Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Yup. I get them too. Mine are usually at about 3am, around the time one of the kids wake me up because they have peed in the bed or have had a nightmare, or the dog just barfed, or the weather is wild (I ma a very light sleeper). Then, of course, I cannot get back to sleep. Usually my thought pattern (or emotional pattern) is that someone has stabbed a knife in my gut and is twisting it. My mother was low low low functioning BPD and so psychotic that she partially does not know what she is doing. She did, however, provide me with love, so it's tough because the person who loves you also abuses you, it is called trauma bond. I used to think that the feelings I had at night were more genuine and true because they are at night and they are so strong, but my psychologist says that I am actually thinking subconsciously at a very base level when I wake up. This is the time when my dysfunctional schemas come out. I have faulty automatic beliefs that I am bad and I am hurting my mother when all I have done is try to protect myself and my family. My psychologist says I need to examine the evidence behind those thoughts. If the evidence does not support the thoughts, then they are faulty thoughts. This is called cognitive therapy. If you don't want to see a therapist about it, you could read about it. There is a great book called Mood Therapy, it is the bible of therapsists. > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > I think about: > how all the women in my family repel each other > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > watching other people enjoy their parents > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 She did, however, provide me with love, so it's tough because the person who loves you also abuses you, it is called trauma bond Kerryryall, yup, exactly...so confusing. I've been in therapy for a few years. I also believed that because I felt so strong about these things that they must be true. Trauma bond...I'm going to have to look into that...sounds like what I've lived with. Faulty belief system. I hate the crazies...they take every good thing I do with my kids and husband, and myself, and turn them into something that's not true. During the day, for the most part, I am fine. My kids and my husband are happy...so am I. But in the wee hours of the morning, the intrusive and misdirected thoughts take over. Thank you for your suggestion...I'm gonna get that book. Amy Re: The Midnight Crazies Yup. I get them too. Mine are usually at about 3am, around the time one of the kids wake me up because they have peed in the bed or have had a nightmare, or the dog just barfed, or the weather is wild (I ma a very light sleeper). Then, of course, I cannot get back to sleep. Usually my thought pattern (or emotional pattern) is that someone has stabbed a knife in my gut and is twisting it. My mother was low low low functioning BPD and so psychotic that she partially does not know what she is doing. She did, however, provide me with love, so it's tough because the person who loves you also abuses you, it is called trauma bond. I used to think that the feelings I had at night were more genuine and true because they are at night and they are so strong, but my psychologist says that I am actually thinking subconsciously at a very base level when I wake up. This is the time when my dysfunctional schemas come out. I have faulty automatic beliefs that I am bad and I am hurting my mother when all I have done is try to protect myself and my family. My psychologist says I need to examine the evidence behind those thoughts. If the evidence does not support the thoughts, then they are faulty thoughts. This is called cognitive therapy. If you don't want to see a therapist about it, you could read about it. There is a great book called Mood Therapy, it is the bible of therapsists. > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > I think about: > how all the women in my family repel each other > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > watching other people enjoy their parents > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Amy, I think I read about trauma bonds in Boomerang Love. (Have read so many books on Borderline, I'm starting to get them mixed up, but I think that's the one.) Good luck. Your sleep is the most important thing for your health. Just mention the word sleep to a doctor and you get a reaction, they know how important it is. > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > I think about: > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Amy, I think I read about trauma bonds in Boomerang Love. (Have read so many books on Borderline, I'm starting to get them mixed up, but I think that's the one.) Good luck. Your sleep is the most important thing for your health. Just mention the word sleep to a doctor and you get a reaction, they know how important it is. > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > I think about: > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Amy, I think I read about trauma bonds in Boomerang Love. (Have read so many books on Borderline, I'm starting to get them mixed up, but I think that's the one.) Good luck. Your sleep is the most important thing for your health. Just mention the word sleep to a doctor and you get a reaction, they know how important it is. > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > I think about: > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Hugs Amy. I have had times of insomnia and it is not fun. What you say is all so true and I would bet are true for most of us KOs. My mom is high functioning bpd and all the things that you listed running through my head usually run through my head all the time and I learn to turn them off at night. patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Hugs Amy. I have had times of insomnia and it is not fun. What you say is all so true and I would