Re: Well Annie, you were right, and I need advice from as many people as possible

[Guest guest]

There is no absolute right here, you tried to get through a very painful holiday

in a untenable situation. The best thing you did was get yourself out of the

house when you did. And kudos to your fiance for sticking by you under those

conditions and your dad for speaking up.

You did right. There is no fixing there, you did what you had to do.

>

> Well Annie, you were right, no matter what I did, my nada would shriek at me

and tell me that I had " ruined the holiday. "

>

> I went home for thanksgiving, and when I woke up yesterday morning, I could

already hear her starting in my father. No matter what the poor man did, it was

not good enough. He did everything she ordered him to do to help her with the

turkey, but all she did was call him " stupid " and " an idiot " and my personal

(sarcasm) favorite " C*ck Sucker. " I tried my best to stay out of her way. I

did all the cleaning she asked me to do (cleaning that she NEVER does, because

she feels that it is our duty for us to wait on her) but that still wasnt

enough. I was in the laundry room, and the washing machine lid fell down and

made a huge slaming noise (it was an accident, it happens). She began to scream

at me and say things like " NICE!!! YOU MORON! " And I simply said back to her

" Mom, it was an accident. " She began to scream: " You never know how to take a

joke, you have NO sense of humor. Let's not have a duplicate of last year, were

you RUINED thanksgiving. " (Apparently, I ruined it last year too.)

>

> So, as usual, my father and I spent all day walking on egg shells. Nothing we

did was right or good enough. Once all the work was over, we sat down to watch

a movie while we waited for the Turkey to cook. My father made everyone a

cocktail, and as my mother brought the glass to her lips, she said to me: " This

is the only way I can ever deal with you, is to get drunk. " Mind you, she has

never been drunk in front of me, so this was only said to hurt me. My fiance

came over and we had paused the movie. My nada, my fiance and I were sitting

and talking about the thanksgiving day parade while my father was in the

kitchen. We were talking about one of the floats that my fiance and I really

liked and she gave us the dirtiest look and said to us: " The two of you are so

f*cking lame. " She was NOT laughing. She said this to hurt us.

>

> Now, I understand that what I did next was not the best way to handle the

situation. But, at that moment I was trying to keep the mood light because my

poor fiance's feelings were hurt (his parents dont talk to him like that). I

said back: " You're lame. " I was laughing and trying to keep the mood light. I

had three cocktails at this point (and I am not a lightweight drunk) and I was

not even buzzed, and she said to me: " You're a drunk. "

>

> Now, before I tell this next part, I have to explain something to you. To my

mother, there is nothing funnier in the world then calling me a " Wh*re " a

" bi*ch " , etc. my mother has called me these things numerous times, claiming

they were a joke. She calls my FRIENDS these things to their faces, and has

even called my fiance these things. She also calls my father these things.

>

> So, I jokingly said: : " Oh! You whore!. " As soon as it came out of my mouth, I

realized what I had done, I had given her a great excuse to start a fight. She

said: " Real nice, you drunk, happy thanksgiving. "

>

> From there, I tried to apologize and she flew off at me. She said: " You

should not drink! You are an alcoholic! You have a problem! " Believe me, I am

not an alcoholic, I do not have a problem with alcohol in the least.

>

> We had dinner, and she ignored me the whole time, only looking or talking to

my father or my fiance. My fiance left, and both of my parents were falling

asleep in front of the tv. Before I went up to bed, I asked: " What can I do to

help out in the kitchen? " My nada simply said " Nothing, you dont know how to do

anything. "

>

> As I was walking up the stairs, my nada (at this point, it was 11 p.m., only

an hour left on thanksgiving) said to my father: " Not only does she refuse to

help me out in the kitchen, she calls me a whore in my own house on

thanksgiving! " Thats when it blew up. I said " You have called me those things

on a daily basis. " At first, she denied it, and my father said, " I have heard

you say those things to her!. " She said: " but not on a holiday. " Thats when my

father intervened and took my side. My nada told me that I was no good and that

my fiance would leave me soon (p.s. my fiance almost burst out laughing when I

called her that, bc he knows how she treats me), so I would be all on my own.

