BPDs appropriate; NPDs annihilate (tm charlie)

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

Does it ever seem like Cluster Bs are way, way more common than mainstream

culture would have us think? I sometimes fear that my meter must be off, I

encounter so many. I recently had a very traumatic encounter with a young man

who turned out to be either a narcissist or an extremely persuasive impression

of one.

This young man happened to be a narcissist on the same theme that my nada is a

bpd, and it helped me to see the difference even more clearly. As you all may

have seen me explain before, I am convinced that both NPDs and BPDs have one or

two 'themes' in their disorders--specific things that they are endlessly greedy

for. When Cluster Bs are artistically inclined, I am finding, their theme-grab

can be a person's desirability, their ability to inspire art, and attract a

mate--thier life's energy, in other words. What drives procreation. My nada,

was obsessed with whether or not I was 'desirable' to men. It was extremely

painful, and of course sexually abusive, since it started the day I was born.

She incessantly picked at it, observed it, denigrated it, commented on it,

interacted with it...Her life's blood depended on her manipulating this aspect

of me.

(You can imagine what a picnic it is now to be a single woman trying to live

through holiday season number 3 of NC.)

So I recently encountered a narcissistic-acting young man who is greedy for the

exact same thing. I was not interested in dating this kid (though he's very

cute), I was trying to be friends with him, but I noticed immediately that when

we hung out, though it seemed very fun in a way, it was leaving me in deathly

despair, feeling completely exiled and undesirable as a woman. Even though we

were not dating, or touching, or anything like this. After awhile, he (like all

Cluster Bs), revealed himself with these out of the blue, extremely abusive,

extremely cruel comments in which he offered--WITHOUT my asking!--how

'undesired' I was by him. Most recently I had sent him a friendly message

describing someone who had asked me out in whom I wasn't interested, and how I

was flattered bks it was a rather exotic sortof situation, and he slammed it

dismissively, even though he had not seen or heard the conversation, insisting

that the person hadn't meant to ask me out.

It had CLEARLY been an invitation to a date. He hadn't even seen the

interchange. He needed to destroy all 'desirability' in me. Not just in me.

In every woman he meets.

It was excruciatingly difficult for me, the whole friendship w/him (even though

it only lasted about a week), because he was doing this mercilessly, even

without words, and I was perceiving it, before I knew it consciously. I knew

that the amount of pain I was feeling was not typical for two people who were

supposed to have expressed mutual friendship, and agreed at the outset to have

only social intentions. He was still 'rejecting' me every time we saw each

other--setting me up for it, and relishing it. And at first I really didn't

know how he was managing this.

I'm sorry I've taken awhile to get to the point here. The point is:

borderlines appropriate. Narcissists annihilate. Nada wanted to merge with me.

She wanted to torture me but to keep my basic Muse energy intact, for the times

I was split good, or maybe just because she wasn't a murderer. Basically she

wanted to BE me--but not destroy me. THIS young genteleman, however, he wanted

all Muse aspects in me completely annihilated. He thinks HE is the Muse to

everyone on earth, he has to have it ALL (the same way some NPDs need all the

money, the political control, or the knowledge/wisdom). I felt like the essence

of the female in me was bleeding after seeing him, precisely because the little

dude had STAKED me in the spirit. He wants it ALL. Nobody else can be

desirable.

It was brutal. I'm glad it's over. But I'm glad to see there was some bit of

desirability, of the Muse's energy, in me--there had to be, right, or else he

wouldn't be trying to destroy it!

Take care everyone,

Charlie