Re: Taking a breath...

August 16, 2011

Hi sue. I know what you mean about food in the refrigerator. If you have to throw it out, don't worry about it. In fact, think of it as the right thing to do if you have to throw it out because you are not eating it. Someone mentioned a while back that they LOVE to throw food out! I found that very empowering. TaiTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 10:05

PMSubject: Taking a breath...

So... I threw away some of my M & M's yesterday. Not to forbid them, but to put some space between me and eating until I exploded. I had some in my desk at work where, I'm afraid, I'm less than intuitively connected to myself 8+ hours a day. So, I decided that if I really wanted some, I'd need to commit to that and go out and buy enough for a reasonable portion (?) and if I wanted more, go out and buy that. I don't know if I'll stick to that, but it sounded reasonable. I still have some at home though and am not feeling pulled by them at all. Go figure.

I chose to that in part because I could have eaten a barrel of them and not noticed and because I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of chocolate - my joints ache and I feel crummy all over. Which watered down any sense of "gain" in the IE plan...

And...I've amended my goal... I'd left out the part about wanting to actually lose weight... Without that being the end game, it is also part of what I am seeking in practicing a more mindful way of eating. Though the whole normal weight goal is something I also need to hold lightly in my mind.

I assume my "normal" weight isn't where I am right now. I'm guessing that in the real scheme of things I'm 40 - 50 pounds overweight - but that might not be true. It might be thirty, it might be twenty, maybe it's sixty. I don't know what I would weigh if I were to no longer eat as a hobby, to avoid my emotions, when I'm full, out of defiance or because I'm bored/lonely or simply saw something and stuffed it in my mouth (ordered it from the menu) before even thinking about my body.

I'm reading IE, looking at the guidelines, and trying not to make that all too "ruley". I get very rule-bound and then my defiance kicks in and I'm off and running. When did this all become so crazy and when did I get so tossed around by food thoughts?! Doesn't matter, the answers are actually obvious and I guess the real reason for that question is that I wish I could just rule my body into the shape I want it because that's the world we live in.

My mom was a "willpower freak" - she could will herself into anything. Always on a diet, always maintained a low weight. Wound up with terrible, terrible osteoporosis which may have been part of her living on coffee all day rather than food. But who knows? Anyway, reframing my willpower to willingness is, I guess, the goal du jour.

By the way, I dread going to the gym like the plague. Joined our local health club one year ago - and haven't stepped through the doors since. If I could wear a birka, I might start. But being fat and waddling on the tread mill next to some jock is my version of hell on Earth. I try to walk most days and when I do my feet and ankles are inevitably sore the next morning. Blah, blah, blah... it's all about body hatred. And a lifetime of bad messages and a lifetime of couchpotatoness. So... A yoga class started in town tonight and I wanted to go, sort of, and didn't. I can't say why for sure except that's what I do - plan things and then opt out.

That is my progress for today...

I'm taking a breath before dinner and will eat soon as if I don't it will be too late. I'm just waiting to see what feels/seems right as I have a refrigerator full of choices, none of which are calling to me but they're all waiting for me to either eat them or toss them out. Isn't that awful though?

August 16, 2011

I think someone wrote in once here better to " waste " the food than " waist " it. I don't think that is the exact quote, but it sends the same message. Sandy

Hi sue. I know what you mean about food in the refrigerator. If you have to throw it out, don't worry about it. In fact, think of it as the right thing to do if you have to throw it out because you are not eating it. Someone mentioned a while back that they LOVE to throw food out! I found that very empowering. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 10:05

PMSubject: Taking a breath...

So... I threw away some of my M & M's yesterday. Not to forbid them, but to put some space between me and eating until I exploded. I had some in my desk at work where, I'm afraid, I'm less than intuitively connected to myself 8+ hours a day. So, I decided that if I really wanted some, I'd need to commit to that and go out and buy enough for a reasonable portion (?) and if I wanted more, go out and buy that. I don't know if I'll stick to that, but it sounded reasonable. I still have some at home though and am not feeling pulled by them at all. Go figure.