bet are true for most of us KOs. My mom is high functioning bpd and all the things that you listed running through my head usually run through my head all the time and I learn to turn them off at night. patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Hugs from me too Annie. That kind of moments are horrible and I know them too. If I get caught in that I decided to give this thoughts a moment or two and than I refuse to give them any more energy from me and than I go to read some book or look at some good program on TV until they shift away.I consciously try not to let them rule my hole thinking but sometimes it is so hard to do that.... From what I read from in your post you are so nice and good person you really don't deserve to be hunt whit thoughts like that. > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > I think about: > how all the women in my family repel each other > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > watching other people enjoy their parents > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Yeah, i wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. many nights. I usually just sit down and work after I shake off the nightmares. . . ugh. I'm sorry. > > > Hugs from me too Annie. That kind of moments are horrible and I know them > too. If I get caught in that I decided to give this thoughts a moment or two > and than I refuse to give them any more energy from me and than I go to read > some book or look at some good program on TV until they shift away.I > consciously try not to let them rule my hole thinking but sometimes it is so > hard to do that.... From what I read from in your post you are so nice and > good person you really don't deserve to be hunt whit thoughts like that. > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because > it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night > and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race > through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight > crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > I think about: > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily > life > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your > pain with an irrational act > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just > too painful to remember > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members > around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there > for you > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's > affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are > to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I > brighten a room. > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel > like such a failure. > > > > Amy > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 The orphan feeling really hits close to home with me. I jokingly tell my husband that I'm going to put myself on Wednesday's Child. I just want someone to adopt me (and my kids, husband, dog and cat of course). Even when my mother was alive, I felt motherless because I was always mothering her. I never had a mother. I WAS the mother. My mother stopped emotionally maturing at about 10 years old and that's where she stayed until she died at 62. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 , it's ironic that you wrote that, I feel the same, about me being more like the mother. My first Mother's Day that I was officially a mother it was like, " Wow, I can now officially claim the title that I've always had. " Sometimes, on Mother's Day, I really forget and I keep thinking that SHE is going to send me a card. Also ironic that you write about your mom maturing at about 10, I still remember my mom in the windows of our house, sticking out her tongue at the neighbours she didn't like and telling off the neighbourhood kids. There was just a study done on adolescents that showed that 18% of them show BPD characteristics. The average number in a population is just 1%. The reason for the skewed results: it is diffcult to differentiate adolescent immature behavior from BPD behavior. I laughed when I read that. I always thought of my nada as a kid. > > > The orphan feeling really hits close to home with me. I jokingly tell my husband that I'm going to put myself on Wednesday's Child. I just want someone to adopt me (and my kids, husband, dog and cat of course). Even when my mother was alive, I felt motherless because I was always mothering her. I never had a mother. I WAS the mother. My mother stopped emotionally maturing at about 10 years old and that's where she stayed until she died at 62. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Apparently its called " ruminating " . When you lie there at night imagining scenarios, thinking about things, and getting yourself wound up enough not to be able to sleep. I have to make myself stop, otherwise Ill actually get myself into tears over things in the middle of the night. Isnt it funny how it doesnt really happen any other time of day? It must have something to do with serotonin or something. > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > I think about: > how all the women in my family repel each other > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > watching other people enjoy their parents > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 When I became a mother, my mother still felt she had the right to demand every imaginable thing from me on Mother's Day and NEVER ONCE did she ever wish me a Happy Mother's Day. She called herself the " matriarch. " Ugh. The sticking the tongue out sounds familiar too. I can really relate to that immature behavior. Re: The Midnight Crazies , it's ironic that you wrote that, I feel the same, about me being more like the mother. My first Mother's Day that I was officially a mother it was like, " Wow, I can now officially claim the title that I've always had. " Sometimes, on Mother's Day, I really forget and I