Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Good luck Yenaine, I've fortunately not dealt with suicide manipulation from my nada but I can imagine it's horrible - the ultimate manipulation. Sounds like you've set good boundaries and consequences for her - calling an ambulance is the only rational option really. Let us know how it goes. Take care, > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance. > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of making suicide. > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from where it will hit... > > > > Yenaine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Good girl! Proud of you!!! You are right, it is her decision and also her decision to seek help. HUGS, hard thing to do but the RIGHT thing! On Sat, Dec 4, 2010 at 7:23 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > How stressful for you, I'm so sorry. I think you've chosen a wise way to > handle your nada's suicide threats. > > You're basically telling her that you are not qualified to help her if > she's feeling suicidal and she needs to call 911. > > You've figured out that what your nada wants is for you to rush to her > side: her goal is to elicit your sympathy and attention. So, restraining > yourself from doing that is the best course of action. Rewarding > manipulative behavior just reinforces the behavior. > > Kudos to you for figuring out that the threat is probably not serious and > is most likely a manipulation. But if she is warning you that she is making > a real suicide attempt, then calling 911 *is* the best thing you can do for > her. In either case, if either you or your nada phone 911 due to her > threatening suicide more than a couple of times, she will at least " get into > the system " (there will be a medical record of multiple suicide threats or > attempts) and nada will probably be recommended to undergo a 72-hour > observation and psychiatric evaluation. > > I'm sorry you're having to endure such stress. > > -Annie > > > > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week > and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she > took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention > from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are > fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to > her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied > to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much > sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our > call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " > stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her > that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way > she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional > mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an > ambulance. > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what > will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes > to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really > took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of > making suicide. > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes > there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she > would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I > found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with > some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who > might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from > where it will hit... > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Yes I know. If she would have any other escape no matter how wrong it would be she would use it. She is in the hospital now. I phoned the doctor, he said she claimed that she took pills, but when they emptied her stomach nothing was there. I have to come to hospital to know more in Monday now there are just doctors for emergency there. Tomorrow I have to do my Monday work so I could go. But I think it is better to came later. I don't want her to learn that it works if you threat with suicide. It is hard but I have enough of this and I understand enough to know what to do and why. Thankfully to books and this forum :-) Before I would go there try to help like I would help any person I like. But it would be even worst and I don't like her at all. I just feel compassion like I would feel it for any other human being. It is sad that somebody is so messed up that she( or he) does things like that with herself and with others. But there is nothing I can do. If I would play her game there would be 2 messed people not just one. Thank you for your support it means a lot to me:-) > > > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week > > and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she > > took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention > > from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are > > fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to > > her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied > > to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much > > sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our > > call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " > > stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her > > that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way > > she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional > > mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an > > ambulance. > > > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what > > will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes > > to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really > > took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of > > making suicide. > > > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes > > there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she > > would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I > > found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with > > some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who > > might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from > > where it will hit... > > > > > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 You absolutely did the right thing then. This reminds me of my daughter and her friend who used to call her late at night telling her he was miserable and was going to kill himself. One night she had enough and said, that's too bad, I am going to miss you a lot. He never threatened suicide again. She later called 911 when her ex-fiance claimed he had taken an overdose. Same reaction - no more false suicide threats. Now when Nada tried it, there were no threats - she just did it. Em Sent from my blueberry. > Yes I know. If she would have any other escape no matter how wrong it would be she would use it. She is in the hospital now. I phoned the doctor, he said she claimed that she took pills, but when they emptied her stomach nothing was there. I have to come to hospital to know more in Monday now there are just doctors for emergency there. Tomorrow I have to do my Monday work so I could go. But I think it is better to came later. I don't want her to learn that it works if you threat with suicide. > It is hard but I have enough of this and I understand enough to know what to do and why. Thankfully to books and this forum :-) > > Before I would go there try to help like I would help any person I like. But it would be even worst and I don't like her at all. I just feel compassion like I would feel it for any other human being. It is sad that somebody is so messed up that she( or he) does things like that with herself and with others. But there is nothing I can do. If I would play her game there would be 2 messed people not just one. > Thank you for your support it means a lot to me:-) > > --- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Thanks Annie! Where I live you go immediatelly to 72 hours of observation in hospital if you try or even threat with suicide. So the moment she told me I knew I can call doctor and they will come with abulance