Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 i feel the same. i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. amy Henny Penny Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 i feel the same. i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. amy Henny Penny Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Amy. Are you in Full Contact with them, after all that? What kind of relationship do your have with them? I just don't get the part of skipping over the relationship with the parent and going straight for the grandchildren. Isn't that bad for your kids in some way if you have unresolved issues, resentment with the grandparents who visit them? How does that relationship work? I mean, obviously, you feel it works for your family. I have no desire to do that and can't see that my kids are missing out. Just missing out on tragedy. > > i feel the same. > > > i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. > > > now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. > > > amy > > > > > > Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Amy. Are you in Full Contact with them, after all that? What kind of relationship do your have with them? I just don't get the part of skipping over the relationship with the parent and going straight for the grandchildren. Isn't that bad for your kids in some way if you have unresolved issues, resentment with the grandparents who visit them? How does that relationship work? I mean, obviously, you feel it works for your family. I have no desire to do that and can't see that my kids are missing out. Just missing out on tragedy. > > i feel the same. > > > i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. > > > now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. > > > amy > > > > > > Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Amy. Are you in Full Contact with them, after all that? What kind of relationship do your have with them? I just don't get the part of skipping over the relationship with the parent and going straight for the grandchildren. Isn't that bad for your kids in some way if you have unresolved issues, resentment with the grandparents who visit them? How does that relationship work? I mean, obviously, you feel it works for your family. I have no desire to do that and can't see that my kids are missing out. Just missing out on tragedy. > > i feel the same. > > > i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. > > > now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. > > > amy > > > > > > Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 I know what you mean, but I would feel worse if I stood in the way of my kids having grandparents. My parents are very nice to my kids and they have a genuine loving relationship with each other. I feel that if I kept my kids away, I might be exhibiting the same type of behavior that my mom has always had...keeping family members away from each other. I also don't like extremes...so I believe that one extreme act brings on other extreme acts...I've successfully balanced the playing field. No rebounding. It's the way I like things. So, yes, I have a very difficult time with my mom and dad, but I put it aside for my kids. They know that grandma is a little off, a very worried person, overprotective...sometimes irrational...but they have a very sweet relationship with each other. I've always tried to see the bigger picture, and I would rather deal with it this way. In my world, I've always tried to bring peace and sweetness to everything (isn't that our job as KOs of these nutty moms?) and I've put myself aside in this respect, but I don't think I could live with myself if I wasn't true to myself. It's very often challenging, but my kids love their grandparents and that makes it worth it for me. Amy (my husband calls me a saint and the most understanding person he knows. that makes it feel peaceful) Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 I know what you mean, but I would feel worse if I stood in the way of my kids having grandparents. My parents are very nice to my kids and they have a genuine loving relationship with each other. I feel that if I kept my kids away, I might be exhibiting the same type of behavior that my mom has always had...keeping family members away from each other. I also don't like extremes...so I believe that one extreme act brings on other extreme acts...I've successfully balanced the playing field. No rebounding. It's the way I like things. So, yes, I have a very difficult time with my mom and dad, but I put it aside for my kids. They know that grandma is a little off, a very worried person, overprotective...sometimes irrational...but they have a very sweet relationship with each other. I've always tried to see the bigger picture, and I would rather deal with it this way. In my world, I've always tried to bring peace and sweetness to everything (isn't that our job as KOs of these nutty moms?) and I've put myself aside in this respect, but I don't think I could live with myself if I wasn't true to myself. It's very often challenging, but my kids love their grandparents and that makes it worth it for me. Amy (my husband calls me a saint and the most understanding person he knows. that makes it feel peaceful) Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 i didn't answer your question...I have limited contact with them, but they don't realize that. I don't discuss anything with them, and when they come over, I don't talk much to them. They killed me. So, I have nothing to say to them. But I do enjoy seeing the sweet relationship my kids and them have together. amy Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 i didn't answer your question...I have limited contact with them, but they don't realize that. I don't discuss anything with them, and