She accused me of thinking that since I was engaged, I felt like I could dump

her and my father. I have never thought that. My poor cat, who hates my nada

anyway, was hyperventalting and trying to crawl up my leg. She began to accuse

my father of cheating on her. My dad and I went upstairs and We talked. I

decided that it was time for me to leave and go back to my apartment. After

all, it just would have been the same old stuff. So, I packed my things and

left.

>

> I said goodbye to my mother before i did leave, and at this point, she had

locked herself in the bathroom (one of her favorite moves). I pulled out of the

garage, and she came outside and stood out on the front poarch, screaming that i

give back the gifts she had given me if I was " really leaving. " I gave her back

the a paper advent calander and the bottle of soap she gave me. As I was

pulling out of the drive way, i heard her say to my father: " You couldnt just

stay out of it could you, you F*c ker. " I left, and as I pulled out, she told

me " Once agian, you ruined thanksgiving. " I told her: " I tried to make it right,

you wouldnt let me. " She said: " The ramifications of this will be felt for a

long time. " and my father was blamed for me leaving.

>

> I am sorry for writing a book, but I need some advice, did i do the right

thing? I just couldnt be her punching bag anymore. Had I stayed, we would have

been fighting until 4 a.m. and we would have fought today too. If she had said

to me " Come back and lets work this out. " I would have. I didnt want to leave,

but I felt like I had no choice.

>

[Guest guest]

There is no absolute right here, you tried to get through a very painful holiday

in a untenable situation. The best thing you did was get yourself out of the

house when you did. And kudos to your fiance for sticking by you under those

conditions and your dad for speaking up.

You did right. There is no fixing there, you did what you had to do.

>

> Well Annie, you were right, no matter what I did, my nada would shriek at me

and tell me that I had " ruined the holiday. "

>

> I went home for thanksgiving, and when I woke up yesterday morning, I could

already hear her starting in my father. No matter what the poor man did, it was

not good enough. He did everything she ordered him to do to help her with the

turkey, but all she did was call him " stupid " and " an idiot " and my personal

(sarcasm) favorite " C*ck Sucker. " I tried my best to stay out of her way. I

did all the cleaning she asked me to do (cleaning that she NEVER does, because

she feels that it is our duty for us to wait on her) but that still wasnt

enough. I was in the laundry room, and the washing machine lid fell down and

made a huge slaming noise (it was an accident, it happens). She began to scream

at me and say things like " NICE!!! YOU MORON! " And I simply said back to her

" Mom, it was an accident. " She began to scream: " You never know how to take a

joke, you have NO sense of humor. Let's not have a duplicate of last year, were

you RUINED thanksgiving. " (Apparently, I ruined it last year too.)

>

> So, as usual, my father and I spent all day walking on egg shells. Nothing we

did was right or good enough. Once all the work was over, we sat down to watch

a movie while we waited for the Turkey to cook. My father made everyone a

cocktail, and as my mother brought the glass to her lips, she said to me: " This

is the only way I can ever deal with you, is to get drunk. " Mind you, she has

never been drunk in front of me, so this was only said to hurt me. My fiance

came over and we had paused the movie. My nada, my fiance and I were sitting

and talking about the thanksgiving day parade while my father was in the

kitchen. We were talking about one of the floats that my fiance and I really

liked and she gave us the dirtiest look and said to us: " The two of you are so

f*cking lame. " She was NOT laughing. She said this to hurt us.

>

> Now, I understand that what I did next was not the best way to handle the

situation. But, at that moment I was trying to keep the mood light because my

poor fiance's feelings were hurt (his parents dont talk to him like that). I

said back: " You're lame. " I was laughing and trying to keep the mood light. I

had three cocktails at this point (and I am not a lightweight drunk) and I was

not even buzzed, and she said to me: " You're a drunk. "

>

> Now, before I tell this next part, I have to explain something to you. To my

mother, there is nothing funnier in the world then calling me a " Wh*re " a

" bi*ch " , etc. my mother has called me these things numerous times, claiming

they were a joke. She calls my FRIENDS these things to their faces, and has

even called my fiance these things. She also calls my father these things.

