Nada and her kind words

[Guest guest]

Don't know what's happening but now a days when Nada says something nice or kind

I feel emotionless. For example the other night she gave me a shirt she liked so

much and when I asked why don't you keep it, I thought you liked it and she said

but I like you more. And I felt that she's a bit genuine. But that was it, I

stayed emotionless. And thank goodness this is happening cause I used to really

believe it at that moment and the next day and week she was totally different,

possessed by her other side.

It's easier this way not to expect or believe. I acknowledge and smile but

that's the farthest it goes. Can't even make myself to need the affection. The

need or expectation is gone ?? But the anger is still there.

[Guest guest]

I think what you are describing is the process of becoming emotionally detached.

You no longer need your mother's good opinion of you, you don't hate her, but

you don't love her either. Its a kind of neutral state. You can be kind to

her, but without any expectations of kindness in return, and no expectation of

stability or consistency in her behavior either.

My Sister had to emotionally detach from our nada, she told me, and start

thinking of our mother as simply another one of her clients; otherwise Sister

was being dragged back and forth by nada's emotional roller-coaster of sweet

behavior/mean behavior, over and over, and it was becoming debilitating for

Sister, since Sister is determined to hang in there and have limited contact

with nada.

I think that for true love to exist there has to be trust, and over the decades

of my life I have learned that I simply can't trust my nada.

My nada apparently has always felt (because of her cognitive distortion or

" negativity filter " ) that I (even as an infant) deliberately tried and try to

hurt her and that gives her the right to hurt me back, and nothing I can ever

say or do will make her comprehend that. So I've had to detach physically as

well as emotionally; I just don't have the physical or emotional insulation to

take her black/white or mean/sweet behaviors anymore.

-Annie

>

> Don't know what's happening but now a days when Nada says something nice or

kind I feel emotionless. For example the other night she gave me a shirt she

liked so much and when I asked why don't you keep it, I thought you liked it and

she said but I like you more. And I felt that she's a bit genuine. But that was

it, I stayed emotionless. And thank goodness this is happening cause I used to

really believe it at that moment and the next day and week she was totally

different, possessed by her other side.

>

> It's easier this way not to expect or believe. I acknowledge and smile but

that's the farthest it goes. Can't even make myself to need the affection. The

need or expectation is gone ?? But the anger is still there.

>

[Guest guest]

I think what you are describing is the process of becoming emotionally detached.

You no longer need your mother's good opinion of you, you don't hate her, but

you don't love her either. Its a kind of neutral state. You can be kind to

her, but without any expectations of kindness in return, and no expectation of

stability or consistency in her behavior either.

My Sister had to emotionally detach from our nada, she told me, and start

thinking of our mother as simply another one of her clients; otherwise Sister

was being dragged back and forth by nada's emotional roller-coaster of sweet

behavior/mean behavior, over and over, and it was becoming debilitating for

Sister, since Sister is determined to hang in there and have limited contact

with nada.

I think that for true love to exist there has to be trust, and over the decades

of my life I have learned that I simply can't trust my nada.

My nada apparently has always felt (because of her cognitive distortion or

" negativity filter " ) that I (even as an infant) deliberately tried and try to

hurt her and that gives her the right to hurt me back, and nothing I can ever

say or do will make her comprehend that. So I've had to detach physically as

well as emotionally; I just don't have the physical or emotional insulation to

take her black/white or mean/sweet behaviors anymore.

-Annie

>

> Don't know what's happening but now a days when Nada says something nice or

kind I feel emotionless. For example the other night she gave me a shirt she

liked so much and when I asked why don't you keep it, I thought you liked it and

she said but I like you more. And I felt that she's a bit genuine. But that was

it, I stayed emotionless. And thank goodness this is happening cause I used to

really believe it at that moment and the next day and week she was totally

different, possessed by her other side.

>

> It's easier this way not to expect or believe. I acknowledge and smile but

that's the farthest it goes. Can't even make myself to need the affection. The

need or expectation is gone ?? But the anger is still there.

>