Re: Emotional Stress Response

[Guest guest]

Yes - exactly - you can do well for years and then one event puts you right back

to before you were able to cope. That has happened to me recently and it's hard

not to beat up on myself and feel like a failure. Deep down, I know I am not.

It is so hard not to feel alone because no one knows except other people who

have a BP in their life. It sounds like you are on the right track to protect

yourself. Good for you!

Tag

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Jaie - my heart goes out to you. My BPD Mom passed away three years ago but even

in death her legacy lives on in my life. She was also an alcoholic drug addict

and I was the " black sheep " for most of my life. She blamed me for everything

that ever went wrong in her life. My sister and brother have not spoken to me

since her funeral - she told them lie after lie about me and somehow her illness

and death have become my fault. After her death my Dad and siblings have

idealized her to the extent that they hold gravesite vigils in her honor and my

father recently sent cards to my children and signed her name to them. They seem

to have forgotten that she was a violent drunk who tried to take her life

several times. She was filled with rage and after she chased everyone out of her

life I became her favorite target.

I tried unsuccessfully to have a relationship with my Dad after her death but

have come to the conclusion that it's not worth the effort. I have a wonderful

marriage and kids, own a successful business but any contact from my family

sends me into an immediate tailspin.

The thing that helped me the most in this journey was seeing how others have

coped and realizing I was not alone in this excruciatingly painful dance.

Lynn

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jaie,

It is not an easy road which you are about to embark. You are here now and it

is a place to get support and friendship when you feel so helpless and like

no-one understands.

Stay strong, keep posting and have faith that you have seeked help and it will

get easier.

We are meant to be happy and we deserve it. Firstly we have to feel the pain to

get to the other side. I have been NC for nearly a year now and can relate to

your situation of being the rescuer.

Sending you blessings for your journey to freedom and peace.

Kazam x

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jaie,

It is not an easy road which you are about to embark. You are here now and it

is a place to get support and friendship when you feel so helpless and like

no-one understands.

Stay strong, keep posting and have faith that you have seeked help and it will

get easier.

We are meant to be happy and we deserve it. Firstly we have to feel the pain to

get to the other side. I have been NC for nearly a year now and can relate to

your situation of being the rescuer.

Sending you blessings for your journey to freedom and peace.

Kazam x

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jaie,

It is not an easy road which you are about to embark. You are here now and it

is a place to get support and friendship when you feel so helpless and like

no-one understands.

Stay strong, keep posting and have faith that you have seeked help and it will

get easier.

We are meant to be happy and we deserve it. Firstly we have to feel the pain to

get to the other side. I have been NC for nearly a year now and can relate to

your situation of being the rescuer.

Sending you blessings for your journey to freedom and peace.

Kazam x

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much. We are meant to be happy and happy is a choice we make or

don't. This I know. The pain is something that must be embraced in order to

get to the otherside and that part is coming back to be dealt with again.

Saturday, I was sad and hurt that she reached out to me. Today I'm just royally

ticked off that anyone would have the audacity to abuse me and then put me down

for feeling like I've been abused. Anger is good right now. I don't act on it,

just feel it.

I'm more worried about how terribly unstable 6 vulgar text messages has left me

feeling. That is the point to focus on that will lead to greater healing in

time. Responding fully to emotional stress seems to take me a few weeks as long

as the source of the emotional trauma is completely cut off, AND it is. I think

the harder path for me would be trying to stay in contact with my abuser, my BP

and my qualifier for so many really cool and wonderful programs out there! I

make humor...it makes me laugh! Laughing is good at this juncture.

any how, thank you so much for the warm welcome. I very much appreciate it!

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much. We are meant to be happy and happy is a choice we make or

don't. This I know. The pain is something that must be embraced in order to

get to the otherside and that part is coming back to be dealt with again.

Saturday, I was sad and hurt that she reached out to me. Today I'm just royally

ticked off that anyone would have the audacity to abuse me and then put me down

for feeling like I've been abused. Anger is good right now. I don't act on it,

just feel it.