I chose to that in part because I could have eaten a barrel of them and not noticed and because I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of chocolate - my joints ache and I feel crummy all over. Which watered down any sense of " gain " in the IE plan...

And...I've amended my goal... I'd left out the part about wanting to actually lose weight... Without that being the end game, it is also part of what I am seeking in practicing a more mindful way of eating. Though the whole normal weight goal is something I also need to hold lightly in my mind.

I assume my " normal " weight isn't where I am right now. I'm guessing that in the real scheme of things I'm 40 - 50 pounds overweight - but that might not be true. It might be thirty, it might be twenty, maybe it's sixty. I don't know what I would weigh if I were to no longer eat as a hobby, to avoid my emotions, when I'm full, out of defiance or because I'm bored/lonely or simply saw something and stuffed it in my mouth (ordered it from the menu) before even thinking about my body.

I'm reading IE, looking at the guidelines, and trying not to make that all too " ruley " . I get very rule-bound and then my defiance kicks in and I'm off and running. When did this all become so crazy and when did I get so tossed around by food thoughts?! Doesn't matter, the answers are actually obvious and I guess the real reason for that question is that I wish I could just rule my body into the shape I want it because that's the world we live in.

My mom was a " willpower freak " - she could will herself into anything. Always on a diet, always maintained a low weight. Wound up with terrible, terrible osteoporosis which may have been part of her living on coffee all day rather than food. But who knows? Anyway, reframing my willpower to willingness is, I guess, the goal du jour.

By the way, I dread going to the gym like the plague. Joined our local health club one year ago - and haven't stepped through the doors since. If I could wear a birka, I might start. But being fat and waddling on the tread mill next to some jock is my version of hell on Earth. I try to walk most days and when I do my feet and ankles are inevitably sore the next morning. Blah, blah, blah... it's all about body hatred. And a lifetime of bad messages and a lifetime of couchpotatoness. So... A yoga class started in town tonight and I wanted to go, sort of, and didn't. I can't say why for sure except that's what I do - plan things and then opt out.

That is my progress for today...

I'm taking a breath before dinner and will eat soon as if I don't it will be too late. I'm just waiting to see what feels/seems right as I have a refrigerator full of choices, none of which are calling to me but they're all waiting for me to either eat them or toss them out. Isn't that awful though?

August 16, 2011

I shall elaborate on that thought, Sandy. It is a waste of food when it goes to the waist. :-) Anyway, food is biodegradable in the atmosphere, we'll think of it that way. TaiTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 11:19 PMSubject: Re: Taking a breath...

I think someone wrote in once here better to "waste" the food than "waist" it. I don't think that is the exact quote, but it sends the same message. Sandy

Hi sue. I know what you mean about food in the refrigerator. If you have to throw it out, don't worry about it. In fact, think of it as the right thing to do if you have to throw it out because you are not eating it. Someone mentioned a while back that they LOVE to throw food out! I found that very empowering. Tai

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 10:05

PMSubject: Taking a breath...

So... I threw away some of my M & M's yesterday. Not to forbid them, but to put some space between me and eating until I exploded. I had some in my desk at work where, I'm afraid, I'm less than intuitively connected to myself 8+ hours a day. So, I decided that if I really wanted some, I'd need to commit to that and go out and buy enough for a reasonable portion (?) and if I wanted more, go out and buy that. I don't know if I'll stick to that, but it sounded reasonable. I still have some at home though and am not feeling pulled by them at all. Go figure.

I chose to that in part because I could have eaten a barrel of them and not noticed and because I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of chocolate - my joints ache and I feel crummy all over. Which watered down any sense of "gain" in the IE plan...

And...I've amended my goal... I'd left out the part about wanting to actually lose weight... Without that being the end game, it is also part of what I am seeking in practicing a more mindful way of eating. Though the whole normal weight goal is something I also need to hold lightly in my mind.