>

> So, I jokingly said: : " Oh! You whore!. " As soon as it came out of my mouth, I

realized what I had done, I had given her a great excuse to start a fight. She

said: " Real nice, you drunk, happy thanksgiving. "

>

> From there, I tried to apologize and she flew off at me. She said: " You

should not drink! You are an alcoholic! You have a problem! " Believe me, I am

not an alcoholic, I do not have a problem with alcohol in the least.

>

> We had dinner, and she ignored me the whole time, only looking or talking to

my father or my fiance. My fiance left, and both of my parents were falling

asleep in front of the tv. Before I went up to bed, I asked: " What can I do to

help out in the kitchen? " My nada simply said " Nothing, you dont know how to do

anything. "

>

> As I was walking up the stairs, my nada (at this point, it was 11 p.m., only

an hour left on thanksgiving) said to my father: " Not only does she refuse to

help me out in the kitchen, she calls me a whore in my own house on

thanksgiving! " Thats when it blew up. I said " You have called me those things

on a daily basis. " At first, she denied it, and my father said, " I have heard

you say those things to her!. " She said: " but not on a holiday. " Thats when my

father intervened and took my side. My nada told me that I was no good and that

my fiance would leave me soon (p.s. my fiance almost burst out laughing when I

called her that, bc he knows how she treats me), so I would be all on my own.

She accused me of thinking that since I was engaged, I felt like I could dump

her and my father. I have never thought that. My poor cat, who hates my nada

anyway, was hyperventalting and trying to crawl up my leg. She began to accuse

my father of cheating on her. My dad and I went upstairs and We talked. I

decided that it was time for me to leave and go back to my apartment. After

all, it just would have been the same old stuff. So, I packed my things and

left.

>

> I said goodbye to my mother before i did leave, and at this point, she had

locked herself in the bathroom (one of her favorite moves). I pulled out of the

garage, and she came outside and stood out on the front poarch, screaming that i

give back the gifts she had given me if I was " really leaving. " I gave her back

the a paper advent calander and the bottle of soap she gave me. As I was

pulling out of the drive way, i heard her say to my father: " You couldnt just

stay out of it could you, you F*c ker. " I left, and as I pulled out, she told

me " Once agian, you ruined thanksgiving. " I told her: " I tried to make it right,

you wouldnt let me. " She said: " The ramifications of this will be felt for a

long time. " and my father was blamed for me leaving.

>

> I am sorry for writing a book, but I need some advice, did i do the right

thing? I just couldnt be her punching bag anymore. Had I stayed, we would have

been fighting until 4 a.m. and we would have fought today too. If she had said

to me " Come back and lets work this out. " I would have. I didnt want to leave,

but I felt like I had no choice.

>

[Guest guest]

Hey HF

That is a great idea about never spending the holidays with them again. I have

managed to move away far enough that she can't fly on an airplane that far!!!!

Lack of oxygen. But they always manage to ruin the holidays. They CANT have fun

or relax or enjoy themselves. Mine doesn't even think visiting with her own

grandchildren is fun. I think to her it is some sort of obligation something she

knows she has to do for appearances. But mine did the same---i am toooooo

sensitivie, she was just kidding.......all the while undermining me, critical in

this backhanded way.......

So i agree no Nada and no FOO.......makes one a somewhat happy camper!!!

Felicia Ward CPA

  " It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong

man

stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit

belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust

and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and

again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does

actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great

devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end

the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he

fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and

timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. "

 

Subject: Re: Well Annie, you were right, and I need advice

from as many people as possible

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, November 26, 2010, 6:52 PM

 

What is it about nada's insisting on high drama during holidays? It's like if

they go one holiday without ruining someone's life, they'll die.

Your fiancee sounds like a saint, so you're definitely lucky to have him.

