Re: facebook and boundaries

[Guest guest]

At Facebook, your friend " A " 's friend " B " (or your friend's friend's friend)

might ask you to friend them. Maybe I did meet person " B " once at a party, and

I just don't remember. Or maybe someone I do know in real life recommends that

I friend this individual I don't know personally, like an introduction. Or

maybe its someone I took a class with once in college, or used to know in high

school. It just makes me anxious, probably because I have had trouble with

stalking in the past. So, I just don't go there very much.

-Annie

> >

> > Lol!! I know; I realize that I have the right to say " no " to a friend

request on FB. What makes me anxious is that I can never know if this person I

don't know who is asking me to " friend " him or her is just a nice person or if

its the crazy, hostile ex-friend using a new false ID and trying to stalk me

again. I think having been stalked twice in my life (once when I was in

college, an in-person male stalker) and more recently by this ex-friend (female,

cyber-stalking only) has made me permanently leery about the whole thing.

> > -Annie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks! When nada started losing her vision she started taking classes and

utilizing the great services and facilities and programs available for the

visually impaired; she does use that taped book library home-delivery service.

The town she lives in has a lot of social services and educational programs and

free transportation for seniors and for the visually impaired (and other

disabilities). She's not blind, but she can't see well enough to drive any

longer, and she needs a very large magnifying glass to read. Its just that for

whatever reason, my nada wasn't very motivated to get herself up and running on

computer use; both Sister and I urged her to get computer savvy a decade and a

half ago, but it just didn't appeal to her, I guess.

-Annie

> >

> > Thanks! I admit I am grateful that my nada really doesn't want to learn to

use the computer. She's made noises over the last decade or so about wanting to

learn how to get on the Internet and use e-mail, but, she's turned down friends'

(and Sister's) offers to teach her. During her working years nada was skilled

with things like calculators and typing, but her vision is a problem now, and

she didn't learn how to get familiar and comfortable with computers back when

she could see better, so... its sad. There is even a program near her home that

she has attended for visually-impaired seniors, that teaches them how to get

around more safely and retain their independence longer, and this group offers

(or used to offer) a class specifically for visually-impaired senior-citizen

" computer virgins " , but... nada simply never chose to go. I feel sorry for

nada because the Internet is such a wonderful thing for people who can't get out

and about easily any longer, but on the other hand I am selfishly glad that the

Internet is a place that I will never have to worry about encountering her.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You can delete your own posts, if you go to the Yahoo! Group site and bring up

your post invidually, the " delete " option is up near the left hand corner near

" send " .

-Annie

>

>

> Leaving my email sig in that post was a total accident. Oops.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

KT's solution is really the best solution if you've already friended them, I

think. You can also block seeing their crap (status updates, pics, etc.) like

someone else said, or block them from seeing you, or just delete your account

and start over after a week or so and not tell them (blocking them so they can't

find you again). My mom also feels obligated to post on almost every single one

of my updates/pictures, too, and I find it...friggin annoying! So, I'm getting

ready to block her on some of my stuff, too, just because. I've also noticed

that, if I don't respond/comment on her comments, the traffic slows. You might

try that. You can also post stuff you know they won't like on purpose - but only

if you're just full of vinegar that day and can then ignore whatever they do to

retaliate. Good luck.

> >

> > Keeping boudanries and privacy is alsmost impossible with Facebook.

facebook is fun to get or stay in touch with friends but it's creating a lot of

problems in the family sector. Initially, i received friendship requests from

both my narcisisstic father and nada (being divorced for years and still

fighting occasionally).

> >

> > My father loves to have an audience and is basically FB addicted. And ME,

ME, ME nada, of course loves facebook to 'control' friends and family, and to

have her little audience too. How annoying.

> >

> > My father feels the need to 'comment' every single post of mine. I got to

the point where I am almost afraid to post anything, because I know that the

little patronizing comment will appear within an hour.

> >

> > So much so that I finally canceled them both.

> >

> > Well, within one month, almost simultaneously I received, again, friendship

requests and phone calls on why they cannot post on my wall, etc.

> >

> > I don't want to 'befriend them again, but what can I tell them to avoid WW

III?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Precisely. If I get a request from someone I don t know, or I m not

totally sure who they are, I ll respond with a message saying Who are

you? If I don t get a satisfactory responce, They are toast.

I got one request that included a picture in the profile of a naked

young lady. It was obvious she was VERY friendly. I rejected her

request as well.

If I don t want to be friends with you, I don t have to be. People

used to living with FOG think we have to please everyone, or someone

will die or commit suicide.

We are not responsible for the world.

Doug

> >

> > Lol!! I know; I realize that I have the right to say " no " to a

friend request on FB. What makes me anxious is that I can never know if

this person I don't know who is asking me to " friend " him or her is just

a nice person or if its the crazy, hostile ex-friend using a new false

ID and trying to stalk me again. I think having been stalked twice in

my life (once when I was in college, an in-person male stalker) and more

recently by this ex-friend (female, cyber-stalking only) has made me

permanently leery about the whole thing.

> > -Annie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm finding facebook to be a major annoyance, its created much drama in our

family. My bpd DIL publicly humiliated me on facebook 10 days after I hesitated

to accept her friend request.

Most recently, my husband's family attempted to plan an 80th birthday party for

his mother, all thru facebook events. Communication was poor, misunderstood and

now the whole event has been cancelled because of power struggles....all of

which could have probably been avoided had they communicated via telephone.

