Fantasy Comebacks

[Guest guest]

K, so I know we have all fantasized about things we'd like to say, but for

various reasons, choose not to. I'd like to hear yours - I just have to get this

most recent one off my chest

I made the mistake of telling my mother about some minor trial and tribulations

we are dealing with in rearing our almost two year old. She responded with a dry

laugh and comments to the effect that now maybe I would cut her some slack for

my horrible childhood.

My fantasy comeback is, " Well, no, mommy dearest, because even though his

behavior is really testing my patience, I haven't raged at him or beat the snot

out of him even one time! "

[Guest guest]

Ooo! Good one!

I actually did use sarcasm, once, with my nada and it really felt good.

I grew up feeling homely and self-conscious because of nada's nearly constant

fault-finding with my appearance: my eyes, ears, skin, proportions, weight, etc.

were wrong, ugly, etc., but " our " hair was her chief focus. She wanted me to

either wear my rather fine, thin hair just like her or wear a wig; I liked my

own hairstyle, but she hated it and (apparently) wanted to " punish " me for not

doing what she wanted.

We were at a mall when she mentioned my hair yet again, and for once I turned to

her and said, " Wow, mom. You know, you are right. We really are just butt-ugly

people. Its truly amazing that we are allowed to walk around this mall without

paper bags over our heads so we don't upset the other customers. I just never

realized it before, but you are so right! We're hideous! "

Nada was wide-eyed and open-mouthed with shock! I was in my 40's and had never

used sarcasm to stand up to her before, but asking her politely ( " Please don't

keep pointing out that I have fine, thin hair mom. It makes me feel

self-conscious, and I like my hairstyle the way it is. " ) had had no effect, for

decades. Sarcasm got through. I got the silent treatment for the rest of that

trip, but, she refrained from criticizing my appearance for years afterward.

I found it interesting that during a visit this last summer, the first time I'd

had any contact with her in two years, that she just could not resist the urge

to zing me again about my hair. That made it so clear to me that my hunch was

correct: my nada knows (has always known) that criticizing my appearance and my

hair in particular was a way to hurt my feelings, put me down, and make me feel

ugly, inferior and self-conscious, and she always did it for those reasons. It

was never said out of love, it was always a covert way to hurt me by masking it

as " concern. " This last time, I just stared at her silently until she turned

away, and I have resumed no-contact.

So, I recommend using sarcasm with nada, if nothing else works.

-Annie

>

> K, so I know we have all fantasized about things we'd like to say, but for

various reasons, choose not to. I'd like to hear yours - I just have to get this

most recent one off my chest

>

> I made the mistake of telling my mother about some minor trial and

tribulations we are dealing with in rearing our almost two year old. She

responded with a dry laugh and comments to the effect that now maybe I would cut

her some slack for my horrible childhood.

>

> My fantasy comeback is, " Well, no, mommy dearest, because even though his

behavior is really testing my patience, I haven't raged at him or beat the snot

out of him even one time! "

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ooo! Good one!

I actually did use sarcasm, once, with my nada and it really felt good.

I grew up feeling homely and self-conscious because of nada's nearly constant

fault-finding with my appearance: my eyes, ears, skin, proportions, weight, etc.

were wrong, ugly, etc., but " our " hair was her chief focus. She wanted me to

either wear my rather fine, thin hair just like her or wear a wig; I liked my

own hairstyle, but she hated it and (apparently) wanted to " punish " me for not

doing what she wanted.

We were at a mall when she mentioned my hair yet again, and for once I turned to

her and said, " Wow, mom. You know, you are right. We really are just butt-ugly

people. Its truly amazing that we are allowed to walk around this mall without

paper bags over our heads so we don't upset the other customers. I just never

realized it before, but you are so right! We're hideous! "

Nada was wide-eyed and open-mouthed with shock! I was in my 40's and had never

used sarcasm to stand up to her before, but asking her politely ( " Please don't

keep pointing out that I have fine, thin hair mom. It makes me feel

self-conscious, and I like my hairstyle the way it is. " ) had had no effect, for

decades. Sarcasm got through. I got the silent treatment for the rest of that

trip, but, she refrained from criticizing my appearance for years afterward.