Neither you or him deserve this abuse from your nada period. I have the picture

in my mind of you giving you nada a little taste of her own medicine, and I had

to giggle. Although the situation isn't funny, sometimes it's good to just say

'forget it' and play the devil's advocate so good for you, your nada deserves

worse but they never seem to get theirs do they?

You dad sounds like a bit of a dishrag or codependent, but credit to him for

trying to stick up for you. You did the right thing by leaving and saving both

you and your fiancee for certain catastrophe.

My nada is like yours too, and always claims I am too sensitive or that she is

just kidding and I can't take a joke. Well the joke is on her. I cut her out of

my life almost completely a couple of years ago and I have never felt better. My

rule is now that I NEVER spend one holiday with my FOO ever, ever. Best decision

I ever made!

Have you considered LC or even NC with you nada? Everyone has to do things their

own way, and at the right time, so good luck to you with this crazy situation.

Sincerely, I hope you can find healing somehow, this is the hard stuff

Hugs from HF

[Guest guest]

Hey HF

That is a great idea about never spending the holidays with them again. I have

managed to move away far enough that she can't fly on an airplane that far!!!!

Lack of oxygen. But they always manage to ruin the holidays. They CANT have fun

or relax or enjoy themselves. Mine doesn't even think visiting with her own

grandchildren is fun. I think to her it is some sort of obligation something she

knows she has to do for appearances. But mine did the same---i am toooooo

sensitivie, she was just kidding.......all the while undermining me, critical in

this backhanded way.......

So i agree no Nada and no FOO.......makes one a somewhat happy camper!!!

Felicia Ward CPA

  " It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong

man

stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit

belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust

and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and

again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does

actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great

devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end

the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he

fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and

timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. "

 

Subject: Re: Well Annie, you were right, and I need advice

from as many people as possible

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, November 26, 2010, 6:52 PM

 

What is it about nada's insisting on high drama during holidays? It's like if

they go one holiday without ruining someone's life, they'll die.

Your fiancee sounds like a saint, so you're definitely lucky to have him.

Neither you or him deserve this abuse from your nada period. I have the picture

in my mind of you giving you nada a little taste of her own medicine, and I had

to giggle. Although the situation isn't funny, sometimes it's good to just say

'forget it' and play the devil's advocate so good for you, your nada deserves

worse but they never seem to get theirs do they?

You dad sounds like a bit of a dishrag or codependent, but credit to him for

trying to stick up for you. You did the right thing by leaving and saving both

you and your fiancee for certain catastrophe.

My nada is like yours too, and always claims I am too sensitive or that she is

just kidding and I can't take a joke. Well the joke is on her. I cut her out of

my life almost completely a couple of years ago and I have never felt better. My

rule is now that I NEVER spend one holiday with my FOO ever, ever. Best decision

I ever made!

Have you considered LC or even NC with you nada? Everyone has to do things their

own way, and at the right time, so good luck to you with this crazy situation.

Sincerely, I hope you can find healing somehow, this is the hard stuff

Hugs from HF

[Guest guest]

Hey HF

That is a great idea about never spending the holidays with them again. I have

managed to move away far enough that she can't fly on an airplane that far!!!!

Lack of oxygen. But they always manage to ruin the holidays. They CANT have fun

or relax or enjoy themselves. Mine doesn't even think visiting with her own

grandchildren is fun. I think to her it is some sort of obligation something she

knows she has to do for appearances. But mine did the same---i am toooooo

sensitivie, she was just kidding.......all the while undermining me, critical in

this backhanded way.......

So i agree no Nada and no FOO.......makes one a somewhat happy camper!!!

Felicia Ward CPA

  " It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong

man

stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit

belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust

and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and

again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does

actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great

devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end

the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he

fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and

timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. "

 

Subject: Re: Well Annie, you were right, and I need advice

from as many people as possible

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, November 26, 2010, 6:52 PM

 

What is it about nada's insisting on high drama during holidays? It's like if

they go one holiday without ruining someone's life, they'll die.

Your fiancee sounds like a saint, so you're definitely lucky to have him.