I'm more worried about how terribly unstable 6 vulgar text messages has left me

feeling. That is the point to focus on that will lead to greater healing in

time. Responding fully to emotional stress seems to take me a few weeks as long

as the source of the emotional trauma is completely cut off, AND it is. I think

the harder path for me would be trying to stay in contact with my abuser, my BP

and my qualifier for so many really cool and wonderful programs out there! I

make humor...it makes me laugh! Laughing is good at this juncture.

any how, thank you so much for the warm welcome. I very much appreciate it!

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow, you hit the nail on the head and here's the conclusion I come too: " Wow,

Jaie, that's a really quite the over-reaction there, what the heck is a matter

with you, you're such a big baby. " And then I observe those thoughts a moment

and then I hear who's voice that really is and my jaw drops and I realize I need

to fire my mother that still lives inside of my head and reparent myself. So,

I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to start with, " Wow, Jaie, that

really sucks that mom got your number and shredded you by calling you the F, B,

C and so many other alphabetical words. Remember sweety, she's the insane one

and you are only feeling unstable because you thought you were safe and she got

your number...but hey, all is not lost...you took immediate action and changed

you phone number, she doesn't know where you live and won't find you so you can

relax now and heal realizing all of these stress responses are the result of

cumulative emotional damage from the past and not fully the present. It's okay

to feel bad and out of sorts because you are processing deep pain. Every time

mom does this its like a reminder or slap in the face that you don't have a

mother. That is so understandable and you have a right to feel sad, scared,

alone, crazy, emotional and whatever else you feel. Acknowledge what you feel

and let it go. You are fine and you will be even better. Trust yourself to

make yourself okay. "

Okay - yeah, much better thoughts down that line of thinking. I so appreciate

your response. I am shaken and I feel silly for being shaken so but when I

realize the reason why and the source, its so understandable. I am not crazy,

I'm just hurt that I've lost my mom and the shred of her that is left is mean,

vindictive, hurtful and hateful in ways no human being should be to another.

Thank you again for your post. I appreciate it so much.

I think our " beating ourselves up " is just conditioning from dealing with a

psycho parent. Okay, I know that was extreme but that's how I feel (I meant the

psycho parent). I'm hoping my anger will soon fade and I can return to my

loving self soon. Fire the parent inside your head and allow yourself to feel

however you want to for as long as you need to. It's okay. You'll make

yourself okay.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nothing hurts worse than being invalidated. I've been there forever it seems

and I'm so sorry. What's worse is knowing someone you loved told lies that

others believed. Been there too and I realized that truth is true. If people

want to believe lies without getting the whole story, I just didn't need those

people in my life. I mourned the loss of them too and moved on. I've had to

learn to care a whole lot less about what people think of me and to anyone else

but my mom, I don't care much. But when mom says it, no matter how hard I tried

to hide my goat, she gets it. LOL Dang! My bad and I'll do better in time.

You are so not alone. when I read my story through the words of so many others,

I finally felt like I was home. My friends sympathize but I don't want

sympathy. Sympathy reinforces the negative in my life. I just need to vent

sometimes and my friends don't understand. they want to and try to but it feels

like they just don't want to hear it sometimes and so I drop it. Its fine. I

don't blame them...I don't want to think about this at all! But, I'm in stress

response in this moment so with the hypervigillant thoughts, I have no choice

and need to ride out the toxic adrenaline pumping for another day or two. Then

I'll settle down and start to feel right again. It's a process dealing with

emotional trauma and pain but something good always comes out of something bad.

Even when I'm in the middle of something incredibly uncomfortable or hurtful, I

have faith that something in what's happening will turn out to be for my higher

good. That pulls me through so much. And, it always happens that way. In my

head are an army of silver-lining seeking thoughts that will prevail in any

endeavor the moment I give them permission to march! LOL

Thank you so much for your response to my message. I appreciate it so very

much!

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Jaie,

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I can't begin to imagine what your life has

been like.

I can relate, though, as I'm sure lots of people here can, about being stable,

functioning again, enjoying life more, and then taking another hit from a

nada/fada and being thrown back into everything you tried so hard to overcome or

escape. Unfortunately I'm 21 and in college and can't get afford to leave her

financial umbrella yet, so even living over an hour away from her, I can't quite

rip out of her controlling and intentionally harmful grasp!

