Re: Hooray for Good Parents

December 5, 2010

Thanks.

Really. Thank you.

I was terrified in my early 20's to have kids. Literally terrified. Even though

I wanted them badly, I was terrified of being like my mother. I saw a

psychologist and worked through some of my negative thought patterns and got me

to the point where I could seperate myself from her. I no longer thought that I

was a " mini me " of her.

I still have a hard time controlling my response to things at times, and I often

look to my husband for guidence. I also consult Dr. Google a lot because I

really don't know how to be a parent. I certainly didn't have good examples in

my life.

But I'm pretty sure my kids are happy, my eldest tells me I'm the best mom ever

(and I wonder if she's only saying that...). I struggle with thinking I'm a bad

parent and thinking that I'm doing really good considering my background.

I think it's easy to be a bad parent, damn hard work to be a good one.

>

> In light of many comments posted here lately by many of you, just let me say

-- as a non-parent -- kudos to you for doing your best and braving the

difficulties and becoming good parents in spite of your own BPD-afflicted

childhoods. It's so hard for so many KOs to shed those fleas, and that you have

consciously striven to do that is worthy of applause.

>

> When I was of childbearing age, I felt that I shouldn't have kids because (as

I said then) I was afraid that I would treat them the way my parents treated me

-- in other words that I would yell at them for tiny infractions, that I would

be moody with them and lose my patience with them and scream abuse in their

faces. I thought no, no, I can't take that risk, I can't put some innocent child

through that -- because even if I consciously try to avoid acting that way, what

if I can't avoid it? I'll ruin a child's life!

>

> At that time, many years ago, I didn't know about BPD, didn't know why my

parents acted as they did, didn't really know that I was NOT my parents.

>

> All the best to all you parents out there!

>

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