Re: Re: this point on the path

[Guest guest]

amen!

Subject: Re: this point on the path

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, November 4, 2010, 1:13 PM

 

Give yourself tons and tons of grace and mercy right now.

Yes, some of us " passed " through this threshold at a different time. But trust

me when I say, going through this before someone else doesn't make anyone better

than anyone else--it makes us fellow strugglers.

We are all in this together. There are some things you have a better handle on

than I do. There are some days that are beter than others. There are some

things I still can't get my head around. And I'm starting to appreciate I will

never " arrive " with this one.

I remember feeling just so stupid when I started this journey. " How could I

have NOT seen it? How can I be so far behind? Everyone else seems to 'get'

that my parents are crazy and I didn't see it my whole life!! How could I

possibly have SO much to catch up on???? "

Truth is, we couldn't have seen it. The more I know about BPD, the more I

understand--there is no way around the brain washing that takes place when you

are raised by a BPD.

We are the people with great courage, because we eventually did see it. Those

who choose healing are the heroes. Yourself included!

Press forward, and know we are all here for you.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I am trying to detach. That's the place on the path where I am now.

>

> A lot of you, most of you in this group, are farther along on this path.

>

> I realize what's at stake here and that it's up to me to do this work, to

understand that I can't make her happy, that I can't change her mind about

ANYTHING, that I can't alleviate her pain. I still tell myself: Well, at least

you can LESSEN her pain by not sparking any conflicts.

>

> But then, as always, it is all about her pain. Everything has always been all

about her pain -- everything, as if her pain (her fear, her self-loathing, her

shame) is a big ever-present stalker who follows us everywhere, but on whom we

are not allowed to call the cops.

>

> She refuses, has always refused, to seek therapy. She says she already knows

what any therapist would say (she doesn't) and that it won't help. I'm sick of

urging her to do even minimal things to ease her misery -- eat, see a therapist

(it would cost nothing), read a book. She just shouts no.

>

> My choice is to maintain this endless fruitless argument or learn how to be an

adult and detach. This is hard. I live nearly 1,000 miles away from her and only

visit once a year, and do have a life and career of sorts, but even so.

>

> It's hard. I realize, from reading your posts, that most of you have passed

this point a long, long time ago.

>