Re: Am I being selfish? - Need advice

[Guest guest]

I really resonate with your insight; I think that is very true that having a

borderline/narcissistic pd parent makes the child feel superfluous and driven to

prove that we can meet nada's needs so we can earn her love.

I too was accused of being " selfish " often; it was like my middle name, and I

was expected to be a mind-reader.

Seems to me there is a certain level of bizarre and unrealistic expectation in

the bpd/npd mother that her kids *owe her* for having been born, and resentment

from nada when the " payoff " doesn't meet nada's expectations.

Its like we're born owing a debt that can never be paid because nada keeps

adding interest.

-Annie

>

> I think this is a classic question among the children of BPDs. Why? Because

growing up with someone who is obsessed with herself makes a child feel

superfluous. Your needs couldn't possibly matter more than the needs of the BPD.

>

> In my case ... my BPD parent always said the word " selfish " as if it was a

cussword. " She's just SELFISH, " she would say about someone -- or about me. What

sins had we " selfish " people committed? It was all blown out of proportion. We

had chosen the nicest cookie from the tray. We had carelessly forgotten to do

something she had asked us to. We had failed to read her mind.

>

> But always lurking in OUR minds was this deadly: that we might really be

selfish, this terrible unredeemable quality. And if we were SELFISH, then she

would HATE us. I mean, openly hate us.

>

> Growing up with a BPD parent has a lot to do with constantly trying to prove

that you aren't selfish, that in fact you are selfless, that you would do

anything for her.

>

> So it's a trigger for us all our lives: the very idea that someone might judge

even our most normal choices or survival strategies as selfishness.

>