car. Even if she refused to go I could ask doctor to examine her and if he decided that she is in real danger he would send her to the hospial anyway. But if she would decided to go by herself they will take it immiedately. It is part of public health care and it is for free if you have general insrance and almost everybody has it. The health sistem here is quite different that the one in USA. This part is good. I'll see what will happened when I'll come to hospital in MOnday. What kind of doctor will treat her and if he or she knows about BPD. Lucikly she was diagnosed at the same hospital (she was there once, but not because of suicidal treats )But I don't know if she would have the same doctor again and I know that there is a lof of different views about BPD from doctors. I know that a lot of them know almost nothing about BPD. Just that it exist and some basics. Yenaine > > > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week > > and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she > > took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention > > from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are > > fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to > > her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied > > to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much > > sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our > > call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " > > stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her > > that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way > > she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional > > mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an > > ambulance. > > > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what > > will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes > > to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really > > took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of > > making suicide. > > > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes > > there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she > > would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I > > found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with > > some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who > > might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from > > where it will hit... > > > > > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 My nada tried a fake suicide attempt once and only once. She swallowed a some aspirin and drank a bottle of rum then passed out in my father's nice new car on the side of the road a couple hours from where we lived. The police eventually found her and had her taken to the hospital. The car had a big dent where she'd hit something made of stone with it. No on ever figured out what she hit and she claimed not to know. The doctors said that what she swallowed was nowhere close to enough to kill her. Since she was a nurse, she pretty much had to have known that. I think she was looking for people to fawn over her, be sympathetic, and tell her that the bad things she'd recently done (like having an affair and making me tell my father about it) were all forgiven. Getting her stomach pumped and getting sent to the local mental hospital for several weeks wasn't the reaction she was looking for and she's never tried it again in the thirty-some years since. At 02:24 PM 12/04/2010 wrote: >You absolutely did the right thing then. >This reminds me of my daughter and her friend who used to call >her late at night telling her he was miserable and was going to >kill himself. One night she had enough and said, that's too >bad, I am going to miss you a lot. >He never threatened suicide again. >She later called 911 when her ex-fiance claimed he had taken an >overdose. Same reaction - no more false suicide threats. >Now when Nada tried it, there were no threats - she just did >it. > >Em -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 It is awesome that you have set these boundaries, I hope (in time) I will be able to do that as well. Goodluck to you > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance. > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of making suicide. > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from where it will hit... > > > > Yenaine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 If I would play her game there would be 2 messed people not just one. > That's the truth! It sounds like you have handled this situation wonderfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Thank you. Like I said - with a lot of help from all of you :-) > If I would play her game there would be 2 messed people not just one. > > > > That's the truth! It sounds like you have handled this situation wonderfully. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Strength to you, Yenaine -- stick with your convictions, although it's hard. It's such a form of manipulation, the ultimate pulling of the puppet-strings that is a classic BPD tactic. My BPD mother makes suicide threats as well. She has not yet carried one out as far as yours has, but I have to hear about them all the time, this droning narrative of how much she wants to do it, longs to do it, thinks all day and night of doing it, looks for ways to do it. I have asked her to stop saying these things to me, that it's totally inappropriate (especially since a close friend of mine actually did commit suicide a few years ago) and that if she's so super depressed she should see a therapist or ask her GP for antidepressants. No no no, she won't talk to the professionals, only to me. I don't really respond. I don't hang up, but I don't respond. But it's always in the air. And I'm sitting there thinking: Other people don't have to hear this from their parents. This is a huge weight on my shoulders, like -- what does she want from me? She poses it like she's asking for my permission, saying things like, " Whatever happens ... ahem ... you know ... if I 'do something to myself' someday ... don't be mad at me, okay? I'll be in a better place. Okay? " There's no way to answer these questions!! I feel crazy even participating in those conversations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 Yes, they want us to be their rescuers, caretakers and therapists. I always said to her I can not rescue her ( I'm not capable for that) can not take care for her ( I live in other city , have a stressful job, have a kid to take care of) and I can not help her with therapy ( I'm not professional). I tell her that she has a lot of other ways to find some help and that is on her to use that or not. And I stick with that no matter what (except sometimes when she managed to find some new way of manipulation - and it take me some time to find out...:-)) Whenever she threats to do some crazy thing I tell her that that is her life , her decisions and her responsibility. Then she stops for a while ( offended of course) but at least we can have kind of normal communication. I believe she need to know that her life is her responsibility, that it is not normal or right if I take responsibility for her and as far she will behave kind of normal I'll have contact with her in other case I'll go away. This time went so far because she has nobody anymore to suck his or her energy. The best description for my nada is emotional vampire - description from my BF and I agree. My sister who had felt in her trap died recently , other people around my nada can not be provider of energy for her anymore and I put some stronger boundaries too .So she found herself without anybody to feed her or play her games. I understand that is shock for her and I understand she is desperately trying to find a way out of that. She was used to live on other energies ( or other lives) all her life and now she probably feels she is dying. I'm glad she is in a hospital because she really had a lot of problems lately. She didn't take her medicine anymore , she had anxiety attacks, she had some obsessive