Neither you or him deserve this abuse from your nada period. I have the picture

in my mind of you giving you nada a little taste of her own medicine, and I had

to giggle. Although the situation isn't funny, sometimes it's good to just say

'forget it' and play the devil's advocate so good for you, your nada deserves

worse but they never seem to get theirs do they?

You dad sounds like a bit of a dishrag or codependent, but credit to him for

trying to stick up for you. You did the right thing by leaving and saving both

you and your fiancee for certain catastrophe.

My nada is like yours too, and always claims I am too sensitive or that she is

just kidding and I can't take a joke. Well the joke is on her. I cut her out of

my life almost completely a couple of years ago and I have never felt better. My

rule is now that I NEVER spend one holiday with my FOO ever, ever. Best decision

I ever made!

Have you considered LC or even NC with you nada? Everyone has to do things their

own way, and at the right time, so good luck to you with this crazy situation.

Sincerely, I hope you can find healing somehow, this is the hard stuff

Hugs from HF

[Guest guest]

That behavior that several of our nadas seem to have: the constant stream of

carping criticism, and/or calling us negative names of some kind (from a

mockingly delivered unflattering nickname to openly vicious, degrading labels)

AND THEN calling us " too sensitive " , ridiculing us that we " can't take a joke "

when we say that that hurts our feelings... that is just so *maddening* because

if we were to say exactly the same thing to nada we would be accused of being

mean, hateful, and shockingly disrespectful.

Its SO obviously a one-way street. Nada is the only one allowed to " make jokes "

at others' expense, but if others " make jokes " at nada's expense, well then...

Shock! Horror! Poor nada, she's been assaulted!

Those are the times that I wanted oh! so, so badly to use sarcasm on my nada,

such as, " Oh mom, you're so cute when you're being a sadistic bitch! Say

something else! You haven't called me a 'stupid idiot' in ages, do that one!

Go on! "

I admit that I did resort to sarcasm once, and I have to say that... (and I'm

ashamed to admit it) it felt good.

-Annie

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Well Annie, you were right, and I need advice

from as many people as possible

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, November 26, 2010, 6:52 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> What is it about nada's insisting on high drama during holidays? It's like if

they go one holiday without ruining someone's life, they'll die.

>

> Your fiancee sounds like a saint, so you're definitely lucky to have him.

Neither you or him deserve this abuse from your nada period. I have the picture

in my mind of you giving you nada a little taste of her own medicine, and I had

to giggle. Although the situation isn't funny, sometimes it's good to just say

'forget it' and play the devil's advocate so good for you, your nada deserves

worse but they never seem to get theirs do they?

>

> You dad sounds like a bit of a dishrag or codependent, but credit to him for

trying to stick up for you. You did the right thing by leaving and saving both

you and your fiancee for certain catastrophe.

>

> My nada is like yours too, and always claims I am too sensitive or that she is

just kidding and I can't take a joke. Well the joke is on her. I cut her out of

my life almost completely a couple of years ago and I have never felt better. My

rule is now that I NEVER spend one holiday with my FOO ever, ever. Best decision

I ever made!

>

> Have you considered LC or even NC with you nada? Everyone has to do things

their own way, and at the right time, so good luck to you with this crazy

situation. Sincerely, I hope you can find healing somehow, this is the hard

stuff

>

> Hugs from HF

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That behavior that several of our nadas seem to have: the constant stream of

carping criticism, and/or calling us negative names of some kind (from a

mockingly delivered unflattering nickname to openly vicious, degrading labels)

AND THEN calling us " too sensitive " , ridiculing us that we " can't take a joke "

when we say that that hurts our feelings... that is just so *maddening* because

if we were to say exactly the same thing to nada we would be accused of being

mean, hateful, and shockingly disrespectful.

Its SO obviously a one-way street. Nada is the only one allowed to " make jokes "

at others' expense, but if others " make jokes " at nada's expense, well then...

Shock! Horror! Poor nada, she's been assaulted!

Those are the times that I wanted oh! so, so badly to use sarcasm on my nada,

such as, " Oh mom, you're so cute when you're being a sadistic bitch! Say

something else! You haven't called me a 'stupid idiot' in ages, do that one!

