ENABLERS... sis and fada

[Guest guest]

I called sis and fada to tell about the trashcan incident. (My 2 year-old was

left unattended under nada's care and fell in a city sanitation trash can.) I

wanted sis to know because she is having nada visit for Thanksgiving. We have a

policy recently of informing one another of nada's shenanigans when they are

dangerous to us or our babies.

I told them both quickly and did not delve into personal feelings because I can

now do that here instead of getting unsatisfactory or condemning responses from

them! Yay!

They both responded minimally and even defended nada! Sis mumbled something

about nada feeling sad lately, etc. Fada (divorced from nada) asked if the

trash can could have been in the back yard at the time. I said, " No, but that's

not the point. The kids were left unattended. " He said, " Oh yeah, that's not

good. " DUH!

I am so tired of explaning myself to them and trying to act like I feel sorry

for this crazy person who makes my life a living hell. They live out of state

and don't have to deal with it. I think it's time to make some boundaries here

(at least in my mind to stop " playing " the game with them). I can think of no

reason to defend myself or discuss nada at all at this point.

Would that be a reasonable way to handle things? Sometimes I feel like their

lack of support or verbal attacks are almost more damaging than nada's

craziness. What are the enablers' effects in a family system?