thoughts, pschyhotic episodes...and refused to admit to have any problems. Now they hopefully will take care of her at least a little bit to calm her down. At the moment she refuse to answer my phone - she probably want to punish me. I'm glad for that kind of punishment :-)) because I have to work 12+ hours today to be able to come to the hospital tomorrow and talk to the doctor. Thanks for your support. Yenaine > > Strength to you, Yenaine -- stick with your convictions, although it's hard. It's such a form of manipulation, the ultimate pulling of the puppet-strings that is a classic BPD tactic. > > My BPD mother makes suicide threats as well. She has not yet carried one out as far as yours has, but I have to hear about them all the time, this droning narrative of how much she wants to do it, longs to do it, thinks all day and night of doing it, looks for ways to do it. I have asked her to stop saying these things to me, that it's totally inappropriate (especially since a close friend of mine actually did commit suicide a few years ago) and that if she's so super depressed she should see a therapist or ask her GP for antidepressants. No no no, she won't talk to the professionals, only to me. I don't really respond. I don't hang up, but I don't respond. But it's always in the air. And I'm sitting there thinking: Other people don't have to hear this from their parents. This is a huge weight on my shoulders, like -- what does she want from me? She poses it like she's asking for my permission, saying things like, " Whatever happens ... ahem ... you know ... if I 'do something to myself' someday ... don't be mad at me, okay? I'll be in a better place. Okay? " > > There's no way to answer these questions!! I feel crazy even participating in those conversations! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 This was my mother's biggest manipulative trick on family members. When I was a little girl, I would beg her not to kill herself and I worried about it cnstantly. I couldn't even concentrate in school because I was so scared she was going to do it. Then when I became an adult, it got even worse. On the other hand, and some of you might disagree with me, but it's the hardest thing for me to " blame " her for as far as her BPD goes because I believe she was truly hurting and was really having these suicidal feelings and thoughts. As a child, I couldn't give her whatever it was she needed or wanted and it damaged me emotionally when she constantly threatened suicide. As an adult, though, I started feeling some compassion that she had these feelings. My frustration was that she wouldn't get any therapy or help and she didn't TRY to get better. I also feel angry with my father because he knew she was like this and he nor anyone in the family ever forced her to get any help or kept me away from her to keep me safe from her emotional abuse. Sometimes I think there are BPD's who threaten suicide because they are trying to control and manipulate others. Whether they are trying to manipulate them consciously, I am not sure. I think they truly have these intense feelings that make them want to die. I just think maybe they want to feel better but don't know how. I also think my mother felt I abandoned her and rejected her because I got married and wanted to have my own life apart from her. What she could never seem to get is that I wanted her as a part of my life, but because she wasn't ALL of my life, it was NOTHING for her. That's the black and white thinking of a BPD, though. K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I'm so sorry you had to undergo the trauma of frequent suicide threats by your bpd mom, pretty much your whole life. I'm guessing that your mother actually fed off of her little child's anxious concern for her. Threatening suicide was a guaranteed way of getting some attention from someone: your pleading with her as you left for school, " Please mommy don't kill yourself! " made her feel loved. What a horrible thing to do to a child. I agree that your father as the more mentally stable parent should have stepped up to the plate and done something about it and should have protected you from your mother's continual emotional abuse. I also agree that we can never really know what someone else is thinking or intending, and therefor for me, I think its just wiser to take any suicide threat from any friend or family member seriously and report it. -Annie > > > This was my mother's biggest manipulative trick on family members. When I was a little girl, I would beg her not to kill herself and I worried about it cnstantly. I couldn't even concentrate in school because I was so scared she was going to do it. Then when I became an adult, it got even worse. > > On the other hand, and some of you might disagree with me, but it's the hardest thing for me to " blame " her for as far as her BPD goes because I believe she was truly hurting and was really having these suicidal feelings and thoughts. As a child, I couldn't give her whatever it was she needed or wanted and it damaged me emotionally when she constantly threatened suicide. As an adult, though, I started feeling some compassion that she had these feelings. My frustration was that she wouldn't get any therapy or help and she didn't TRY to get better. I also feel angry with my father because he knew she was like this and he nor anyone in the family ever forced her to get any help or kept me away from her to keep me safe from her emotional abuse. > > Sometimes I think there are BPD's who threaten suicide because they are trying to control and manipulate others. Whether they are trying to manipulate them consciously, I am not sure. I think they truly have these intense feelings that make them want to die. I just think maybe they want to feel better but don't know how. I also think my mother felt I abandoned her and rejected her because I got married and wanted to have my own life apart from her. What she could never seem to get is that I wanted her as a part of my life, but because she wasn't ALL of my life, it was NOTHING for her. That's the black and white thinking of a BPD, though. > > K > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 Thanks Annie and I agree with you. If my mother were alive and healthy today, I think I would just turn the tables on her and do just that -- call 911 and have her admitted to the hospital. Unfortunately, my father was basically her cohort because he did nothing to stop her or help her. I once called a suicide hotline and asked them what I could do with her constantly threatening suicide and while I was talking to them, my father picked up the extension and told me to get off the phone. The person on the other recommended I call 911, but I never did. I guess what I've learned through my mother and reading some is that when they're saying " I'm going to kill myself!! " they are really saying, " Help me! love me! do something because I feel so bad and I feel like killing myself to escape this pain! " The problem comes in when it feels like nothing you do helps them feel better and no amount of attention or talking seems to work. It was just never enough with my mother. If I was with her, she was depressed because my sister wasn't with her. If my sister was with her, she was depressed because her brother wasn't with her. And it went on and on and on....It was just this insatiable need for attention she had that was a like a thirst that could never be quenched. Re: Suicide threats I'm so sorry you had to undergo the trauma of frequent suicide threats by your bpd mom, pretty much your whole life. I'm guessing that your mother actually fed off of her little child's anxious concern for her. Threatening suicide was a guaranteed way of getting some attention from someone: your pleading with her as you left for school, " Please mommy don't kill yourself! " made her feel loved. What a horrible thing to do to a child. I agree that your father as the more mentally stable parent should have stepped up to the plate and done something about it and should have protected