I assume my "normal" weight isn't where I am right now. I'm guessing that in the real scheme of things I'm 40 - 50 pounds overweight - but that might not be true. It might be thirty, it might be twenty, maybe it's sixty. I don't know what I would weigh if I were to no longer eat as a hobby, to avoid my emotions, when I'm full, out of defiance or because I'm bored/lonely or simply saw something and stuffed it in my mouth (ordered it from the menu) before even thinking about my body.

I'm reading IE, looking at the guidelines, and trying not to make that all too "ruley". I get very rule-bound and then my defiance kicks in and I'm off and running. When did this all become so crazy and when did I get so tossed around by food thoughts?! Doesn't matter, the answers are actually obvious and I guess the real reason for that question is that I wish I could just rule my body into the shape I want it because that's the world we live in.

My mom was a "willpower freak" - she could will herself into anything. Always on a diet, always maintained a low weight. Wound up with terrible, terrible osteoporosis which may have been part of her living on coffee all day rather than food. But who knows? Anyway, reframing my willpower to willingness is, I guess, the goal du jour.

By the way, I dread going to the gym like the plague. Joined our local health club one year ago - and haven't stepped through the doors since. If I could wear a birka, I might start. But being fat and waddling on the tread mill next to some jock is my version of hell on Earth. I try to walk most days and when I do my feet and ankles are inevitably sore the next morning. Blah, blah, blah... it's all about body hatred. And a lifetime of bad messages and a lifetime of couchpotatoness. So... A yoga class started in town tonight and I wanted to go, sort of, and didn't. I can't say why for sure except that's what I do - plan things and then opt out.

That is my progress for today...

I'm taking a breath before dinner and will eat soon as if I don't it will be too late. I'm just waiting to see what feels/seems right as I have a refrigerator full of choices, none of which are calling to me but they're all waiting for me to either eat them or toss them out. Isn't that awful though?

August 16, 2011

Sanamu,

I know what you mean about having a frig full of food that will soon go bad. I

had that happen the first couple of weeks of IE, when I was simply astonished at

how much less food I needed than I had been eating. But I came to the

conclusion that I truly am NOT a garbage disposal, so if the leftovers or

produce don't get eaten, they go it the trash. Oh well. I will learn to buy

and cook less or freeze more leftovers. Today I went shopping at Costco and

kept having to decide " which " item to buy, knowing getting several would be far

too much.

Re the M & Ms - I don't think we have anything to " prove " by having to have our

most difficult food temptations sitting in plain sight right at arm's reach

where we are bound to be unable to be mindful in any eating we do. Since one of

my IE commitments to myself is not to distract myself by reading or doing

anything else while I am eating (so I can have a chance to notice when I'm no

longer getting hunger signals) I don't keep food near my computer or work areas.

Since I tend to grab appealing food I see impulsively without really thinking

about whether I'm hungry or not, I do not leave those items out where I have to

see them when I have to be in the kitchen to feed my kids or do the dishes or

what-have-you. Amazingly, out of sight is usually out of mind, now that I'm not

depriving myself of anything and eat whatever appeals when I am actually hungry

- and then the food tastes best anyway. If you are eating while you are

working, you are not giving either your full attention. Sometimes I have been

successful when I looked away from my book or computer or stopped talking

briefly, checked in with my stomach, then took the bite and went back to my

book, computer, or conversation, so long as I didn't allow myself to eat while

reading or talking.

So my questions to you would be: Do you HAVE to eat at your desk? Even if you

do, is there somewhere else you could store your lunch, like in a frig in a

lunchroom or in a lunchbox in a locker? Maybe it's not the M & Ms that are the

problem, but their proximity to you when you are supposed to be focused on your

work?

I relate so well to your body hatred. Somehow, when I read " The Body Love

Manual " recently, some statements clicked and I began to look at myself

differently - and accept my body as part of myself. I know that sounds weird,

but I have lived into middle age basically in my head, considering my body my

enemy. Now I am beginning to look at my body more kindly.

I hope I can soon add in more exercise for pleasure. Right now I am suffering

from an ankle injury which isn't healing well, so I can't walk long without

pain, and we have had respite for our special needs kids, and haven't been able

to take tandem bike rides.