The part that I have the hardest time with is detachment. I saw an interesting

post on here earlier called " I think my mom went LC on ME, " if I've quoted it

right, where the author talks about how she's successfully detached. Maybe that

would be an interesting place for you to look, as well? I'm going to check it

out later and see if anyone else has any success stories.

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Jaie,

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I can't begin to imagine what your life has

been like.

I can relate, though, as I'm sure lots of people here can, about being stable,

functioning again, enjoying life more, and then taking another hit from a

nada/fada and being thrown back into everything you tried so hard to overcome or

escape. Unfortunately I'm 21 and in college and can't get afford to leave her

financial umbrella yet, so even living over an hour away from her, I can't quite

rip out of her controlling and intentionally harmful grasp!

The part that I have the hardest time with is detachment. I saw an interesting

post on here earlier called " I think my mom went LC on ME, " if I've quoted it

right, where the author talks about how she's successfully detached. Maybe that

would be an interesting place for you to look, as well? I'm going to check it

out later and see if anyone else has any success stories.

>

> I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

>

> It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic stress-like

symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had contact with

me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how managed to find

my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and vengeful text messages

to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years ago. I have great coping

skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go back to counseling. I read

the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really helpful. For me, however,

mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright abuse - will not be tolerated

and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship with her while she's drinking

and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom is flat out, out to get me.

She's told me about all the false charges she has filed with the authorities.

She has told them my exhusband and I abused her, beat her up and she's got

medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told

my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw

grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic emotional

events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at protecting

my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How sad is that?

UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm looking forward to

talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> Many blessings to you all.

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your post. I learned something in Al-Anon that does help

take the sting out of the raging verbal profane attacks...every word I see or

hear from her I imagine coming from her suited in a straight jacket standing in

the window of an insane asylum.

It helps, really. Adult Children of Alcoholics literature has helped me cope

amazingly too. Check out their wisdome as well. It applies also to people who

grew up in a dysfunctional home. Its awesome how it teaches you how to detach,

just like Stop Walking on Eggshells. ACOA meetings helped me get a grip too,

working through the steps and even giving my BP an apology for the pain I caused

her, taking accountability for my actions alone even if totally unnecessary and

undeserving...it helped a long way towards healing.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I left as soon as I was able and I worked

hard so I never had to go back. It can be done. But, so can learning to cope

without having NC. My BP is just to vicious to even attempt anything but

absolute NC.

I really appreciate your post and the warm welcome from you and everyone else.

I just know we can all get past this or learn to deal with it constructively.

It just takes time, tools, patience and a lot more self love than you can

possibly imagine.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your post. I learned something in Al-Anon that does help

take the sting out of the raging verbal profane attacks...every word I see or

hear from her I imagine coming from her suited in a straight jacket standing in

the window of an insane asylum.

It helps, really. Adult Children of Alcoholics literature has helped me cope

amazingly too. Check out their wisdome as well. It applies also to people who

grew up in a dysfunctional home. Its awesome how it teaches you how to detach,

just like Stop Walking on Eggshells. ACOA meetings helped me get a grip too,

working through the steps and even giving my BP an apology for the pain I caused

her, taking accountability for my actions alone even if totally unnecessary and

undeserving...it helped a long way towards healing.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I left as soon as I was able and I worked

hard so I never had to go back. It can be done. But, so can learning to cope

without having NC. My BP is just to vicious to even attempt anything but

absolute NC.

I really appreciate your post and the warm welcome from you and everyone else.

I just know we can all get past this or learn to deal with it constructively.

It just takes time, tools, patience and a lot more self love than you can

possibly imagine.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your post. I learned something in Al-Anon that does help

take the sting out of the raging verbal profane attacks...every word I see or

hear from her I imagine coming from her suited in a straight jacket standing in

the window of an insane asylum.

It helps, really. Adult Children of Alcoholics literature has helped me cope

amazingly too. Check out their wisdome as well. It applies also to people who

grew up in a dysfunctional home. Its awesome how it teaches you how to detach,

just like Stop Walking on Eggshells. ACOA meetings helped me get a grip too,

working through the steps and even giving my BP an apology for the pain I caused

her, taking accountability for my actions alone even if totally unnecessary and

undeserving...it helped a long way towards healing.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I left as soon as I was able and I worked

hard so I never had to go back. It can be done. But, so can learning to cope

without having NC. My BP is just to vicious to even attempt anything but

absolute NC.

