met with nada after 17 months

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart is

breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my depressing

pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel like this

is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family pressure any

longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger and never

expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and I wish I

had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of him, he

doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with all the

fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

>

> Hi x (freegletime),

>

> Good Boundaries!

>

> The hardest part is inside us, though, isn't it? Remember, this stuff is not

your fault and you are being the bigger person to try to be kind to this family

of yours. This BPD thing is NOT your fault; not your problem.

>

> Good luck and prayers for you!

> -Coal Miner's Daughter

>

[Guest guest]

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine dealing with that in my

life - and on top of having no support from family.

Can you find a way to get marriage counseling? Counseling literally saved my

marriage 2 years ago. We are still using techniques from it.

Please let us know how you are.

-Coal Miner's Daughter

>

> Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart is

breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my depressing

pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel like this

is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family pressure any

longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger and never

expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and I wish I

had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of him, he

doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with all the

fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine dealing with that in my

life - and on top of having no support from family.

Can you find a way to get marriage counseling? Counseling literally saved my

marriage 2 years ago. We are still using techniques from it.

Please let us know how you are.

-Coal Miner's Daughter

>

> Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart is

breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my depressing

pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel like this

is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family pressure any

longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger and never

expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and I wish I

had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of him, he

doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with all the

fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine dealing with that in my

life - and on top of having no support from family.

Can you find a way to get marriage counseling? Counseling literally saved my

marriage 2 years ago. We are still using techniques from it.

Please let us know how you are.

-Coal Miner's Daughter

>

> Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart is

breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my depressing

pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel like this

is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family pressure any

longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger and never

expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and I wish I

had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of him, he

doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with all the

fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I am having a hard time pulling myself together and can't stop

crying. I can't believe I have been so consumed with nada and getting over her

treatment of me with my husband by my side but he was just trying to fix me and

then fell out of love with me. We have a long holiday in the sunshine booked

over Christmas to spend trying to sort things out but how can he fall in love

with me again? I don't want to talk to anyone because it will make it seem so

real. I can't be without him. I wish now I had ignored nadas behavior and not

gone NC maybe my husband would still love me.

> >

> > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart

is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I am having a hard time pulling myself together and can't stop

crying. I can't believe I have been so consumed with nada and getting over her

treatment of me with my husband by my side but he was just trying to fix me and

then fell out of love with me. We have a long holiday in the sunshine booked

over Christmas to spend trying to sort things out but how can he fall in love

with me again? I don't want to talk to anyone because it will make it seem so

real. I can't be without him. I wish now I had ignored nadas behavior and not

gone NC maybe my husband would still love me.

> >

> > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart

is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I am having a hard time pulling myself together and can't stop

crying. I can't believe I have been so consumed with nada and getting over her

treatment of me with my husband by my side but he was just trying to fix me and

then fell out of love with me. We have a long holiday in the sunshine booked

over Christmas to spend trying to sort things out but how can he fall in love

with me again? I don't want to talk to anyone because it will make it seem so

real. I can't be without him. I wish now I had ignored nadas behavior and not

gone NC maybe my husband would still love me.

> >

> > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my heart

is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe even before your upcoming vacation together, let your husband know that

starting right now you have turned the page and a new chapter of your life has

started. This new chapter is all about him and your marriage with him. Nada is

not in this chapter, or has only a tiny, one-sentence mention.

If you are now ready to make a real commitment to focus on your husband's needs

(instead of nada's) and your needs (instead of nada's) and you go back to the

way you treated him when you first met him and were dating him and hoping he

would ask you to marry him, then tell him, and I bet he'll at least be willing

to listen to you.

Who could help but fall in love with someone who thinks, " How can I make (my

beloved) smile today? " Everyone needs to be told and shown they are

appreciated, in many little ways, often and sincerely.

You have to really mean it: that nada now occupies only a tiny, marginal little

place in your thoughts and feelings and behaviors and your future is all about

making your husband glad he married you, and vice versa (about you being glad

you married him.)

I hope that helps. Just my two cent's worth, to take or leave.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my

heart is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe even before your upcoming vacation together, let your husband know that

starting right now you have turned the page and a new chapter of your life has

started. This new chapter is all about him and your marriage with him. Nada is

not in this chapter, or has only a tiny, one-sentence mention.

If you are now ready to make a real commitment to focus on your husband's needs

(instead of nada's) and your needs (instead of nada's) and you go back to the

way you treated him when you first met him and were dating him and hoping he

would ask you to marry him, then tell him, and I bet he'll at least be willing

to listen to you.

Who could help but fall in love with someone who thinks, " How can I make (my

beloved) smile today? " Everyone needs to be told and shown they are

appreciated, in many little ways, often and sincerely.

You have to really mean it: that nada now occupies only a tiny, marginal little

place in your thoughts and feelings and behaviors and your future is all about

making your husband glad he married you, and vice versa (about you being glad

you married him.)

I hope that helps. Just my two cent's worth, to take or leave.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my

heart is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Believe it or not, love is a choice, and you choose to love your spouse through

all of it. He needs to make that choice, and perhaps NC with nada, counseling,

and a good vacation will help matters.

Bottom line is though that he has to choose to love you and choose to keep his

marriage vow. Is he a man of his word?