keep thinking that SHE is going to send me a card. Also ironic that you write about your mom maturing at about 10, I still remember my mom in the windows of our house, sticking out her tongue at the neighbours she didn't like and telling off the neighbourhood kids. There was just a study done on adolescents that showed that 18% of them show BPD characteristics. The average number in a population is just 1%. The reason for the skewed results: it is diffcult to differentiate adolescent immature behavior from BPD behavior. I laughed when I read that. I always thought of my nada as a kid. > > > The orphan feeling really hits close to home with me. I jokingly tell my husband that I'm going to put myself on Wednesday's Child. I just want someone to adopt me (and my kids, husband, dog and cat of course). Even when my mother was alive, I felt motherless because I was always mothering her. I never had a mother. I WAS the mother. My mother stopped emotionally maturing at about 10 years old and that's where she stayed until she died at 62. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 > > > The sticking the tongue out sounds familiar too. I can really relate to that immature behavior. > > My mom hated my (probably also BPD) paternal grandmother. She told a story about her chasing my mom out to her car once, sticking out her tongue. kt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2010 Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 Hi all, I ruminate all the time as I go to sleep or when I wake in the middle of the night. I always try to stop the thoughts but I have never been really successful. If it gets too bad I go onto anxiety meds. I have broken 3 teeth from clenching them so hard in my sleep my childhood trama replays with current health issues of mine and my kids. I have GERD so bad my chest hurts and I develop throat infections. My skin disease is said to occur only in people who suffer from PTSD. Something I've been holding in is that my eldest dtr, ET who is diagnosed BPD, her counselor has contacted me because she is interested in reunifying. About F***ing time, it's been 1 year NC and 2 years since she went into care. She's 18 now. After I struggled to keep a relationship going with her and myself and her sisters. She has constantly rejected and blamed me for her every problem. Finally, I stopped my efforts and told her in a letter it was up to her. I never heard from her for 8 mths until 2 weeks ago. All this waiting on her is killing me. I am so anxious my dentist sees ridges dug into my cheeks and tongue. I am working up to strep throat again(the GERD). I am hiding myself from the world until this tension resolves. I know I could pick up the phone and reestablish contact now but that's rescuing and she needs to learn to work her way back into my life. For her sake. But this is so gut wrenchingly hard. Her sense of time to move forward is such a millenium compared to mine. I developed tinnitus, hearing acquity, loss of balence and breathing problems just before she left our home. They all esacalate with stress. I wonder how dismissed I will be when I am struggling for every breath, my chest killing me, my ears roaring if we were to meet in such an unresolved way. Seriously it really scares me. I wonder if I will be blamed for acting up? Sue Sue > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > I think about: > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2010 Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 Hi all, I ruminate all the time as I go to sleep or when I wake in the middle of the night. I always try to stop the thoughts but I have never been really successful. If it gets too bad I go onto anxiety meds. I have broken 3 teeth from clenching them so hard in my sleep my childhood trama replays with current health issues of mine and my kids. I have GERD so bad my chest hurts and I develop throat infections. My skin disease is said to occur only in people who suffer from PTSD. Something I've been holding in is that my eldest dtr, ET who is diagnosed BPD, her counselor has contacted me because she is interested in reunifying. About F***ing time, it's been 1 year NC and 2 years since she went into care. She's 18 now. After I struggled to keep a relationship going with her and myself and her sisters. She has constantly rejected and blamed me for her every problem. Finally, I stopped my efforts and told her in a letter it was up to her. I never heard from her for 8 mths until 2 weeks ago. All this waiting on her is killing me. I am so anxious my dentist sees ridges dug into my cheeks and tongue. I am working up to strep throat again(the GERD). I am hiding myself from the world until this tension resolves. I know I could pick up the phone and reestablish contact now but that's rescuing and she needs to learn to work her way back into my life. For her sake. But this is so gut wrenchingly hard. Her sense of time to move forward is such a millenium compared to mine. I developed tinnitus, hearing acquity, loss of balence and breathing problems just before she left our home. They all esacalate with stress. I wonder how dismissed I will be when I am struggling for every breath, my chest killing me, my ears roaring if we were to meet in such an unresolved way. Seriously it really scares me. I wonder if I will be blamed for acting up? Sue Sue > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > I think about: > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2010 Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 Okay, Sue, there's ruminating and there's Ruminating! I guess is is harder when it is your own child than when the relationship goes in the other direction, never thought about how much harder your situation would be. You say your daughter sees a counsellor, I hope you find enough kindness in your heart for yourself to see one yourself. It really is a treat to be heard and to feel understood. I think counselling, psychology