I really appreciate your post and the warm welcome from you and everyone else.

I just know we can all get past this or learn to deal with it constructively.

It just takes time, tools, patience and a lot more self love than you can

possibly imagine.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change

my phone numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and

your imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical records to prove it, that I abused her on a

daily basis - this she told my ex and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so

confused as she only saw grandma causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was

bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Holy crap!  I can't believe your Mother..what the hell!  I know what it's like

to have a parent frame you up and make you feel like the only survivor of a

plane crash-FOG.  My Dad is violent and threatens violence 20x a day. I can't

work and live with him and am totally dependent on him.. I gave him 6 grand 10

years ago and he absolutely WILL NOT pay.  I'm gonna lose a couple teeth to

dental problems but hey, he says no no biggie; he lost his teeth years ago.  I

hate him with my whole soul and I'm only 33.  Honestly something other than

christianity looks pretty good.

Subject: Re: Emotional Stress Response

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, December 14, 2010, 8:23 PM

 

Thank you so much for your post. I learned something in Al-Anon that does help

take the sting out of the raging verbal profane attacks...every word I see or

hear from her I imagine coming from her suited in a straight jacket standing in

the window of an insane asylum.

It helps, really. Adult Children of Alcoholics literature has helped me cope

amazingly too. Check out their wisdome as well. It applies also to people who

grew up in a dysfunctional home. Its awesome how it teaches you how to detach,

just like Stop Walking on Eggshells. ACOA meetings helped me get a grip too,

working through the steps and even giving my BP an apology for the pain I caused

her, taking accountability for my actions alone even if totally unnecessary and

undeserving...it helped a long way towards healing.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I left as soon as I was able and I worked

hard so I never had to go back. It can be done. But, so can learning to cope

without having NC. My BP is just to vicious to even attempt anything but

absolute NC.

I really appreciate your post and the warm welcome from you and everyone else.

I just know we can all get past this or learn to deal with it constructively.

It just takes time, tools, patience and a lot more self love than you can

possibly imagine.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up

from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change my phone

numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and your

imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical

records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told my ex

and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw grandma

causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Holy crap!  I can't believe your Mother..what the hell!  I know what it's like

to have a parent frame you up and make you feel like the only survivor of a

plane crash-FOG.  My Dad is violent and threatens violence 20x a day. I can't

work and live with him and am totally dependent on him.. I gave him 6 grand 10

years ago and he absolutely WILL NOT pay.  I'm gonna lose a couple teeth to

dental problems but hey, he says no no biggie; he lost his teeth years ago.  I

hate him with my whole soul and I'm only 33.  Honestly something other than

christianity looks pretty good.

Subject: Re: Emotional Stress Response

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, December 14, 2010, 8:23 PM

 

Thank you so much for your post. I learned something in Al-Anon that does help

take the sting out of the raging verbal profane attacks...every word I see or

hear from her I imagine coming from her suited in a straight jacket standing in

the window of an insane asylum.

It helps, really. Adult Children of Alcoholics literature has helped me cope

amazingly too. Check out their wisdome as well. It applies also to people who

grew up in a dysfunctional home. Its awesome how it teaches you how to detach,

just like Stop Walking on Eggshells. ACOA meetings helped me get a grip too,

working through the steps and even giving my BP an apology for the pain I caused

her, taking accountability for my actions alone even if totally unnecessary and

undeserving...it helped a long way towards healing.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I left as soon as I was able and I worked

hard so I never had to go back. It can be done. But, so can learning to cope

without having NC. My BP is just to vicious to even attempt anything but

absolute NC.

I really appreciate your post and the warm welcome from you and everyone else.

I just know we can all get past this or learn to deal with it constructively.