you from your mother's continual emotional abuse. I also agree that we can never really know what someone else is thinking or intending, and therefor for me, I think its just wiser to take any suicide threat from any friend or family member seriously and report it. -Annie > > > This was my mother's biggest manipulative trick on family members. When I was a little girl, I would beg her not to kill herself and I worried about it cnstantly. I couldn't even concentrate in school because I was so scared she was going to do it. Then when I became an adult, it got even worse. > > On the other hand, and some of you might disagree with me, but it's the hardest thing for me to " blame " her for as far as her BPD goes because I believe she was truly hurting and was really having these suicidal feelings and thoughts. As a child, I couldn't give her whatever it was she needed or wanted and it damaged me emotionally when she constantly threatened suicide. As an adult, though, I started feeling some compassion that she had these feelings. My frustration was that she wouldn't get any therapy or help and she didn't TRY to get better. I also feel angry with my father because he knew she was like this and he nor anyone in the family ever forced her to get any help or kept me away from her to keep me safe from her emotional abuse. > > Sometimes I think there are BPD's who threaten suicide because they are trying to control and manipulate others. Whether they are trying to manipulate them consciously, I am not sure. I think they truly have these intense feelings that make them want to die. I just think maybe they want to feel better but don't know how. I also think my mother felt I abandoned her and rejected her because I got married and wanted to have my own life apart from her. What she could never seem to get is that I wanted her as a part of my life, but because she wasn't ALL of my life, it was NOTHING for her. That's the black and white thinking of a BPD, though. > > K > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 When I was little my nada repeatedly pretended to be death until my sister and me become hysteric. Then she waked up and said she did it just to see if we love her. I can understand that she has huge problems with herself but this is evil. I have a child and sometimes I was in horrible state of mind under a huge pressure with a lot of emotional storms and I was quite damaged from living in my original family. It was very hard for me not to stress that on my child. Sometimes I scream too much, sometimes I was not patient enough , sometimes I didn't do the right thing but I desperately tried to change that. But no matter in what kind of emotional disasster I was I would never ever do such a horrible thing to my child like nada did.In fact my love for my kid help me to recognize damaged part of me and my love for him give me strenght to recover, to change the ill parts of me. We have really good relation now ( according to my friends they would be happy if they would have such a nice relation with their kids when they will grow up) and I'm changed a lot. I don't believe that illness or some other huge problems are reasonable excuses for that kind of abuse. If nadas would be capable of any love or compassion than they would do anything to change if they would see the damage they did to their kids. Even recovered BPDs tell that sometimes the love for the child and seeing what horrible effect has BPD behavior on him or her it was the only thing that help them to find enough power to change. But nadas are not the same and maybe I'm wrong. It is just how I feel. > > > This was my mother's biggest manipulative trick on family members. When I was a little girl, I would beg her not to kill herself and I worried about it cnstantly. I couldn't even concentrate in school because I was so scared she was going to do it. Then when I became an adult, it got even worse. > > On the other hand, and some of you might disagree with me, but it's the hardest thing for me to " blame " her for as far as her BPD goes because I believe she was truly hurting and was really having these suicidal feelings and thoughts. As a child, I couldn't give her whatever it was she needed or wanted and it damaged me emotionally when she constantly threatened suicide. As an adult, though, I started feeling some compassion that she had these feelings. My frustration was that she wouldn't get any therapy or help and she didn't TRY to get better. I also feel angry with my father because he knew she was like this and he nor anyone in the family ever forced her to get any help or kept me away from her to keep me safe from her emotional abuse. > > Sometimes I think there are BPD's who threaten suicide because they are trying to control and manipulate others. Whether they are trying to manipulate them consciously, I am not sure. I think they truly have these intense feelings that make them want to die. I just think maybe they want to feel better but don't know how. I also think my mother felt I abandoned her and rejected her because I got married and wanted to have my own life apart from her. What she could never seem to get is that I wanted her as a part of my life, but because she wasn't ALL of my life, it was NOTHING for her. That's the black and white thinking of a BPD, though. > > K > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 When I was little my nada repeatedly pretended to be death until my sister and me become hysteric. Then she waked up and said she did it just to see if we love her. I can understand that she has huge problems with herself but this is evil. I have a child and sometimes I was in horrible state of mind under a huge pressure with a lot of emotional storms and I was quite damaged from living in my original family. It was very hard for me not to stress that on my child. Sometimes I scream too much, sometimes I was not patient enough , sometimes I didn't do the right thing but I desperately tried to change that. But no matter in what kind of emotional disasster I was I would never ever do such a horrible thing to my child like nada did.In fact my love for my kid help me to recognize damaged part of me and my love for him give me strenght to recover, to change the ill parts of me. We have really good relation now ( according to my friends they would be happy if they would have such a nice relation with their kids when they will grow up) and I'm changed a lot. I don't believe that illness or some other huge problems are reasonable excuses for that kind of abuse. If nadas would be capable of any love or compassion than they would do anything to change if they would see the damage they did to their kids. Even recovered BPDs tell that sometimes the love for the child and seeing what horrible effect has BPD behavior on him or her it was the only thing that help them to find enough power to change. But nadas are not the same and maybe I'm wrong. It is just how I feel. > > > This was my mother's biggest manipulative trick on family members. When I was a little girl, I would beg her not to kill herself and I worried about it cnstantly. I couldn't even concentrate in school because I was so scared she was going to do it. Then when I became an adult, it got even worse. > > On the other hand, and some of you might disagree with me, but it's the hardest thing for me to " blame " her for as far as her BPD goes because I believe she was truly hurting and was really having these suicidal feelings and thoughts. As a child, I couldn't give her whatever it was she needed or wanted and it damaged me emotionally when she constantly threatened suicide. As an adult, though, I started feeling some compassion that she had these feelings. My frustration was that she wouldn't get any therapy or help and she didn't TRY to get better. I also feel angry with my father because he knew she was like this and he nor anyone in the family ever forced her to get any help or kept me away from her to keep me safe from her emotional abuse. > > Sometimes I think there are BPD's who threaten suicide because they