Go on! "

I admit that I did resort to sarcasm once, and I have to say that... (and I'm

ashamed to admit it) it felt good.

-Annie

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Well Annie, you were right, and I need advice

from as many people as possible

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, November 26, 2010, 6:52 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> What is it about nada's insisting on high drama during holidays? It's like if

they go one holiday without ruining someone's life, they'll die.

>

> Your fiancee sounds like a saint, so you're definitely lucky to have him.

Neither you or him deserve this abuse from your nada period. I have the picture

in my mind of you giving you nada a little taste of her own medicine, and I had

to giggle. Although the situation isn't funny, sometimes it's good to just say

'forget it' and play the devil's advocate so good for you, your nada deserves

worse but they never seem to get theirs do they?

>

> You dad sounds like a bit of a dishrag or codependent, but credit to him for

trying to stick up for you. You did the right thing by leaving and saving both

you and your fiancee for certain catastrophe.

>

> My nada is like yours too, and always claims I am too sensitive or that she is

just kidding and I can't take a joke. Well the joke is on her. I cut her out of

my life almost completely a couple of years ago and I have never felt better. My

rule is now that I NEVER spend one holiday with my FOO ever, ever. Best decision

I ever made!

>

> Have you considered LC or even NC with you nada? Everyone has to do things

their own way, and at the right time, so good luck to you with this crazy

situation. Sincerely, I hope you can find healing somehow, this is the hard

stuff

>

> Hugs from HF

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, all I can say is thank you everyone for all of you wonderful advice and

help. You all have nailed it on the head, the comments you made about my story.

I really appreciate it. I still haven't talked to nada, and thats a good thing

for sure. She sent me a text message asking about where my fish food was so she

could feed my fish (she knows where it is, she just wanted to see if she could

get me to call her). I simply texted her back saying: " Please feed my fish,

food on nightstand, thank you. " Later last night, I got an e-mail from her that

was a listing for a job that I would be interested in. It seems to me that she

is simply trying to get me to call her, and I am absolutely not ready to yet.

I am really debating between LC and NC between me and nada. I need more time to

recover from what happened this week. Right now, I am really leaning towards

NC, but we will see. If I do chose LC, I am going to really enforce some

serious boundaries. She used to insist that I call her every single night to

say goodnight, and from now on, I will only call her every couple of days, not

every day. Things need to change, and I am ready for that to happen.

Thanks again to everyone, I have taken all of your thoughts to heart and they

really have helped to give me strength in this really tough time. Thank you!

Oh, and since we have gotten back, my cat has been very happy! He has been

purring and snuggling with me non-stop! He is very excited we are not at my

nadas house anymore! : )

[Guest guest]

What a psycho.

Why you blessed her with your presence is beyond me if thats her normal holiday

behavior.

wow. I wouldn't put up with that crap. You deserve better.

>

> Well Annie, you were right, no matter what I did, my nada would shriek at me

and tell me that I had " ruined the holiday. "

>

> I went home for thanksgiving, and when I woke up yesterday morning, I could

already hear her starting in my father. No matter what the poor man did, it was

not good enough. He did everything she ordered him to do to help her with the

turkey, but all she did was call him " stupid " and " an idiot " and my personal

(sarcasm) favorite " C*ck Sucker. " I tried my best to stay out of her way. I

did all the cleaning she asked me to do (cleaning that she NEVER does, because

she feels that it is our duty for us to wait on her) but that still wasnt

enough. I was in the laundry room, and the washing machine lid fell down and

made a huge slaming noise (it was an accident, it happens). She began to scream

at me and say things like " NICE!!! YOU MORON! " And I simply said back to her

" Mom, it was an accident. " She began to scream: " You never know how to take a

joke, you have NO sense of humor. Let's not have a duplicate of last year, were

you RUINED thanksgiving. " (Apparently, I ruined it last year too.)