It just takes time, tools, patience and a lot more self love than you can

possibly imagine.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up

from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change my phone

numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and your

imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical

records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told my ex

and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw grandma

causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Holy crap!  I can't believe your Mother..what the hell!  I know what it's like

to have a parent frame you up and make you feel like the only survivor of a

plane crash-FOG.  My Dad is violent and threatens violence 20x a day. I can't

work and live with him and am totally dependent on him.. I gave him 6 grand 10

years ago and he absolutely WILL NOT pay.  I'm gonna lose a couple teeth to

dental problems but hey, he says no no biggie; he lost his teeth years ago.  I

hate him with my whole soul and I'm only 33.  Honestly something other than

christianity looks pretty good.

Subject: Re: Emotional Stress Response

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, December 14, 2010, 8:23 PM

 

Thank you so much for your post. I learned something in Al-Anon that does help

take the sting out of the raging verbal profane attacks...every word I see or

hear from her I imagine coming from her suited in a straight jacket standing in

the window of an insane asylum.

It helps, really. Adult Children of Alcoholics literature has helped me cope

amazingly too. Check out their wisdome as well. It applies also to people who

grew up in a dysfunctional home. Its awesome how it teaches you how to detach,

just like Stop Walking on Eggshells. ACOA meetings helped me get a grip too,

working through the steps and even giving my BP an apology for the pain I caused

her, taking accountability for my actions alone even if totally unnecessary and

undeserving...it helped a long way towards healing.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I left as soon as I was able and I worked

hard so I never had to go back. It can be done. But, so can learning to cope

without having NC. My BP is just to vicious to even attempt anything but

absolute NC.

I really appreciate your post and the warm welcome from you and everyone else.

I just know we can all get past this or learn to deal with it constructively.

It just takes time, tools, patience and a lot more self love than you can

possibly imagine.

> >

> > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up

from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change my phone

numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and your

imagination would not even come close.

> >

> > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical

records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told my ex

and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw grandma

causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

> >

> > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

> >

> > Many blessings to you all.

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Its beyond frustrating living with someone who threatens and puts you down.

Something I often think about is that I am grateful I have the complete fortune

not to be my nada! I refuse to blame just the illness for my nada's bad, mean

and disgusting behavior. Her behavior is just evil regardless of it's source.

My mom begged me for 3 months, crying on the phone every night to buy her

dentures for only $7K. As a single mother, I told her I couldn't afford it.

She then says, " Its not my fault you had too may kids and can't keep a man to

help you support them. " I'm sorry, illness or no that is mean and hurtful

behavior and I just refuse to deal with her.

If you are unable to work, can you get on disability and maybe work with the

state to find housing? I'm assuming you are in the U.S. is that an option

you might consider? If you can, it might help you get out of the house so

you're not constantly being antagonized. If not, there is always ACOA meetings

that may really help you disconnect from the bad behavior and teach you ways

that you can talk to him without engaging him in battle. It doesn't mean you

have to like it and you wouldn't be doing it for him...you'd be doing it to make

life easier for you. Just some suggestions. I know that you can get through

this rough time though. In other areas of your life, maybe there are some

positive things you can focus on so he is not your focus?

I wish you the best.

>

> > >

>

> > > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up

> from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change my phone

numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and your

imagination would not even come close.

>

> > >

>

> > > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical

> records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told my ex

and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw grandma

causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> > >

>

> > > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> > >

>

> > > Many blessings to you all.

>

> > >

>

> > > Jaie

>

> > >

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Its beyond frustrating living with someone who threatens and puts you down.

Something I often think about is that I am grateful I have the complete fortune

not to be my nada! I refuse to blame just the illness for my nada's bad, mean

and disgusting behavior. Her behavior is just evil regardless of it's source.

My mom begged me for 3 months, crying on the phone every night to buy her

dentures for only $7K. As a single mother, I told her I couldn't afford it.

She then says, " Its not my fault you had too may kids and can't keep a man to

help you support them. " I'm sorry, illness or no that is mean and hurtful

behavior and I just refuse to deal with her.