are trying to control and manipulate others. Whether they are trying to manipulate them consciously, I am not sure. I think they truly have these intense feelings that make them want to die. I just think maybe they want to feel better but don't know how. I also think my mother felt I abandoned her and rejected her because I got married and wanted to have my own life apart from her. What she could never seem to get is that I wanted her as a part of my life, but because she wasn't ALL of my life, it was NOTHING for her. That's the black and white thinking of a BPD, though. > > K > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I agree with you, I think that doing that to a small child is extremely cruel and abusive. I also think that personality disorder comes in a " spectrum " , or degrees of severity. Some pd individuals have fewer of the traits and express them less frequently and/or less intensely, while others have all the traits and express them more frequently and intensely. Some individuals have more than one mental illness going on at the same time, as well. My own personal opinion is that the nadas who seem to " get off " on freaking out their children, who basically enjoy emotionally or physically torturing their children, are actually psychopathic. They think that driving a little child to hysterics of fear or pain is entertaining. I think that such individuals are WAY, WAY too mentally ill to be raising children, myself. -Annie > > > When I was little my nada repeatedly pretended to be death until my sister and me become hysteric. Then she waked up and said she did it just to see if we love her. I can understand that she has huge problems with herself but this is evil. I have a child and sometimes I was in horrible state of mind under a huge pressure with a lot of emotional storms and I was quite damaged from living in my original family. It was very hard for me not to stress that on my child. Sometimes I scream too much, sometimes I was not patient enough , sometimes I didn't do the right thing but I desperately tried to change that. But no matter in what kind of emotional disasster I was I would never ever do such a horrible thing to my child like nada did.In fact my love for my kid help me to recognize damaged part of me and my love for him give me strenght to recover, to change the ill parts of me. We have really good relation now ( according to my friends they would be happy if they would have such a nice relation with their kids when they will grow up) and I'm changed a lot. I don't believe that illness or some other huge problems are reasonable excuses for that kind of abuse. If nadas would be capable of any love or compassion than they would do anything to change if they would see the damage they did to their kids. Even recovered BPDs tell that sometimes the love for the child and seeing what horrible effect has BPD behavior on him or her it was the only thing that help them to find enough power to change. > > But nadas are not the same and maybe I'm wrong. It is just how I feel. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 Hummingbird, everything you wrote is how I feel too. It's so hard to live this way...and I've always felt bad for my mother...no matter what. I just wish I knew all of this stuff when I was a teenager. Amy Re: Re: Suicide threats This was my mother's biggest manipulative trick on family members. When I was a little girl, I would beg her not to kill herself and I worried about it cnstantly. I couldn't even concentrate in school because I was so scared she was going to do it. Then when I became an adult, it got even worse. On the other hand, and some of you might disagree with me, but it's the hardest thing for me to " blame " her for as far as her BPD goes because I believe she was truly hurting and was really having these suicidal feelings and thoughts. As a child, I couldn't give her whatever it was she needed or wanted and it damaged me emotionally when she constantly threatened suicide. As an adult, though, I started feeling some compassion that she had these feelings. My frustration was that she wouldn't get any therapy or help and she didn't TRY to get better. I also feel angry with my father because he knew she was like this and he nor anyone in the family ever forced her to get any help or kept me away from her to keep me safe from her emotional abuse. Sometimes I think there are BPD's who threaten suicide because they are trying to control and manipulate others. Whether they are trying to manipulate them consciously, I am not sure. I think they truly have these intense feelings that make them want to die. I just think maybe they want to feel better but don't know how. I also think my mother felt I abandoned her and rejected her because I got married and wanted to have my own life apart from her. What she could never seem to get is that I wanted her as a part of my life, but because she wasn't ALL of my life, it was NOTHING for her. That's the black and white thinking of a BPD, though. K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 Pretending to be dead to manipulate and torment a child until they become hysterical is evil. Subjecting one's child to overwhelming horror for one's own amusement is malevolent--and I think that in Yenaine and her sister's case,her nada saying she did it just to see if they " loved " her has absolutely nothing to do with maternal love.Even using the word " love " in such a scenario is really a stretch.Maternal love is an instinct to protect one's child from harm--and like Yenaine said,it was her very *love* for her child that gave her the strength to recover and to desperately want to do better and to change.*That* is real maternal love...I agree that if nadas were actually *capable* of real love and compassion that they would SEE the damage they do to their children and WANT to change.I don't know if it's " just " BPD or psychopathic traits in combo with BPD but there is definitely something that just does not fire in their brains; an empathic connection is just missing. My nada used the threat of death on me,too,but hers was threatening to kill *me*.She reserved the suicide threats for fada--they were for attention seeking and guilt tripping.When I was an adult,nada told me that she had " purposefully " torn me down as a child and that she knew she was doing it but " couldn't stop it " .She said this with no apparent understanding of how devastating that had been to me,more like she was pointing out the weather.If you *know* that you are doing something and you *know* that you can't stop it,it seems to me,either that causes you enough distress to make a change or it doesn't.And,it seems to me,if you *know* that you are purposefully tearing down a little child and you *know* that you can't stop it but you do nothing about it but continue to do it,that is because you don't really care.Also,that you must have no real apprehension of what that *is* because truly if you understood the damage you were doing to a helpless human being (your own child nonetheless),you wouldn't want to *be* like that,you'd want to stop. In Reiland's book about recovering from BPD, " Get Me Out Of Here " , she writes about an incident when she went ballistic on her toddler son and beat him.While she was beating him she caught a glimpse of the terror on his face and that is when she realized that there was something seriously wrong with her and that she needed help and could not go on as she was. My own nada never noticed my terror,never " got " that there was something wrong with her,yet cold bloodedly told me years later that she had known exactly what she was doing. She had been " jealous " of me,she said,because I had " always possessed qualities your father and I never had " and she had torn me down on purpose " to feel better about me " . Psychopathy alone or BPD as well,I don't know.But the only conclusion I can draw is that people like this should NOT ever be raising children.Because they don't " raise " them.They destroy them,either permanantly or for a long while,shaving good