is an amazing help when you have stuff like this in your life. Your dentist can help you with some of the problems, but they are just the results or the symptoms of the main problem, the ruminating. You can stop. Or at least reduce it. And how much better would life be for you then? When we have over-developed guilt, we often become masochistic, which sounds like what we all do when we ruminate like this at night, we are punishing ourselves because we have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. It must be worse as a mother of a BPD. Maybe you could see someone on how to deal specifically with the guilt, the masochistic behaviors the overdeveloped responsibiltiy. And when you figure out the answers, post it here! We could all use the advice! > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > > > I think about: > > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2010 Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 Okay, Sue, there's ruminating and there's Ruminating! I guess is is harder when it is your own child than when the relationship goes in the other direction, never thought about how much harder your situation would be. You say your daughter sees a counsellor, I hope you find enough kindness in your heart for yourself to see one yourself. It really is a treat to be heard and to feel understood. I think counselling, psychology is an amazing help when you have stuff like this in your life. Your dentist can help you with some of the problems, but they are just the results or the symptoms of the main problem, the ruminating. You can stop. Or at least reduce it. And how much better would life be for you then? When we have over-developed guilt, we often become masochistic, which sounds like what we all do when we ruminate like this at night, we are punishing ourselves because we have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. It must be worse as a mother of a BPD. Maybe you could see someone on how to deal specifically with the guilt, the masochistic behaviors the overdeveloped responsibiltiy. And when you figure out the answers, post it here! We could all use the advice! > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > > > I think about: > > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 When I first read your response I felt so hurt. It upset me that you seem to set me apart as though I am so far outside normal. Well I am not. I ruminate. I react physically, it is not unusual that grinding isn't discovered until teeth are broken. I have been in therapy anytime I have needed it. When I find out more about what my dtr is wanting then I can decide any services I need. From this forum I found out about EMDR as a treatment for PTSD. I contacted a therapist but he's not really as qualified in it. I have never in all my years with counseling have had any proposed solutions to my internal stress other that the self care I already am so diligent about. I am always kind in treating myself healthly on the outside but the pattern of pervasive thoughts is a struggle. Remember I only found out that my nada, sister and dtr were diagnosed 2 years ago. I unwittingly shoulder all their blame and guilt. Add to that my fada and husband are ADD and ODD. Sue > > > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > > > > > I think about: > > > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 When I first read your response I felt so hurt. It upset me that you seem to set me apart as though I am so far outside normal. Well I am not. I ruminate. I react physically, it is not unusual that grinding isn't discovered until teeth are broken. I have been in therapy anytime I have needed it. When I find out more about what my dtr is wanting then I can decide any services I need. From this forum I found out about EMDR as a treatment for PTSD. I contacted a therapist but he's not really as qualified in it. I have never in all my years with counseling have had any proposed solutions to my internal stress other that the self care I already am so diligent about. I am always kind in treating myself healthly on the outside but the pattern of pervasive thoughts is a struggle. Remember I only found out that my nada, sister and dtr were diagnosed 2 years ago. I unwittingly shoulder all their blame and guilt. Add to that my fada and husband are ADD and ODD. Sue > > > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > > > > > I think about: > > > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 When I first read your response I felt so hurt. It upset me that you seem to set me apart as though I am so far outside normal. Well I am not. I ruminate. I react physically, it is not unusual that grinding isn't discovered until teeth are broken. I have been in therapy anytime I have needed it. When I find out more about what my dtr is wanting then I can decide any services I need. From this forum I found out about EMDR as a treatment for PTSD. I contacted a therapist but he's not really as qualified in it. I have never in all my years with counseling have had any proposed solutions to my internal stress other that the self care I already am so diligent about. I am always kind in treating myself healthly on the outside but the pattern of pervasive thoughts is a struggle. Remember I only found out that my nada, sister and dtr were diagnosed 2 years ago. I unwittingly shoulder all their blame and guilt. Add to that my fada and husband are ADD and ODD. Sue > > > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > > > > > I think about: > > > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 sorry Sue, didn't mean to offend you in any way, I just was blown away by how intensely you feel what we are all talking about here. There's always the risk in groups like this of accidentally offending or taking something the wrong way. Sorry if it came out wrong. I just was commiserating with the extent of your pain and feeling that some people obviously