Sanamu, before riding the tandem bike with my husband, I don't remember every

feeling true joy in movement. On that bike, it feels like I instantly lose 50

pounds. We simply fly along and unlike the exhaustion and unsteadiness I

experience within 10 minutes on my own solo bike, on the back of the tandem I

can pedal away happily for over an hour without any strain at all except for

major hills, when I feel it somewhat, but my husband says he thinks I'm doing

most of the work with my legs so strong from carrying my morbidly obese body all

these years. I LOVE to tandem! I wish we could ride every day! Has there EVER

been anything physical you felt similarly about? Dancing? Riding a horse?

Canoeing? Playing tennis or volleyball or softball or whatever? My elderly

neighbor gardens all day long and I cannot begin to imagine having the strength

to do it, but she loves it and it is her escape from her crotchety mate. What

do you love to do physically? I am focusing on doing what I love, rather than

telling myself I " have to " exercise. It doesn't activate that " I don't wanna! "

response.

Jane

>

> So... I threw away some of my M & M's yesterday. Not to forbid them, but to

put some space between me and eating until I exploded. I had some in my desk at

work where, I'm afraid, I'm less than intuitively connected to myself 8+ hours a

day. So, I decided that if I really wanted some, I'd need to commit to that and

go out and buy enough for a reasonable portion (?) and if I wanted more, go out

and buy that. I don't know if I'll stick to that, but it sounded reasonable. I

still have some at home though and am not feeling pulled by them at all. Go

figure.

>

> I chose to that in part because I could have eaten a barrel of them and not

noticed and because I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of chocolate - my

joints ache and I feel crummy all over. Which watered down any sense of " gain "

in the IE plan...

>

> And...I've amended my goal... I'd left out the part about wanting to actually

lose weight... Without that being the end game, it is also part of what I am

seeking in practicing a more mindful way of eating. Though the whole normal

weight goal is something I also need to hold lightly in my mind.

>

> I assume my " normal " weight isn't where I am right now. I'm guessing that in

the real scheme of things I'm 40 - 50 pounds overweight - but that might not be

true. It might be thirty, it might be twenty, maybe it's sixty. I don't know

what I would weigh if I were to no longer eat as a hobby, to avoid my emotions,

when I'm full, out of defiance or because I'm bored/lonely or simply saw

something and stuffed it in my mouth (ordered it from the menu) before even

thinking about my body.

>

> I'm reading IE, looking at the guidelines, and trying not to make that all too

" ruley " . I get very rule-bound and then my defiance kicks in and I'm off and

running. When did this all become so crazy and when did I get so tossed around

by food thoughts?! Doesn't matter, the answers are actually obvious and I guess

the real reason for that question is that I wish I could just rule my body into

the shape I want it because that's the world we live in.

>

> My mom was a " willpower freak " - she could will herself into anything. Always

on a diet, always maintained a low weight. Wound up with terrible, terrible

osteoporosis which may have been part of her living on coffee all day rather

than food. But who knows? Anyway, reframing my willpower to willingness is, I

guess, the goal du jour.

>

> By the way, I dread going to the gym like the plague. Joined our local health

club one year ago - and haven't stepped through the doors since. If I could

wear a birka, I might start. But being fat and waddling on the tread mill next

to some jock is my version of hell on Earth. I try to walk most days and when I

do my feet and ankles are inevitably sore the next morning. Blah, blah, blah...

it's all about body hatred. And a lifetime of bad messages and a lifetime of

couchpotatoness. So... A yoga class started in town tonight and I wanted to

go, sort of, and didn't. I can't say why for sure except that's what I do -

plan things and then opt out.

>

> That is my progress for today...

>

> I'm taking a breath before dinner and will eat soon as if I don't it will be

too late. I'm just waiting to see what feels/seems right as I have a

refrigerator full of choices, none of which are calling to me but they're all

waiting for me to either eat them or toss them out. Isn't that awful though?