>

> So, as usual, my father and I spent all day walking on egg shells. Nothing we

did was right or good enough. Once all the work was over, we sat down to watch

a movie while we waited for the Turkey to cook. My father made everyone a

cocktail, and as my mother brought the glass to her lips, she said to me: " This

is the only way I can ever deal with you, is to get drunk. " Mind you, she has

never been drunk in front of me, so this was only said to hurt me. My fiance

came over and we had paused the movie. My nada, my fiance and I were sitting

and talking about the thanksgiving day parade while my father was in the

kitchen. We were talking about one of the floats that my fiance and I really

liked and she gave us the dirtiest look and said to us: " The two of you are so

f*cking lame. " She was NOT laughing. She said this to hurt us.

>

> Now, I understand that what I did next was not the best way to handle the

situation. But, at that moment I was trying to keep the mood light because my

poor fiance's feelings were hurt (his parents dont talk to him like that). I

said back: " You're lame. " I was laughing and trying to keep the mood light. I

had three cocktails at this point (and I am not a lightweight drunk) and I was

not even buzzed, and she said to me: " You're a drunk. "

>

> Now, before I tell this next part, I have to explain something to you. To my

mother, there is nothing funnier in the world then calling me a " Wh*re " a

" bi*ch " , etc. my mother has called me these things numerous times, claiming

they were a joke. She calls my FRIENDS these things to their faces, and has

even called my fiance these things. She also calls my father these things.

>

> So, I jokingly said: : " Oh! You whore!. " As soon as it came out of my mouth, I

realized what I had done, I had given her a great excuse to start a fight. She

said: " Real nice, you drunk, happy thanksgiving. "

>

> From there, I tried to apologize and she flew off at me. She said: " You

should not drink! You are an alcoholic! You have a problem! " Believe me, I am

not an alcoholic, I do not have a problem with alcohol in the least.

>

> We had dinner, and she ignored me the whole time, only looking or talking to

my father or my fiance. My fiance left, and both of my parents were falling

asleep in front of the tv. Before I went up to bed, I asked: " What can I do to

help out in the kitchen? " My nada simply said " Nothing, you dont know how to do

anything. "

>

> As I was walking up the stairs, my nada (at this point, it was 11 p.m., only

an hour left on thanksgiving) said to my father: " Not only does she refuse to

help me out in the kitchen, she calls me a whore in my own house on

thanksgiving! " Thats when it blew up. I said " You have called me those things

on a daily basis. " At first, she denied it, and my father said, " I have heard

you say those things to her!. " She said: " but not on a holiday. " Thats when my

father intervened and took my side. My nada told me that I was no good and that

my fiance would leave me soon (p.s. my fiance almost burst out laughing when I

called her that, bc he knows how she treats me), so I would be all on my own.

She accused me of thinking that since I was engaged, I felt like I could dump

her and my father. I have never thought that. My poor cat, who hates my nada

anyway, was hyperventalting and trying to crawl up my leg. She began to accuse

my father of cheating on her. My dad and I went upstairs and We talked. I

decided that it was time for me to leave and go back to my apartment. After

all, it just would have been the same old stuff. So, I packed my things and

left.

>

> I said goodbye to my mother before i did leave, and at this point, she had

locked herself in the bathroom (one of her favorite moves). I pulled out of the

garage, and she came outside and stood out on the front poarch, screaming that i

give back the gifts she had given me if I was " really leaving. " I gave her back

the a paper advent calander and the bottle of soap she gave me. As I was

pulling out of the drive way, i heard her say to my father: " You couldnt just

stay out of it could you, you F*c ker. " I left, and as I pulled out, she told

me " Once agian, you ruined thanksgiving. " I told her: " I tried to make it right,

you wouldnt let me. " She said: " The ramifications of this will be felt for a

long time. " and my father was blamed for me leaving.

>

> I am sorry for writing a book, but I need some advice, did i do the right

thing? I just couldnt be her punching bag anymore. Had I stayed, we would have

been fighting until 4 a.m. and we would have fought today too. If she had said

to me " Come back and lets work this out. " I would have. I didnt want to leave,

but I felt like I had no choice.

>