years of living off of their lives until their children find their own volition to seek health and healing...Why do I suspect that those of us who have found that volition are the exception rather than the rule? > > > When I was little my nada repeatedly pretended to be death until my sister and me become hysteric. Then she waked up and said she did it just to see if we love her. I can understand that she has huge problems with herself but this is evil. I have a child and sometimes I was in horrible state of mind under a huge pressure with a lot of emotional storms and I was quite damaged from living in my original family. It was very hard for me not to stress that on my child. Sometimes I scream too much, sometimes I was not patient enough , sometimes I didn't do the right thing but I desperately tried to change that. But no matter in what kind of emotional disasster I was I would never ever do such a horrible thing to my child like nada did.In fact my love for my kid help me to recognize damaged part of me and my love for him give me strenght to recover, to change the ill parts of me. We have really good relation now ( according to my friends they would be happy if they would have such a nice relation with their kids when they will grow up) and I'm changed a lot. I don't believe that illness or some other huge problems are reasonable excuses for that kind of abuse. If nadas would be capable of any love or compassion than they would do anything to change if they would see the damage they did to their kids. Even recovered BPDs tell that sometimes the love for the child and seeing what horrible effect has BPD behavior on him or her it was the only thing that help them to find enough power to change. > > But nadas are not the same and maybe I'm wrong. It is just how I feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I agree. Your nada's description, , of realizing that she was hurting you but kept doing it anyway *to make herself feel better* is shockingly cold-blooded. It sounds exactly like the posts the sociopaths write over at that site for sociopaths. They're bored. They feel slighted or disrespected over something. There's nothing better to do, so they go... steal a car, or set a puppy on fire, or see if they can sexually seduce a young teen, or torment a child into hysterics. Eh, no big deal, its just to kill some time. They're psychopaths; they have no human conscience, no understanding that there are things that they should not do because they're *wrong*, and no remorse for doing them. They simply don't care about the feelings of other human beings. They just truly do not care, one way or the other. Children need to be rescued from psychopathic parents for their own safety, truly. -Annie > > Pretending to be dead to manipulate and torment a child until they become hysterical is evil. > > Subjecting one's child to overwhelming horror for one's own amusement is malevolent--and I think that in Yenaine and her sister's case,her nada saying she did it just to see if they " loved " her has absolutely nothing to do with maternal love.Even using the word " love " in such a scenario is really a stretch.Maternal love is an instinct to protect one's child from harm--and like Yenaine said,it was her very *love* for her child that gave her the strength to recover and to desperately want to do better and to change.*That* is real maternal love...I agree that if nadas were actually *capable* of real love and compassion that they would SEE the damage they do to their children and WANT to change.I don't know if it's " just " BPD or psychopathic traits in combo with BPD but there is definitely something that just does not fire in their brains; an empathic connection is just missing. > > My nada used the threat of death on me,too,but hers was threatening to kill *me*.She reserved the suicide threats for fada--they were for attention seeking and guilt tripping.When I was an adult,nada told me that she had " purposefully " torn me down as a child and that she knew she was doing it but " couldn't stop it " .She said this with no apparent understanding of how devastating that had been to me,more like she was pointing out the weather.If you *know* that you are doing something and you *know* that you can't stop it,it seems to me,either that causes you enough distress to make a change or it doesn't.And,it seems to me,if you *know* that you are purposefully tearing down a little child and you *know* that you can't stop it but you do nothing about it but continue to do it,that is because you don't really care.Also,that you must have no real apprehension of what that *is* because truly if you understood the damage you were doing to a helpless human being (your own child nonetheless),you wouldn't want to *be* like that,you'd want to stop. > > In Reiland's book about recovering from BPD, " Get Me Out Of Here " , she writes about an incident when she went ballistic on her toddler son and beat him.While she was beating him she caught a glimpse of the terror on his face and that is when she realized that there was something seriously wrong with her and that she needed help and could not go on as she was. > > My own nada never noticed my terror,never " got " that there was something wrong with her,yet cold bloodedly told me years later that she had known exactly what she was doing. > > She had been " jealous " of me,she said,because I had " always possessed qualities your father and I never had " and she had torn me down on purpose " to feel better about me " . > > Psychopathy alone or BPD as well,I don't know.But the only conclusion I can draw is that people like this should NOT ever be raising children.Because they don't " raise " them.They destroy them,either permanantly or for a long while,shaving good years of living off of their lives until their children find their own volition to seek health and healing...Why do I suspect that those of us who have found that volition are the exception rather than the rule? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I agree with you. It's so hard as a child to understand that their problem is because of them and not you. Re: Suicide threats I agree. Your nada's description, , of realizing that she was hurting you but kept doing it anyway *to make herself feel better* is shockingly cold-blooded. It sounds exactly like the posts the sociopaths write over at that site for sociopaths. They're bored. They feel slighted or disrespected over something. There's nothing better to do, so they go... steal a car, or set a puppy on fire, or see if they can sexually seduce a young teen, or torment a child into hysterics. Eh, no big deal, its just to kill some time. They're psychopaths; they have no human conscience, no understanding that there are things that they should not do because they're *wrong*, and no remorse for doing them. They simply don't care about the feelings of other human beings. They just truly do not care, one way or the other. Children need to be rescued from psychopathic parents for their own safety, truly. -Annie > > Pretending to be dead to manipulate and torment a child until they become hysterical is evil. > > Subjecting one's child to overwhelming horror for one's own amusement is malevolent--and I think that in Yenaine and her sister's case,her nada saying she did it just to see if they " loved " her has absolutely nothing to do with maternal love.Even using the word " love " in such a scenario is really a stretch.Maternal love is an instinct to protect one's child from harm--and like Yenaine said,it was her very *love* for her child that gave her the strength to recover and to desperately want to do better and to change.