>

August 17, 2011

Sanamu, Jane, My frig is full of wonderful, yummy produce right now and yesterday I was dealing with IBS and couldn't tolerate much. Then tomorrow I will be going out with my friend all day so won't get to eat it then. I think much of it will spoil before I get to it. I just feel bad that I don't get to enjoy all that tasty food. I guess I need to learn to buy less or choose a different day. I like what you said about the M & M's. Good point. And WOW to the tandem bike. There is so much in this post I will have to e-read it again. Sandy

Sanamu,

I know what you mean about having a frig full of food that will soon go bad. I had that happen the first couple of weeks of IE, when I was simply astonished at how much less food I needed than I had been eating. But I came to the conclusion that I truly am NOT a garbage disposal, so if the leftovers or produce don't get eaten, they go it the trash. Oh well. I will learn to buy and cook less or freeze more leftovers. Today I went shopping at Costco and kept having to decide " which " item to buy, knowing getting several would be far too much.

Re the M & Ms - I don't think we have anything to " prove " by having to have our most difficult food temptations sitting in plain sight right at arm's reach where we are bound to be unable to be mindful in any eating we do. Since one of my IE commitments to myself is not to distract myself by reading or doing anything else while I am eating (so I can have a chance to notice when I'm no longer getting hunger signals) I don't keep food near my computer or work areas. Since I tend to grab appealing food I see impulsively without really thinking about whether I'm hungry or not, I do not leave those items out where I have to see them when I have to be in the kitchen to feed my kids or do the dishes or what-have-you. Amazingly, out of sight is usually out of mind, now that I'm not depriving myself of anything and eat whatever appeals when I am actually hungry - and then the food tastes best anyway. If you are eating while you are working, you are not giving either your full attention. Sometimes I have been successful when I looked away from my book or computer or stopped talking briefly, checked in with my stomach, then took the bite and went back to my book, computer, or conversation, so long as I didn't allow myself to eat while reading or talking.

So my questions to you would be: Do you HAVE to eat at your desk? Even if you do, is there somewhere else you could store your lunch, like in a frig in a lunchroom or in a lunchbox in a locker? Maybe it's not the M & Ms that are the problem, but their proximity to you when you are supposed to be focused on your work?

I relate so well to your body hatred. Somehow, when I read " The Body Love Manual " recently, some statements clicked and I began to look at myself differently - and accept my body as part of myself. I know that sounds weird, but I have lived into middle age basically in my head, considering my body my enemy. Now I am beginning to look at my body more kindly.

I hope I can soon add in more exercise for pleasure. Right now I am suffering from an ankle injury which isn't healing well, so I can't walk long without pain, and we have had respite for our special needs kids, and haven't been able to take tandem bike rides.

Sanamu, before riding the tandem bike with my husband, I don't remember every feeling true joy in movement. On that bike, it feels like I instantly lose 50 pounds. We simply fly along and unlike the exhaustion and unsteadiness I experience within 10 minutes on my own solo bike, on the back of the tandem I can pedal away happily for over an hour without any strain at all except for major hills, when I feel it somewhat, but my husband says he thinks I'm doing most of the work with my legs so strong from carrying my morbidly obese body all these years. I LOVE to tandem! I wish we could ride every day! Has there EVER been anything physical you felt similarly about? Dancing? Riding a horse? Canoeing? Playing tennis or volleyball or softball or whatever? My elderly neighbor gardens all day long and I cannot begin to imagine having the strength to do it, but she loves it and it is her escape from her crotchety mate. What do you love to do physically? I am focusing on doing what I love, rather than telling myself I " have to " exercise. It doesn't activate that " I don't wanna! " response.

Jane

>

> So... I threw away some of my M & M's yesterday. Not to forbid them, but to put some space between me and eating until I exploded. I had some in my desk at work where, I'm afraid, I'm less than intuitively connected to myself 8+ hours a day. So, I decided that if I really wanted some, I'd need to commit to that and go out and buy enough for a reasonable portion (?) and if I wanted more, go out and buy that. I don't know if I'll stick to that, but it sounded reasonable. I still have some at home though and am not feeling pulled by them at all. Go figure.

>

> I chose to that in part because I could have eaten a barrel of them and not noticed and because I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of chocolate - my joints ache and I feel crummy all over. Which watered down any sense of " gain " in the IE plan...