I deleted the event from my facebook account to avoid reading more bs, and also

blocked the SIL who stirred up all this drama.

Facebook is like a stalker's dream come true. Go to the privacy tab and block

them....that way they can't see you anymore and will think that you've dropped

your account.

They're abusive enough in person, we don't need to allow them to invade our

internet life as well.

K

>

> Keeping boudanries and privacy is alsmost impossible with Facebook. facebook

is fun to get or stay in touch with friends but it's creating a lot of problems

in the family sector. Initially, i received friendship requests from both my

narcisisstic father and nada (being divorced for years and still fighting

occasionally).

>

> My father loves to have an audience and is basically FB addicted. And ME, ME,

ME nada, of course loves facebook to 'control' friends and family, and to have

her little audience too. How annoying.

>

> My father feels the need to 'comment' every single post of mine. I got to the

point where I am almost afraid to post anything, because I know that the little

patronizing comment will appear within an hour.

>

> So much so that I finally canceled them both.

>

> Well, within one month, almost simultaneously I received, again, friendship

requests and phone calls on why they cannot post on my wall, etc.

>

> I don't want to 'befriend them again, but what can I tell them to avoid WW

III?

>

[Guest guest]

I'm finding facebook to be a major annoyance, its created much drama in our

family. My bpd DIL publicly humiliated me on facebook 10 days after I hesitated

to accept her friend request.

Most recently, my husband's family attempted to plan an 80th birthday party for

his mother, all thru facebook events. Communication was poor, misunderstood and

now the whole event has been cancelled because of power struggles....all of

which could have probably been avoided had they communicated via telephone.

I deleted the event from my facebook account to avoid reading more bs, and also

blocked the SIL who stirred up all this drama.

Facebook is like a stalker's dream come true. Go to the privacy tab and block

them....that way they can't see you anymore and will think that you've dropped

your account.

They're abusive enough in person, we don't need to allow them to invade our

internet life as well.

K

>

> Keeping boudanries and privacy is alsmost impossible with Facebook. facebook

is fun to get or stay in touch with friends but it's creating a lot of problems

in the family sector. Initially, i received friendship requests from both my

narcisisstic father and nada (being divorced for years and still fighting

occasionally).

>

> My father loves to have an audience and is basically FB addicted. And ME, ME,

ME nada, of course loves facebook to 'control' friends and family, and to have

her little audience too. How annoying.

>

> My father feels the need to 'comment' every single post of mine. I got to the

point where I am almost afraid to post anything, because I know that the little

patronizing comment will appear within an hour.

>

> So much so that I finally canceled them both.

>

> Well, within one month, almost simultaneously I received, again, friendship

requests and phone calls on why they cannot post on my wall, etc.

>

> I don't want to 'befriend them again, but what can I tell them to avoid WW

III?

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this info! I didn't know we could do that. That will certainly

solve some problems for me and still let me see my sister's sweet family photos

and video clips.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> I'm finding facebook to be a major annoyance, its created much drama in our

family. My bpd DIL publicly humiliated me on facebook 10 days after I hesitated

to accept her friend request.

>

> Most recently, my husband's family attempted to plan an 80th birthday party

for his mother, all thru facebook events. Communication was poor, misunderstood

and now the whole event has been cancelled because of power struggles....all of

which could have probably been avoided had they communicated via telephone.

> I deleted the event from my facebook account to avoid reading more bs, and

also blocked the SIL who stirred up all this drama.

>

> Facebook is like a stalker's dream come true. Go to the privacy tab and block

them....that way they can't see you anymore and will think that you've dropped

your account.

>

> They're abusive enough in person, we don't need to allow them to invade our

internet life as well.

>

> K

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this info! I didn't know we could do that. That will certainly

solve some problems for me and still let me see my sister's sweet family photos

and video clips.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> I'm finding facebook to be a major annoyance, its created much drama in our

family. My bpd DIL publicly humiliated me on facebook 10 days after I hesitated

to accept her friend request.

>

> Most recently, my husband's family attempted to plan an 80th birthday party

for his mother, all thru facebook events. Communication was poor, misunderstood

and now the whole event has been cancelled because of power struggles....all of

which could have probably been avoided had they communicated via telephone.

> I deleted the event from my facebook account to avoid reading more bs, and

also blocked the SIL who stirred up all this drama.

>

> Facebook is like a stalker's dream come true. Go to the privacy tab and block

them....that way they can't see you anymore and will think that you've dropped

your account.

>

> They're abusive enough in person, we don't need to allow them to invade our

internet life as well.

>

> K

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this info! I didn't know we could do that. That will certainly

solve some problems for me and still let me see my sister's sweet family photos

and video clips.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> I'm finding facebook to be a major annoyance, its created much drama in our

family. My bpd DIL publicly humiliated me on facebook 10 days after I hesitated

to accept her friend request.

>

> Most recently, my husband's family attempted to plan an 80th birthday party

for his mother, all thru facebook events. Communication was poor, misunderstood

and now the whole event has been cancelled because of power struggles....all of

which could have probably been avoided had they communicated via telephone.

> I deleted the event from my facebook account to avoid reading more bs, and

also blocked the SIL who stirred up all this drama.

>

> Facebook is like a stalker's dream come true. Go to the privacy tab and block

them....that way they can't see you anymore and will think that you've dropped

your account.

>

> They're abusive enough in person, we don't need to allow them to invade our

internet life as well.

>

> K

>

>