Not easy words to say, but perhaps words worth sharing with your husband in a

loving way, for him to consider.

May we all heal,

Tina

> > >

> > > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my

heart is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Believe it or not, love is a choice, and you choose to love your spouse through

all of it. He needs to make that choice, and perhaps NC with nada, counseling,

and a good vacation will help matters.

Bottom line is though that he has to choose to love you and choose to keep his

marriage vow. Is he a man of his word?

Not easy words to say, but perhaps words worth sharing with your husband in a

loving way, for him to consider.

May we all heal,

Tina

> > >

> > > Thanks everyone for your good wishes, it went fine but I am so sad my

heart is breaking. In trying to get away from nada and pull myself out of my

depressing pit my DH helped me but no longer loves me. He told me today, I feel

like this is another thing she has taken from me. He can't bear the family

pressure any longer, I am finally losing weight, moving on and getting stronger

and never expected this. I feel more pain from this than anything in my life and

I wish I had not let her have so much influence over me. I am not letting go of

him, he doesn't want it to be this way either I need to keep nada and foo with

all the fog, flying monkeys etc at arms length or I really will have nothing.

> > > I wish this was a good update. Just need to tell someone, I am so broken.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Honey, first of all, I am so sorry to hear what is going on with you. While I

am not married, I can only give you the advice of going to a marriage counselor.

I do think that a nice vacation will help you set things straight, and perhaps

allow you to do some soul searching.

I have no other advice to give, but please know that you are in my thoughts and

that I really hope that everything works out for you.

(((((hugs)))))

-Jade

[Guest guest]

Honey, first of all, I am so sorry to hear what is going on with you. While I

am not married, I can only give you the advice of going to a marriage counselor.

I do think that a nice vacation will help you set things straight, and perhaps

allow you to do some soul searching.

I have no other advice to give, but please know that you are in my thoughts and

that I really hope that everything works out for you.

(((((hugs)))))

-Jade

[Guest guest]

Annie,

This is good advice, in my opinion. I have been focusing on me and my childhood

a lot lately, my depression, my weight issues, blah blah blah. I know some of

this is necessary and my husband has been great about it.

But last night, while we made dinner, I tried to really LISTEN to HIM. He was

talking about a cable job he worked on some trees at our university campus. He

figured out a nice way to attach the cable safely and with minimal damage to the

trees. I showed interest in his life and work. He was like a plant getting

much-needed rain and sunshine.

I could see that he needs attention, too, just like me and the kids.

-Coal Miner's Daughter

>

> Maybe even before your upcoming vacation together, let your husband know that

starting right now you have turned the page and a new chapter of your life has

started. This new chapter is all about him and your marriage with him. Nada is

not in this chapter, or has only a tiny, one-sentence mention.

>

> If you are now ready to make a real commitment to focus on your husband's

needs (instead of nada's) and your needs (instead of nada's) and you go back to

the way you treated him when you first met him and were dating him and hoping he

would ask you to marry him, then tell him, and I bet he'll at least be willing

to listen to you.

>

> Who could help but fall in love with someone who thinks, " How can I make (my

beloved) smile today? " Everyone needs to be told and shown they are

appreciated, in many little ways, often and sincerely.

>

> You have to really mean it: that nada now occupies only a tiny, marginal

little place in your thoughts and feelings and behaviors and your future is all

about making your husband glad he married you, and vice versa (about you being

glad you married him.)

>

> I hope that helps. Just my two cent's worth, to take or leave.

>

> -Annie

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much. I am trying, hard to eat sleep and be normal at the moment.

He is away for a few days with work so maybe can get all the crying out of my

system ready to be strong when he returns. I know he is not up for any

counselling as we have always talked about everything and been completely

honest, that is why he is being honest and telling me the way he is feeling now

is that he no longer loves me. We spoke about it all and think we are still

going to take our trip, he said he was sorry, he is an idiot and knows how lucky

he is to have me but he needs time and needs to feel again. He said he wants it

to work too and it has to be worth trying. I really hope he means it and does

not change his mind, I don't know what I would do.

Really means a lot to me to read your messages, some very good advice thank you.

Even through all this he said he was really pleased it went well with nada and

thinks she has turned a corner...arrghhh! I don't care about nada right now!!!

> >

> > Maybe even before your upcoming vacation together, let your husband know

that starting right now you have turned the page and a new chapter of your life

has started. This new chapter is all about him and your marriage with him.

Nada is not in this chapter, or has only a tiny, one-sentence mention.

> >

> > If you are now ready to make a real commitment to focus on your husband's

needs (instead of nada's) and your needs (instead of nada's) and you go back to

the way you treated him when you first met him and were dating him and hoping he

would ask you to marry him, then tell him, and I bet he'll at least be willing

to listen to you.

> >

> > Who could help but fall in love with someone who thinks, " How can I make (my

beloved) smile today? " Everyone needs to be told and shown they are

appreciated, in many little ways, often and sincerely.

> >

> > You have to really mean it: that nada now occupies only a tiny, marginal

little place in your thoughts and feelings and behaviors and your future is all

about making your husband glad he married you, and vice versa (about you being

glad you married him.)

> >

> > I hope that helps. Just my two cent's worth, to take or leave.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

> >

>