>

> And...I've amended my goal... I'd left out the part about wanting to actually lose weight... Without that being the end game, it is also part of what I am seeking in practicing a more mindful way of eating. Though the whole normal weight goal is something I also need to hold lightly in my mind.

>

> I assume my " normal " weight isn't where I am right now. I'm guessing that in the real scheme of things I'm 40 - 50 pounds overweight - but that might not be true. It might be thirty, it might be twenty, maybe it's sixty. I don't know what I would weigh if I were to no longer eat as a hobby, to avoid my emotions, when I'm full, out of defiance or because I'm bored/lonely or simply saw something and stuffed it in my mouth (ordered it from the menu) before even thinking about my body.

>

> I'm reading IE, looking at the guidelines, and trying not to make that all too " ruley " . I get very rule-bound and then my defiance kicks in and I'm off and running. When did this all become so crazy and when did I get so tossed around by food thoughts?! Doesn't matter, the answers are actually obvious and I guess the real reason for that question is that I wish I could just rule my body into the shape I want it because that's the world we live in.

>

> My mom was a " willpower freak " - she could will herself into anything. Always on a diet, always maintained a low weight. Wound up with terrible, terrible osteoporosis which may have been part of her living on coffee all day rather than food. But who knows? Anyway, reframing my willpower to willingness is, I guess, the goal du jour.

>

> By the way, I dread going to the gym like the plague. Joined our local health club one year ago - and haven't stepped through the doors since. If I could wear a birka, I might start. But being fat and waddling on the tread mill next to some jock is my version of hell on Earth. I try to walk most days and when I do my feet and ankles are inevitably sore the next morning. Blah, blah, blah... it's all about body hatred. And a lifetime of bad messages and a lifetime of couchpotatoness. So... A yoga class started in town tonight and I wanted to go, sort of, and didn't. I can't say why for sure except that's what I do - plan things and then opt out.

>

> That is my progress for today...

>

> I'm taking a breath before dinner and will eat soon as if I don't it will be too late. I'm just waiting to see what feels/seems right as I have a refrigerator full of choices, none of which are calling to me but they're all waiting for me to either eat them or toss them out. Isn't that awful though?

>

August 17, 2011

Sanamu, Jane, My frig is full of wonderful, yummy produce right now and yesterday I was dealing with IBS and couldn't tolerate much. Then tomorrow I will be going out with my friend all day so won't get to eat it then. I think much of it will spoil before I get to it. I just feel bad that I don't get to enjoy all that tasty food. I guess I need to learn to buy less or choose a different day. I like what you said about the M & M's. Good point. And WOW to the tandem bike. There is so much in this post I will have to e-read it again. Sandy

Sanamu,

I know what you mean about having a frig full of food that will soon go bad. I had that happen the first couple of weeks of IE, when I was simply astonished at how much less food I needed than I had been eating. But I came to the conclusion that I truly am NOT a garbage disposal, so if the leftovers or produce don't get eaten, they go it the trash. Oh well. I will learn to buy and cook less or freeze more leftovers. Today I went shopping at Costco and kept having to decide " which " item to buy, knowing getting several would be far too much.

Re the M & Ms - I don't think we have anything to " prove " by having to have our most difficult food temptations sitting in plain sight right at arm's reach where we are bound to be unable to be mindful in any eating we do. Since one of my IE commitments to myself is not to distract myself by reading or doing anything else while I am eating (so I can have a chance to notice when I'm no longer getting hunger signals) I don't keep food near my computer or work areas. Since I tend to grab appealing food I see impulsively without really thinking about whether I'm hungry or not, I do not leave those items out where I have to see them when I have to be in the kitchen to feed my kids or do the dishes or what-have-you. Amazingly, out of sight is usually out of mind, now that I'm not depriving myself of anything and eat whatever appeals when I am actually hungry - and then the food tastes best anyway. If you are eating while you are working, you are not giving either your full attention. Sometimes I have been successful when I looked away from my book or computer or stopped talking briefly, checked in with my stomach, then took the bite and went back to my book, computer, or conversation, so long as I didn't allow myself to eat while reading or talking.

