Face-To-Face

[Guest guest]

Any advice on how to deal with a BP mother face-to-face?

It appears to be less challenging with dealing with them on the phone as the

only thing you have is your voice and you have the option to hang up.

But when you're there in front of them, it is a whole new ball of wax. My

mother reads me like a book and I cannot fool here about my feelings. She knows

exactly how and when to push my buttons and the more I try to fight it, the

worse it gets. I find it extremely difficult not to react to her reactions in

person. So far I have not found out a way to do it.

Any suggestions other than to limit or eliminate contact? I have tried to

maintain a relationship with her but no longer want to because every time I see

her, I always leave upset. Yet I feel that I have to be the bigger person and

love her unconditionally and overlook it. So I keep hanging on.

It is hard for me to go visit her in the nursing home because I feel guilty. I

put most of her " personal " belongings in a storage unit and gave her " living "

belongings (fridge, stove, washer/dryer, cooking utensils etc) away to a

charity. I found another home for her dog because she couldn't take care of the

dog in the nursing home; to be honest, I was the one who took care of the dog

but she lived with my mom (again not realizing what I was in the middle of). I

feel guilty because I know how I would feel if someone did this to me. It was

not " my " things to do this to. But I did not have a choice because she was

going to be evicted in a few days so something had to be done. She knew about

this eviction for a month and I found out by accident.

I am glad that I put her in the nursing home because she is getting the care

that she needs. She was not taking care of herself and was literally wasting a

way. She went into the nursing home October 1, 2010.

The holidays are approaching and at this point in time, I have no plans on

visiting her until after the first of the year....if I decide to continue to

visit her. I will send her cards; maybe even right to her. I might try to call

her, but that is still up in the air. The litle girl inside me still wants to

be with her mommy during the holidays while the adult needs to protect the

little girl from being hurt.

I am sick that this is the way things are. I wish it could be different. But

it appears that there isn't much I can do about it. It is what it is.

When you decide that you are going to limit or eliminate contact, do you tell

the BP or just do it? My thought is to just do what I need to do and no looking

back.