*That* is real maternal love...I agree that if nadas were actually *capable* of real love and compassion that they would SEE the damage they do to their children and WANT to change.I don't know if it's " just " BPD or psychopathic traits in combo with BPD but there is definitely something that just does not fire in their brains; an empathic connection is just missing. > > My nada used the threat of death on me,too,but hers was threatening to kill *me*.She reserved the suicide threats for fada--they were for attention seeking and guilt tripping.When I was an adult,nada told me that she had " purposefully " torn me down as a child and that she knew she was doing it but " couldn't stop it " .She said this with no apparent understanding of how devastating that had been to me,more like she was pointing out the weather.If you *know* that you are doing something and you *know* that you can't stop it,it seems to me,either that causes you enough distress to make a change or it doesn't.And,it seems to me,if you *know* that you are purposefully tearing down a little child and you *know* that you can't stop it but you do nothing about it but continue to do it,that is because you don't really care.Also,that you must have no real apprehension of what that *is* because truly if you understood the damage you were doing to a helpless human being (your own child nonetheless),you wouldn't want to *be* like that,you'd want to stop. > > In Reiland's book about recovering from BPD, " Get Me Out Of Here " , she writes about an incident when she went ballistic on her toddler son and beat him.While she was beating him she caught a glimpse of the terror on his face and that is when she realized that there was something seriously wrong with her and that she needed help and could not go on as she was. > > My own nada never noticed my terror,never " got " that there was something wrong with her,yet cold bloodedly told me years later that she had known exactly what she was doing. > > She had been " jealous " of me,she said,because I had " always possessed qualities your father and I never had " and she had torn me down on purpose " to feel better about me " . > > Psychopathy alone or BPD as well,I don't know.But the only conclusion I can draw is that people like this should NOT ever be raising children.Because they don't " raise " them.They destroy them,either permanantly or for a long while,shaving good years of living off of their lives until their children find their own volition to seek health and healing...Why do I suspect that those of us who have found that volition are the exception rather than the rule? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Today i have been in hospital to see my nada after her " suicide " . First I had been talking to her doctor. I was so afraid that I would find somebody who don't know nothing about or don't " believe " in BPD. He was GREAT!!! I take all my " bad " words about horrible psychiatrists in my country back..:-)) He said that he would observe nada for few more days to make final conclusion and the BPD could be so mixed with some others illness or problems that he would try to deal with symptoms not etiquette's. But the best part is that he recognized all nada tricks. I have told him about her behavior at home and he have told me how she cope at hospital. We finished each other sentences sometimes knowing what would be the next word :-)) ( or nada reaction) A big relief for me. Then I went to her. At first she acted like she is totally under the pills hardly walking and she observed me how I would react. I was calm , polite and on distance all the time. I manage somehow not to fell in any of her tricks. Then she has become quite normal so we could have had quite normal conversation ( she even forget to play poor stoned patient) . She get bored quick and when she started with where I should buried her I firmly said that I don't want to talk about that and that I should go. And I left. Bravo me!!! :-)) The doctor have said that it is ok that she has came in hospital because she is in bad condition. ( she didn't take her medicine, she has anxiety attacks, psychotic episodes, paranoid thoughts after a long time...) and that she would probably stay there for month or two to stabilize. I agree because 10 year ago she had been in the same hospital (once) and after that she was much better for a few years. He also told me that they have a lot of " problems " with her ( but he was smiling .. that was after I told him what kind of prolems I had with her) . At the beginning she wanted do take over all department. She started with her usual " poor me " victim role trying to manipulate everybody ( patients, doctors, nurse, clining woman probalby...:-)) to behave like she wanted them to behave. When she figured out that it won't work ( at least not with doctors) she pretended to have big medical problems or she pretended that she is colapsing or....when this didn't work too she lessened a bit and slowly started to accept the rules of the apartment ( at least a little part of it for now) From past experiences she will soon start to enyoj and became a Queen of the hospital...:-)) She allready have her own " unit " of people who serve her and belive anything she tells...I can see this in their eyes - they looked at me like I'm Satan....and one woman came to me and said to me few times : Your mother is very very sad " staring at me like she woul want me to addmit that I'm a bad person who don't help her poor mother like she deserved. But I don't care. As long I have good doctor on my side that doesn't matter. I calmy told her that I know that that she is said because I know my mother all my live and than she angrilly went away. So all together went very well . My mother will be in hospital for holidays ( HURA!!!!) she would probaly sooner or latter enjoyed it because she is surrended with people ( who would be probably soon her devoted admirers) , because of proper health care she would be probably much better when she'll come out. I managed to stick to my boundaries and I'll have happy and easy hollidays one more time!!!! (HURA again!!!) Thanks for your support ! > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance. > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of making suicide. > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from where it will hit... > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Today i have been in hospital to see my nada after her " suicide " . First I had been talking to her doctor. I was so afraid that I would find somebody who don't know nothing about or don't " believe " in BPD. He was GREAT!!! I take all my " bad " words about horrible psychiatrists in my country back..:-)) He said that he would observe nada for few more days to make final conclusion and the BPD could be so mixed with some others illness or problems that he would try to deal with symptoms not etiquette's. But the best part is that he recognized all nada tricks. I have told him about her behavior at home and he have told me how she cope at hospital. We finished each other sentences sometimes knowing what would be the next word :-)) ( or nada reaction) A big relief for me. Then I went to her. At first she acted like she is totally under the pills hardly walking and she observed me how I would react. I was calm , polite and on distance all the time. I manage somehow not to fell in any of her tricks. Then she has become quite normal so we could have had quite normal conversation ( she even forget to play poor stoned patient) . She get bored quick and when she started with where I should buried her I firmly said that I don't want to talk about that and that I should go. And I left. Bravo me!!! :-)) The doctor have said that it is ok that she has came in hospital because she is in bad condition. ( she didn't take her medicine, she has anxiety attacks, psychotic episodes, paranoid thoughts after a long time...) and that she would probably stay there for month or two to stabilize. I agree because 10 year ago she had been in the same hospital (once) and after that she was much better for a few years. He also told me that they have a lot of " problems " with her ( but he was smiling .. that was after I told him what kind of prolems I had with her) . At the beginning she wanted do take over all department. She started with her usual " poor me " victim role trying to manipulate everybody ( patients, doctors, nurse, clining woman