when they come over, I don't talk much to them. They killed me. So, I have nothing to say to them. But I do enjoy seeing the sweet relationship my kids and them have together. amy Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 i didn't answer your question...I have limited contact with them, but they don't realize that. I don't discuss anything with them, and when they come over, I don't talk much to them. They killed me. So, I have nothing to say to them. But I do enjoy seeing the sweet relationship my kids and them have together. amy Henny Penny > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Amy, your answer ASTOUNDS me. I am serious. I would love to know how you got so healed and so at peace. I would love to have your attitude. I would love to have your viewpoint. How did you get to where you are? Really. I would like to know. From near suicidal to balanced as you are. Tell me what your therapy was, what you have read, how did you arrive at this point??????? I really really want to know!!!!! > > > > i feel the same. > > > > > > i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. > > > > > > now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. > > > > > > amy > > > > > > > > > > > > Henny Penny > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Amy, your answer ASTOUNDS me. I am serious. I would love to know how you got so healed and so at peace. I would love to have your attitude. I would love to have your viewpoint. How did you get to where you are? Really. I would like to know. From near suicidal to balanced as you are. Tell me what your therapy was, what you have read, how did you arrive at this point??????? I really really want to know!!!!! > > > > i feel the same. > > > > > > i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. > > > > > > now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. > > > > > > amy > > > > > > > > > > > > Henny Penny > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Wow. You are the best judge of whether your kids are safe or not; you're the " mother bear. " I find it fascinating that your parents (apparently) treated you so very cruelly, but they are nice to your children. That is so amazing to me. I'm sure that if they ever do start doing similar bizarre, cruel things to your kids, you will protect the kids from such treatment because you're right there supervising the visit. My nada simply wasn't around her grandson much at all when he was little (logistics) but when she was, she behaved well toward him. It wasn't until he became an older teen and able to drive, then she became more demanding and critical of him because she felt he wasn't spending enough time with her and taking care of her needs, like a servant or substitute spouse. But my nada has always doted on and worshiped men. I believe that if my nada had had a son, he would have been all-golden all the time and she would have enmeshed and smothered and leeched off him to the point of insanity. Keep in mind that IF your parents treat *you* with contempt and disrespect *in front of your kids*, that is not good for the kids at all. It will demonstrate to your kids that your parents have more authority than you do, that the gps are the dominant ones, and your kids might be encouraged to mimic their disrespect toward you. Its even worse when the pd grandparents start bribing the children, buying their loyalty. Children are very easy to influence and manipulate. Hopefully your parents aren't doing those things and won't do those things in the future, but, its just something to be aware of and put a stop to if you do notice your parents treating you with disrespect in front of the kids, or trying to buy the childrens' loyalty, or starting to do other weird crappy pd behaviors. Just my two cent's worth. -Annie > > > > i feel the same. > > > > > > i am lucky to be alive when the urge to kill myself was so strong. i had no support from mom or dad, and they were the reasons i couldn't breathe. i scratched and clawed my way to health and life again...they are very lucky to still have a living daughter. it could have not worked out this way if i had been just a little weaker. > > > > > > now they get to be grandparents and enjoy them. it's very unfair. > > > > > > amy > > > > > > > > > > > > Henny Penny > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, th ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hi , I am not at all at peace about this. I am troubled by it every single day. But, I do stuff for my kids so that they won't know the pain of family isolation and sickness. Robbing them of their grandparents (as long as my parents behave and are not dangerous to my kids) was always something I was aware of...how did my parents not think of the future when they were treating me so horribly? But, I guess that was MY job. I was aware of the future all the time, even when I was suicidal. I actually didn't want my mom to have to grieve a daughter...even though she caused the intense pain. On my wedding video, my dad says...Thank you to Barry (my hubby) for taking my daughter off my hands. I have to say that I was the most loving and goody-2-shoes daughter. They bullied me and took advantage of my innocence and sincerity which I can never forget or forgive. My parents were not there for me in any way. I raised myself. I comforted myself. I almost killed myself to end my pain. But my kids...they are free to be. If I held back my parents from them, they would lack grandparents. And as long as they have a good relationship, I am happy they love each other. It twists my heart and soul when they are over and laugh with my kids, and enjoy what might not have been if I killed myself. They get to enjoy my 5 kids (i have natural triplets and twins!!!). They are very lucky people that I got past it for my kids. The