I found it interesting that during a visit this last summer, the first time I'd

had any contact with her in two years, that she just could not resist the urge

to zing me again about my hair. That made it so clear to me that my hunch was

correct: my nada knows (has always known) that criticizing my appearance and my

hair in particular was a way to hurt my feelings, put me down, and make me feel

ugly, inferior and self-conscious, and she always did it for those reasons. It

was never said out of love, it was always a covert way to hurt me by masking it

as " concern. " This last time, I just stared at her silently until she turned

away, and I have resumed no-contact.

So, I recommend using sarcasm with nada, if nothing else works.

-Annie

>

> K, so I know we have all fantasized about things we'd like to say, but for

various reasons, choose not to. I'd like to hear yours - I just have to get this

most recent one off my chest

>

> I made the mistake of telling my mother about some minor trial and

tribulations we are dealing with in rearing our almost two year old. She

responded with a dry laugh and comments to the effect that now maybe I would cut

her some slack for my horrible childhood.

>

> My fantasy comeback is, " Well, no, mommy dearest, because even though his

behavior is really testing my patience, I haven't raged at him or beat the snot

out of him even one time! "

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada ALWAYS and still does want me to wear a wig to 'cover my thin hair'

which is the same texture as hers and she wears a wig and has forever! I think

to nadas we are just extensions of them and as such if they wear a wig, we

should. My nada always wants me 'only in white polyester tops with lace at the

sleeves and throat with black polyester pants' and to this day gets angry since

I don't dress that way, never have and won't. That's the only thing SHE wears.

She also believes that no matter how thin you are, you aren't thin enough and

you're 'fat' but she always criticized me on that since I was a tiny child and

at that time I was not even a lb. overweight as she saw to that. She wants me

to wear clothes that are three to four sizes too big as 'that makes you look

thinner'.

I'd love to zing nada but then she gets into MAJOR bitch mode and REALLY lets it

rip on me and I can do without that so I just let her zing me thinking someday

she will get hers but when is the question.

[Guest guest]

My nada ALWAYS and still does want me to wear a wig to 'cover my thin hair'

which is the same texture as hers and she wears a wig and has forever! I think

to nadas we are just extensions of them and as such if they wear a wig, we

should. My nada always wants me 'only in white polyester tops with lace at the

sleeves and throat with black polyester pants' and to this day gets angry since

I don't dress that way, never have and won't. That's the only thing SHE wears.

She also believes that no matter how thin you are, you aren't thin enough and

you're 'fat' but she always criticized me on that since I was a tiny child and

at that time I was not even a lb. overweight as she saw to that. She wants me

to wear clothes that are three to four sizes too big as 'that makes you look

thinner'.

I'd love to zing nada but then she gets into MAJOR bitch mode and REALLY lets it

rip on me and I can do without that so I just let her zing me thinking someday

she will get hers but when is the question.

[Guest guest]

My nada ALWAYS and still does want me to wear a wig to 'cover my thin hair'

which is the same texture as hers and she wears a wig and has forever! I think

to nadas we are just extensions of them and as such if they wear a wig, we

should. My nada always wants me 'only in white polyester tops with lace at the

sleeves and throat with black polyester pants' and to this day gets angry since

I don't dress that way, never have and won't. That's the only thing SHE wears.

She also believes that no matter how thin you are, you aren't thin enough and

you're 'fat' but she always criticized me on that since I was a tiny child and

at that time I was not even a lb. overweight as she saw to that. She wants me

to wear clothes that are three to four sizes too big as 'that makes you look

thinner'.

I'd love to zing nada but then she gets into MAJOR bitch mode and REALLY lets it

rip on me and I can do without that so I just let her zing me thinking someday

she will get hers but when is the question.