probalby...:-)) to behave like she wanted them to behave. When she figured out that it won't work ( at least not with doctors) she pretended to have big medical problems or she pretended that she is colapsing or....when this didn't work too she lessened a bit and slowly started to accept the rules of the apartment ( at least a little part of it for now) From past experiences she will soon start to enyoj and became a Queen of the hospital...:-)) She allready have her own " unit " of people who serve her and belive anything she tells...I can see this in their eyes - they looked at me like I'm Satan....and one woman came to me and said to me few times : Your mother is very very sad " staring at me like she woul want me to addmit that I'm a bad person who don't help her poor mother like she deserved. But I don't care. As long I have good doctor on my side that doesn't matter. I calmy told her that I know that that she is said because I know my mother all my live and than she angrilly went away. So all together went very well . My mother will be in hospital for holidays ( HURA!!!!) she would probaly sooner or latter enjoyed it because she is surrended with people ( who would be probably soon her devoted admirers) , because of proper health care she would be probably much better when she'll come out. I managed to stick to my boundaries and I'll have happy and easy hollidays one more time!!!! (HURA again!!!) Thanks for your support ! > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance. > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of making suicide. > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from where it will hit... > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Today i have been in hospital to see my nada after her " suicide " . First I had been talking to her doctor. I was so afraid that I would find somebody who don't know nothing about or don't " believe " in BPD. He was GREAT!!! I take all my " bad " words about horrible psychiatrists in my country back..:-)) He said that he would observe nada for few more days to make final conclusion and the BPD could be so mixed with some others illness or problems that he would try to deal with symptoms not etiquette's. But the best part is that he recognized all nada tricks. I have told him about her behavior at home and he have told me how she cope at hospital. We finished each other sentences sometimes knowing what would be the next word :-)) ( or nada reaction) A big relief for me. Then I went to her. At first she acted like she is totally under the pills hardly walking and she observed me how I would react. I was calm , polite and on distance all the time. I manage somehow not to fell in any of her tricks. Then she has become quite normal so we could have had quite normal conversation ( she even forget to play poor stoned patient) . She get bored quick and when she started with where I should buried her I firmly said that I don't want to talk about that and that I should go. And I left. Bravo me!!! :-)) The doctor have said that it is ok that she has came in hospital because she is in bad condition. ( she didn't take her medicine, she has anxiety attacks, psychotic episodes, paranoid thoughts after a long time...) and that she would probably stay there for month or two to stabilize. I agree because 10 year ago she had been in the same hospital (once) and after that she was much better for a few years. He also told me that they have a lot of " problems " with her ( but he was smiling .. that was after I told him what kind of prolems I had with her) . At the beginning she wanted do take over all department. She started with her usual " poor me " victim role trying to manipulate everybody ( patients, doctors, nurse, clining woman probalby...:-)) to behave like she wanted them to behave. When she figured out that it won't work ( at least not with doctors) she pretended to have big medical problems or she pretended that she is colapsing or....when this didn't work too she lessened a bit and slowly started to accept the rules of the apartment ( at least a little part of it for now) From past experiences she will soon start to enyoj and became a Queen of the hospital...:-)) She allready have her own " unit " of people who serve her and belive anything she tells...I can see this in their eyes - they looked at me like I'm Satan....and one woman came to me and said to me few times : Your mother is very very sad " staring at me like she woul want me to addmit that I'm a bad person who don't help her poor mother like she deserved. But I don't care. As long I have good doctor on my side that doesn't matter. I calmy told her that I know that that she is said because I know my mother all my live and than she angrilly went away. So all together went very well . My mother will be in hospital for holidays ( HURA!!!!) she would probaly sooner or latter enjoyed it because she is surrended with people ( who would be probably soon her devoted admirers) , because of proper health care she would be probably much better when she'll come out. I managed to stick to my boundaries and I'll have happy and easy hollidays one more time!!!! (HURA again!!!) Thanks for your support ! > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance. > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of making suicide. > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from where it will hit... > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 That is awesome news yenaine: your nada's doctor completely understands BPD behavior, is not fooled by any of your nada's manipulations, and is supportive of your experiences with your nada. That is like a gift from heaven! I am so happy for you that nada is being well taken care of and her hospitalization will result in your having a peaceful Holiday season, and nada stands a very good chance of being more physically and mentally healthy at the end of her hospital stay as well. You handled your visit with your nada beautifully, and you handled her new " flying monkey " beautifully too, in my opinion. You totally rock!! Big virtual thumb's up of support from me! -Annie > > > > > > I made some new boundaries. Told nada that I will call only once a week and that I would not answer a telephone even if it is urgent because she took advantage of my concern. . First she tried to get (her usual) attention from some other people ( NGO group who helps mental ill people) but they are fed up with her manipulations and lies too and they don't want to talk to her 100 times a day. She than refused to get professional help and even lied to me that her psychiatrist said to her it is useless to have so much sessions ( once a week) She called me this morning (today is a day for our call) and told me she would make a suicide. With a voice of little " poor " stubborn child. I was worried a little but I responded very calm. I told her that it is her own life and her own decisions, I can not help her the way she is demaning from me, I'm living in other city and I'm not a professional mental health doctor to know how. The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance. > > > > > > She (seemly) agreed and I called an ambulance and now I'm waiting what will happened, if she will allows them into the house or if she really goes to hospital. You can never know what is truth with her - she might really took the pills or she might just bluffing. This is her first thread of making suicide. > > > > > > And I decided I won't go to the hospital today ( if she would really goes there) but tomorrow. I don't want her to think that this is working - if she would threat with suicide she would get my attention and I would come. I found out if I don't respond on her manipulation the first time she try with some form of it than she stops ...and start searching for other ones who might work out for her. I'm so sick with being all the time on alert from where it will hit... > > > > > > > > > > > > Yenaine > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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