So my questions to you would be: Do you HAVE to eat at your desk? Even if you do, is there somewhere else you could store your lunch, like in a frig in a lunchroom or in a lunchbox in a locker? Maybe it's not the M & Ms that are the problem, but their proximity to you when you are supposed to be focused on your work?

I relate so well to your body hatred. Somehow, when I read " The Body Love Manual " recently, some statements clicked and I began to look at myself differently - and accept my body as part of myself. I know that sounds weird, but I have lived into middle age basically in my head, considering my body my enemy. Now I am beginning to look at my body more kindly.

I hope I can soon add in more exercise for pleasure. Right now I am suffering from an ankle injury which isn't healing well, so I can't walk long without pain, and we have had respite for our special needs kids, and haven't been able to take tandem bike rides.

Sanamu, before riding the tandem bike with my husband, I don't remember every feeling true joy in movement. On that bike, it feels like I instantly lose 50 pounds. We simply fly along and unlike the exhaustion and unsteadiness I experience within 10 minutes on my own solo bike, on the back of the tandem I can pedal away happily for over an hour without any strain at all except for major hills, when I feel it somewhat, but my husband says he thinks I'm doing most of the work with my legs so strong from carrying my morbidly obese body all these years. I LOVE to tandem! I wish we could ride every day! Has there EVER been anything physical you felt similarly about? Dancing? Riding a horse? Canoeing? Playing tennis or volleyball or softball or whatever? My elderly neighbor gardens all day long and I cannot begin to imagine having the strength to do it, but she loves it and it is her escape from her crotchety mate. What do you love to do physically? I am focusing on doing what I love, rather than telling myself I " have to " exercise. It doesn't activate that " I don't wanna! " response.

Jane

>

> So... I threw away some of my M & M's yesterday. Not to forbid them, but to put some space between me and eating until I exploded. I had some in my desk at work where, I'm afraid, I'm less than intuitively connected to myself 8+ hours a day. So, I decided that if I really wanted some, I'd need to commit to that and go out and buy enough for a reasonable portion (?) and if I wanted more, go out and buy that. I don't know if I'll stick to that, but it sounded reasonable. I still have some at home though and am not feeling pulled by them at all. Go figure.

>

> I chose to that in part because I could have eaten a barrel of them and not noticed and because I don't like how I feel when I eat a lot of chocolate - my joints ache and I feel crummy all over. Which watered down any sense of " gain " in the IE plan...

>

> And...I've amended my goal... I'd left out the part about wanting to actually lose weight... Without that being the end game, it is also part of what I am seeking in practicing a more mindful way of eating. Though the whole normal weight goal is something I also need to hold lightly in my mind.

>

> I assume my " normal " weight isn't where I am right now. I'm guessing that in the real scheme of things I'm 40 - 50 pounds overweight - but that might not be true. It might be thirty, it might be twenty, maybe it's sixty. I don't know what I would weigh if I were to no longer eat as a hobby, to avoid my emotions, when I'm full, out of defiance or because I'm bored/lonely or simply saw something and stuffed it in my mouth (ordered it from the menu) before even thinking about my body.

>

> I'm reading IE, looking at the guidelines, and trying not to make that all too " ruley " . I get very rule-bound and then my defiance kicks in and I'm off and running. When did this all become so crazy and when did I get so tossed around by food thoughts?! Doesn't matter, the answers are actually obvious and I guess the real reason for that question is that I wish I could just rule my body into the shape I want it because that's the world we live in.

>

> My mom was a " willpower freak " - she could will herself into anything. Always on a diet, always maintained a low weight. Wound up with terrible, terrible osteoporosis which may have been part of her living on coffee all day rather than food. But who knows? Anyway, reframing my willpower to willingness is, I guess, the goal du jour.