emotional torture I lived thru had to be for a reason, although I can't imagine why... so it's my job to break the chain of abuse. My kids get to have grandparents...I'm happy they love each other. My skin crawls when my parents talk to me...I am constantly reminded of past hurts and unfair punishments and loss. But, if I continued the chain, then my kids would suffer for it, and that would hurt even more. I'm not there, believe me...I struggle with this emptiness and pain every single day, but when it comes to my kids, I like to see from the bigger picture for their sakes. I hope i've helped you. Amy Henny Penny > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, t h ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Annie, I know...it's weird. My mother took out all her rage on me. Just me. Not anyone else. So, my kids are treated great by them. I would NEVER allow them around if they were being abusive or manipulative AT ALL and I am very sensitive to it. My kids know that grandma is a little nutty in the way she conducts herself, but they are not threatened in any way. She is really a great grandma to them. It's astounding that I was the one that everything was directed at. She admitted to me years ago that she was jealous of me, my personality, my skating ability, my friends, my boyfriend, my musical talents...even my peaceful attitude. So, it's not my kids that anything is directed to. Just me. My whole life has been about trying to rise above it all and try to live and breathe. Lucky me. Amy Henny Penny > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, t h ere would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Yes! I grew up that way--working when they sat, creating when they were sitting around . . . and as soon as there were any rewards, the rewards were communal property they had every right to. And I'd take it one step farther. If I ever earned something because of my hard work, nada was instantly furious for me for stealing " her " benefits! Creepy. Thanks for the post-- Blessings, Karla > > Does anyone remember the story of Henny Penny? It's all about the chicken who decides to make bread. " Who will help me reap the wheat? " she says. " Not I. Not I. " say all of the little barnyard animals. " Who will help me grind the flour, knead the dough, bake the bread, etc " " Not I " But then, when the bread is made she says, " Who will help me EAT the bread? " and all the animals come running to eat. Okay, so do you ever feel like Henny Penny with your nada? I can't help thinking it is like that for me. Life was hell growing up, and even adjusting to adulthood. But somehow, I got healthy (no thanks to her, more like in spite of her), figured out how to have good relationships, got a career, got married and had kids. Yay me! But now....here comes nada, like one of the barnyard animals. " I want to see MY grandchildren! " This drives me absolutely insane! If I hadn't fought to survive against her, there would be no grandchildren. Getting away from her allowed me to heal and have my own children. Her efforts to help me were even worse than the barnyard animals because she actually caused me all my problems while I was " making the bread " . Now she wants a slice of the bread???? She says that she has read about " grandparents' rights " and that she can take me to court to gain access to my children. (Which of course would never happen because if I told a judge what I went through as a kid, they would probably arrest her for child abuse.) But I can't help thinking of the story of Henny Penny. Anyone else feel like Henny Penny, especially if they went on to any kind of success or having a family that nada now wants a part of? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Amy, it's wonderful that you've been able to make the bread and even find it in your heart to share it with your nada. I've had a lot of inner conflict about sharing the bread I've made. I would share with you though that your children at some point will likely become aware of the tensions between you and your nada - even if you say nothing. I had a good relationship with my grandmother but she was a nada to my nada and I was acutely aware of the unspoken tensions and hostility between them. It confused and upset me often. I'd encourage you to keep an eye on any especially sensitive children you have who may be tuning in to what you are feeling about your nada...openness and addressing things helps so much. > > Annie, > I know...it's weird. > My mother took out all her rage on me. Just me. Not anyone else. > So, my kids are treated great by them. > I would NEVER allow them around if they were being abusive or manipulative AT ALL and I am very sensitive to it. > > > My kids know that grandma is a little nutty in the way she conducts herself, but they are not threatened in any way. She is really a great grandma to them. It's astounding that I was the one that everything was directed at. She admitted to me years ago that she was jealous of me, my personality, my skating ability, my friends, my boyfriend, my musical talents...even my peaceful attitude. > > > So, it's not my kids that anything is directed to. > Just me. My whole life has been about trying to rise above it all and try to live and breathe. > Lucky me. > > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Haleh, that is a different situation...I would not be ok with that. There would have to be respect there for that to happen...and in that respect, there would be no respect. I am all about the respect. I want to write more, but I have to go help with homework...I'll write more in a few hours. Amy Re: Re: Henny Penny amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Haleh, that is a different situation...I would not be ok with that. There would have to be respect there for that