If you are unable to work, can you get on disability and maybe work with the

state to find housing? I'm assuming you are in the U.S. is that an option

you might consider? If you can, it might help you get out of the house so

you're not constantly being antagonized. If not, there is always ACOA meetings

that may really help you disconnect from the bad behavior and teach you ways

that you can talk to him without engaging him in battle. It doesn't mean you

have to like it and you wouldn't be doing it for him...you'd be doing it to make

life easier for you. Just some suggestions. I know that you can get through

this rough time though. In other areas of your life, maybe there are some

positive things you can focus on so he is not your focus?

I wish you the best.

>

> > >

>

> > > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up

> from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change my phone

numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and your

imagination would not even come close.

>

> > >

>

> > > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical

> records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told my ex

and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw grandma

causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> > >

>

> > > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> > >

>

> > > Many blessings to you all.

>

> > >

>

> > > Jaie

>

> > >

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Its beyond frustrating living with someone who threatens and puts you down.

Something I often think about is that I am grateful I have the complete fortune

not to be my nada! I refuse to blame just the illness for my nada's bad, mean

and disgusting behavior. Her behavior is just evil regardless of it's source.

My mom begged me for 3 months, crying on the phone every night to buy her

dentures for only $7K. As a single mother, I told her I couldn't afford it.

She then says, " Its not my fault you had too may kids and can't keep a man to

help you support them. " I'm sorry, illness or no that is mean and hurtful

behavior and I just refuse to deal with her.

If you are unable to work, can you get on disability and maybe work with the

state to find housing? I'm assuming you are in the U.S. is that an option

you might consider? If you can, it might help you get out of the house so

you're not constantly being antagonized. If not, there is always ACOA meetings

that may really help you disconnect from the bad behavior and teach you ways

that you can talk to him without engaging him in battle. It doesn't mean you

have to like it and you wouldn't be doing it for him...you'd be doing it to make

life easier for you. Just some suggestions. I know that you can get through

this rough time though. In other areas of your life, maybe there are some

positive things you can focus on so he is not your focus?

I wish you the best.

>

> > >

>

> > > I'm new and am so glad to find this site. My mother is the BP in my life.

Looking back, she's always been that way compounded with being an alcoholic and

prescription pain medication addict. Trying to win her love forever, I sent her

money, I bailed her out and rescued her over and over again. It got to the

point that I would just get messages from her drunk stating, " send a check for

$200 to... " No hi, no hello, nothing. I found my way to Al-Anon and fixed

that. After a 30 day stint in my home in which boundaries were made crystal

clear, she verbally abused me and my kids. I couldn't get older adult services

to time a visit just right (realizing her issues were way beyond my capability

to deal with) and I just flat out told her she could no longer stay on day 30 of

our agreed to visit. 100's of vulgar, insulting and soul-wrenching criticizing

calls later along with threatening to rig a story to have my children taken from

me or picked up

> from school by her, I won a restraining order. I had to change my phone

numbers and move. You can only imagine the rage this put her in...and your

imagination would not even come close.

>

> > >

>

> > > It's been peaceful now for 3 years. I went through post-traumatic

stress-like symptoms for two years. I was never emotionally safe when she had

contact with me. I had just gotten out of therapy this year and she some how

managed to find my cell phone number and it only took 6 vile, vulgar and

vengeful text messages to throw me right back into the state I was in 3 years

ago. I have great coping skills but man does it hurt still. I'm going to go

back to counseling. I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was really

helpful. For me, however, mom's emotional and verbal abuse - yes, outright

abuse - will not be tolerated and I refuse to work at maintaining a relationship

with her while she's drinking and not involved in psychological therapy. My mom

is flat out, out to get me. She's told me about all the false charges she has

filed with the authorities. She has told them my exhusband and I abused her,

beat her up and she's got medical

> records to prove it, that I abused her on a daily basis - this she told my ex

and my then 8 year old daughter. She was so confused as she only saw grandma

causing trouble for mommy. Oh goodness it was bad.

>

> > >

>

> > > I hate how one traumatic event brings back the pain of all traumatic

emotional events. I know in time this will pass, I just have to work harder at

protecting my phone number and address. No one in my family has it now. How

sad is that? UGH. Well, thanks for reading if you've read this far. I'm

looking forward to talking and getting to know the fellow posters here.

>

> > >

>

> > > Many blessings to you all.

>

> > >

>

> > > Jaie

>

> > >

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>