have it worse than me, so I feel bad about that. You have a lot on your plate. Hope the measures you are taking help. > > > > > > > > > > I have this thing..I named it, " the crazies " . My husband laughs because it's the perfect description of when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep because of all the crazy thoughts that race through your head in the darkness and stillness of the night. > > > > > > > > > > Because I come from a very severely BPD-afflicted family, my midnight crazies sometimes make me lose tons of sleep. > > > > > > > > > > I think about: > > > > > how all the women in my family repel each other > > > > > how we don't get together for holidays (which makes me so sad) > > > > > how i sometimes feel like i'm so damn useless > > > > > how i beat myself up and am so hard on myself > > > > > how i am nicer to others than i am to myself > > > > > how i feel bad for my kids that their mom is sometimes depressed > > > > > how i lack the knowledge of how to act in certain situations > > > > > how i have no healthy emotional background to draw from my mom > > > > > lack of unconditional love from my parents and how that affects my daily life > > > > > how hard life is without a proper stable family life while growing up > > > > > how hard life is when thoughts of suicide used to be 100% of the time > > > > > how hard life is when you have the memory of wanting to end all of your pain with an irrational act > > > > > having chunks of time missing from your upbringing because they were just too painful to remember > > > > > losing people along the way that you loved because your mom came first > > > > > not accomplishing life goals because your mom came first > > > > > obsessing about your mom's happiness and health because mom came first > > > > > losing sleep because your mom needed more than you needed > > > > > years of therapy because mom made you feel like you were at your end > > > > > always feeling like you're running on a treadmill that doesn't stop > > > > > not being able to relax because you should be doing more > > > > > feeling bad for your kids because they have no viable family members around for life...but hearing about them in theory > > > > > wanting to share fun times and activities with family that are not there for you > > > > > watching other people enjoy their parents > > > > > not getting to be the daughter I really am and always wanted to be > > > > > feeling like an orphan for so long while my parents are still alive > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > These are just some of my midnight crazies. > > > > > > > > > > My husband always comments on how well I have overcome my mom's affliction, how happy I look, how happy our home is, how lucky our kids are to have me, how lucky he is to have me, how my friends love me, how I brighten a room. > > > > > > > > > > But, in the middle of the night, in the darkness and solitude, I feel like such a failure. > > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 From what I've been reading, " rumination " is a fairly common behavior caused by stress: " Definition: Preoccupation with thoughts about past occurrences which may result in feelings of anxiety, sadness, regret, shame, or guilt. Rumination is a common symptom of depression, although it also occurs in other mental health disorders (for example, the anxiety disorders). " Everybody experiences this from time to time: I too have had more than a few sleepless nights full of worry. But if you're experiencing it frequently: often enough that its resulting in a sleep deficit or even sleep deprivation then that would for sure be distressing. Lack of sleep contributes to stress on the body and mind, in and of itself. My Sister sleeps well enough but still has the bruxism you mentioned: teeth grinding while asleep. As you mentioned, that can also do some real physical damage. My Sister finally got upper/lower teeth guards to wear at night to help lessen the damage. The cause of bruxism is unknown but thought to be due to stress, and it tends to run in families. I've Googled the topic " techniques to overcome rumination " and several results recommend " cognitive behavioral therapy " or CBT as having good results. Each of us has to figure out what does and doesn't work in our own situation. I hope you find something that works for you, we're here to support you and encourage you in your search for healing and peace. -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 I have the bruxism as well, but unfortunately only got serious enough to wear the bite guard every night after terrible damage was done to my enamel. Dentists can't tell you how much enamel you have left on your teeth so you may have a little or a lot and once it's gone it is a permanent loss...I'd advise anyone who grinds their teeth to wear the bite guard every night no matter how inconvenient it is. I wish I had. Meditation is very helpful for rumination. The trouble is once you are in a ruminating frame of my mind the hardest thing in the world is to sit down and meditate. A completely engrossing movie or book can sometimes snap you out of it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 I have the bruxism as well, but unfortunately only got serious enough to wear the bite guard every night after terrible damage was done to my enamel. Dentists can't tell you how much enamel you have left on your teeth so you may have a little or a lot and once it's gone it is a permanent loss...I'd advise anyone who grinds their teeth to wear the bite guard every night no matter how inconvenient it is. I wish I had. Meditation is very helpful for rumination. The trouble is once you are in a ruminating frame of my mind the hardest thing in the world is to sit down and meditate. A completely engrossing movie or book can sometimes snap you out of it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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