Trying to figure out Christmas and the future

November 28, 2010

I¹m new to the group. I am a single mom w/ a teenage daughter. I moved in

with my Nada (love that abbreviation brought tears to my eyes!) 10.5 years

ago when my special needs baby needed a full-time mom. I didn¹t really know

what I was getting into at that time. I knew mom and I fought a lot, but I

figured we would be OK. Ironically, at that time, I went back to graduate

school to get my Masters degree in Social Work, and it was then that I found

out about the wonderful world of BPD & Narcissistic PD, and that both she

and my brother have it. Don¹t see or communicate w/ brother at all.

As my Mom has gotten older, (now 87), she is getting worse. Always a

hoarder, she has now taken over the dining room and all of the first floor

with her junk. We no longer have a place to eat together, which clearly is

her plan. My daughter and I live on the second and third floor of the house,

and carry our food upstairs to eat.

I¹m really obsessing about Christmas. We have always included my mom in our

holiday plans food & movie. But last year I was exhausted from all the

cooking, so I am planning on doing very little this year. ly, we really

don¹t want to include her at all, but I do feel guilty and I guess I¹m

also grieving about the lack of a relationship with her. My last straw was a

few months ago, when I was totally exhausted, physically & emotionally, and

was ordered by my doctor to hire someone to help me around the house. Nada¹s

reaction was that if I hired anyone, she would call the police and have them

thrown out. Nice way to say ³I care about you, honey² (not!).

So at this point I really don¹t talk to her at all, because everything she

says will be a criticism or be taken by her as a criticism from me, whether

meant that way or not. Can you say projection? I¹m filling out an

application for affordable housing, so my dd and I can move out. But the

GUILT! She¹s 87. She¹s pretty healthy now, but I¹m afraid that she¹ll burn

down the house if she¹s here alone (smoke detector goes off every time she

cooks).

Has anyone walked out on an elderly BP parent and/or stopped including them

in holiday celebrations?

mamashizi

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