minds. If there can just be an acceptance that BPDs are predators, that their life's blood comes from feeding on vulnerably prey, then a lot more progress could flow from there. There also needs to be an understanding that every BPD has their own unique projection-themes, that they will spend a lifetime obsessively attempting to inflict upon their children. This will be whatever the BPD is terrified of being, whether it be powerless, poor, unpopular, unsuccessful professionally, overweight, sick....I could go on. I have seen many themes on this board and in real life over the years. When the child is split black (like me), the constant toxic projections act like a paralyzing venom. So, for (a), I'd say: (a) a child living with a borderline feels a constant stream of poisonous, paralyzing venom inserted into her bloodstream, without understanding its source, or how to purge it. --ChhC > > I was thinking of writing a guest post on a friend's private blog about what it's like to have a parent with BPD. I was wondering if any of you would like to contribute your thoughts. I would like to list some quotes at the end of the article. I would quote you anonymously or by the first two letters of your screen name. If you would like to help, here's what I'm looking for: > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > Thank you for contributing. > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 KT: Overall, there is a general lack of comprehension/acceptance that BPDs have a compulsive need to harm their children. BPDs, are the predators of the human race, and their existence is *real*. So: for (, I wish other people would understand that BPDs have a real and dangerous need to harm their children, even though they also need to deny that and cover it up--especially in their own conscious minds. If there can just be an acceptance that BPDs are predators, that their life's blood comes from feeding on vulnerably prey, then a lot more progress could flow from there. There also needs to be an understanding that every BPD has their own unique projection-themes, that they will spend a lifetime obsessively attempting to inflict upon their children. This will be whatever the BPD is terrified of being, whether it be powerless, poor, unpopular, unsuccessful professionally, overweight, sick....I could go on. I have seen many themes on this board and in real life over the years. When the child is split black (like me), the constant toxic projections act like a paralyzing venom. So, for (a), I'd say: (a) a child living with a borderline feels a constant stream of poisonous, paralyzing venom inserted into her bloodstream, without understanding its source, or how to purge it. --ChhC > > I was thinking of writing a guest post on a friend's private blog about what it's like to have a parent with BPD. I was wondering if any of you would like to contribute your thoughts. I would like to list some quotes at the end of the article. I would quote you anonymously or by the first two letters of your screen name. If you would like to help, here's what I'm looking for: > > In three lines or less (on this yahoo text box), answer one of the following questions. a) How does it feel to have a parent with BPD? b)What do you wish other people understood about what it's like to live with someone who has BPD? c)What did you need from other adults who were aware that something wasn't " right " about your parent with BPD? > > Thank you for contributing. > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 There are two ways that I have described living with nada. 1.) I feel like I am being held underwater by this gigantic hand, always wondering what was worse: death or being allowed to come above the water to hear her screaming. 2.) Like feeling sick on a merry-go-round, with no slowdown, stop or get off button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 There are two ways that I have described living with nada. 1.) I feel like I am being held underwater by this gigantic hand, always wondering what was worse: death or being allowed to come above the water to hear her screaming. 2.) Like feeling sick on a merry-go-round, with no slowdown, stop or get off button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 There are two ways that I have described living with nada. 1.) I feel like I am being held underwater by this gigantic hand, always wondering what was worse: death or being allowed to come above the water to hear her screaming. 2.) Like feeling sick on a merry-go-round, with no slowdown, stop or get off button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 1) Feeling like I've got a leg in a bear trap in the middle of nowhere and the only way free is to cut my own leg off at which point I'll bleed to death. 2) Feeling like I'm lost in the desert and my only source of water is poisoned. 3) Feeling like I'm trying to get through life while dragging heavy weights behind me. > > There are two ways that I have described living with nada. > > 1.) I feel like I am being held underwater by this gigantic hand, always wondering what was worse: death or being allowed to come above the water to hear her screaming. > > 2.) Like feeling sick on a merry-go-round, with no slowdown, stop or get off button. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 1) Feeling like I've got a leg in a bear trap in the middle of nowhere and the only way free is to cut my own leg off at which point I'll bleed to death. 2) Feeling like I'm lost in the desert and my only source of water is poisoned. 3) Feeling like I'm trying to get through life while dragging heavy weights behind me. > > There are two ways that I have described living with nada. > > 1.) I feel like I am being held underwater by this gigantic hand, always wondering what was worse: death or being allowed to come above the water to hear her screaming. > > 2.) Like feeling sick on a merry-go-round, with no slowdown, stop or get off button. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2010 Report Share Posted November 26, 2010 > 2. I wish people would understand that I have had an enormous weight on me for my entire life and every effort I make in life is with that huge weight added for resistance. Hell yeah, ! I've felt this frustration my whole life that people don't get it what I've overcome and still live with. It especially enrages me when I feel like I'm lifting 100 lbs. (with an invisible 500 stacked on so I've really got 600) and some person who's had all the advantages is lifting 150 lbs. and telling me " work harder...put your back into it, if I can do it you can do it! " and " Oh here maybe if you read this book about how to be happy you'll stop psyching yourself out and be able to lift 150 with ease like me! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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