to happen...and in that respect, there would be no respect. I am all about the respect. I want to write more, but I have to go help with homework...I'll write more in a few hours. Amy Re: Re: Henny Penny amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Id tell her to stick it where the sun dont shine. This is one boundary that should never be crossed. I have very very strong warning bells going off when anyone mentions such a thing. If someone with a major mental illness and a history of abusing children in your neighbourhood said that they wanted to spend time with your children, as long as you or your husband were never there, what would you do? Youd be horrified. YOU SHOULD BE HORRIFIED. > > amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Id tell her to stick it where the sun dont shine. This is one boundary that should never be crossed. I have very very strong warning bells going off when anyone mentions such a thing. If someone with a major mental illness and a history of abusing children in your neighbourhood said that they wanted to spend time with your children, as long as you or your husband were never there, what would you do? Youd be horrified. YOU SHOULD BE HORRIFIED. > > amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Id tell her to stick it where the sun dont shine. This is one boundary that should never be crossed. I have very very strong warning bells going off when anyone mentions such a thing. If someone with a major mental illness and a history of abusing children in your neighbourhood said that they wanted to spend time with your children, as long as you or your husband were never there, what would you do? Youd be horrified. YOU SHOULD BE HORRIFIED. > > amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 This is exactly why my kids are NC with nada. They don't miss what they never had, three of their four grandparents are dead, so they don't really get the whole grandparent thing, and if I introduced nada, it would be a terrible rip off, plus it would be at the expense of their own mother's sanity, so not really a good trade off. We live hundreds of miles from her for a good reason. Even if I let down my guard so that they could see the " nice " side of her, it wouldn't last, it would eventually turn into a drama like what you (halelady) are describing. Also, my nada's abusive treatment of me began for me when I became old enough to demonstrate that I did not accept her behaviors (about 9, I started to question her), and that's when she would " turn " on me. I learned pretty quick not to upset her, but not before she would spit in my face (literally). My son is 9. What if he questioned her? As the grandkids get older, she will undoubtedly feel rejected by them from time to time, and unlike a regular grandma, she will turn and attack them just like she did to me. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior (thanks Dr. Phil!). Also, even when I was little and nada was demonstrating a " sweet love " for me as someone mentioned before, and even though I did feel loved, I also saw how she abused and mistreated my dad, both my grandmothers, her siblings, her neighbours, our teachers, and it stunned, shocked and hurt me to see that my mother was capable of causing such human suffering without a blink of an eye. I saw so many people destroyed by her. It affected me and always will. I don't want my kids to see her do that to anyone, especially me. We all make our own decisons as to what is safe for our kids. I guess we have to self examine to see if the decision is really for our kids or to relieve our own fear, guilt and obligation. They deserve better. > > amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 My mom , as well as all of your moms, have caused so much pain. It's really an indescribable deep down fundamental hurt and confusion within all of us. It's universal. And it's so shocking that we all have basically the same stories...same characters, same premise, almost same endings. I used to think I was so unique in my thinking, but from this group, I see that I am the same as all of you. In my case, the mom was a very sweet and loving mom til I had an opinion and naturally started to mature and break away a bit. That, she couldn't handle. My growing up and away was a threat to her. So she hooked her claws into me hard and never let go. It's a wonder that I am here...it's a wonder that I am coherent most of the time, it's a wonder that I have 5 healthy and happy kids and a very sweet hubby. I am very sensitive to the mom I had and when the change took place. If I would EVER see that ugly head raised to my kids...that would be the last minute they would ever be in her presence. I would have a reaction to that. But, I have three 16-year-olds and two 12-year-olds...and they all have a great relationship with her. I have risen above the hate I feel for her. It will always be there, I will always feel it and know that she threw my life away. My mom has mellowed considerably...but I am always on my guard...and we have little contact...I do not even make small talk with her anymore. My kids have their relationship with her. She doesn't even realize that I am so distant. My kids are my only concern. If I would see her acting up even in the slightest way with them, I would pull back. It's been working out luckily. It doesn't take away from me the horrible way she was with me...but it makes the universe a little more right for me. Amy Re: Henny Penny This is exactly why my kids are NC with nada. They don't miss what they never had, three of their four grandparents are dead, so they don't really get the whole grandparent thing, and if I introduced nada, it would be a terrible rip off, plus it would be at the expense of their own mother's sanity, so not really a good trade off. We live hundreds of miles from her for a good reason. Even if I let down my guard so that they could see the " nice " side of her, it wouldn't last, it would eventually turn into a drama like what you (halelady) are describing. Also, my nada's abusive treatment of me began for me when I became old enough to demonstrate that I did not accept her behaviors (about 9, I started to question her), and that's when she would " turn " on me. I learned pretty quick not to upset her, but not before she would spit in my face (literally). My son is 9. What if he questioned her? As the grandkids get older, she will undoubtedly feel rejected by them from time to time, and unlike a regular grandma, she will turn and attack them just like she did to me. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior (thanks Dr. Phil!). Also, even when I was little and nada was demonstrating a " sweet love " for me as someone mentioned before, and even though I did feel loved, I also saw how she abused and mistreated my dad, both my grandmothers, her siblings, her neighbours, our teachers, and it stunned, shocked and hurt me to see that my mother was capable of causing such human suffering without a blink of an eye. I saw so many people destroyed by her. It affected me and always will. I don't want my kids to see her do that to anyone, especially me. We all make our own decisons as to what is safe for our kids. I guess we have to self examine to see if the decision is really for our kids or to relieve our own fear, guilt and obligation. They deserve better. > > amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 My mom , as well as all of your moms, have caused so much pain. It's really an indescribable deep down fundamental hurt and confusion within all of us. It's universal. And it's so shocking that we all have basically the same stories...same characters, same premise, almost same endings. I used to think I was so unique in my thinking, but from this group, I see that I am the same as all of you. In my case, the mom was a very sweet and loving mom til I had an opinion and naturally started to mature and break away a bit. That, she couldn't handle. My growing up and away was a threat to her. So she hooked her claws into me hard and never let go. It's a wonder that I am here...it's a wonder that I am coherent most of the time, it's a wonder that I have 5 healthy and happy kids and a very sweet hubby. I am very sensitive to the mom I had and when the change took place. If I would EVER see that ugly head raised to my kids...that would be the last minute they would ever be in her presence. I would have a reaction to that. But, I have three 16-year-olds and two 12-year-olds...and they all have a great relationship with her. I have risen above the hate I feel for her. It will always be there, I will always feel it and know that she threw my life away. My mom has mellowed considerably...but I am always on my guard...and we have little contact...I do not even make small talk with her anymore. My kids have their relationship with her. She doesn't even realize that I am so distant. My kids are my only concern. If I would see her acting up even in the slightest way with them, I would pull back. It's been working out luckily. It doesn't take away from me the horrible way she was with me...but it makes the universe a little more right for me. Amy Re: Henny Penny This is exactly why my kids are NC with nada. They don't miss what they never had, three of their four grandparents are dead, so they don't really get the whole grandparent thing, and if I introduced nada, it would be a terrible rip off, plus it would be at the expense of their own mother's sanity, so not really a good trade off. We live hundreds of miles from her for a good reason. Even if I let down my guard so that they could see the " nice " side of her, it wouldn't last, it would eventually turn into a drama like what you (halelady) are describing. Also, my nada's abusive treatment of me began for me when I became old enough to demonstrate that I did not accept her behaviors (about 9, I started to question her), and that's when she would " turn " on me. I learned pretty quick not to upset her, but not before she would spit in my face (literally). My son is 9. What if he questioned her? As the grandkids get older, she will undoubtedly feel rejected by them from time to time, and unlike a regular grandma, she will turn and attack them just like she did to me. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior (thanks Dr. Phil!). Also, even when I was little and nada was demonstrating a " sweet love " for me as someone mentioned before, and even though I did feel loved, I also saw how she abused and mistreated my dad, both my grandmothers, her siblings, her neighbours, our teachers, and it stunned, shocked and hurt me to see that my mother was capable of causing such human suffering without a blink of an eye. I saw so many people destroyed by her. It affected me and always will. I don't want my kids to see her do that to anyone, especially me. We all make our own decisons as to what is safe for our kids. I guess we have to self examine to see if the decision is really for our kids or to relieve our own fear, guilt and obligation. They deserve better. > > amy i totally understand about your situation with you kids and seeing their grandmother, and i am glad you are at point where you are at peace with me. just wanted to ask you though if your nada didnt accept you or your husband and didnt want to have relationship with either of you but wanted a relationship with your kids what would you do? i am at this crossroad at this time with my nada. she insists that the kids be with her without me or hubby around. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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