Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 Dear Psyclone, THANK YOU. This, in particular, has haunted me, bothered me, and really confused me for so long (56 years), and I have longed for an answer. Thank you for sharing this. Hugs, Laurie In a message dated 11/24/2010 10:44:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, psyclone47@... writes: Hey all, Somebody from this other non-BDP message board I follow posted a link to this article about what the Ten Commandments' " Honour thy mother & father " means for those of us whose parents were abusive. That was something I struggled a lot with as a young Catholic with a sneaking suspicion her family wasn't normal. I thought I'd pass it along in case it can be helpful to anybody here. _http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID= 537996_ (http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=5379\ 96) Psyclone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 Thank you so much!!! -Coal Miner's Daughter > > Hey all, > > Somebody from this other non-BDP message board I follow posted a link to this article about what the Ten Commandments' " Honour thy mother & father " means for those of us whose parents were abusive. That was something I struggled a lot with as a young Catholic with a sneaking suspicion her family wasn't normal. I thought I'd pass it along in case it can be helpful to anybody here. > > http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=53799\ 6 > > Psyclone > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 Thank you so much!!! -Coal Miner's Daughter > > Hey all, > > Somebody from this other non-BDP message board I follow posted a link to this article about what the Ten Commandments' " Honour thy mother & father " means for those of us whose parents were abusive. That was something I struggled a lot with as a young Catholic with a sneaking suspicion her family wasn't normal. I thought I'd pass it along in case it can be helpful to anybody here. > > http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=53799\ 6 > > Psyclone > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 Beautiful! My mother used to spit those words at me all the time--as in " take my abuse with a smile on your face or God hates you. " Perfect words to be twisted by a witch/queen. So . . . thank you for sharing this. It somehow redeems those words to me! Blessings, Karla > > Hey all, > > Somebody from this other non-BDP message board I follow posted a link to this article about what the Ten Commandments' " Honour thy mother & father " means for those of us whose parents were abusive. That was something I struggled a lot with as a young Catholic with a sneaking suspicion her family wasn't normal. I thought I'd pass it along in case it can be helpful to anybody here. > > http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=53799\ 6 > > Psyclone > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2010 Report Share Posted November 27, 2010 This was wonderful! Thank you! My nada's favorite justification for why I should allow her to treat me like shit is: " After all, I've done for you... Nobody else's mother does this much for their children... anyone else would have knocked you out on the street... " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 > My nada's favorite justification for why I should allow her to treat me like shit is: " After all, I've done for you... Nobody else's mother does this much for their children... anyone else would have knocked you out on the street... " > OMG... Aren't you so sick of hearing that?? Just for fun, we should start a spreadsheet on here. The first column: What they SAY they did for us when we were kids. The second column: What they really did... --LL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 OMG! GREAT IDEA!!!!! -Jade > > > > > My nada's favorite justification for why I should allow her to treat me like shit is: " After all, I've done for you... Nobody else's mother does this much for their children... anyone else would have knocked you out on the street... " > > > > > OMG... Aren't you so sick of hearing that?? > > Just for fun, we should start a spreadsheet on here. The first column: What they SAY they did for us when we were kids. > > The second column: What they really did... > > --LL. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 OMG! GREAT IDEA!!!!! -Jade > > > > > My nada's favorite justification for why I should allow her to treat me like shit is: " After all, I've done for you... Nobody else's mother does this much for their children... anyone else would have knocked you out on the street... " > > > > > OMG... Aren't you so sick of hearing that?? > > Just for fun, we should start a spreadsheet on here. The first column: What they SAY they did for us when we were kids. > > The second column: What they really did... > > --LL. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Ditto what Laurie said. It has been a source of frustration between my brother and I. We agree about all of nada stuff until we get to the part about how we deal with her. He has used the " I chose to honor them " line with me so many times I want to throw up. This is why I cut off my relations with him. I need to post this one somewhere. What a lifting of guilt for me after reading this. Thank you!!! peace, patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 Justification.......Jade, I too, have heard similar statements such as " after all your father and I have done for you....well, I should have locked you in a closet and thrown away the key a long time ago " ...........I think I heard that one and similar ones going back to pre-teen years. Laurie In a message dated 11/28/2010 1:46:58 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, dawsonjade54@... writes: OMG! GREAT IDEA!!!!! -Jade > > > > > My nada's favorite justification for why I should allow her to treat me like shit is: " After all, I've done for you... Nobody else's mother does this much for their children... anyone else would have knocked you out on the street... " > > > > > OMG... Aren't you so sick of hearing that?? > > Just for fun, we should start a spreadsheet on here. The first column: What they SAY they did for us when we were kids. > > The second column: What they really did... > > --LL. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! I was both mother and FATHER to you and what do you do for ME now?! " First of all, nada, EVERY mother carries her baby for nine months so does that make YOU so 'special'? Yes you gained weight but you lost it again so no big deal. Yes you gave birth to me, but I didn't ask to be born. Yes you might have held me and walked the floors with me all hours when I was a baby and had colic, but again I didn't ASK for that and isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Yes you nursed me through pneumonia but again isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Come on! She's almost 90 now and if that's the only things she can pull out pf her arsenal of guilt trips (oh yes there are other ones too but along the same vein) then you're in sad shape as a Mom now aren't you! All this manipulation and guilt trips are always to benefit ONLY them of course because they're the only ones who count. It's amazing isn't it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! I was both mother and FATHER to you and what do you do for ME now?! " First of all, nada, EVERY mother carries her baby for nine months so does that make YOU so 'special'? Yes you gained weight but you lost it again so no big deal. Yes you gave birth to me, but I didn't ask to be born. Yes you might have held me and walked the floors with me all hours when I was a baby and had colic, but again I didn't ASK for that and isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Yes you nursed me through pneumonia but again isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Come on! She's almost 90 now and if that's the only things she can pull out pf her arsenal of guilt trips (oh yes there are other ones too but along the same vein) then you're in sad shape as a Mom now aren't you! All this manipulation and guilt trips are always to benefit ONLY them of course because they're the only ones who count. It's amazing isn't it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! I was both mother and FATHER to you and what do you do for ME now?! " First of all, nada, EVERY mother carries her baby for nine months so does that make YOU so 'special'? Yes you gained weight but you lost it again so no big deal. Yes you gave birth to me, but I didn't ask to be born. Yes you might have held me and walked the floors with me all hours when I was a baby and had colic, but again I didn't ASK for that and isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Yes you nursed me through pneumonia but again isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Come on! She's almost 90 now and if that's the only things she can pull out pf her arsenal of guilt trips (oh yes there are other ones too but along the same vein) then you're in sad shape as a Mom now aren't you! All this manipulation and guilt trips are always to benefit ONLY them of course because they're the only ones who count. It's amazing isn't it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 That is a lot like the way I belive my nada views me, as a sort of investment she made that was supposed to pay off big time, and didn't. I wasn't an individual person, I was an extension of her, and also something like a financial instrument. My nada's unrealistic expectations about what being a mother was *supposed* to be like were partly due to her ambivalence about even being a mother. She wasn't the least bit interested in children or motherhood before she married. I think my nada grew to *resent* having chosen to be a mother; there wasn't enough payoff in it for her. I think this was due to a high level of narcissistic pd traits. Being born to a bpd/npd woman is pretty much a no-win scenario for a child; the child has little chance of fulfilling the npd need for grandiose attention (very few children can generate great fame, wealth, and admiration for their parents) and the bpd black-and-white thinking gets the child perpetually punished for not being the perfect white-painted wunderkind. -Annie > > My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! I was both mother and FATHER to you and what do you do for ME now?! " First of all, nada, EVERY mother carries her baby for nine months so does that make YOU so 'special'? Yes you gained weight but you lost it again so no big deal. Yes you gave birth to me, but I didn't ask to be born. Yes you might have held me and walked the floors with me all hours when I was a baby and had colic, but again I didn't ASK for that and isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Yes you nursed me through pneumonia but again isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Come on! She's almost 90 now and if that's the only things she can pull out pf her arsenal of guilt trips (oh yes there are other ones too but along the same vein) then you're in sad shape as a Mom now aren't you! > > All this manipulation and guilt trips are always to benefit ONLY them of course because they're the only ones who count. It's amazing isn't it! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 That is a lot like the way I belive my nada views me, as a sort of investment she made that was supposed to pay off big time, and didn't. I wasn't an individual person, I was an extension of her, and also something like a financial instrument. My nada's unrealistic expectations about what being a mother was *supposed* to be like were partly due to her ambivalence about even being a mother. She wasn't the least bit interested in children or motherhood before she married. I think my nada grew to *resent* having chosen to be a mother; there wasn't enough payoff in it for her. I think this was due to a high level of narcissistic pd traits. Being born to a bpd/npd woman is pretty much a no-win scenario for a child; the child has little chance of fulfilling the npd need for grandiose attention (very few children can generate great fame, wealth, and admiration for their parents) and the bpd black-and-white thinking gets the child perpetually punished for not being the perfect white-painted wunderkind. -Annie > > My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! I was both mother and FATHER to you and what do you do for ME now?! " First of all, nada, EVERY mother carries her baby for nine months so does that make YOU so 'special'? Yes you gained weight but you lost it again so no big deal. Yes you gave birth to me, but I didn't ask to be born. Yes you might have held me and walked the floors with me all hours when I was a baby and had colic, but again I didn't ASK for that and isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Yes you nursed me through pneumonia but again isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Come on! She's almost 90 now and if that's the only things she can pull out pf her arsenal of guilt trips (oh yes there are other ones too but along the same vein) then you're in sad shape as a Mom now aren't you! > > All this manipulation and guilt trips are always to benefit ONLY them of course because they're the only ones who count. It's amazing isn't it! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 That is a lot like the way I belive my nada views me, as a sort of investment she made that was supposed to pay off big time, and didn't. I wasn't an individual person, I was an extension of her, and also something like a financial instrument. My nada's unrealistic expectations about what being a mother was *supposed* to be like were partly due to her ambivalence about even being a mother. She wasn't the least bit interested in children or motherhood before she married. I think my nada grew to *resent* having chosen to be a mother; there wasn't enough payoff in it for her. I think this was due to a high level of narcissistic pd traits. Being born to a bpd/npd woman is pretty much a no-win scenario for a child; the child has little chance of fulfilling the npd need for grandiose attention (very few children can generate great fame, wealth, and admiration for their parents) and the bpd black-and-white thinking gets the child perpetually punished for not being the perfect white-painted wunderkind. -Annie > > My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! I was both mother and FATHER to you and what do you do for ME now?! " First of all, nada, EVERY mother carries her baby for nine months so does that make YOU so 'special'? Yes you gained weight but you lost it again so no big deal. Yes you gave birth to me, but I didn't ask to be born. Yes you might have held me and walked the floors with me all hours when I was a baby and had colic, but again I didn't ASK for that and isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Yes you nursed me through pneumonia but again isn't that what ALL mothers do?! Come on! She's almost 90 now and if that's the only things she can pull out pf her arsenal of guilt trips (oh yes there are other ones too but along the same vein) then you're in sad shape as a Mom now aren't you! > > All this manipulation and guilt trips are always to benefit ONLY them of course because they're the only ones who count. It's amazing isn't it! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 My husband is a man of few words, but he shares real wisdom at times. He told me once, about our childhoods and regarding his own children: " Children do not ask to be born. They have no choice in the matter. Parents decide to have kids; so it is 100% their responsibility. Kids do not owe parents anything. " So, there you go. (I would like to balance this with the perspective that he believes in helping other people in general and is very kind, considerate and respectful to his own parents. He not absolving us of the responsibility to act like decent human beings.) > > My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 My husband is a man of few words, but he shares real wisdom at times. He told me once, about our childhoods and regarding his own children: " Children do not ask to be born. They have no choice in the matter. Parents decide to have kids; so it is 100% their responsibility. Kids do not owe parents anything. " So, there you go. (I would like to balance this with the perspective that he believes in helping other people in general and is very kind, considerate and respectful to his own parents. He not absolving us of the responsibility to act like decent human beings.) > > My nada will go into a similar rant every once in awhile but hers is " I carried you for nine months! I lost my FIGURE because of you and had a hard time losing the fat. I gave BIRTH to you! I held you and walked the floor all hours with you when you had colic! I nursed you through pneumonia when you were in the 4th grade so you OWE me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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