>

> By the way, I dread going to the gym like the plague. Joined our local health club one year ago - and haven't stepped through the doors since. If I could wear a birka, I might start. But being fat and waddling on the tread mill next to some jock is my version of hell on Earth. I try to walk most days and when I do my feet and ankles are inevitably sore the next morning. Blah, blah, blah... it's all about body hatred. And a lifetime of bad messages and a lifetime of couchpotatoness. So... A yoga class started in town tonight and I wanted to go, sort of, and didn't. I can't say why for sure except that's what I do - plan things and then opt out.

>

> That is my progress for today...

>

> I'm taking a breath before dinner and will eat soon as if I don't it will be too late. I'm just waiting to see what feels/seems right as I have a refrigerator full of choices, none of which are calling to me but they're all waiting for me to either eat them or toss them out. Isn't that awful though?

>

August 17, 2011

For those who want to go to the gym but are nervous about it...is there a wellness center nearby? A woman's gym? I belong to a gym that is actually a "wellness center" associated with a local hospital, and it's the best gym atmosphere I've ever been in. You see old, young, fat, skinny...it is NOT the meat market that so many other gyms are. It really does seem to be more about wellness and less about looking like a 20 year old fitness instructor.That being said, I can promise you that the vast majority of "jocks" at those meat markets are:too wrapped up in their own workout ortoo busy staring at themselves in the mirror.I kid you not...I've seen them do

it.Sara

August 17, 2011

For those who want to go to the gym but are nervous about it...is there a wellness center nearby? A woman's gym? I belong to a gym that is actually a "wellness center" associated with a local hospital, and it's the best gym atmosphere I've ever been in. You see old, young, fat, skinny...it is NOT the meat market that so many other gyms are. It really does seem to be more about wellness and less about looking like a 20 year old fitness instructor.That being said, I can promise you that the vast majority of "jocks" at those meat markets are:too wrapped up in their own workout ortoo busy staring at themselves in the mirror.I kid you not...I've seen them do

it.Sara

August 17, 2011

Sara, great ideas. " Curves " is for women only and there may be others. The hospital sounds like a good choice. I have free membership to the Y but have hardly used it do to health reasons. But now that I am ok again it might be a place to start. They have a Silver Sneakers program and there's no concern about looks, etc. Sandy

For those who want to go to the gym but are nervous about it...is there a wellness center nearby? A woman's gym? I belong to a gym that is actually a " wellness center " associated with a local hospital, and it's the best gym atmosphere I've ever been in. You see old, young, fat, skinny...it is NOT the meat market that so many other gyms are. It really does seem to be more about wellness and less about looking like a 20 year old fitness instructor.

That being said, I can promise you that the vast majority of " jocks " at those meat markets are:too wrapped up in their own workout ortoo busy staring at themselves in the mirror.

I kid you not...I've seen them do

it.Sara

August 17, 2011

Sara, great ideas. " Curves " is for women only and there may be others. The hospital sounds like a good choice. I have free membership to the Y but have hardly used it do to health reasons. But now that I am ok again it might be a place to start. They have a Silver Sneakers program and there's no concern about looks, etc. Sandy

For those who want to go to the gym but are nervous about it...is there a wellness center nearby? A woman's gym? I belong to a gym that is actually a " wellness center " associated with a local hospital, and it's the best gym atmosphere I've ever been in. You see old, young, fat, skinny...it is NOT the meat market that so many other gyms are. It really does seem to be more about wellness and less about looking like a 20 year old fitness instructor.

That being said, I can promise you that the vast majority of " jocks " at those meat markets are:too wrapped up in their own workout ortoo busy staring at themselves in the mirror.

I kid you not...I've seen them do

it.Sara

August 17, 2011

Loved your post and could identify with lots of it! Thanks for sharing.

I wanted to feedback a couple of things, First I SO KNOW that you are going

thru. I felt this way myself, especially when I started IE. You are doing very

well and 'on path' so glad you are here.

Second here's something that may interest you - Yoga: Just My Size With

http://www.amazon.com/Yoga-Just-Size--/dp/B0006TPDXO

is a 'plus' model and a great role model too. If yoga interests

you, maybe she can 'help' get you going ;-)

BEST wishes and keep up the very good work,

Katcha

IEing since March 2007